DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Harry Potter series or the writing style from Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging series. If I did, I wouldn't be wasting time writing Fan-Fiction for myself, I'd be off making money.

Thursday, July 14

5:23 AM

I wish that I'd listened to my friends and I hadn't watched that bloody awful Muggle film about the number 23. Ever since I suffered through said movie, that number seems to follow me everywhere. See—5:23. And, 5 is 2+3. Agh.

It's positively maddening.

6:42 AM

Stiiill awake. I can't seem to sleep right now. This incessant beeping is driving me absolutely bonkers.

6:50 AM

Damn it. I think that I'm going insane. After all of these years living with my older brothers, I've finally gone loopy. The beeping has steadily grown louder and I've yet to find its source.

7:23 AM

Bloody hell.

Why couldn't it have been 7:24 or 7:22? Why did it have to be 7:23? Agg. I need to get to sleep sometime soon or else I'll be unable to function all day today. If that happens, Mum just might pronounce me sick and dote on me all week long.

The last time she did that, I swear I gained about 5 pounds.

7:30 AM

I just measured my hips and breasts.

Where the hell did they come from? Oh bloody hell, I'm turning into my Mum… only it's ten times worse because I'm only 16 AND I'm already nutters. She didn't go nutters until she'd raised 7 kids. She did have huge breasts and hips when she was my age, though. Curse you, genetics.

7:54 AM

I just drank a pepper-up potion even though I'm not sick. I hope the side effects won't be too drastic (it's not as if I actually pay attention in Potions class). I just want to be able to stay awake so that my Mum can't force 5 more pounds onto me.

7:55 AM

WHERE IS THAT BEEPING COMING FROM?

9:39 AM

I sat on the couch and got stuck to it. Turns out that the beeping was an invention of Fred and George (my older twin brothers)'s that went off while I was trying to read. Gits. Not only did they keep me awake all night long, but they also glued my bum to the ruddy couch. I got up eventually… but that was only after I'd threatened to hex off their unmentionables.

I wish that I had a sister. Life would be grand.

9:40 AM

Just pictured my brother Ron as a girl.

I change my mind.

Those with the ability of sight should be thankful I have brothers instead of sisters.

Good grief.

12:34 PM

Hmmm...

I wonder what it's like to be blind...

12:50 PM

... just ran around the house, trying to see what it would be like if I were blind. I may've broken a few things, but I don't think that my Mum should've grounded me like she did. I was just having fun.

She insists that I was being immature and unladylike. I told her not to insult the disabled.

1:24 PM

Dad is so weird. He just pulled me into the kitchen, insisting I "step into his office". He wouldn't even start talking until I mimed shutting an invisible door behind me.

He then sat me down and absolutely insisted I consider wearing a chastity belt for school in the fall. His argument was: "They're extremely fashionable"

At the eyebrow raise, he changed his story.

"I popped your Mum's cherry in her 6th year… and you look too much like her for me to want to take my chances."

Needless to say, I'm scarred for life.

2:12 PM

Holy randomness!

Mum 'bought' me a Chinchilla! She said that it looks enough like a rat for me to pass it off as one while I'm at school. She apparently got it from this man who looked glad to be rid of it. I dunno why. It's awfully adorable and also has the bonus of making Ron scream like a little girl whenever I 'accidentally' leave it sitting beside him.

I don't think that he ever got over the whole 'Scabbers-fiasco'…

2:30 PM

There's that bloody number again. Even Humphrey (my chinchilla) doesn't like the number. He pooped on my desk when the big numbers on my clock read 2:30. I don't care what my brother Percy says. Humphrey is an intelligent creature.

2:35 PM

There's never anything to do in this bloody house.

I think I'll take a nap.

Life motto- when all else fails, take a nap.

5:45 PM

I just woke up in a giant pool of drool that smelled like urine. Or maybe I had been sleeping in Humphrey-pee. Sod it all.

6:56 PM

Dinner in my house is an... odd experience. Mum and I sit back as the herd of males in my family attacks the table as if they'd been stranded in the desert for three months. I had been eagerly awaiting the day in which I'd finally get the table to just my Mum, Dad, me, and maybe Ron… but that day never came. Although Fred, George, Percy, Bill, and Charlie had long since moved out and started their lives elsewhere, they never stopped coming to dinner at The Burrow (That's what we call our humble abode). I threw the world's most convincing tantrum when I learned that Weasley dinnertime would always be the same. My family just ignored my talented acting and called me childish and selfish. Hmph. When I get a Muggle Grammy or whatever for my skills, I'll have remember to add some gloating into my acceptance speech.

8:56 PM

Oh dear Lord. 8:56. 8 minus 6 is 2 and 8 minus 5 is 3. TWENTY-bloody-THREE. I swear that this number will be the death of me.

9:32 PM

Ron just tried to have a serious talk with me for the second time in my whole life. It was him trying to convince me to listen to Dad and get the chastity belt.

Sod it all. My family is so paranoid.

10:34 PM

I'm lying in bed with a Chinchilla curled up on my pillow. I can't use my pillow now because Humphrey has claimed it as his own. My neck will probably hurt by tomorrow morning; when I don't sleep on a pillow, I always sleep in a contorted position that leaves me with a bloody crick in my neck. I'm so strange.

11:38 PM

I had a dream that I was sleeping in my bed. I woke up because I was so bored and then thought that I saw Humphrey tap dancing with my stuffed Quaffle. I'm never taking pepper-up potion again, no matter how sick or tired that I am.

11:57 PM

My Dad walked into my room with a chastity belt in his hands. When he saw that I was awake, he muttered 'damn it' and walked back out. I don't think that I'm going to be able to sleep until I have a serious talk with him and Mum together.

Friday, July 15

1:23 AM

Damn that number and its persistence. It just can't leave me alone.

1:25 AM

Humphrey ate half of my pillow. I'm kind of wondering if he can digest all of that.

2:35 AM

He could. And it's all over the other half of my pillow. Humphrey needs to be potty trained.

7:34 AM

Mum freaked out about the soiled half-pillow that she found in the rubbish bin. Now she's insisting that we get Humphrey a cage. I blatantly refused this. Humphrey wouldn't like being stuck in a cage. I told her that fat, hairy things didn't belong in cages and asked her how she would feel if I stuck her in a giant cage. I'm grounded again. Maybe I shouldn't have used that example in the same sentence with my chinchilla fact.

8:35 AM

I want to owl my friends Collin and Luna, but I'm grounded. That means no owl-usage or fun of any kind until my Mum pulls her head out of her giant arse and un-grounds me. For now, I've settled on putting on a puppet show for Humphrey.

8:40 AM

Humphrey's got this really weird gleam in his eye...

The way he's eyeing the puppets I'm making is kind of disconcerting.

11:43 AM

My parents just don't understand me at all. They yelled at me for throwing flower petals all over the house and chanting loudly as I did so. They then yelled at me for digging up the yard. It was necessary, though. Humphrey massacred the entire cast of my puppet show and I had to give them a proper funeral. Mum and Dad just wouldn't listen to my logic.

2:31 PM

I read a Muggle book that my Dad found about Chinchilla care and what to feed it. Apparently, my Chinchilla isn't normal. They supposedly have a very specific diet… yadda yadda yadda. Humphrey must be magical or something.

3:02 PM

Humphrey farted out purple gas. I think that he's most definitely a magical creature.

11:34 PM

My life is over.

If my parents loved me at all, they would ship me off to some third-world country, if only to spare me the embarrassment of continuing to live here.

For dinner, my Dad had to invite over a colleague of his from the Ministry of Magic (because he's a pushover), so we had to get all gussied up.

Mum forced me to wear this hideous pink thing that she called a dress and told me to act like a normal person for at least one night. For once, I actually decided to play nice and listen to her. Stupid mistake.

After helping prepare the meal, I walked out to the dinner table and almost choked on my own tongue. My father's colleague's son apparently couldn't have survived the night without bringing his friend with him—a friend who just so happened to be the sexiest guy that I'd ever laid eyes on. Ever.

I think I heard bird's singing a hallelujah chorus or however that saying goes. (How would birds sing that?)

Forgetting that I was wearing a hideous pink monstrosity for a dress and that I hadn't fixed myself up at all in an act of defiance towards my Mum, I pranced over to the table and smiled at the yummy boy. He just raised a perfect, blond eyebrow and smirked at me. Smirked. Honestly. Who does that?

Anyways, the gift-from-above stared at me long enough to make me nervous, so I blurted out the first thing that came to mind (which is never safe). What I said just so happened to be: "My Chinchilla farts purple!"

Realizing what I had said, I stood up to run away like the chicken that I am. What I didn't realize was that the lace holding up the top of my dress had gotten caught on a loose nail in the table. When I stood up, the whole front of my dress ripped off and everyone at the table got an eyeful of my neon green bra.

I ran upstairs and dove into my room like a Ninja, vowing to never talk to another person for as long as I live.

11:40 PM

Well, that's a bit rash...

I can't not talk to people. My mouth has a mind of its own… it would probably try to murder me if I ever ceased its usage. I'll just have to ask my Dad never to invite that colleague and his family over ever again.

I can't wait until this incident becomes distant enough to laugh at one day with family members.

Sod it all.

My life is insane.

[Humphrey farted out a special review button for you. Don't insult him. Use it. n_n]

_-Ketchupdtoytle-_