What?

I.

"While I appreciate yer concern, Mr. Sulu, I think the Jeffries tube might be a wee too small for three people, and I need the ensign's freakish brains for these particular repairs."

"Oh," said Sulu, trying to ignore the hot-as-fuck blush he could feel creeping up his face.

"Is just, you know, too many cocks," explained Chekov.

Sulu felt like he'd been punched in the stomach.

"I see," he said shortly, and stormed out of the room.

Chekov frowned a little, looking hurt. "Did I say the wrong thing, Mr. Scott? Mr. Scott?"

Scotty was too busy howling with laughter to reply.

"Cooks," he gasped, wiping away tears. "It's 'too many cooks,' laddie."

II

The night shift on the bridge continued to get more and more boring the deeper they progressed into Deep Space 4.

"I can't stand this anymore," Sulu announced after a long silence, knocking his head back on his chair. "If Kirk doesn't reassign us to when there's actually people here, I'm gonna go crazy."

Chekov tried not to keep staring at Sulu's Adam's apple. "We could... play games? I have games programmed here. Or, eh, take walk around bridge? Or, whatever you would like, Mr. Sulu, do you have any suggestions?"

Sulu sat up and looked Chekov right in the eye.

"Fuck me," he said slowly.

Chekov's jaw dropped.

"I forgot to feed Quincy's cat! Holy shit, he's going to kill me. I'll be right back, shit, shit."

Chekov stared at the closed turbolift doors and tried to start breathing again.

III

"...because then in the last movie, Palpatine tries to make Luke turn to the dark side, and he almost does, but then he's like 'no, I am a Jedi, like my father before me.' So then Palpatine tries to kill him but at the last second Vader finally turns good and sacrifices himself for his son. So he's redeemed, you know?"

Chekov nodded, spellbound.

"I'm sorry," said Sulu, plunking down next to Chekov on the bed with a little laugh. "I know this must be really boring."

"I am not bored," said Chekov, looking into his eyes. "I am never bored with you."

Sulu swallowed a little.

"Hikaru?"

"Y-yeah?"

"I think I have smash on you."

Sulu started to furrow his eyebrows, but then Chekov was kissing him, pushing him back on the bed and climbing on top of him and he couldn't remember what he was thinking about.

IV

"Pavel," whispered Sulu. "I... I'm gonna come."

With a slurp, Chekov backed off. "To the physics conference?" he asked eagerly. "Ah! Ow! Hikaru, that was my eye!"

V

When he was done with the shower, Chekov walked in to find Sulu talking to his grandmother over the vidscreen.

"Ee, omoshirokatta," he was saying. When he noticed Chekov was back, he gave him a grin and a wave. "Eh?" he said, turning back to the screen. "Sono hito wa? Boku no tomodachi. 'Pavel' da."

Pavel looked up, raising his eyebrows.

"Hai, Obaachan, ichi-ban tomodachi," Sulu was saying. He looked a little red.

Sulu's grandmother said something that had a definite teasing lilt to it.

"Obaachan!" Shocked, Sulu covered his eyes. Cackling laughter could be heard from the vidscreen.

After a minute, Sulu dropped his hands in defeat. "Haihai," he grumbled, "hontou. Suki da."

He looked over to Chekov again, and their eyes met.

"Daisuki da," he finished softly.

After he'd said goodbye, Sulu got up and lowered himself onto Chekov, straddling his hips and holding his face in both hands.

"Sorry about that," he said. "We weren't insulting you or anything, I just said --"

Chekov drew him down into a long, long kiss, lapping at his lips between breaths.

"I understood perfectly," he told him, panting. "Ya tebya lyublyu, too."