Chapter 1

It was my birthday today, September 13th. Usually birthdays are supposed to be happy occasions for normal people. Over the past few years I had given up leading a normal life. First, by dating a vampire named Edward Cullen, and being accepted into his world by him and his vampire family – Alice, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett. Second, by having the love of my life leave me several days after my eighteenth birthday. And third, by my best friend, Jacob Black, turning out to be a werewolf.

Today I was nineteen. I remembered how last year I had dreaded turning eighteen because that would mean I would always be older than Edward. He was a seventeen year old teenager forever, physically at least. Being older than Edward seemed such an unimportant detail now. I could be a thousand years older than him now, and it wouldn't make a difference. I know he would still think of me as the most beautiful creature to walk this Earth. But it was absurd to think that after taking one glance at him and the rest of his family.

The Cullens all had an immortal beauty. They all looked so different, but they were all unbearably gorgeous. Even for me, after knowing Edward for months I still couldn't stop that tiny little gasp that escaped me whenever I looked at him after we had been apart for a few hours. I had every single part of his face memorized; all the way from his forehead and down to his chin. My eyes would always linger the longest at his marble lips, constantly hopping for a quick kiss.

And Rosalie! She was the most beautiful person (or should I say vampire) to ever walk the planet. Wherever she went men fawned over her, trying to take in her immense beauty; no man could resist her stunning blonde locks and physique. However, the Cullen's attractiveness didn't matter anymore because Edward had left me.

After I had gotten a paper cut last year from trying to open one of my presents at my party, Jasper had tried to attack me after seeing the single drop of blood that had formed on my finger. Luckily, Edward had heard it in Jasper's thoughts seconds before, so he had protected me. Of course that meant getting some shards of glass in my arm; but so much better than death.

Afterwards, Edward had seemed so distanced, and finally he left. And I would give anything for him to come back to me. Today, all my memories of the Cullens seemed sharper. There were pros and cons to this.

The good part was I could picture him in my mind ever so clearer. I could just imagine him standing next to me, our hands so close but not exactly touching. There was his crooked smile and his eyes a gleaming golden. "Happy birthday, love," Edward would say in his perfect velvet voice. His cool breath would then tickle my face, and I would wrap my fingers around his.

I could also picture Alice. Her bubbly personality and the one of a kind aura she could only possess. Here trendy clothes along with her spiky black hair seemed so real to me…

I had to stop thinking about them right now, or else I wouldn't be able to stop. That was part of the badness, especially because it still pained me to envision them or even think their names. I had learned to accept that they might not come back. Well, not really accept but consider it, because my heart sill yearned for them all.

Jacob and I were now totally inseparable. He was there for me during the terrifying months, and was still here for me during the depressing ones. He knew that Edward had left me. But that was it – he didn't know why and that was information her really should know. I was going to tell him one of these days, particularly since he was now a werewolf. Therefore, he knew about vampires and the Cullens. It killed me talk about the Cullens out loud though. It just hurt the tiniest fraction less to think about them.

Being friends with Jake was like how Edward used to describe being a "vegetarian" vampire. It kept me strong (well technically it kept me a step up from being weak), but I wasn't satisfied. My heart desperately wanted him, just to wrap my arms around his cool, marble body once more.

When I started hanging out with Jake, my life had regained some of it's meaning. Now it seemed like just the opposite. Jake definitely has nothing to do with it. Why would he? I guess some part of me over the last few months still believed Edward was coming back, and that had given me strength. However, I was beginning to consider that Edward might not return to Forks.

Jacob used to be my won personal sun, but these days the clouds seemed to be covering him up. As a result, each day of my life had even less meaning. I needed Edward soon. I was reaching my breaking point.

When I had jumped of that cliff a few months back, I thought that had been my breaking point. How wrong I had been! It seemed like every cell in my body currently was experiencing something terrible – even worse pain than when Edward had left me.