Because You're Breaking Our Black Little Hearts
Disclaimer- I do not own My Chemical romance; Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Frank Iero, Bob Bryar or Ray Toro- Ortiz, I do not own any of the songs (these are all owned by the legendary My Chemical Romance) or The Ways parents. If you dislike stories with cursing, alcohol and love in, generally real things and you are more into fluffy bunnies and baby squirrels I regret to say this is not your story, I have left in all the details... everything that makes life as horrible yet as utterly astonishing as it is. ENJOY!
It's funny how fragile life is...you look around and see how harsh, antagonistic and determined some people are or how innocent and devoted others are or may seem... and you can't imagine the flame that is their lives being cruelly aggravated nor put out...but it happens...every day. I always thought I was an apathetic person...indifferent...but I will shallowly try and defend this by saying not completely undemonstrative...yet as I write this; tears burn my eyes and stain my cheeks. I guess the fragility of life is a irrevocable and incomprehensible thing as you find your way in the world...blind and ignorant to the threat of perturb, dismay and death.
I guess before reading the rest of this you only need to know two things: my name is 'Elena and I never desired any of this to happen; how could I when it would aggrieve those whom I love so deeply.
I contemplated the fragility of life, which you and I both know is inexplicable...not deplorable...it gives us far too much momentum and reasoning to be deplorable, as I in somewhat in a solitary style found my way from the church to my Grandmothers grave. The July weather was mellowed by the approaching grasp of night. Grass crumpled under my feet as I walked solemnly; trying to hold back the mournful tears that strained my eyesight. The recently unsettled earth at my grandmothers' grave was soft I saw leaned on the side of her grey, new grave for comfort. She was all I had...my mom dying at what was a feeble age of 3 for me; yes except for the undependable letters from my father whom I have never known except for a name. My grandmother and I had lived in Dallas for as long as I can remember...but she wanted to be buried in her home state of Ohio...so I found myself alone in an unknown place grieving the death of my grandmother.
Long ago Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate What's the worst that I can say? Came a time What's the worst that I can say? Can you hear me? What's the worst that I can say?
Just like the hearse you die to get in again
We are so far from you
The lives of everyone you know
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
When every star fall brought you to tears again
We are the very hurt you sold
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
Are you near me?
Can we pretend to leave and then
We'll meet again
When both our cars collide?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
Now I was curled up beside her newly laid grave weeping for all I had lost. The single lily that I had placed on her grave was swept away by the wind...away, away...deep into the depths of the looming graveyard. My grandmother would be ashamed of my hopeless weeping...she was a woman with poise and expectations...I was one with smashed hopes and fading dreams. I would have to face my father whom neglected me all these years soon, whom let me grow up without his kind words and comforts except for in letters. My dark brown hair masked my face in itself...I felt a hand on my shoulder...I looked up and to my overwhelming surprise; saw my father...the smooth, loving smile of my father...Gerard Way. He stared at me...scrutinising every aspect of my face.
"Wow." He gasped. More tears came out of my eyes followed by a surge of desperate gulps.
"I thought you'd be here." He told me softly. His arms wrapped around my lovingly cradling me as I wept.
I don't know how long we sat there...but it was a long time. I eventually stopped crying as I stared at my dad.
"I need to know...if we are going to live together...why you didn't come for me...after all those years." I said feebly.
"I...Your mom and I...well...we were very young and fell in love...when your mom found out she was pregnant...your grandma was very angry...she told your mom she could keep you and move away to Dallas or stay with me and...loose you...one way or another...we decided that we could never lose you...so she left...I wasn't allowed to have much contact with you except for presents and letters..." he stopped trying to sum it up. I stared at him wide eyes, my grandma wouldn't do such a thing...or would she... POISED. EXCEPTIONAL...Desperate?
"No..." I said trying to convince myself.
"I'm sorry...but that's the truth 'Elena...I love you...you're my daughter...I wouldn't lie to you." My dads face was serious; I looked down at my grandmas grave...hating the fact that I stubbornly believed my dad.
"We should go to the van...the guys really want to meet you." He told me.
"The guys?" I said startled...the whole of MCR wasn't here too, were they?
"Yeah...I mean you going to be a part of my life and My Chem is a big part of my life...they've read all the letters and went through it all with me...they were just as enthused about meeting you as I was.
"Whats? Even the letter where I drew that clown and named him RAAWWWRR?" I laughed timidly.
"Especially that one...they couldn't get enough of his action packed adventures fighting pixies." My dad chuckled.
"Okay...I guess..." I laughed. My dad smiled and took my hand. I pushed myself up. It was getting pretty dark and the bony fingers of the trees were tinted by the setting sun.
"Bye Granmar...I hope heaven is better than this shit hole...I'm going to miss you." I said solemnly. My dad let me say a few quiet words then he lead me out of the graveyard. Even in the dim lighting of the setting sun; I could make out the van. All of them; Mikey, Ray, Bob and Frank leaned against the van unaware of my presence. When we got a little bit closer; I could see there breath in the night air.
"Guys...this is my daughter...'Elena." My dad said proudly. They all stared at me for a second.
"Holy crap...she even looks like you." Ray gasped. My attention focused on my uncle Mikey.
"Shit...umm...oh my god...I..." Mikey was lost for words.
"Hi...Uncle Mikey?" I said weakly.
"Hey." he grinned.
This night, walk the dead I miss you, I miss you so far Back home, off the run I miss you, I miss you so far Way down, way down I miss you, I miss you so far When will I miss you, when will I miss you so far Way down, way down
In a solitary style
And crash the cemetery gates.
In the dress your husband hates
Way down, mark the grave
Where the search lights find us
Drinking by the mausoleum door
And they found you on the bathroom floor
And the collision of your kiss that made it so hard
Singing songs that make you slit your wrists
It isn't that much fun, staring down a loaded gun
So I won't stop dying, won't stop lying (are you there at all?)
If you want I'll keep on crying (do you care at all?)
Did you get what you deserve? (are you there at all?)
Is this what you always want me for?
And the collision of your kiss that made it so hard
Way down, way down
Way down, way down
Way down, way down
And the collision of your kiss that made it so hard
And the collision of your kiss that made it so hard
Made it so hard
Way down, way down
Way down, way down
Way down, way down
Way down...