Summary: These are the voyages of the Wizard Ship Rotfang. Its continuing mission: to blunder aimlessly through the galaxy, leaving chaos in its wake. It's captain: Harry Potter. HP/SG1.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling; Stargate belongs to MGM.

Harry Potter: Space Wizard

Captain's Log, Wizard Ship Rotfang. Stardate: April 43rd, 2005.

After 6 months of boredom cruising around the solar system, we are finally being let off the leash! The new Portkey drive is installed and ready to be tested. Truly amazing what those Unspeakables come up with. Our first extra-solar journey is to be a short trip to the closest star system to Sol, Alpha Centauri. Once there we will take some photographs, have a small afternoon tea (Number One has brought some of Mrs. Weasley's clotted cream for the scones!) and zip back home in time for dinner. I am completely confident that absolutely nothing will go wrong.

Captain Harry Potter smiled as he put down his quill. He slid open a draw in his plain wooden desk and put the hefty log book in. Today was the big day! Of course, he'd been in space for 6 months already, but in Harry's opinion, a space ship wasn't a space ship until it could travel faster than light. And a captain wasn't a real captain until he had sex with an alien.

Harry was looking forward to the aliens. And the space fights. He had been itching to try out the cannons for weeks. Lulled by the soothing swaying of the ship, Harry was about to drift off into a day dream when there was a knock at the door to his cabin.

"Enter," said Harry. The door's hinges creaked as it swung open, and Harry's number one, the red haired Commander Ron Weasley, strode purposefully into the room and saluted. Harry stood up and saluted back.

"The crew is ready, Sir, and Minister Shacklebolt has given us a go," said Ron, still standing at attention in perfectly pressed red robes.

"Excellent!" said Harry, "Then let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure!"

Ron blinked.

"Another of Dumbledore's lines, Harry?"

Harry blushed and cleared his throat.

"Yes, well, shall we proceed?"

"As you say, sir."

"And I do say!" cried Harry. He put on his tri-cornered hat and with surprising speed he rushed to the cabin door and flung it open. A stiff and salty sea breeze met them as they walked out onto the ship's deck.

The ship was a large one, with three masts. The captain's cabin was at the rear of the ship, and Harry could see all his crew running about the deck, securing ropes, washing the floor and doing all sorts of other sailory things. The sails were currently rolled up, but the ship looked magnificent when they were down, sailing elegantly through space, a strong wind at its back. The Ministry of Magic had wanted to create an authentic experience, complete with swaying ship and the smell of the sea.

"Avast!" shouted Harry over the cries of the seagulls, and the crew looked up to await orders. Ron looked at Harry weirdly. "Man the rigging! Let loose the sails! Prepare the Portkey drive! And someone make sure the crumpets are on board!"

The crew burst into action, moving efficiently to secure the crumpets. Harry was very proud of his crew. They had become like family over the past 6 months. Except Demelza. Because that would be like incest.

"Right," said Harry, "I think it's about time we got underway. To the bridge!"

The bridge was located above the captain's cabin on a raised platform, overlooking the rest of the ship. At its centre was a large glass globe, floating a few feet off the floor, within which was a real time moving model of the entire galaxy. Next to the model was a giant lever, and on the other side a traditional ship's steering wheel, manned by a house elf.

Harry drew his wand and pointed it at the model, which zoomed in on a binary star system near the outer edge of the galaxy. A flowing script appeared next to the star, spelling out the words "Alpha Centauri".

"Excellent, we have a target lock!" said Harry. He tapped his wand on the globe, and it froze in place as if time had stopped. "Ron? Are we clear to go?"

Ron took a small mirror out of his pocket and said "Engine Room". The mirror shimmered for a moment before a woman's face appeared in it, a pretty woman with bushy brown hair and a large grin.

"Unspeakable Hermione, is the drive prepped?" asked Ron, speaking into the mirror.

"Yes sir, prepped and target locked!"

Ron looked up at Harry.

"Portkey drive ready to engage, sir,"

"Excellent, Number One. Now, let's us go forth into the next great adventure."

"Er, Harry, isn't the next great adventure de-"

Ron never managed to finish his sentence, interrupted by Harry cranking the oversized lever. The ship glowed a bright blue and then seemed to collapse in on itself, for the outside observer disappearing from space in a blue flash.

For the crew of the ship, the Portkey was far more dramatic. The ship gave a lurch and the world seemed to give way to a multicoloured vortex of swirling lights. Everyone's hair stood on end as if electrocuted, and all anyone could hear over the roaring winds was the sound of their captain laughing.

The ride lasted all of 15 seconds before the ship snapped back into normal space. Before anyone could do anything, there was a bright orange flash, a crashing sound and the ship rocked with an impact.

"We're under attack!" shouted Harry dramatically, saying the first thing that came into his mind.

Miraculously, he was correct. A single look over the side of the ship was enough to confirm Harry's exclamation. There, floating massive above them, was the unmissable view of the planet Earth. But this was not the Earth they had just left behind, for it was surrounded by over a hundred pyramid-shaped spaceships, all shooting thousands of orange spells down at the planet.

One of the ships, however, had spotted the Rotfang and was firing upon it, their orange attack spells dissolving as they impacted the ship's shield charm.

Anyone else might have been shocked into action by this sight. But not Captain Harry Potter. It was time for his first space battle.

"Avast, you scurvy dogs! Action stations! Load the cannons!" he shouted, drawing a cutlass from within his robes and waving it in the air. This time no one had the time to look at him strangely. The crew was rushing around, taking up the sails and going below to the cannons.

"Kreacher!" Harry shouted, and the House Elf at the wheel saluted.

"Yes, Master!"

"Bring us about broadside alongside that ship," he said, pointing his sword at the ship that was still pummelling them with bolts of energy. "Number One, I want you below, take charge of the cannons. Fire on my command."

Ron ran to the hatch leading to the cannon deck, leaving Harry alone with Kreacher on the bridge. The ship's shield appeared to be holding well, with the much larger spaceship's spellfire completely ineffective. Nevertheless, it was very disconcerting to be fired upon.

"Cannon's ready, sir!" cried a voice from the mirror in Harry's pocket. Harry grinned. Kreacher had put the ship into perfect position.

"FIRE!" shouted Harry, and his call was repeated down the ship. Fifty loud bangs echoed from below and fifty streaks of red light shot out from the side of the ship: powerful blasting curses. They sailed across space in perfectly straight lines before impacting the side of the alien ship in fifty huge explosions. The enemy ship didn't even have a shield charm!

Harry laughed a maniacal laugh and the enemy's ship began to list. Soon enough secondary explosions appeared all over the enemy ship, and inevitably it exploded in one final flash of fire.

"Yes! Now Mr. Kreacher, take us right into the battle: I can see their flag ship, bring us right up against it."

A Few Moments Ago, USS Prometheus

"General Hammond, Sir!" said the helmsman to George's left, just as he was about to order ramming action at Anubis' mothership.

"Lieutenant?"

"Sir we have a new bogey - it just appeared out of nowhere."

George frowned, but felt a slither of hope. Maybe one of their alien allies had come to aid them. They were, after all, allied with the Asgard.

"Goa'uld?" he asked, wondering what difference one ship could make.

"No sir, it matches no known configuration. Wait a moment, sir, it just engaged and destroyed a Ha'tak in seconds!"

"Give it to me on screen."

The helmsman nodded and pressed a few buttons on his computer, bringing up a visual image of the new ship - and a ship it was. The entire Prometheus bridge was silent in shock.

There, sailing through space, was an honest to God 17th century ship of the line. With sails. Actual sails. And open to space. George could see tiny little people - humans - walking on the deck.

Someone seemed to find their voice.

"Sir, there's some kind of energy coming up from the planet! It's destroying the Goa'uld fleet!"

WSS Rotfang

Harry watched with dismay as streams of glowing golden squids passed through him and his ship as if they were not there, before crashing through the alien space fleet, destroying their ships easily. At least it was pretty, but Harry had wanted to order boarding action before the day was out.

Ron Weasley returned to the bridge.

"Report, Number One," said Harry, his cutlass forgotten.

Ron's eye twitched.

"The battle is over, captain, no injuries or damage. But Hermione says we're in an alternate universe, Harry."

"Wonderful!" said Harry, "did I not tell you we would have an adventure?"

Ron looked at Harry incredulously.

"Now, let's have that afternoon tea, shall we? And afterwards Hermione can figure out how to get us home."

Ron sighed.

"Yes sir."

A couple of hours later, George Hammond and his crew watched disbelievingly as the strange alien ship disappeared back to wherever it came from in a flash of blue, having not responded to any of their hails.

None of them would mention the strange space ship with sails and no hull in their after action reports.