To the reviewer who asked if I write each chapter six months apart; yes, it unfortunately seems to happen that way. I have little spurts where I write two or three chapters at once, trying desperately to get to the end of this story after four years, and then just as I'm getting on a roll my life becomes really busy and I get distracted, usually for much longer than I would like. This time it was moving away to university that caused the temporary hiatus. I'd love to tell you that it won't happen again, that from now on I'll update regularly, but we all know that's a promise I can't keep, as I have demonstrated in the past. All I can do is assure you that I will finish the story, even if it takes another four years. I refuse to give up on it, though I'd like to apologize for any inconsistencies in the writing. I tend to forget various details between updates which is why certain things don't match up. I plan to go back and fix all the mistakes when I'm finally finished for good.

To the reviewer who pointed out a geographical mistake; I'm sorry. I've actually only been to New York City twice in my life and have relied on memory as well as frequent and extensive research to create my story. I've tried so hard to make it accurate however I'm sure the error you caught is not the only one. Please forgive me.

To all other reviewers; thank you for your comments. I read each and every one and they really do mean a lot to me. You are why this story has continued for so long, you are my motivation and inspiration. My OC obsession has faded somewhat since this story's conception however your enthusiasm has helped keep it alive. Please continue sending in your questions, concerns and kind words. Special thanks to the guest who reviewed just so I would have an even 200. You are a lovely person!

Okay, without further ado here is chapter 30! I apologize in advance for the complete lack of plot advancement and the sloppy writing. I don't really like filler chapters but this is one of them. Sorry!

XOXO

"Ryan?" Marissa called, panic in her voice as she ran toward the apartment, taking the steps two at a time in her haste to get to the already wide open door. Stumbling slightly on the threshold she fell into the room gasping in horror as Trey delivered blow after blow to Ryan's face.

"Oh my god! Stop it!" She cried, grabbing hold of Trey's shoulders and pulling at him helplessly. "Please stop it! You're killing him!" He grunted and pushed her off and she fell away immediately, visions of him forcing himself on her at the beach clouding her sight. He was strong. Too strong for her to stop. It had been luck that she had found that piece of driftwood in the sand that night. She wouldn't be able to fight him off twice. There was a hollow-sounding thud as Trey's fist collided yet again with Ryan's cheek bone, dark, sticky red blood flowing from his nose.

Desperately Marissa scanned the room, searching for something, anything that might help. Her fingers closed around the cool metal barrel of a gun laying discarded on the floor. Marissa picked it up at once, all her instincts screaming at her that she had to do something. That she had to save him. Trey had grabbed the phone receiver and was holding it high above Ryan's head, ready to strike.

Marissa heard the gunshot before she realized what had happened. She froze wide-eyed, the gun falling immediately from her hand as she fell back to the floor. It was as if the world had been reduced to half-speed the instant she pulled the trigger. Trey turned slowly, his eyes, full of confusion and disbelief, meeting hers for a fraction of a second. A small red stain appeared on his wifebeater, growing larger and larger until the blood formed a steady stream, gushing from his chest like a faucet. Marissa watched horrified, unable to tear her eyes from the sight, tears leaking down her cheeks, her mind whirling; struggling to make sense of what had just happened. And then Trey collapsed. Everything after that was a blurry, jumbled mess; nothing but a slew of disjointed and distorted images set to a soundtrack of loud, piercing screams. Screams that she later learned had been coming from her.

Marissa awoke with a start, the screams of her nightmare still ringing in her ears as she fought to free her body from the tangle of sheets that ensnared her. Eyes still closed she took several deep breaths, trying in vain to calm herself. It had been years since she'd dreamed about the shooting. Years since she'd dreamed about Newport at all really, and yet all night she had tossed and turned her way through some of her worst memories of this place, reliving her parents' divorce, Oliver, Johnny's death, even Luke's infidelity. It had been a restless night and Marissa was not surprised to find herself more exhausted than when she'd gone to bed. She knew coming back to Newport would be hard but she hadn't expected to be hit with so many flashbacks. Even now as she lay there Marissa found herself thinking of the many times she had woken up in the pool house before, particularly the very first time when Ryan had saved her after Summer and Holly left her passed out on her doorstep. If only she'd known then how big a part of her life Ryan would become. If only she'd been more appreciative of what he'd done for her.

Marissa remembered how confused she'd been upon waking up in the pool house that first morning, Seth and Ryan asleep on the floor. She couldn't remember how she got there and it had scared her badly. She had left in a hurry unsure of what to think. Only later after talking to Summer did she realize that Ryan had been trying to help her.

Marissa sighed, eyes still closed, brushing her sweaty hair off of her forehead with her hand. If someone had told her that morning that she'd be waking up in the same place in seven years time with her two children by her side she wouldn't have believed them.

Marissa smiled unconsciously as she thought of her children. It was hard for her to be back here, hard to face everyone after what she had done but to make Nate and Lucy happy she would do anything, no matter how uncomfortable it was for her. This trip; all the memories; would be worth it once she saw their faces as they met their family. Feeling suddenly optimistic and hopeful she stretched her arms out to shake them wake and was startled when her fingers met empty sheets. Bolting upright Marissa looked around wildly, squinting blindly as her eyes adjusted to the sun.

"Nate?" She called, suddenly worried. "Lucy?" She climbed out of bed and grabbed her light cotton robe, wrapping it tightly around herself as she made her way to the bathroom. "Guys? You in there?" Finding it empty, panic started to swell within her. The twins had been asleep when they'd arrived last night and wouldn't remember the Cohens or the house at all. What if they had wandered off and gotten lost? What if they were scared?

Her stomach lurched as she hurried to the glass door, dappled from the reflection of the early morning sunlight off the pool. Marissa froze, hand on the knob as a million new fears suddenly entered her mind. The pool. What if they had fallen in? Nate and Lucy were in swimming lessons back in New York but they were still learning and she wasn't sure how capable they would be so early in the morning. They could have hit their heads or, her chest constricted at the very idea, what if they had woken in the night and gone looking for a bathroom or a snack or something and fallen in. What if they had drowned with her dreaming restlessly mere feet away. She'd always been quick to hear the twins when they called for her in the night but she had been pretty out of it, lost in her nightmares. What if she had mistook their screams for her own in her dreams.

Frantically Marissa pushed open the glass door and ran toward the pool. She could see something floating in the corner and immediately cried out in anguish. "Nate!" She called desperately hurrying toward the child-sized mass in the pool. "Lucy! Please no..."

"Marissa?" A voice interrupted and she turned to see Kirsten, watching her questioningly from the patio, a mug of coffee in one hand. "What are you-" She trailed off, catching sight of Marissa's distraught face, the tears clinging to her cheeks. "Oh sweetie!" She exclaimed, catching on instantly. "The twins are fine! They're inside playing right now!"

Marissa frowned and blinked, looking from Kirsten to the pool as if trying to process this information. "Fine?" She repeated uncertainly and Kirsten nodded earnestly. Marissa stared at her for a moment and then promptly burst into tears. "So worried..." She sobbed, allowing Kirsten to embrace her. "Pool! ... Dead!.." The older woman rubbed her back comfortingly and led her to a nearby lounge chair.

"It's okay." She said soothingly. "It's just a towel. It must have blown in last night." Kirsten sat down next to Marissa and took her hand. "I'm so sorry!" She uttered in explanation. "I was up early with Sophie and saw that Nate and Lucy were awake in the pool house so I brought them over for breakfast. I thought you could use a little more sleep and.."

"No, no, don't be sorry!" Marissa hick-upped, wiping her eyes on the sleeve of her dressing gown and taking deep breaths to calm herself. "I should have known that's where they were I just.." She sniffed and Kirsten stroked her hair comfortingly. "For so long it was just me looking after both of them, I guess I started worrying extra to make up for there only being one of me." She accepted the coffee Kirsten offered her gratefully. "They're just always getting into trouble..."

"Shhhh." Kirsten hugged her and Marissa leaned in to her warmth. "It's okay. I get it. I'm a worrier too."

Marissa smiled at this and Kirsten stood, pulling Marissa up with her. "Come on." She said. "You'll feel better when you see them." And without another word she guided the younger woman toward the kitchen.

"Mommy!" Nate and Lucy chorused together, their faces lighting up as she entered the kitchen and as Kirsten had promised, she instantly felt better, a warmth spreading through her chest. Still dressed in their pyjamas, the little boy and girl rushed toward her eagerly.

"Morning guys." She set her mug on the counter and bent to give the twins a hug, squeezing them just a little tighter than usual. "Did you sleep well?"

"Pretty much." Lucy babbled. "'Cept you kept stealing all the blankets and kicking us." Nate nodded solemnly next to her and Marissa laughed.

"Oops, sorry!" She ruffled their hair. "I was having a bad dream."

"Mmhm." Lucy murmured, already distracted, grabbing her mother by the hand. "Mommy come meet our new friend Sophie! She's really nice! And guess what? We have the same middle name! Really, we do- it's Rose. Sophie said hers is after her grandmother, what's mine after? Is it after her grandmother too? Cause you said we're related so that means that Sophie's grandmother is my something, right? Right mommy?" Not waiting for a response she dragged Marissa through the kitchen to the tv room with Nate following behind. Both kids left her side at once, rushing to join a tiny blonde girl sitting on the floor surrounded by what looked to be the contents of an entire toy store.

"Hello." Marissa said kindly, crouching down to the kids' level. "You must be Sophie." The child raised her head and Marissa was struck by how much she looked like Kirsten. They were exact copies from their eyes to the delicate curves of their noses. "I'm Marissa," She continued, "your..." she trailed off, trying to work out how exactly she and Sophie were related.

"You're Marissa." The little girl supplied, holding her gaze with fierce blue eyes. "Ex-step-sister to my Mommy, ex-aunt to me and my brothers, ex-girlfriend to my big brother Ryan, stepsister to my sister-in-law Summer and mother of my niece and nephew Nate and Lucy."

"Err..yeah." Marissa stammered, taken aback. This kid may look like Kirsten but she talked like Seth and had Sandy's intensity. Sophie laughed and broke into a toothy grin. "Nice to meet you." She smiled, sticking out a tiny hand.

"Nice to meet you too." She shook the little girl's hand and then clambered back to her feet. "I'm going to get something to eat, okay guys?" She announced. "I'll be in the kitchen." The children waved her off, already absorbed in their game.

Marissa settled herself on a stool at the kitchen island and pulled her mug back toward her, holding it tenderly. "Sophie's adorable." She said as Kirsten took a seat next to her, sliding a box of cereal toward her. "She's so much like Seth."

The older woman smiled. "All the kids seem to be getting along really well." She said pleased. "Sophie was thrilled to find out she had cousins. She's been counting down the days until you arrived." Marissa grinned back, pouring herself a bowl of Crispix. "Nate and Lucy were excited too. This trip is all they've been talking about for the past month."

"Mommy?" Both women turned to see Nate wandering over from the tv room. "Hey baby." she smiled at him. "What's going on?" Nate shrugged. "Sophie and Lucy are playing girl games."

"Well then hop on up here and sit with us." Kirsten suggested warmly. "Are you still hungry? Would you like some grapes?"

"Yes please." Nate answered sweetly and Marissa watched in surprise as he allowed Kirsten to pull him onto her lap, accepting the bowl of fruit she offered him graciously, then snuggling into her, resting his head peacefully against her chest. "Thanks grandma." He said thickly, mouth full of grapes.

Marissa couldn't help but smile at his words. Here was Nate, usually such a quiet and reserved child, speaking confidently to his grandmother as though he's known her his whole life, rather than just a few hours. This is what they had come here for, she realized, this had been the point of their trip. Suddenly it all felt worth it; she would repeat the awkwardness of yesterday's talk a thousand times over if it meant she could experience this moment.

Marissa noticed Kirsten seemed to be glowing as well and was smiling down on the little boy with a look of pure adoration. "He's so like Ryan." She said proudly and Marissa had to agree. As she watched Kirsten cradle her son it dawned on her that this is what it would have looked like if Ryan had come to the Cohens as a small child, rather than a teenager. Kirsten would have held him the way she now held Nate, spoken softly into his ear, fed him snacks. She was overcome with a wave of grief for what Kirsten had been deprived of. She had never gotten to read Ryan bedtime stories or bandage his scraped knees or comfort him from bad dreams. And yet she had loved him; loved him unconditionally; loved him just as much as her own son. And that was what had won Ryan over in the end. Marissa suspected that that was what had won Nate over too; that warmth and softness that Kirsten seemed to exude; that willingness to extend her love to anybody, even those she'd only just met. Kirsten had been like a second mother to her in high school and Marissa was starting to realize just how much she'd missed her. Kirsten has always had a way of making her feel safe and taken care of and Marissa made a mental note to thank her for that later. To thank her for everything she'd done over the years. She leaned forward and ruffled Nate's hair affectionately, taking another bite of her cereal. "So what would you like to do today Natey?"

"Go to the beach." He replied promptly and Marissa smiled. "I don't know." She told him, already aware that she was going to lose this argument. "The water is pretty cold this time of year."

"Nuh-uh." Nate shook his head stubbornly. "It's like summer here." He pointed out the window. "And summer is for swimming." Marissa shook her head in amusement and exchanged a look with Kirsten.

"Let him try it." She advised. "Our pool is heated if it does turn out to be too cold."

"Mommy!" Both Marissa and Kirsten turned at the call and for a moment Marissa was unsure of which little girl it had come from. Standing in the doorway Sophie and Lucy were nearly indistinguishable from one another. They were within half an inch of each other in height and both had slightly curly blonde hair and blue eyes. If she hadn't known better she would have sworn they were sisters. "Mommy!" Marissa now recognized the voice as Sophie's as the little girl placed a hand on her hip. "Can we go wake up Seth and summer?" She asked hopefully. "Please? You said we could at nine and look, it's nine!" She pointed to the clock which, in fact, read 8:45."

Kirsten laughed. "Okay." She agreed. "But be gentle!"

"Hey, I want to help!" Nate yelled, leaping off of Kirsten's lap and running after the girls. Sophie took the twins by the hand and the three of them ran off giggling toward the stairs.

"So," Marissa began, turning back toward Kirsten, a small smile still playing at her lips. "Where's Sandy? He's not usually one to sleep in."

"Oh no he had to go into the office actually." She answered carefully. "He's sorry he couldn't be here to greet Nate and Lucy when they woke up but he'll be back this afternoon. Something urgent came up."

"He's not still angry with me, is he?" Marissa asked softly. "I know it'll take time to get past what I did but I was so hoping he could set it aside for the kids' sake. They're thrilled to have a grandfather."

"And he's thrilled to be a grandfather." Kirsten assured her. "I promise you Marissa, Sandy has been almost as excited about your visit as Sophie, he's not about to let anything get in the way of it. And while it may take some time for him to forget, he's already forgiven you."

"Really?" Marissa sounded doubtful.

"Really." Kirsten said firmly. "He's always has a bit of a soft spot for you. I doubt he would have agreed to let any of the boys' other girlfriends live with us if their parents decided to move them to Hawaii."

Marissa laughed. "I forgot about that."

Kirsten patted her hand gently. "You have nothing to worry about."

There was a loud commotion in the hall and Marissa and Kirsten burst out laughing as Seth walked in, Lucy perched high on his shoulders, Sophie clinging to his back and Nate wrapped around his leg. "I'm jet lagged mom!" He complained, crossing his arms over his chest. "You didn't have the set the three human alarm clocks on me so early!" Yes as he spoke his glare transformed into a grin and he reached up to pull the girls off of him, tickling them in the process. "kids these days have no respect!" He teased, carrying the three children all at once by their feet and dropping them onto the couch. "That'll teach you not to jump on a sleeping man's head!" Nate, Lucy and Sophie laughed uncontrollably, leaping on to Seth and pulling him down with them. "Ahh!" He shrieked in mock terror. "Help!"

"It's so nice to have a full house again." Kirsten sighed happily, watching her children and grandchildren play and Marissa nodded in agreement. "I wonder if they let Summer sleep longer or-"

"I'm here." Summer interrupted, stepping into the kitchen blearily, still half-closed eyes searching frantically for the coffee pot.

"Morning sweetie." Kirsten handed her a mug of coffee which Summer immediately gulped down. "Ah." She sighed in contentment, seating herself next to Marissa at the island. "Just what I needed."

"Sorry about the wake up." Kirsten smiled apologetically. "Sophie's been so excited to see Seth, I couldn't make her wait another minute." Summer waved her off, taking another large sip of her coffee. "That's why we're here." She said. "And anyway Seth couldn't wait to see her either. I caught him sneaking to her room last night to wake her up when we first got here and I had to drag him away."

"I appreciate that." Kirsten laughed. "We would have had a very tired and grumpy little girl on our hands today."

"And a tired, grumpy Seth too." Summer nodded knowingly.

"What about me?" Seth demanded, joining the giggling women in the kitchen having managed to distract the children with television.

"Just talking about how much we love you." Summer said sweetly and Seth narrowed his eyes, pulling her to him and messing up her hair.

"Ew Cohen!" She shrieked squirming away from him. "Don't touch my hair! I haven't even had a shower yet and aeroplanes make me greasy!"

"Aeroplanes make you greasy?" Seth repeated disbelievingly.

"Yes Cohen!" Summer answered indignantly. "It's like a proven fact. The Increase in air-pressure stimulates the glands at the scalp, causing them to secrete oil at an elevated rate. Look it up!"

Seth crinkled his forehead and looked at her skeptically, then shrugged and grabbed half a bagel from her plate. "Whatever." He said, slipping onto Summer's stool, ignoring her piercing glare. "So what are we doing today mother?"

"Well actually," Kirsten began apologetically. "Your dad had to go into the office for a couple hours and I have an appointment this morning that I can't get out of. We've cleared our schedules for the rest of your visit, I promise." She continued hastily as Seth opened his mouth to protest. "It's just this morning that's a problem. I was actually hoping you guys could watch Sophie for me?" She looked from Seth to the girls. "Maybe take all the kids to the park or something? And then Sandy and I will be home in the afternoon and we thought we could all go to the tree farm and pick out a Christmas tree. Sophie has been begging us to get one since the first of the month but we thought it would be more fun to all go together."

"Definitely." Seth agreed. "It's Summer's favourite part of the Chrismukkah season, she would have been devastated to miss it." Summer shot Seth another glare and he fained hurt. "What?" He cried. "You know it's true!"

"I just like to make sure we get a good quality tree." Summer huffed. "We can't have it dying before Christmas morning and so many of those tree farms sell ones with dry needles and saggy branches. Anyway Kirsten," She turned pointedly away from Seth. "We'd be happy to look after Sophie." She looked toward the tv room where the children were playing happily and smiled. "Though I doubt we'd be able to tear her away from her new cousins anyway. Or niece and nephew or whatever they are."

Kirsten laughed. "We're referring to them as her cousins but she figured it out." She admitted. "But you're probably right- they're already the best of friends, aren't they?" She sighed happily.

Marissa looked equally pleased. "Nate and Lucy have been pressing me to take them to the beach anyway." She shook her head at the idea of swimming in December. "Sophie can come along. We can show the kids around, maybe take them to the diner for lunch?"

"Sounds good." Summer agreed, snatching what remained of her bagel from Seth's hand. "I don't know about the beach though, it's waaaaaay too cold for swimming!"

"I'm totally with you on that!" Marissa laughed. "But Nate and Lucy won't take no for an answer! They are related to Julie Cooper after all!" She joked. "I'm sure they'll change their minds once they feel the water temperature."

"Oh!" Kirsten exclaimed. "That reminds me! Your mother has called dibs on all of you for dinner tonight Marissa. She is so excited to meet Nate and Lucy! And to see you of course."

"Julie Cooper wants us too?" Seth asked in amazement, gesturing to himself and Summer. "I always got the feeling she didn't like me very much."

"Not you Cohen!" Summer smacked his chest. "Me! She lives with my dad, remember? He hasn't seen me in months!"

"Ahh right." bowed his head solemnly. "I'm only invited by association to you. It all makes sense."

"She's expecting you at six!" Kirsten continued loudly, preventing Summer's retort from being heard. "So how about we all meet back here around 2? That gives us enough time to get the tree and then we can decorate it tonight after you guys get back." Her eyes flicked to the clock as she spoke. "I should probably start getting ready." She said, loading the breakfast dishes into the dishwasher. "I'll get Sophie dressed too before I go. Thanks again for watching her!"

"No problem." Marissa smiled genuinely. "We might as well get ready too." She turned to Seth and Summer. "Give Summer time to wash the aeroplane grease out of her hair before we go." Summer scowled, turning on her heal and exiting the kitchen dramatically, leaving Seth and Marissa to exchange smirks.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"So," Marissa said, following the twins into the pool house. "What would you like to wear today?" She heaved the suitcases onto the bed and unzipped them. "Don't forget it's always windier at the beach."

"I know!" Lucy cut in front of her mother and plunged her fists deep into the folds of clothes, sending pants, shirts and underwear, all carefully folded by Marissa before they'd left, spilling onto the bed and floor in tangled heaps. Marissa sighed, bending down to scoop up the discarded items, catching them as the little girl tossed them carelessly over her shoulder. "Aha!" Lucy shouted, pulling from the mess a pink fringe-top bikini. "My 'kini!" She declared, eyes seeking Marissa's excitedly. "My 'kini mommy! For the beach!"

"Yeah!" She smiled, amused by her daughter's enthusiasm. "Go put it on Lou!" Lucy happily obliged while Marissa dug through the remaining contents of the suitcase in search of Nate's striped swim trunks.

"Can I wear my hat mommy?" The little boy asked, holding up a tiny fedora.

"Of course." She agreed, locating his bathing suit and handing it to him. "Go get dressed baby."

When both kids were distracted she quickly stuffed pants and sweaters into a bag for them for later. They may be insisting on dressing in summer clothes now but she was willing to bet they'd be thinking differently after dipping their toes into the chilly ocean waters.

"I'm all ready!" Lucy announced, leaping onto the bed in nothing but her bathing suit and a wee pair of black motorcycle boots. "Let's go!"

"Not so fast!" Marissa giggled, plucking Lucy out of the air mid-jump and setting her on the floor. "I think we need a little bit more clothing Lulu." The little girl frowned but returned to the suitcase, digging through it frantically once more, sending all of the clothes Marissa had just picked up back to the floor. She held up a yellow floral print romper, looking questioningly at Marissa for approval who nodded and helped her into it. Before Lucy could run away again she grabbed a comb and tugged in gently through her wild hair, much to her daughter's protests. She rubbed a blob of sunscreen over Lucy's face and slapped a hat onto her head before releasing her. "You might want to change your shoes too Lucy." Marissa tossed her a pair of white sandals. The child looked at her defiantly, hands on her hips, golden curls spilling out from under her wide-brimmed straw sun hat and for a moment Marissa thought she was going to revolt.

"Okay." Lucy agreed at last, humming slightly to herself as she plopped down on the floor to remove her boots. Marissa breathed a sigh of relief. It was their first day in Newport and she'd really like to avoid any tantrums if possible.

"I'm ready Mommy." Nate piped up, slithering onto her lap and resting his head on her shoulder. She instinctively pulled him closer to her adjusting his hat so that she could see his eyes. "How are you doing Natey?" She asked, looking over his outfit approvingly. Along with his swim trunks Nate had put on an old child-sized Death Cab t-shirt that Seth had given him a few months back and a pair of flip flops. "Good." He answered simply, reaching into the suitcase and extracting a pair of sunglasses. "Do I have to wear sunscreen?"

"Yes!" Marissa laughed, grabbing the bottle as Nate scrunched his face in anticipation. "Thanks for reminding me!" She smeared the white lotion around her son's face as best she could and then stood up, pulling Nate with her. "Do you want your sunglasses too?" She asked Lucy, holding out to her a pair of large square frames. The little girl nodded and took them fervently, jamming them onto her face. "Why don't you guys go and see if Seth and Summer are ready while I have a quick shower?" She suggested. "See if Sophie knows where grandma and grandpa keep the sand toys?"

"Okay!" They took off toward the pool house door, happy to comply. "Stay away from the pool!" Marissa called after them, thinking of the morning's scare.

"Kay!" They shouted, already skipping back to the house, eager to meet back up with Sophie, who Lucy had wasted no time telling Marissa, was her 'bestest friend ever'.

Marissa watched them enter the kitchen and then turned to the mess that her little tornadoes had left behind. Exhaling slowly, she began to sort through the debris, searching for something for herself to wear.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Last one in is a rotten egg!" Lucy shouted, leaping from her car seat the instant Marissa freed her and sprinting toward the ocean as fast as her little legs could carry her, dragging her brother by the hand behind her.

"Wait for us!" Marissa called after them, hastening to unbuckle Sophie and lifting her down from the SUV but the twins were already gone.

"Guess they don't know they're the only ones going in." Seth said amused, scooping Sophie onto his back for a piggyback ride and grabbing the bag of sand toys from the trunk.

"They know." Marissa corrected him, seizing a second bag full of towels and extra clothes. "They're just hoping we'll change our minds." She smiled after Nate and Lucy, now just pinpoints on the horizon, and followed Seth and Summer across the beach, all of them stumbling slightly at the familiar but long-forgotten sensation of sand beneath their shoes.

By the time they reached Nate and Lucy the two of them had stripped off the clothes Marissa had fought to get them in that morning and were running around excitedly in their bathing suits. "Are you getting cold?" Marissa asked with a wry smile, noticing the goose bumps on her son's arms but the little boy shook his head stubbornly and she shrugged, bending down to retrieve her camera from the bag.

As she brought the camera to her eye to photograph the children, adjusting the focus slightly, she couldn't help but giggle. Standing in between Nate and Lucy, Sophie looked photo-shopped in from another picture. While the twins wore bathing suits and sunhats, Sophie was dressed in a dark grey pea coat open over a herringbone print smock dress, grey tights and knee-high boots, looking more prepared for a brisk fall walk than a day at the beach. Even covered in all those layers, Sophie frowned as a gust of wind carried a wave of cool sea air in land, pulling her jacket more tightly around herself. Nate and Lucy had an entirely different reaction. Oblivious to the temperature the boy and girl shrieked in delight as the water lapped their feet, both wading deeper into the salty tide.

"Uhhh I can't watch!" Summer shuddered, crossing her arms over her chest and grimacing at her niece and nephew paddling in the waves. "Just looking at them makes me cold!" Marissa, Seth and Sophie nodded in agreement.

"Come swimming with us Sophie!" Lucy called, squealing as a large wave crashed into her chest, spraying water up over her head. "The ocean is so fun!"

"Sophie stepped back, a look of horror on her small face. "No way!" She yelled back, clutching Seth's hand in fear that someone would try to drag her in. "It's December! You aren't supposed to go swimming in the winter!"

"You gotta remember Soph," Seth explained to his little sister, gesturing to the two of them and Summer and Marissa, "we are children of southern California. We are highly sensitive to cold and rain and if we go out in the snow we turn to ice instantly." Sophie looked alarmed at this and Seth nodded, assuring her "It's true. It happens to me every time I leave my house in New York."

"Cohen!" Summer hissed, elbowing him in the ribs as Sophie's eyes grew wide. Seth ignored her, turning back to his sister. "Anyway," he continued. "Nate and Lucy grew up on the east coast." He reminded her. "They thrive on negative temperatures and brave snowstorms to build forts. To them, this is like spring. And what does one do in spring on the east coast? One goes swimming. At least those two do. I myself prefer to wait 'till it's a minimum of 30 degrees Celsius outside and even that is pushing it some days." Sophie considered this, dipping her head as if she understood but the expression she wore as she watched Nate and Lucy gave way to the fact that she still thought they were crazy.

Marissa had stopped listening part way through Seth's spiel and was observing the twins carefully, feeling more and more ill at ease as they splashed deeper into the ocean.

"That's far enough guys!" She reminded them for the fourth time but the two of them dunked under water, pretending they hadn't heard. Marissa sighed, fidgety with anxiety and turned abruptly to Seth,

"Go in with them Seth?" She pleaded. "I don't like them being out there alone."

"Me!" Seth cried in indignation. "I can't go into that, I'll get hypothermia!" He gestured wildly at the ocean. "And I didn't even bring my bathing suit! Why don't you go with them? You're their mother!"

"Yes but you're their uncle Seth." She said pointedly. "They love swimming with you. Please?" Seth grumbled but begrudgingly took off his shoes and started toward the water. At last second he turned, sprinting back to the girls and grabbed Marissa by the waist, flipping her over his shoulder. "Cohen!" She screeched, caught off guard, pounding her fists into his back. "Let me go right now! I mean it!"

Marissa's head bounced from side to side as Seth stumbled toward the water, the world blurring into a mess of colours, shapes and sounds, The wind whipped her face, salty ocean froth spraying her face, drops landing in her eyes and mouth. She could hear Nate and Lucy cheering encouragement, Sophie laughing and Summer's blaring voice shouting at Seth. "Cohen! Put her down! Seriously, she's got her camera!"

Marissa's breath caught in her chest as she felt herself being lowered, and she squeezed her eyes shut, gasping as her feet broke the icy surface of the water. She braced herself, waiting for the frosty swell to engulf her entire body, but, miraculously, it never did. Tentatively, Marissa opened her eyes and was startled to find that Seth had deposited her in ankle deep water.

"I'm not that cruel." Seth held up his hands as she shot him a glare. "Besides, you'd have killed me if I got your camera wet. I know that thing is worth more than my entire apartment."

"That was not funny!" Marissa roared, trying her best to sound angry despite the flicker of amusement in her eye, whacking him upside the head with the back of her hand.

"Ow!" Seth grabbed his head in mock pain, eyes searching behind him for Nate and Lucy. "Help me out here guys!"

Nate and Lucy moved slowly through the water toward them, mischievous smirks on their identical faces and Marissa narrowed her eyes. "Don't even think about it." She warned them teasingly. "If you love your mother at all, you'll stop right there!"

The twins looked at each other, as if considering it. Then all at once they broke into simultaneous sneers and leapt forward, bypassing Marissa and ensnaring themselves onto Seth. "Nobody tries to dunk our mommy and gets away with it!" Lucy declared, scuttling onto Seth's shoulders like a squirrel. "We have no choice but to bring you down!"

Marissa took the opportunity to escape to safety high up on the beach and joined a thoroughly entertained Summer and Sophie to witness Nate and Lucy drag Seth deep into the sea. Marissa watched the trio splash and play in the water with a smile on her face. Nate and Lucy were having so much fun and this was exactly the sort of scene she'd pictured when she'd agreed to come on this trip. Yet somewhere in the back of her mind was the nagging feeling that it should be Ryan out there throwing Nate and spinning Lucy around. It should be Ryan willing to go numb for his kids, Ryan timing them as they held their breath under water. And just like that she felt sad.

"Do you guys want to build a sand castle?" She asked Summer and Sophie, desperate to keep herself busy.

"Yeah!" Sophie agreed enthusiastically, rummaging through a bag for the buckets and shovels and Marissa felt relieved. She needed to distract herself. She needed to keep herself busy. Otherwise the memories were too strong, too much for her to bear.

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"Feeling any better?" Marissa questioned Lucy, rubbing the little girl's skinny arms with her own and snuggling her more tightly into her body.

"Mmhm." The child stammered through chattering teeth and Marissa sighed, lifting a mug of hot chocolate to her daughter's lips. She had asked the kids to come out of the water after 20 minutes but they had insisted that they felt fine and they were having so much fun that she'd allowed them to keep swimming. It was only when she'd noticed Nate was shaking so badly he could barely walk and Lucy was stuttering that she'd forced them to come to shore and had wrapped them in all the blankets and towels she could find. Now, sitting in the diner for lunch Marissa hoped that warm dry clothes and a hot drink would be enough to get the twins back to normal. She glanced across the table to Summer who had Nate on her lap, his lips tinged blue from cold, and felt even worse.

"I knew I shouldn't have let you stay in there for so long!" She worried, pulling the hood of Lucy's sweater over her blonde head, sticky with salt from the ocean. "You're both going to get sick and it will be all my fault!"

"I'll be sure to send you my hospital bill." Seth said icily and Summer whacked him while Marissa rolled her eyes, pointedly ignoring him.

"But mommy, it was so fun!" Nate beamed at her, a hot chocolate moustache clinging to his upper lip. "Can we go back tomorrow?"

"Let's stick to the pool from now on?" Seth suggested, blowing on his fingers to warm them. "Or better yet, the hot tub. Hypothermia two days in a row may be too much for my old body to handle. "

"I told you not to swim in winter!" Sophie chastised them with a slight shake of her head. "But none of you would listen. And now your skin in blue." She leaned back against Seth's chest as though satisfied that this discolouration was punishment enough.

Lucy raised her fingers to her face, examining them carefully. "Do I have to go to the hospital mommy?" She asked, both concerned and intrigued. "I don't want to be blue forever!"

"You won't be." Marissa assured her. "A few more sips of hot chocolate and some food in your belly and you'll be good as new."

"And look, right on time!" Summer directed the children's attention to the waitress, making her way toward them with a platter of burgers and chilli fries. "Wait till you try these burgers, they are the best in all of California!"

"I've eaten here before!" Sophie chattered taking an enormous bite of her lunch and continuing to talk through a mouthful of food. "Ryan used to take me here whenever he visited from college!"

"You've been here with daddy?" Nate and Lucy looked up from their plates with interest and, once again, Marissa felt horrible. Though they had only been in Newport one day, everything, from the beach to Kirsten, seemed to remind her of what Nate and Lucy had missed out on on her account and Sophie's frequent stories about her and Ryan were the worst. The little girl clearly adored her big brother and, from what Marissa had heard, he'd been great with her from the moment she was born. If only she'd learned that sooner, Marissa tried to tell herself, she would have told him earlier. She wouldn't have kept the children from him for so long, or so she liked to think. Seth and Summer sensed her shift in mood and hastened to steer the conversation in a different direction.

"Are you guys excited to meet grandma Julie tonight?" Summer asked the twins cheerily and they nodded enthusiastically.

"We're going to aunt Julie's tonight?" Sophie looked delighted.

"Not you Soph." Seth said gently. "Not this time. Tonight is just for aunt Julie to meet Nate and Lucy. But you'll see her soon, maybe even tomorrow!"

Sophie pouted. "But we're still going to get the Chrismukkah tree right? Mommy said we would! She promised!"

"We're still going." Summer assured her. "Trust me Soph, I wouldn't let anybody cancel the most important shopping trip of the year."

"Phew!" Sophie wiped her brow in relief, causing Marissa and Summer to smile at her resemblance to Seth. "If we don't get it soon we'll have a tree-less Chrismukkah."

"I would never let that happen." Summer promised, trying to keep a straight face.

"Wait a second." Lucy spoke up, a look of intense concentration in her eyes. "How come our grandma Julie is her aunt Julie but we're all the same age?" she pointed at Sophie. "Mommy said aunt and uncle are the brothers and sister of your parents but grandma Julie isn't grandma Kirsten or grandad Sandy's sister, right?"

"It's so complicated I think we need a genealogist to figure it all out." Seth said seriously. "I mean Julie and Sophie aren't technically related at all, are they?" He looked to Summer and Marissa for help.

"What?" Sophie cried. "Aunt Julie's not really my aunt?" She looked up at the adults with a quivering lip.

"Ummm.." Seth hastened to come up with a response. "I...well...help me out here you guys!" He shot at the girls in desperation.

"Um well she is married to Dr. Roberts who is Summer's dad who is married to her brother so I guess she could be her..." Marissa trailed off. The little girl had been so good with their family relations earlier that day; she had been explaining it to her! She looked helplessly to Summer who sighed and rolled her eyes. "She's you aunt Sophie." She said firmly and nobody dared to contradict her.

There was a long pause before Nate's small voice rose cautiously from the silence. "Is she still our grandma?" He asked and the adults burst out laughing.

"Yes!" Marissa ruffled Nate's hair fondly. "She is definitely your grandma! Though she might prefer it if you call her aunt; she would hate to seem old!"

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Marissa sat crossed legged on the floor of the pool house in front of a mirror, all of the makeup she owned arranged in a circle around her. Since becoming a mother she rarely bothered to spend more than ten minutes doing her face every day and had mastered applying makeup in even less time but tonight was different. This was her first time seeing her mom in over five years and she wanted to look good. Summer had insisted that Julie was different now; that she wouldn't judge her or tell her off; that she had missed her so much that she wouldn't care about the details, as long as she had her back. Marissa didn't believe her.

Her mom was a meddler by nature, it was just the way she was. Even if she spent the whole evening smiling there would be clues; a disapproving tone, a raised eyebrow, an underhanded comment or two; that would give way to her true emotions. Julie Copper wasn't the type to forgive easily. She preferred to hold on to her anger, using it as ammunition if she needed something later on. Marissa knew this and she expected it. She was ready for it even. But she wasn't going to give her mother anything extra to pick on. If Marissa was being honest with herself, her main intention of the night ahead was to prove to Julie that she had done okay; that unlike her, who had also become pregnant at a young age, she had been able to take care of herself; that she hadn't needed a man. She knew her mom would be disappointed in her; that was a given. But she also wanted her to be proud. And she knew that perfect hair and makeup, an expensive outfit and two polite, well-dressed kids would be the way to get there.

Marissa loved her mother and she believed her best friend when Summer said she had grown a lot in the past five years. But she knew that no matter what, the elder Cooper woman would always be a snob. She had been a snob when Marissa was little, when she'd married Caleb and moved into the biggest house in Newport, and still when they had lost all of their money and been forced to live in a trailer. If that wasn't enough to bring her down off her high horse nothing was. Marissa was excited to see Julie, of course. She was her mother after all and she had missed her terribly over the years. But there was no way she was going over to that house unprepared. And that was why she had excused herself from putting lights on the Christmas tree to get ready. She needed to be perfect.

Marissa leaned in to line her upper lashes with a swipe of liquid charcoal and caught sight of a flurry of movement in the corner of the mirror. She turned to see a tiny figure standing in the doorway and instantly abandoned her makeup, holding out her arms. Lucy ran to her at once and Marissa noticed the look of irritation on her daughter's young face.

"What's wrong Lou?" Marissa gathered the little girl on her lap. "You don't want to play anymore?"

Lucy shook her head. "Sophie is annoying me."

"She is? I though she was your best friend."

"She is!" Lucy said in exasperation. "But ever since lunch time she keeps making me and Natey call her 'Aunt Sophie'." Marissa couldn't help but laugh and Lucy tried to pull out of her arms, a look of hurt engraved into her delicate features.

"Aw I'm sorry baby!" Marissa tried to hide her smile, pulling Lucy tighter to her chest to keep her from running away. "It's just, she is technically your aunt. Member how we said aunts and uncles are the brothers and sisters of mommy and daddy?" Lucy scowled but nodded.

"Well Sophie is daddy's sister." She explained.

"So I do have to call her aunt Sophie?" The child inquired, eyes narrowed, wearing a look of resign.

"No." Marissa stroked her hair. "You can call her whatever you want. Unless it's something mean." She added as an afterthought, knowing her daughter all too well.

"Okay." Lucy agreed, leaning her head on Marissa's shoulder and twisting a strand of her hair in her small fingers. It was a habit she'd had since she was a baby and usually meant she was tired.

"Do you want to have a little rest before we go to dinner?" Marissa asked cautiously, hoping the little girl wouldn't protest. "You must be tired after such a busy day!"

"No." Lucy said stubbornly, fighting off a yawn. "I'm not sleepy."

"You don't have to sleep." Marissa added quickly. "You could read some books? Or play on my ipad? I know you love that. Or maybe you could colour?"

"No." Lucy maintained, lifting her head from her mother's shoulder to survey her surroundings for the first time. "What are you doing mommy?" She picked up a nearby makeup brush with interest. "Are we doing makeovers?"

"No." Marissa frowned, watching Lucy deflate slightly at her words. "I'm just making myself look extra pretty tonight for Grandma Julie."

"But mommy you're always extra pretty." Lucy told her audaciously, grabbing a tube of lipstick and pulling off the cap. "Can I have some too?"

Marissa hesitated, touched by Lucy's words. "You can have some lip gloss before we go." She decided at last and the little girl clapped her hands in excitement.

"Are we going soon mommy? Can I get dressed now?" She leapt up from the floor.

"We're probably not going for another half hour or so." Marissa checked her watch. "But I guess if you promise not to get dirty you can get dressed. Do you know what you're going to wear?"

"My pearls!" Lucy answered promptly, pulling from her bag a miniature version of Marissa's favourite double stranded Chanel pearls, a gift from Summer last Christmas. "You wear yours too and then we can match!"

Marissa smiled at her eagerness. "Great idea Lulu! Why don't you find them for me?"

It was another three quarters of an hour before the group finally departed for the Cooper-Roberts' house. Seth drove and Summer sat next to him in the passenger seat, leaving Marissa to squeeze between the twins in the back. She hadn't even realized that she was fiddling with her necklace until Summer reached back from the front seat to pull it from her fingers. "Stop worrying Coop." She demanded, knowing instantly how Marissa was feeling without any words being said. "This is your mom. She loves you. Everything is going to be fine."

Marissa bit her lip. "I'm not nervous like I was with Sandy and Kirsten." She insisted. "I just don't want to have to tell the whole story again. I wish she'd been there the other night so this would all be behind us and we could have a nice dinner getting to know each other again without any drama."

Summer nodded sympathetically. "I know it's hard." She comforted her friend. "But your mom might not even want to hear an explanation. Tonight is all about her meeting Nate and Lucy. I doubt she'll want to spoil it with an argument." Marissa looked sceptical and Summer continued. Look, there will be plenty of time for the two of you to sit down together the rest of the holiday. How about for tonight we'll only tell her if she asks, okay?"

Marissa frowned but nodded in agreement, silently willing Seth to drive more slowly. She knew it was cowardly but she was afraid to face the people she'd left behind. Just looking at them made her feel guilty and any explanations she had always seemed like excuses. Still, she reminded herself, the worst was over. No matter how crazy her mother was she had never been able to compete with a disappointed Sandy Cohen and Marissa took comfort in that. It would be okay. Like Summer said, her mother loved her. And she would love Nate and Lucy too, Marissa was sure of it.

Despite her conviction a lump formed in her throat as Seth pulled into the drive way of the enormous white mansion. "Everybody ready?" He asked, speaking to all of them as he turned off the ignition but looking directly at Marissa. She swallowed and nodded. "Let's do this." Seth smiled at her and Summer squeezed her hand and she instantly felt better. Even if this did end badly she would always have Seth and Summer no matter what. They had been with her through everything and she was starting to realize that as long as they were by her side she would be okay.

As they approached the steps Marissa paused, turning to face her two children. She flattened Lucy's curls and straightened her white blouse, tucked into a pink high-waisted skirt. She tugged the strand of pearls free of Lucy's mouth and then adjusted Nate's blazer slightly, tucking in the end of the belt that held up his dark jeans. "There." Marissa said at last, standing back to survey them. "Perfect."

Nate and Lucy broke into identical grins and slipped their hands into Marissa's, the three of them hurrying to follow Seth and Summer up the walk way.

The door flew open just before Summer could reach it and Marissa barely had time to brace herself before she was hit with such a force that her hands were pulled free of those of her children.

"Marissa!" Julie sobbed into her hair, engulfing her in such a tight hug that Marissa stumbled backward, struggling to breathe. "I can't believe it's really you!" She pulled back to look at her daughter briefly before hugging her again. "I've missed you so much honey! So much. You have no idea."

Marissa could tell that the tears in her mother's eyes were genuine and she returned the hug with just as much vigour. "I've missed you too mom." She fought to hold in cries of her own, hit with the sheer truth of her own words. "I'm so sorry." And with that the two women burst into hysterical weeping, gripping each other tightly, oblivious to the onlookers.

Marissa had never allowed herself to dwell too much on her mother when she'd been in New York and was, for the first time, accepting just how painful it had been to be without her. They had argued a lot in her high school years but all of that seemed so trivial now, so miniscule compared to the years they'd spent apart. In that moment she deeply regretted ever leaving Newport. They may be dysfunctional but she and her mom were family and she knew that now that they were reunited, nothing would ever tear them apart again. She wouldn't let it.

Julie wiped her eyes and blinked furiously, looking wildly around for the children. "Where are they?" She spoke earnestly, a hunger in her eyes. "Where are your babies Marissa?"

Marissa smiled through her tears, gesturing for Nate and Lucy, who had gravitated toward Seth and Summer when the crying started, to come over.

"Come here guys!" She called to them, sniffing loudly. "It's okay, we're crying because we're happy to see each other. Come meet your grandma Julie!"

The twins exchanged a brief look of hesitation but eventually obliged and came to stand solemnly at her side. "Mom," Marissa began, scooping the kids into her arms. "These are your grandchildren, Nathaniel and Lucy." She beamed as her mother's eyes lit up. "Guys, this is your grandma Julie."

Julie was momentarily speechless and stood gazing at the children for a full minute before regaining her ability to articulate. "They're so beautiful." She said softly, looking from one to the other intently. "They look just like you Marissa." Marissa smiled. This was going much better than she expected. Julie leaned down, speaking directly to the twins. "Can I hug you?" She asked guardedly, as though afraid they would reject her. To her relief Nate and Lucy agreed, reaching toward her from their place in Marissa's arms and allowing her to embrace them. Julie savoured the hug, eyes filling with tears again. She may not know her grandchildren yet, but she already loved them. Wiping her eyes swiftly as she pulled away, Julie smiled. "How about we go inside and meet your grandpa Neil?" She suggested, grasping Nate and Lucy's hands the instant Marissa set them on the ground. "He's just putting dinner in the oven but he's so looking forward to meeting you."

"Okay Grandma." Nate and Lucy said in unison and Julie laughed as she led the group into the house. "Guess I can't have the position without the title, huh?" She looked back at Seth, Summer and Marissa, shaking her head. "Oh well. At least Kirsten's got it too."

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Kirsten leapt up the second she heard the car pull into the driveway and hurried to the foyer to open the door. "Hey!" She greeted them cheerily as they filed into the house, Nate and Lucy first, followed by Seth and Summer and Marissa bringing up the rear. "How did it go?" She spoke nonchalantly but, in reality, had been worrying since the moment they left. Julie was her best friend but sometimes the woman could be a little tactless and Kirsten was afraid that she would give Marissa a hard time, or that she would make the evening about herself and how she'd been wronged, rather than her grandchildren.

"It was good." Marissa answered, helping the twins out of their jackets and shoes. "Really good actually. She loved Nate and Lucy."

Kirsten sighed in relief. "Of course she did!" She hugged the children fondly. She had worried for nothing. Not even Julie was immune to twin cuteness after all. "And what did you think of her?" She questioned Nate and Lucy, taking their hands and leading them to the living room where Sandy and Sophie were waiting. "Grandma Julie is great!" Lucy professed, climbing into Sandy's lap, much to his delight. He had officially met the twins when he came home from work earlier that day and had instantly fallen in love with them. Fortunately, they seemed equally taken with him and had spent the whole afternoon at the tree farm jabbering away at him, even little Nate, who, Marissa had told him, was usually pretty quiet. "She gave us presents!" Lucy continued excitedly. "And we got cake for dessert."

Nate nodded, clambering onto the couch next to Sophie. "Uh-huh." He agreed. "She's really nice."

"I'm so glad!" Kirsten said genuinely, squeezing in between Nate and Sophie.

"Yeah." Marissa conceded, taking a seat on the opposite couch. "My mom actually wants to come over here tomorrow to spend time with them." She sounded pleasantly surprised. "If it's okay with you guys of course."

"I think that would be great." Sandy said kindly and Marissa grinned, just opening her mouth to respond when Sophie, who had been waiting patiently for them to get home all night, couldn't contain herself any longer.

"Can we do it now, mommy? Can we decorate the tree? You said we could when they got home!" She jumped up and down excitedly, grabbing the boxes of ornaments stacked in the corner of the room and handing them out like presents. "Nate, Lucy, come on!"

The twins were by her side in an instant and the three of them delved into the boxes, not bothering to wait for permission. Sandy laughed at their enthusiasm and got up to help, setting up a small step ladder at the base of the tree so the children could reach higher. Kirsten got up to make hot chocolate and Marissa, Seth and Summer joined the kids on the floor, more than happy to partake in the first big Chrismukkah tradition of the year.

"Try not to climb this tree Lucy!" Seth teased, grabbing the little girl from behind and lifting her high into the air to place her ornament. She giggled uncontrollably and squirmed in his arms. "You're tickling me!"

Marissa smiled at the pair, choosing a box from the dozens that covered the living room floor and prying it open. The Cohen's had more ornaments than Marissa had ever seen in her life and it soon became obvious that not all of them would fit on the tree, although the children were going to try. Nate and Lucy were in awe of the decorations and gasped every time they opened a new box, turning to her in delight to show her what they'd found. Marissa had forgotten how into the festivities the Cohen family became; how big they liked to celebrate; and she realized, as the eight of them decorated the tree, that she had missed this. Their holiday celebrations in New York had been fun but relatively small, with just her and the twins trimming the tree, usually with ornaments they had made themselves. Even Christmas dinners had only ever been the three of them and Seth and Summer and while Nate and Lucy had never known anything else, Marissa was happy to be able to give them a real Chrismukkah experience this year; a real holiday surrounded by people who loved them.

She surveyed the tree, tall and full with springy green boughs and a lovely pine scent, coloured lights twinkling from the branches. "Nice tree." She complimented Summer, reaching into a box to retrieve an ornament and her best friend smiled proudly. "I know." She answered, stringing a red and green garland around its trunk. "Now get decorating Coop!"

Marissa obeyed, balancing on her toes to hang a sparkly snowflake and smiling at Nate who was perched atop the stepladder, brow furrowed in concentration as he tried to position a snowman on the upper most branches of the tree.

"Ooopps!" He giggled as the string slipped from his fingers and crashed toward the ground.

"It's okay." Marissa assured him. "It didn't break."

She bent down to pick up the wooden ornament and unexpectedly found herself face to face with the wide smiles of Ryan and Taylor as they gazed loving at one another inside the frame of a photograph stuck awkwardly in one of the boxes of Christmas decorations. Marissa momentarily forgot what she'd been doing and reached forward to pluck the picture from the box, bringing it close to her face to examine. It was a close up but Marissa could tell from the patch of blue water in the background that they were sitting by the Cohen's pool. Ryan was saying something, a smile playing on his lips and Taylor was laughing in response, her hand clutching Ryan's arm, both of them oblivious to the camera.

For the first time since the two of them had arrived back into her life Marissa considered the nature of their relationship before they'd moved to New York. Watching them together these past few months it had seemed to Marissa that Ryan was always agitated with Taylor, struggling to tolerate her needy behaviour. She had assumed that this was always the case with Ryan and Taylor and yet the photograph in her hand suggested something else.

Was it possible that they had once been happy together? That Taylor's frequent talk of her future with Ryan was not, in fact, idle dreaming but rather careful plans, once discussed by the two of them in conversations of excitement and possibility? If Ryan hadn't gotten transferred to New York would he and Taylor be married by now? Would they be starting a family of their own? Marissa had never really taken Taylor's claims that she was ruining their relationship seriously because she refused to believe that Ryan's infatuation with the other woman was more than a temporary lapse in judgement but in that moment she suddenly found herself feeling guilty.

She hadn't actively set out to break Ryan and Taylor up but she hadn't been much help to their relationship either. She knew she loved Ryan but looking at the photograph she found herself questioning whether he would be better off with her and the twins or with Taylor. He looked so happy and carefree in the picture, something that could rarely be said about him when he was with her.

"Mommy!" Nate whined and Marissa was instantly pulled from her trance, jumping to her feet, the photo still clutched in her fingers.

"Sorry baby." She said hastily, handing the ornament to the little boy and then rushing to return the picture to the box.

"Oh I've been looking for that photo!" Kirsten smiled, coming to stand behind Marissa. "It must have fallen in their last year when we were taking the decorations down." She paused, catching sight of Marissa's vacant expression and sighed. "I've been meaning to ask you how it's been going with Taylor." She said softly. "I noticed you failed to mention her during yesterday's chat".

"It's been fine." Marissa said evenly and Kirsten raised her eyebrows, taking the younger woman's hand and steering her out to the patio, where they could still see the flurry of activity going on inside the house. Summer watched them go curiously, turning away after a brief instant to help place an ornament. Marissa sighed, not in the mood for any more heart to hearts but followed Kirsten's lead, taking a seat in one of the plush wicker chairs, eyes still focused on the children inside.

"When Ryan and Taylor first started dating I was surprised as anyone." Kirsten began softly. "It's not that I don't like Taylor- she's a nice girl- but she can be overbearing and Ryan is always so quiet and closed off. At first I think that's what he liked about her. She took control of their relationship from the beginning, planning all of their dates, arranging their get-togethers with friends and all Ryan had to do was follow her instructions. It was easy to make her happy; easy to spend time with her and that wasn't something Ryan was used to." Marissa blushed slightly at this but said nothing.

"Ryan got used to the safety and comfort of being with Taylor." Kirsten continued. "And what we all thought would be a rebound relationship, not lasting more than a couple weeks, grew more and more serious." She paused, gazing at Marissa who had her eyes downcast to the ground. "Taylor has been good for Ryan." She admitted gently. "And we've all grown to love her. Because of her Ryan is much more lighthearted and sometimes even funny. He's less reluctant to talk about his feelings, though he still doesn't say much, and seems more relaxed. And yet despite all this, I don't think they're meant to be."

Marissa slowly lifted her head at these words, frowning questioningly at Kirsten. "Ryan and Taylor haven't had many fights over the years," she explained, "but all of them have been about you. Ryan never fully got over you and it made Taylor very insecure. He refused to throw out all his old pictures of the two of you and Taylor once told me that anytime they travelled he would search through phonebooks and newspapers looking for you. He didn't think she knew. "

Something about Kirsten's soothing, kind voice cracked Marissa's facade and she found herself aching to tell her everything. "I don't know Kirsten," she said uncertainly. "When we first started hanging out again Ryan and I got really close and I thought we were getting back together. He never even told me he had a girlfriend! Then out of the blue Taylor showed up and Ryan stopped spending as much time with me. He refused to acknowledge what happened between us and started acting really weird." She glanced at the children in the living room, running around happily, oblivious to their mother's inner turmoil, and then turned back to Kirsten.

"Sometimes I catch him looking at me strangely or he says or does something that the old Ryan would and I think he must still love me and then two minutes later he'll be saying we need to spend time apart or we're better as friends or it's not fair to Taylor. I don't know what to think anymore, I'm so confused." She spoke shakily. "When Taylor first came to New York I hated her. Even though I was the one getting in between her and Ryan, I saw it the other way and blamed her for ruining my plans to give Nate and Lucy a proper family. Eventually she and I managed to put our differences aside and I realized that I actually like Taylor. Like you said, she's nice and she was there to help all of you move on after I ran away. And despite everything that has happened she cares about Nate and Lucy. I could never hate anyone who is there for my kids. Now I see that it was Ryan I was angry at all along. I despise him for stringing both Taylor and I along and refusing to make a choice. He knows we both love him."

"He's just scared." Kirsten defended her son. "He had a difficult childhood and he just wants what's best for Nate and Lucy. Don't give up on him yet."

"I know." Marissa said firmly. "He's a great father to them and I love him for it. He was so upset that I didn't want him to come here with us." She sighed. "But while he's in a relationship with Taylor he has to actually act like he is. His indecisiveness is just too painful. Nate and Lucy don't deserve it, and neither do Taylor and I."

Kirsten nodded. "I get it." She said. "I'm proud of you for putting the children before yourself. But let me ask you this- if Ryan came to you tonight and said that it was over with Taylor, and that he wanted to be with you would you go to him?"

Eyes fixed on Nate who, with Sandy's help, was putting the star on the tree, Marissa sighed but didn't hesitate. "Every time."