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Summary: The 5 accidental marriages of Jim T. Kirk and Leonard "Bones" McCoy. (And one real marriage.)

5 Times Bones and Kirk Accidentally Got Married and the One Time They Did It On Purpose

1.

It was a dumb planet.

While negotiating trade relations with this planet, the crew had been invited to a celebration. It was dark and the wine was flowing and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves.

And then Jim, the dumbass, had seen a local girl do some…thing with a wreath of flowers, a bowl of wine, and a stupid dance. And he thought that it would be hilarious to do it to him.

That was the first time they were accidentally married.

2.

The second time was actually on Earth, of all places.

They were visiting a Starfleet holding in Greece, and Jim had made some horribly offensive and stupid jokes. He had finally snapped and plucked a thorny rose out of the vase that was on the Admiral's table, and thrown it at Jim.

Jim caught it and smirked, and he launched himself at Jim like a teenager, furious. He managed to catch a hold of his arm, before being Jim dragged him around the table, in full view of the Admiral and several locals.

They'd remarked that they'd never seen a couple so passionate while marrying.

3.

He completely blamed Spock for the third time.

Spock had taken personal leave and was on New Vulcan to help with establishing a new Vulcan Science Academy.

So he got to go on the away team instead.

And when Jim had somehow turned his ankle, it was up to McCoy to carry him through the door into the room where the Kep'Tallites were waiting to again, begin negotiations with the Federation.

He couldn't slap his hand to his forehead hard enough when he found out that carrying someone over a threshold signified marriage.

He was getting really sick and tired of the wedding celebrations.

4.

The fourth time they were just drunker than hell on Romulan Ale and in their drunken stupor both thought that it would be a fantastic idea.

5.

On Carth 3 it was ridiculously simple.

Jim had picked up a rock that resembled quartz and had handed to him, asking him to check it out. McCoy had agreed that it was sort of nice-looking and handed it back to Jim.

When the local archaeologists had started offering congratulations and telling Jim that he'd picked a fine mate, McCoy just groaned and cursed Jim back to Delta Vega in his mind. This was the fifth Goddammed time!

1.

"I still don't get why you don't like the other weddings, Bones." Kirk said, as he lay beside his lover. "Are you just tired of being married to me?"

Bones sighed and kissed Jim on the top of his blonde-haired head.

"I love being married to you. Hell, I even love you, most of the time."

"Then what's with all the being pissed off at those accidental weddings?"

"Because not one of them is ever going to be as special and meaningful as the real wedding we had." Bones said, thinking back to the day when he had married Jim T. Kirk.

Their crew had been with them, supporting them. Admiral Pike had performed the ceremony on the Enterprise. And Bones couldn't remember a time when he'd been happier.

"It was a nice wedding." Jim agreed, snuggling closer into Bones' side.

"Happiest day of my life."

I hope you enjoy! Questions, comments, and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated!