A/N Thank you to all those who have favourited and got alerts for this. You're all so precious! And a special thanks to my beautiful (and hilareous) friend, KillerElephants. The second half of this is down to her so I'd like to credit her with the laughter. Thanks for reading!

MBRB'xoxo

Draco ran. His heart was pounding in his chest and his blonde hair was flying all over the place, but still he whipped round the corners of the mansion at a ridiculous speed, his father behind him the entire time, cursing him. Flames shot past his head barely missing his ears. Bats tried to tangle themselves in his clothes. The floor started moving in bizarre ways , the movement causing Draco to feel a little nauseous. Eventually, Lucius realised the perfect way to trap his son, and flicked his wand at the walls, slowing his speed down to a leisurely stroll. Draco stopped running as the walls of the mansion suddenly began to close in on him, trapping him in a dead-end with his livid father approaching, wand outstretched.

'Dracey, Dracey, Dracey. You little sod. Daddy's going to give you a little present for making his life A LIVING HELL!' He finished with a yell as Draco stood with his back pressed against the wall.

'Well I didn't want to be her bloody slave, did I?' He told his Dad.

'Draco. She plaited my hair. She plaited my hair!' He exclaimed, a shudder ripping through him as he remembered Bellatrix's hands carelessly throwing strands of his beautiful silky hair over each other. 'She didn't even do it nicely' he pouted. 'And I swear if I see another picture of that flaming crazy woman and her weird muggle husband -'

'Partner.'

'What?' Lucius asked, confused as to why he had been interrupted.

'Partner. They're not married,' Draco explained with a roll of his eyes. Seriously? Again? Why always with the marriage?

'WHATEVER. If I see another picture of them again, I'm gonna AK their arses. But at the moment, I'm just mad at you for selling out your father, so prepare to meet the floor, boy!' He let out a rather good impression of an evil genius' laugh, complete with thrown back head, as Draco just looked at him confused.

'You what?' He asked. Meet the floor? Mighty Merlin, his Dad was weird. Lucius realised that his threat didn't really make much sense and so tried again.

'I'm gonna turn you into a mouse, idiot!' And again with the evil genius laugh. Half way through, Lucius cut himself off with a frown. 'It was better the first time, wasn't it?' he pouted. Draco just nodded his head. The second laugh just didn't have the same umph.

As Lucius raised his wand, Narcissa came round the corner to see her precious son backed up against a wall and her husband about to curse him. Quickly, she disarmed Lucius and caught his wand in her hand, stepping towards Draco and wrapping one arm around him. Draco promptly broke down into theatrical sobs and buried himself in his mothers arms.

'He.. He... He was so MEAN to me Mummy. I was s-s-so scareeeeddddd,' he wept. Narcissa looked down at her son with raised eyebrows and an unimpressed look on her face.

'You're not fooling anyone, Draco. Shut up. You're both a pair of idiots.' Draco immediately stopped his tears and rolled his eyes with a mumbled 'worth a shot'. With her arm still round him, she began to walk away from the dead end corridor. As she passed Lucius, she wiggled her other hand at him, showing him she still had his wand.

'You're not getting this back for a week,' she told him coldly. Watching his wife walk away with one hand on his sons shoulder and one hand holding his wand, he felt his fists clench into tight balls at his side and his foot stamp sulkily on the ground.

'Damn you boy. You're such a ... You're such a...' He struggled for an insult. 'You're such a GRIFFINDOR!' he yelled after them, revelling in the open mouthed, appalled look that Draco shot back at him as he was lead away by his mother who was muttering to him 'don't listen to the nasty man. You're my beautiful baby Slytherin.'

With a frustrated growl, Lucius prepared to leave the hallway when, suddenly, the unmistakable call of, 'Luuuucy, Lucy, Lucy, Lucy-Louuu!' pierced the air. Stopping mid-step, Lucius cringed but put on the best high-pitched, false-joyful voice he could manage, given the circumstances, and called back, as Bellatrix often instructed him, 'Yes, my Queen, oh powerful, evil and sexy one?'

The cackle that struck the air, reverberating around the narrow hallway and stabbing Lucius in all the wrong places, made his blood run cold. 'There's a stain on this wallpaper. It displeases me. Remove it.'

Lucius reluctantly followed the maddening voice until he came to find Bellatrix, sitting atop a throne-like chair - and just where had she even got that from? - with her arms folded across her chest. Beside her was an equally large and extravagant chair, sat upon which was what appeared to once be a clothes store's mannequin, dressed in what Lucius could only imagine to be every single one of Bellatrix's outfits, with a blown-up image of none other than Helena Bonham Carter's face cello taped precariously over the head.

The blonde wizard looked at the creation with a mixture of horror and fear until Bellatrix finally snapped her fingers, gaining his attention. 'Don't stare at my wife like that, Lucy, it's rude. Now. The stain. Remove it.'

Repressing a shudder, Lucius turned to view the wallpaper. He saw no stain. 'Just…what stain is your powerful, evil and sexiness speaking of, my Queen?' He asked, hoping his ass-kissing would at least ease Bellatrix's want to practise her Crucio later that night.

'Right there,' Bellatrix pointed with a roll of her eyes, as though the wizard before her was utterly incompetent for failing to see it.

Lucius followed her finger and, when he realised what she was pointing to, sighed and muttered a prayer under his breath before informing her. 'Your evilness, it…that's not a stain.' Bellatrix turned a brutal glare on him and Lucius practically whimpered, 'It's…just…it's just the pattern, you see?' He stretched his arm out to include the room in his utterance. Bellatrix cast a quick glance around at the walls surrounding her and, when she saw Lucius was right, turned her nose up in disgust.

'If I say it is a stain, Lucy, it. is. a. stain,' she growled, 'now…remove it. Remove all the stains.'

'But-'

'Remove them all'

'But it's- '

'All of them'

'My sexiness it's -

'Every stain'

'But!'

'Lucy, darling, you do know what I will do to you if you fail to meet my demands…don't you, deary?' Lucius paled and nodded. 'Good boy. Now, remove all the stains. Hellie and I shall watch you, make sure you do a sufficient job.' Bellatrix seemed pleased enough and, to Lucius' horror, he saw her reach down the side of the chair and press a button which caused a foot rest to pop up.

After doing the same on the Helena-mannequin's chair, Bellatrix relaxed on the recliner and grinned happily as she took the mannequin's cold, plastic hand in her own - and did she just feel the fingers wrap around her hand in a tender squeeze? 'Chop, chop, Lucy!'

And as Lucius turned and regarded the wallpaper once more, wondering just what he was going to do, a sharp spark his him in his left shoulder and he turned, with a yelp, to glare at Bellatrix. 'Oh, it wasn't me, deary!' Bellatrix all but coyly giggled into her hand, 'Helena, you naughty girl! Such a little minx! Prrrr!'

Paling, Lucius hurriedly turned to block his eyes from the view unfolding behind him. He was sure that what Bellatrix was now doing to the mannequin was illegal in over a third of the world. Now, how was he going to 'fix' their little wallpaper problem…?