Theme: #25, fence

Disclaimer: It's Maki Murakami's sandbox; I just play in it. I do not own the series or the rights to these characters nor do I make any money from them.

Rating/Warnings: T for a few rude words

Summary: Eiri finds lyrics written on a napkin left on the kitchen table that confirm his opinion of Shuichi's writing ability.

Word Count: 1,425 words

Fence Around Your Heart

While clearing the table after breakfast one morning, Eiri Yuki found this, written in Shuichi's halting and nearly illegible handwriting, on a napkin Shuichi had left on his plate.

Every day I cry
Every night I try
Why won't you tell me what I want to hear?

Every day you lie
Every night you sigh
Why do I feel so far away when you're so near?

There's a fence around your heart
Why don't you let me in?
There's a fence around your heart
Why won't you let me in?

I wanna let you know
That I love you so
But I don't know whether you want to hear.

I keep on listening
Hoping love is glistening
But it's hard to hold onto when it's met with a sneer.

There's a fence around your heart
Why don't you let me in?
There's a fence around your heart
Why won't you let me in?/i

At first he'd smiled at Shuichi's continuation of a long proud tradition of writers in a hurry scribbling on whatever was close at hand, such as paper napkins, but his smile faded once he divined the lyrics' meaning. Leaving the lyrics there for him to find after Shuichi was gone was what his therapist would call – what was the term again? – passive-aggressive: hitting him where it would hurt when Shuichi wasn't around for him to confront about it.

The lyrics showed definite signs of regression. Those first lyrics of Shuichi's that he'd read, the ones he'd criticized so harshly ("Give it up," he'd said, "you'll never be a competent writer") were, in fact, passable, not terrible, although he'd never admit it. He'd been pissy because he'd been stuck trying to think of an ending for his latest novel which was about to go past deadline, which meant ever-increasing phone calls, e-mails and visits from his annoying editor.

Trashing the kid's lyrics gave him the motivation he needed to go home and work on his own manuscript. He decided to write a happy ending for a change. But the kid had nothing to do with it; he'd only seen him once more – when he nearly ran him over – before finishing and handing the manuscript over to his impatient editor.

These lyrics, on the other hand, really were trash. Trite, pointless trash that rhymed. True, they did lucidly express several emotions and a point of view and they weren't fashionably obscure in that pretentious way Eiri hated like he hated overly elaborate prose, but that didn't change the fact that they were artlessly direct and naïve. Such raw emotion was almost too painful to read.

He could tear the napkin up and throw it away. Shuichi would whine and complain about it for a few days but then he'd forget about it and they could go on as they had been.

He picked the napkin up and looked at it, mesmerized by the lyrics' awfulness. He held one corner between his thumb and forefinger…

What was he thinking? As a writer himself he knew that even failed writing had the ability to inspire, to be the fuel for something better. He had notebooks and memory sticks full of reminders.

Besides, even though Shuichi had clearly left this behind for him to find, he had no right to dispose of it. Even if he was the inspiration for the lyric, it didn't belong to him.

He did, however, add the words "(repeat chorus ad nauseam)" to the end of the lyrics as a sort of protest and left the napkin, so adorned, on the table.

***

Shuichi picked up the napkin, puzzled, until he turned it over and saw the words. "Oh, that's where I left this! I was looking for it earlier," he said to Eiri. Eiri looked at him, startled. He found it hard to believe that Shuichi had left it there by accident.

"You didn't leave it there for me to see?" Eiri growled.

Shuichi looked at him, puzzled at the hostile tone. Things between them had been pretty good lately without as many fights or harsh words. Then he looked at the napkin and read the lyrics again. No wonder Eiri thought he'd left it behind deliberately.

While Shuichi was reading, Eiri added, "Besides, those lyrics are crap anyway."

Absent-mindedly, Shuichi said, "You always think my lyrics are crap. Or at least that's what you say. You say it so often I don't pay attention anymore 'cause they can't all be equally bad."

Eiri wondered when the brat acquired such insight. Inwardly rolling his eyes at himself, he thought maybe it was years of living together that did it.

Shuichi noticed Eiri's addition and tried to figure it out. "Eiri, what does this mean, 'ad nauseam'?"

"It means to do something until you're sick of it. Nauseam, nauseous? Same root word."

"Oh." Shuichi pondered this. "You were making a joke!"

Eiri cringed inwardly, since he had actually been making fun of Shuichi and the lyric. It was typical of Shuichi to assume Eiri's intentions had been less ignoble than they really were and turn the comment into a joke. Shuichi's ability to maintain a sunny disposition despite the adversities he'd faced (including Eiri himself, if he was being honest about it) amazed and baffled him. He, on the other hand, could easily fall into a funk over the least little thing.

Shuichi shoved the napkin into his backpack. "We'll talk about this later," he said. "What's for dinner?"

Talk about what later? What was that about? For someone so simple and open, Shuichi had an amazing ability to stump his lover.

* * *

Later that evening, Shuichi was watching some show on TV and nuzzling Eiri and Eiri was trying to read a book until he gave it up as a bad job and threw it on the coffee table, where it landed with a thud.

"So talk," Eiri said.

"Huh?"

"You said we'd talk about it later."

"Talk about what?" Shuichi said absently, trying to concentrate on the show.

"Those lyrics."

Shuichi gave up on watching the show and looked at Eiri. "They're really bothering you, aren't they?"

"No, of course not," Eiri scoffed.

Shuichi laughed. "They are too! Your eye is twitching. Your eye always twitches when you're fibbing."

Eiri had never noticed that any of his eyes twitched but Shuichi was right about it being a fib, so maybe he was right about his eye. It would be damned inconvenient to have a trait that his lover could use as a lie detector, especially if he forgot and blabbed about it to other people, like his sister and her husband.

Shuichi continued without waiting for a response since he knew Eiri wasn't going to admit it was a lie. "Look, I know you think the lyrics were written about us, and it's true, that's where I got my inspiration—"

"You should slap your muse if you think that's inspired," Eiri interrupted, but Shuichi ignored him and went on.

"—but I don't feel that way as much anymore and to the extent that I do I know you're working on it as hard and as much as you can. That's why you're seeing the therapist, right? To help you get over Kitazawa and the awful stuff he put you through? That's why you're friends with Yoshiki even though she annoys you as much as I do sometimes and that's why you're nice to Riku now and didn't just shut him out of your life."

"It's pretty screwed up that I'm still hung up on Kitazawa almost a decade after I killed him, isn't it?" Eiri said softly once he could get a word in edgewise.

"Oh, Eiri!" Shuichi said, flinging his arms around him and holding him close. He didn't often call his lover 'Eiri' but it seemed inappropriate to call him Yuki while they were discussing the original Yuki. "I love you and I know you love me even though you don't say it in so many words. You wouldn't have kept me around this long if you didn't. We'll get through this. We always do."

Eiri responded by kissing him. Shuichi broke away and said, "And now that I know how you feel about the lyrics, I promise not to record them. But I might still work on the music."

"That'd be a waste," Eiri mumbled, his words muffled because he was nuzzling Shuichi's hair. "Those lyrics are still crap."

"Meanie," Shuichi laughed as they strolled to the bedroom hand in hand.

* * *

A/N This may be one of the few fics where Shuichi gets the better of Eiri. But since he's more intuitive anyway, doesn't it make sense that he'd figure some of this stuff out eventually?

You have my beta HawkClowd to thank for having a fic and not just badly written lyrics. I have to thank her too. The story was fun to write and went in some unexpected directions.

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