Disclaimer- Nope, not mine.

Prologue

"My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years."

-Paul Merton

I've been going to school for exactly eleven years, five months and twenty-one days. It stands to reason that after dedicating that kind of time to an institution that you're going to pick up a few things and I'm no exception. So in my time here at the La' Push High this is what I've learned.

One: If I choose to buy my lunch in the cafeteria I must be armed with a net, helmet and some sort of protective eyewear and be fully prepared to catch whatever alien like substance they plop on my tray when it inevitably tries to make a run for it. (No I'm not kidding. I got a sloppy joe once that scampered right off my plate and into some poor unsuspecting girls lap. Luckily that girl was Amy Fink so at least I got a good laugh out of it even if I did end up having to go hungry.)

Two: Girls who are just shy of six feet tall and have roughly the same shape and build of a professional football player won't exactly be the most popular girls in class. We will however get picked first for teams in basketball only to disappoint the rest of our team when we spend the class period watching the clock and flinching away from the ball.

Three: You can just go right ahead and discount about half of everything you learn whether it be because it's useless or stupid. For example: Useless- That one lab where they make you dissect some poor little froggy who up until about two days ago was hoping around and minding his own business and all you can think about the whole time is how much you used to love Kermit when you were a kid. What's the point in that? How many of us are actually going to grow up to be some sort of amphibian surgeon? Stupid- In elementary school when they taught us to line up according to height in case of a fire drill. How does that make sense? Do tall people burn more slowly than others?

Four: Every school will inevitably have some clichéd popular clique who treat the rest of us only marginally better than Hitler treated the Jews. If you ask me the only reason they even do that is because they haven't been successful in convincing the principal to use the money meant for the music program to buy those gas chambers they've had their eyes on just yet.

Five: Guys like Jared don't go for girls like me. At least that's what I thought.