Chapter 5

Extremely, you'd-better-not-ignore-this-it's-so important message from the author: Did you notice at the beginning of Chapter 4, Tootie pulls a Commander Shepard in one of her flashbacks? OMG I wrote this story WAY before Mass Effect 2 came out. THEY STOLE MY IDEA!!!

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Timmy groggily opened his eyes and rubbed his sore forehead, which was now sporting a bump the size of one of Cosmo's brain tumors. That's when he saw a Tootie being zapped with a beam of magic, courtesy of his godparents. Wait, he didn't make any wishes yet…

"Uhh, guys!?" Timmy called out to Cosmo and Wanda, who were disguised as birds and flying next to little Vicky. He still recognized them, meaning his memory wasn't wiped… but why were they obeying Vicky's commands? Unless… "Oh no, not again!" he thought as he recalled the episode this story pays homage to (improves upon). Vicky must have control of his godparents!

He watched in horror as he saw what Tootie could be subjected to. Turned into a pig? Pimples all over the face? If he was one of FOP's new season's writers, he would have made a joke about that being an improvement for Tootie. Thankfully, he wasn't that much of a douche.

When the smoke cleared however, Tootie was standing in… Full combat fatigues? Wielding a gun… nay…. Portable CANNON, with a belt feed of water balloons. Shortly afterward, Timmy heard another magic poof, and Vicky was in a similar set up, with the exception that she was holding a gun with a longer barrel. A water balloon sniper rifle, ideal for little Vicky's position high up there in the tree.

"Revenge!" Vicky shouted, clenching her fist in the air, before taking aim with the sniper. She zoomed the scope in on Timmy's head. "Throughout all of our history, you boys have pelted us with the water balloons! Now it's your turn to soak in shame and embarrassment!" Taking a deep breath before her shot, Vicky squeezed the trigger. A water balloon shot out from the head of the barrel, spiraling in the air so fast it made a whistling noise, before it smack Timmy right in between the eyes and soaked him with water.

"Argh, alright, you win!" Timmy cried as he 'surrendered' to Tootie, who was standing a few feet from him with her own weapon locked on Timmy's head. He approached Tootie and asked, "What are you doing? Why are you siding with Vicky?"

"I don't know, something strange happened to her. I took advantage of her at first, but I felt bad…" she whispered to Timmy. "So I thought I'd treat her nicely, so maybe when she changes back she'll be good. If she changes back." She lowered her cannon to her side.

"Vicky will be okay," he assured, "but those birds that are helping her are the only ones who can return Vicky to normal. They can do crazy things to us, to me, if she isn't careful!" Timmy warned her.

"I… I think I saw those birds on my birthday. They can do magical things!" Tootie exclaimed.

"Yeah, they are are, uhh, birthday birds!" Timmy lied to her. "Oh man I'm good at making up stuff. I wonder how much money I could make coming up with stupid ideas."

Meanwhile, somewhere in Hollywood, Butch Hartman was relaxing on a yacht in his ocean sized swimming pool of money, lounging on a waterbed filled with children's tears and surrounded by many beautiful women. He turns to you, looks you directly in your eyes, and then bursts out laughing "You thought I cared? You- You! You stupid!- you stupid hahahahaHAAHAHA!!" he laughs himself to tears and buries his face in his palm.

"What are you doing!?" Vicky yelled down from the tree at Timmy and Tootie. "SHOOT HIM SHOOT 'IM SHOOT EM SHOOT-" she repeated quicker and dumber each time.

"Alright, here's the deal." Timmy spoke quickly to Tootie, "Go along with her, let her have a good time, that's the only way those birds will go away."

"Okay." Tootie acknowledged, "Anything for you, Timmy!" she blushed, before raising her cannon, "Now GET ON YOUR KNEES!"

Timmy dropped to his knees and put his hands behind his head like a prisoner.

"This prisoner has committed a serious crime, being an icky boy!" Tootie went over the 'charges' to Timmy, "The punishment: TORTURE, by water boarding of course."

Tootie raised her weapon and put it to his head, "Any last requests?"

"Besides stop following me around the hall at school between classes?" Timmy asked.

"Real funny!" Tootie retorted, "So be it… by the power vested in me by girlhood, I hereby declare you soaked." She smiled at him, "Good bye, my love-"

"Too slow!" someone shouted as Tootie was hit with a water balloon, causing her to flinch long enough for two boys to grab Timmy and pull him away, into one of the craters that Vicky's firecrackers had made earlier. Timmy identified the boys, "Chester? A.J.? What are you guys doing here?"

"We heard explosions!" A.J. explained, "We had to check it out!"

"Yeah, besides, did you see how Tootie got owned earlier? I wanted to see if she was still crying about it!" Chester added. That made Timmy burn a little and grit his teeth. Chester was always such a Tootie hater. Fact. As in his only actual spoken dialogue to her on the show is mean comments, so there is not a chance in hell these two characters belong together you Wishology noobs.

"Uhh, thanks for the help guys, but I can handle a few girls!" Timmy said, putting aside his desire to strangle his friend, just to be sure Tootie would never catch onto the scent of a lesser stag, although he knew that would never happen anyways. Ever.

"Oh, I don't think so!" A.J. mocked, "Looked like you were in danger back there to me!"

"We uhhh…" Timmy made an excuse, "We were playing a game! Tootie's cousin… Uh… Mini-Vicky, is visiting and we were trying to keep her happy!"

"Mini-Vicky?" Chester raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, identical to Vicky in every way. Except one eighth her size." Timmy knew his friends were gullible enough to believe anything science-y, even his so called genius friend A.J.

"Cool!" A.J. exclaimed, "Although it is alarming that Vicky is trying to clone herself. As long as she hasn't perfected the technology like I have."

"Where'd you go Timmy?" they heard Tootie call out.

"They are hiding in the crater!" Vicky called out, spotting them easily from up in the tree. She took a few shots, narrowly missing A.J.'s bald head.

"Oh crap, she's got a sniper!" Chester pointed out the obvious.

"Just play along with them for now! Or else Vicky is going to have all of our hides when she comes back!" Timmy told his friends, crafting a temporarily sustainable lie in the process. "Put on a show, then let them win."

"Whatever you say Timmy… we'll help you score points with your girlfriend!" A.J. said in a mocking tone.

"Guys! Just do it!" Timmy protested, blushing at his friends remark.

"Okay okay…." A.J. assured him, and then called out, "You'll never catch us, dumb girls!"

"What! How DARE you!!!" Vicky yelled from the tree top, "Don't make me come down there and whoop your butts! Get 'em sis!"

"Hehehe, so a few new challengers have appeared." Tootie said, lifting up her weapon in the direction of the crater the boys were hiding in, "Much better. Forcing myself to hurt Timmy is hard enough, but now that I can do it to his pesky friends that always get in my way, this should be easy!" Tootie thought. She knew (or at least believed) that 99% of the reason Timmy avoided her was because his friends insisted: They hated girls and despise Vicky, so why should her little sister be treated any different? "They've Timmy-blocked the wrong girl!"

Tootie pulled the trigger and fired a water balloon into the crater.

"Incoming!" A.J. screamed, the whistling of the approaching water balloon grew louder. Timmy and his friends dived out of the water just as a splash of water erupted from the spot they previously occupied. They ran in the direction of Vicky's house as a few more balloon splashed down near them, getting closer each time.

"I'm hit!" Chester screamed.

"That's just spray you wuss, keep running!" Timmy ordered him, as they rushed toward the back door which was slightly ajar. "C'mon, just a few more steps! We'll make it!"

They heard a loud bang, a splash, a scream, and then a body hitting the floor.

"A.J.!!!!!" the boys screamed as they saw their friend fall. They grabbed him and pulled him into the house.

Timmy cradled the soaked A.J. in his arms, who weakly coughed and said, "Timmy… I'm so cold…."

"We're getting you out of here." Timmy assured him.

"No…" A.J. coughed, "You're not." he held out his palm, and gave Timmy a few firecrackers had snatched from the yard. "Send me out.. With a bang…." he shut his eyes. FOREVER. Until 4pm because he had to be home for dinner.

Timmy pocketed the firecrackers, he might need them later.

"Oh god Timmy!" Chester panicked, "We're going to die!"

Timmy slapped him. "Get a hold of yourself, mon!", he grabbed Chester by the shoulders and shook him, "Remember the plan! Don't lose focus!"

"Thanks Timmy…" Chester rubbed his cheek, "I needed that. How long until Vicky gets here?"

"You mean how long until I figure out how to get my godparents back?" Timmy thought. Well first, he had to get Vicky out of that tree. But if Chester figures out what really happened to Vicky, or worse, who Cosmo and Wanda were, he was definitely going to lose his godparents this time. Vicky had done him a favor by offing A.J., but his other friend would have to be sacrificed if Timmy were to try to make any more moves.

"We need to summon reinforcements!" Chester exclaimed, grabbing Timmy's pink hat.

"Chester, no!" Timmy cried, but it was too late. Chester had gone over to the window and smiled. The setting sun shined off his braces and created a silhouetted of Timmy's pink hat upon the darkening skies.

Elsewhere, Sanjay and Elmer, who were doing absolutely nothing, saw this from their windows and sprung into action. "Follow the light!" they screamed, like mosquitoes would if they made a Pickett's charge on one of those UV zappy lamps.

Back at Vicky's house, Timmy sunk as he saw his pink hat symbol gracing the skies batman style. "Great, two more bags of dead weight I have to drop."

"Alright, our loyal back ups are already here!" Chester exclaimed, pointing out the window to Elmer and Sanjay who were "armored" in pots, pants, and rolled newspapers.

"We've got to save Timmy from the girls! Charge!" Elmer screamed.

It wasn't a battle. It was a SLAUGHTER. As soon as the two boys stepped in to the yard, Tootie and Vicky opened up with concentrated fire. "It… It was like a turkey shoot." a slightly disturbed Tootie commented afterward.

The mass of water balloons splashed into the two victims, jerking their bodies around from the impact. It was like the opening scene of RoboCop, only with water instead of blood. From the window, Chester and Timmy watched their friends quickly, and quite pathetically easily, fall in battle.

"They're getting torn to pieces Timmy! We've got to help them!" Chester said, his voice becoming panicky again.

"It's too late for them, Chester." Timmy replied grimly, "They were tagged and bagged the moment you radioed them in."

Chester sulked and looked out the window. From the bodies, he could see Sanjay's hand making a weak, dying attempt to reach the sky, a movement that was quickly squelched by one last final, abrupt shot from Vicky's sniper water balloon rifle.

"We'll at least those two are out of the way. Phew, I thought I'd actually have to make conversation with them!" Timmy thought. Three down , one to go. "Ohhh Chester…."

"Yes Timmy?" Chester asked.

Timmy peaked out the door, "Tootie's closing in. I need you to distract her."

Chester saluted Timmy, "You can count on me, sir! Hey, why do I always have to be the private and you the general?"

"Because you suck?" Timmy answered.

"Ah, righto." Chester acknowledged. Timmy fled from the kitchen's back door to the living room, as Tootie came through the door.

Tootie immediately saw Chester dressed in girl's clothing. "Yoohoo! Over hear big guy!" 'she' called waving a handkerchief at Tootie. Unfortunately for him, he did not know that trick does not work on girls. Tootie narrowed her eyes at Chester, brandishing her water cannon. Chester gulped nervously.

From the living room, Timmy started hearing screams. Blood curdling screams. He knew Chester was gone now. But he did not have time to shed a tear of remorse, for he was the sole survivor. The one boy left standing.

It was time to get his godparents back.

Slipping out the front door, Timmy trained his way around the perimeter of the house. He spotted little Vicky, still in the tree. She was scanning the area outside, trying to cut off an escape Timmy crept along, trying to avoid her line of sight. This was much harder without fairy godparents, or those little range radars FPS video games give you. He managed to get to the trunk of the tree, but he knew that any attempt to climb up it would draw Vicky's attention, and then the wishing would start.

As the mighty Mr. Smite once said, "You landlubbers are tougher than I thought. I'll have to improvise!"

Scanning for alternatives, Timmy noticed the box of dangerous explosives that Tootie and Vicky were using to blow up toys earlier. There were fireworks, firecrackers, roman candles, and tons of other things no teenager, let alone five year old girl, should have. He looked up at the tree, then back down at the box of fireworks. Then smiled deviously. "Okay, attempted manslaughter of a child might not be the safest thing, but you try getting a five year old with fairy godparents out of a tree." He just hoped Cosmo and Wanda would react quick enough.

First, he needed a way to light them. Timmy scanned the yard. A few meters from him, he could see a box of matches. He could make a run for it, but Vicky might spot him. If he waited too long, Tootie might come back out into the yard and get in the way. There was little time to act.

Timmy made a dash for the matches. Almost immediately, he heard Vicky call out "Hey!". A few water balloons whizzed by his head, Timmy could feel the sting of the rubber one got so close. Those rubber bands Francis always launched at him had made him well acquainted with that feeling, and he was able to grin and bear it as he battled on toward the box of matches. He made a dive for the box, just as he felt a splash hit his backside. As he lay on the grass, the cold soaking feeling growing around his lower body, he reached in his pocket and pulled out the firecrackers A.J. had gave him earlier. He opened the box and found there was only one match left.

Vicky took aim at Timmy's head, she was going to enjoy this. She pulled the trigger… click.

"Darn, out of water balloons!" Vicky exclaimed, then turned to the fairies, "You two, reload! Now!"

Timmy struck the match and lit the firecracker, just as the fairies refilled Vicky's gun. As she took aim again, Timmy tossed the lit firecracker at the box of explosives, then darted out of the yard and behind the fence. Vicky watched in horror as the fire grew intensely in the box for a moment, before a window-shattering explosion sent fire works flaring into the air, and incinerated nearly every blade of grass in Vicky's yard. The branches of the tree blew backyards away from the explosion, right as Cosmo and Wanda raised their wands. Cosmo lost his of course, but Wanda was able to poof Vicky and themselves away right in the nick of time.

Meanwhile, back in Hollywood, Butch Hartman was in his yacht's kitchen. He opened up a cooler and pulled out a fancy bottle of clear liquid. "Ahhh, Danny Phantom fan's tears, circa first cancellation." He poured himself a glass and had himself a sip, "Aged and chilled to perfection!"

Just then, he heard a whistling which grew louder. He looked outside of the yacht's window and saw a giant ball of fire heading right toward his highly flammable pool of money. "Oh. My. Ah-God."

Vicky appeared in the smoldering ruins of her lawn. "That… was so… cool!"

Timmy rushed around from the fence, "Hah! Your happy! You need to give up your godparents nya-na-na-na-na!"

"Timmy!" Wanda exclaimed, "That was dangerous, you could have hurt Vicky!"

"Yeah, you could have hurt me!" Vicky cried, then raised her fully loaded water balloon at Timmy's head, preparing to unload the whole clip. "TIME TO DIE POOPOO HEADS!!!"

Timmy closed his eyes, waiting for the end to come. Unbeknownst to him, it was already there. He heard laughter, first Vicky's, then his godparent's, then Tootie's, and then… Jorgen von Strangle?

He looked down at his pants and saw why. The water balloon Vicky had nailed him with earlier had created a very pronounced and visible wet stain which had grown to the front of Timmy's pants, and ran down his legs. In the world of water balloon warfare, this was the true BOOM HEADSHOT.

"Hahaha!" Jorgen said, wiping tears from his eyes, "Well it's quiet clear, this child," he motioned at Vicky who was literally rolling on the floor laughing, "is no longer miserable enough for godparents. On the other hand, you quite clearly, are, Timmy Turner."

Timmy narrowed his eyes, but shrugged, "You know, this is embarrassing enough, but at least I get my godparents back, and you'll have to wipe everyone else's memory of this anyways!"

"Not mine!" Cosmo exclaimed.

"Or mine!" Wanda chimed in.

"Or mine of course!" Jorgen announced. He raised his wand and tapped it on the ground, sending out energy in all directions.

Inside Tootie's room, A.J. and Chester were currently hanging upside-down next to her Timmy shrine from an apparatus that must have been taken from Vicky's room, either that or Tootie had some strange ideas for herself and Timmy…

Tootie was standing next to them, removing their shoes.

"Kill us or release us, girl!" A.J. yelled at her.

"Never!" Tootie said laughing at them, "You'll stay here until Timmy is all MINE! Then uhh, I'll let one of you out temporarily to be the best man at our wedding." she explained, as she spread honey on the boy's bare feet. "Until then, it's torture time!" she flipped the board holding them around, so that they were right side up, their bare feet a few inches from the ground.

"What are you about to do?" Chester asked her in a scared tone.

Just then, before Tootie could answer, the wave of forgetacin magic rushed over the trio. They stood there, blinked a few times, before A.J. spoke up, "Uhh, how did we get here?"

"I was about to ask the same thing." Tootie said to them, her memories of the past events also wiped.

"Can you let us go?" Chester asked meekly.

Tootie realized that if Chester and A.J. where here, Timmy must not be far off! She quickly forgot about the prisoners in her room as she rushed out of her room and down the stairs.

"Could this get any worse?" A.J. said, then he felt something cold tickling his feet, he burst out laughing "Oh no, no, not this, nooooo!" he said as he erupted in laughter, figuring out why Tootie had put honey on their feet. Doidle was at their feet, slowly lapping the sweet condiment off their feet.

Back outside, Timmy quickly made the most important wish of the day.

"I wish I had a new pair of pants."

Cosmo poofed Timmy up some thigh-huggin' jogger shorts, to which Timmy shot him a glare. Wanda laughed before poofing a pair of Timmy's normal pants, now dried, back on him. Looking around, Timmy noticed that Jorgen had thankfully done the deed of restoring Vicky's yard back to normal.

"Argh, my head, what a hang over." Vicky, now returned to her normal teenager body, rubbed her aching temples and recalled one of her memories of the last few hours, trying to make sense of it. "That's the last time I ever watch a Butch Hartman cartoon, that stuff'll rot your brain…" she turned to Timmy.

"Hey twerp, what are you doing here!?" Vicky yelled at Timmy, "I'm not getting paid to watch you so GET LOST!" she screamed.

"Yep, same ol' Vicky." Timmy muttered. "Well, I'd rather have a mean Vicky who doesn't think I peed my pants back, than a nice Vicky that does." Timmy stated, assuming that Jorgen's wish had reverted any changes that happened to Vicky's personality during her second childhood. "Still… I can't help but feel bad for Tootie…"

"Speaking of babysitting duty, where is my sister, twerp?" Vicky asked Timmy just as he was about to leave, grabbing him by the shirt collar. Vicky feigned her fury to Timmy as much as she could, but something inside was eating away at her. It started not long after she chased off her parents, then a bunch of stuff happened, wait… She was going to beat up Tootie for something but they started playing together instead. "No way, must've been a strange dream…" Vicky thought, then yelled at Timmy again, "Where is she!?"

"Why, are you going to make her life miserable again, like you did at the play?" Timmy asked her, anger growing in his eyes. He dared even make a weak attempt to push Vicky off of him, which she shrugged off and then tightened her grip on Timmy.

"Listen here, twerp." Vicky spat, "My little sister doesn't have the street skills, social skills, or even hair combing skills to survive in a higher grade." she attempted to justify her case, "Her little mad rush through school just so she can rub up on your shoulder every morning in class, is going to cause her problems in the long run."

"Why do you say that? If she's smart enough to be in my grade, then she's smart enough to be in my grade no matter what you or me say about it." Timmy said to Vicky, thinking to himself, "I only wish I had realized that at first myself." Timmy thought, recanting his earlier celebration at Tootie's expense.

"You know… You're absolutely right." Vicky said, tears welling in her eyes, "I… I got jealous, that's all. I'm messed up, Timmy. I shamed my whole family."

The pair noticed Tootie standing by them.

"I… I didn't know you both cared so much." Tootie said.

Vicky turned to her little sister, "I'm sorry, Tootie." she said, and the three of them joined together in a hug.

"Tomorrow, I'll go to the school and set everything right." Vicky promised Tootie.

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Next day at Timmy's school…

The door to the principal's office was abruptly kicked open.

"ALRIGHT, WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE?" Vicky screamed as she slammed her fists on the desk in front of the only other person in the room, Principal Waxelplax.

"Uhh, me?" she answered meekly.

"Alright you nincompoop, I want you to forget everything thing that I said about Tootie yesterday!" Vicky ordered her.

"Um, coming in here and screaming at a public school official is probably the least effective way at getting something done, despite what many parents may have told you." Principal Waxelplax told her.

"But my sister doesn't do steroids, and I'm pretty sure that you can't disqualify someone from a freaking school PLAY for having them, regardless." Vicky countered, "So, make with the pencil pushing and give my sister the grade she deserves!"

"No can do." Principal Waxelplax wouldn't give in. "It's already sealed. Your sister lost, better luck next year."

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Waxelplax." some guy who just walked into the room said, "My name is Dr. Just some random guy who saves the day like in every other episodeski."

"Wow that's a long name." Vicky commented.

"Thanks. It's Hebrew." Dr. J said, "Anyways, I was here investigating a fluctuation in the space time continuum, when I realized that may be what caused yesterdays incident. You see, a black hole literally physically formed inside your brains, removing all coherent and rational thought. Therefore, you were able to believe Vicky's implausible story like the drooling imbeciles that you are, and subsequently made one of the biggest school administration blunders in history." Dr. J pulled out a signed document and continued, "I indeed have an executive order from President Obama himself, demanding that you make Tootie in the same grade as Timmy, or he will cut all funding to your pitiful school."

"Great. No more cold water in the teacher's lounge's water cooler." Principal Waxelplax sighed, "Fine, I give in. I just actually wanted a bribe, but I guess that other crap will do."

"Woohoo!" Vicky cheered. "Where are the brats? I got to tell Tootie!"

"They are at recess." Principal Waxelplax told Vicky, who was already rushing out the door.

Principal Waxelplax turned to Dr. J, "You're one of Mr. Hartman's staff, aren't you?"

"What? How dare you!" Dr. J snapped at her, "I'd rather be homeless! In fact… I am."

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"Man, what a day! First, me and my godparents blah blah blah-" Timmy went on to himself about his stupid adventures while he sat on the bleachers with his strangely colored lunch tray and milk carton.

Nearby was a basketball hoop attached to the side of the school. Tootie was enjoying a friendly round of basketball with her former rival, Trixie.

"C'mon, newfound friend, I told you I don't want to be here. Bad stuff always happens to me when you are the lead girl in a story." Trixie complained to Tootie. They were both in basketball shorts, sweat was soaking Trixie's pink gym headband. Tootie had the ball, she dribbled it back and forth.

"Relax, it's just a game of basketball, what's the worst that can happen?" Tootie assured her.

"Um, roid rage maybe?" Trixie quipped at Tootie, but before the younger girl could retort, her older sister came running out into the basketball court.

"Hey Tootie! Your names clear! You're officially in the same grade as the twerp!" Vicky announced.

"Yeah! Hear that Timmy? Timmy!?" Tootie looked over at Timmy, who was busy strangling a green haired kid with a crown and wings to death. "Ohh… That's our Timmy!"

"See? Told ya, I didn't do steroids." Tootie boasted to Trixie, "Heh, steroids… How stupid…"

At that moment, Tootie rushed into the paint. Trixie tried to draw the charge, but it was too late. Tootie had gone up for the dunk. Even though Trixie was twice her height, it did not change a thing. Trixie was posterized so bad she was immediately killed. Like, literally, she died.

"AHHH, in your FACE!" Tootie screamed while she stood crouched above Trixie's (still smoldering) corpse, "FAAAACIAAAALL!"

The power of the dunk had caused the back board to shatter, even though it was made of wood. Then, the entire wall of the school crumbled, revealing the locker room showers with the other popular kids standing there, naked. They all screamed like girls.

Everyone else in the basketball court looked at Tootie strangely. She sheepishly rubbed the back of her head. "Heh, oopsy."

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TEH EDN?!