Title: A bath
Author: Mika Kashii Haine
Band: The Gazette
Pairing: Uruha x Kai
Rating: PG15
Genre: Angst
Chapters: One shot / drabble
Warning: Character deaths, language, un-beta'ed
Disclaimer: Do not own anyone.
Summary: But on your own you fought against the unknown in your body.
Note: I just found this little drabble. So I finished it up. And here's the result. I'm not pleased with it. But that's because I think about the meaning I had for writing it. I don't think I could write the despair I wanted it to have hanging over it. But please comment!

Hah, this is really ironic. I think. Or maybe I am messing with the words again. I've done that a lot lately. Had I only known, Kai. But how could I know when you never said anything? I'm too absorbed inside my head. Never outside in the world enough to notice such things. How could you not get anything? You know? That night. When I went into the bathtub. It really was just to relax.

I lied there for quite some time. Didn't think about anything. Had neither strength nor will to reach for the magazine on the counter. My brain couldn't think anymore about the thoughts that crashed over and over and over again inside my head like waves crashing on the shore. Everything was just extremely tiresome or just nothing at all.

You have got to understand that it was no one's fault, Kai. I thought you were going to die. And like hell I wanted to die after you. Only the thought brings my heart so much pain it's twisting and turning and is on the edge. Honestly, did you think I would let myself go through that kind of hurt? I dared to hope you knew me. I needed someone who needed me. Or was it really me in reality that actually needed someone?

No matter how many times I whisper in your ear that it's not your fault. I can write it a thousand times in a letter. Or scream for the world to hear. But you'd still not believe me, would you? Would you believe the first thins I want to tell you? How much I really do love you. Or the second, of how it's not your fault at all. Please forget me. I was only your band mate. And a band mate of the same sex. I could never have a really important meaning in your life. In the end there would come someone who loved you, and would care for you. I would only be in the way. A bother to you. I wish you good luck.

You survived the cancer that had intruded in your body until the point where everyone else had lost hope. You got the treatment, in vain. But on your own you fought against the unknown in your body. Wasn't that actually easy? Now that you can do something like that, nothing should weigh you down, or make you stop. Just keep walking as the proud man you are. With your shoulders down, and your back straight with your head raised high. And know you're a respectable, grown man who can fight with his own two hands, even be passive and still win.

There's so much I want to tell you. And I could keep going, but that would only make it more painful. The tears would eventually fall upon the memories. So with this, I write the ending and I hope for the best.

Sayonara.

"But I... I loved you too.." He whispered while he cried once more. Memories hunting him. And he knew he would never be able to go on.

Falling down on his knees, beside the bathtub in the sickly white bathroom of the guitarist. His sobbing echoing off the walls. Tears crashing down and fucking up his handsome face. Unable to look anymore at the view that met him just some minutes ago. This tall lean body engulfed with cold water, blue and eyes wide open. Staring at the ceiling.

Making one wonder... What was the last he saw before he drifted so calmly.. so selfishly away?