I do not own Shakespeare's works, or "I Kissed a Girl."

Lear: I KISSED A GIRL! AND I LIKED IT!

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Fool: Hey Lear…I can come to you for advice, right?

Lear: Yes, of course.

Fool: Can we talk, then? I really need some help.

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Edmund (Beginning of play): Who needs land and power when you can have…pancakes!

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Albany and Edgar: Hey! We're BOTH king! Hurrah!

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Fool: Argh! Why is everyone always so HAPPY?! It's a horrible world, you know! Just terrible!

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Lear (To audience): On this sun-lit August afternoon, I look out of the window of my sunny Florida condo where I retired to, and I recall the priceless memories of Father's Days with my lovely daughters.

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Cordelia: Girls, I love you both. You are the best sisters I could ever ask for.

Regan: Of course we are, darling!

Goneril: Group hug!

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Goneril: I'm going to become a nun!

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Edmund: So…you want to learn how to have a look that is both affordable and fierce…

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Lear: So why is everyone talking about me like I'm already dead?