Skif and Elspeth turned up the next morning, both pleased that Neave was awake and talking.

"How're you feeling?" asked Elspeth,

"Rotten." he said, "Listen, I'm sorry about..." he kept wanting to apologize to everyone involved.

Skif was shaking his head, "Enough of that. It wasn't your fault--magic can do strange things to the mind."

Elspeth nodded, "I think, if the Mage Barrier hadn't fallen, that door would have stayed closed always, because it was being fed through the Herald's Web. When it fell, the spell decayed and then broke much more quickly than it was supposed to. I'm just glad it didn't do any permanent damage." she stopped to take a breath, "We've seen a lot of what magic can do to people."

"Neave," said Skif awkwardly, "If you want to talk about...well, anything. Nyara and I...we...know some of what you're going through."

Neave nodded with a little smile. That certainly squared with some of the impressions he'd gotten from Nyara.

"We also have another friend who might be able to help..." said Elspeth hesitantly, "She's sort of a Healer."

"A mage?" asked Neave.

Elspeth nodded.

"I don't mind if you want to talk to them about it." said Neave slowly, "But...I really can't bear the thought of a stranger..." he shivered again.

Skif nodded as though this were what he expected Neave to say.

"We have to go, or I think Lizette and Talia will skin us for tiring you out." Elspeth said after a second, she stood and gave him a quick hug. Skif a hand clasp, and they left.

It was two days before Neave felt anything close to normal, physically. He did indeed feel like he was getting over a fever. The truth was, he hadn't felt this weak since the time Kyldathar had been wounded. For the first day, he just lay alternately dozing and staring at the ceiling. When his dreams got ugly, Kyldathar woke him as she always had.

Talia wanted him to regain some strength before they really tried to deal with the memories, she was cautious about risking sending him into shock again. She consulted with Darkwind and the other mages who had come with Darkwind, to try to understand what the door spell had done to damage his mind and what to do about it.

Talia had been very apologetic about talking to Darkwind against Neave's original wishes, but under the circumstances he couldn't really blame her. He shuddered to think of how close he came. If she hadn't have realized what he was about when she did, he might have cut his throat or thrown himself from a window. Whenever his thoughts inclined that way, Kyldathar answered him with a mental caress.

It was interesting staying with Lizette and Sabeera. Lizette seemed to enjoy looking after him. He guessed that he wasn't the only one who found looking after everyone else soothing.

In three days, Talia asked him if he felt ready to let her help him.

"I'll never be ready." he replied, "But, let's just go ahead, anyway."

She smiled a little at that. They sat in his room, Talia felt it would make him feel safer, and Kyldathar was right outside in the garden, should she be needed.

He sat cross legged on his bed and Talia pulled up a chair so that they faced each other. Neave trembled a little. Given his experiences with having these memories meddled with, he felt some apprehension was warranted.

"All right, Neave," Talia said in her soft voice, "I just need you to drop your sheilds."

"All of them?" he asked, nervously.

"That's up to you."

He nodded, having a sudden sharp recollection of helping her when she'd been so sick and hurt, and the trust she'd had in him. He took a deep breath and dropped his shields to let her in.

She reached out with her mental hand to take his.

It was a very difficult afternoon.

To remember what had been done to him bad enough. To remember what he had witnessed was worse. To remember what he had done, made him want to die all over again.

"Look at him," one of them had said, "I think he's enjoying this too much."

Powerless to control his own body, he retreated deeply into his mind.

This time he wasn't alone.

Talia and Kyldathar's bright presences stood by him, helped remind him of who he was and who he had decided to be. They reminded him that it was no sin to survive.

After a very long time, he opened his eyes to the world of the now and wept brokenly into Talia's shoulder. A long time after that, Talia put him into a tranced sleep so that his mind would continue to heal.

***

"How is he?" asked Dirk when he went looking for Talia in their rooms. She hadn't turned up at dinner, rather asked for someone to bring a tray up to her room, something she did only when she was exhausted.

She lay in their bed and Dirk sat beside her stroking her hair, "He'll be all right, soon." she said, "I can't believe what he's been walking around with, all this time." she shuddered.

Dirk lay down beside her to hold her. She turned over to return the embrace, "We owe him a lot." she said.

***

Over the next few days, Talia and Neave worked through the worst of his memories. It was awful, but when they finished each time, it seemed worth the trouble. His dreams were still troubled, but they didn't have the weight they used to have.

After some thought, Neave also decided to take Skif and Nyara up on their offer. It was helpful to talk to Nyara and feel less alone.

Talia, Dirk, Elspeth and Skif told anyone who asked them that Neave was recovering from a fever he picked up in the south. Neave figured that that was close enough to the truth. He found this out when he finally felt able to face people again, and staggered down to the common room. He was grateful for their discretion.

"Neave?" someone said, sitting down next to him, the second day he had come down for dinner.

He looked up to see Destria, "Oh you're back," he smiled at her.

"I heard you were sick." she said, concerned, "I've actually been back for a bit, but...well, they said you were too sick to visit."

"Yeah, it was pretty bad." he admitted.

"I can see that. Not like you ever have any weight to lose, but you're just skin and bone." She said, brushing his cheek with the back of her hand.

He smiled again and shrugged.

She shifted a little, "You look like you're about to fall over," she said, "If you're done, I can see you back to your room."

"I'd like that." he said,

She walked with him back to his room, not saying much. As if she had something to say but couldn't find the words.

When they got back to his room, Neave invited her in, as it seemed she still hadn't found her tongue.

"Oh, not if you're tired..." she began.

"I'm tired, but I'm also tired of my own company." he said, realizing it was true.

"I heard...I heard you've been spending time with one of the mages." said Destria, too-casually.

"Yes, Lizette." he said, "I stayed with her for the first couple days I was sick."

Destria's face fell a little, before she covered it, and the copper dropped for Neave. He hurried on, "Do you remember me telling you once, that there was a woman who sort of adopted me?"

"Yes." Destria said, not sure what he was talking about.

"That's Lizette. She'd fled a bad marriage and turns out she had a mage Gift. Went to one of the White Winds schools. When she found out that she could come back, she did." Neave smiled and shrugged, "She's not quite old enough to be my mother, but I guess she's like that, to me. She and her partner were good enough to look after me when I came down with whatever it was."

"Her partner?" asked Destria brightening.

"Yes, Sabeera. I suspect they're life bonded. That or they're just two mooncalves, still."

"Oh, that's nice." said Destria, smiling broadly.

A moment passed, "Neave...I wanted to ask you...I'm not sure if you maybe wanted to see me once in a while." Destria said a little wistfully, "I like you a lot..." she turned rather red.

Neave thought suddenly that he hadn't heard of Destria seeing anyone since Vostel died in the war. He also wondered if she felt awkward about approaching him because she'd been with Christa when Christa had died.

"Destria?" he interrupted her, "I'm not up to much other than sleeping, right now, but to be truthful I'd like some company tonight. Would you stay?" he leaned down and pulled off his boots and then sat back on the bed. He looked at her, "Please?"

She smiled back at him, sat beside him and took off her own boots, "I thought you'd kick me black and blue?" she teased.

"If I do, I'll go sleep on the floor," he promised.

He was tired, he just pulled off his shirt and breeches and crawled under the blankets. By the time she'd gotten into bed, he was almost dozing already. She crawled in beside him and put her arm around his waist. "Maybe tomorrow night, I'll have a little more energy." he said.

"I don't mind," said Destria softly, "I just like having someone to sleep with."

Neave's last vaguely surprised thought before he fell asleep was that, for the first time in fourteen years, he did too.

A/N That's it! Done! I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thanks for all the feedback. Let me know what you think of the whole thing.

A word though--a lot of what Neave's gone through (leaving out the fantasy elements) is taken directly from the stories of people I've known who are sexual abuse survivors. So, I'm just trying to say that it can eventually be okay. Though we don't have Mindhealers or Companions, that's what we have friends (and therapists and Prozac and angsty stories to read) for.