Once upon a time a beautiful young girl called Svetlana was walking down the street eating a danish pastry. She looked in one of the shops and saw Dean from Supernatural shopping for condoms.

She went over to him and he asked if they had bigger sizes.
"I don't work here," she said, glancing at his enormous bag of tomatos. She smiled and pointed to one of the shop assistants. Svetlana watched as he walked over to her, as he began talking to the assisant Sam poked his head out of the corner and said "Dean, did you get the condoms we need to trap the spirit of the evil giant penis that haunts the local high school?"
"Yes," dean said, "I also got tomatoes which we can use to..." throw at those evil penis bitches!" he said smiling and spraining his neck as he looked up at his tall YOUNGER brother.

"So, sam, did you get the mop for the aftermath?
"Yeah, sam smiled, "I hid it up my ass and i will extract it when the fight is over."
Svetlana thought both the brothers were really hot, especially dean. She had graduated from the haunted penis high school a year ago and remembered the ghost very well.
"I can help you!" she cried.
Dean rasied his eyebrow and flexed his muscles, "How?" he asked.
"Well," she said "....."Ive defeated it before, its quite simple, you just need to flirt with it and then sing a song about how much you love it."
Sam and Dean looked at each other in confusion, Sam's eyebrow seemed the raise above and beyond his head at this odd way of defeating the enemy.
"hmmmmmmmmmmm" they said together, stroking their chins in unison.

They decided to go along with Svetlana's plan but, due to proof that the penis preferred women to men, they decided to dress in drag. Dean wore a slinky gold dress, padded his bra and made-up his face.
Sam just threw on an old halloween wig.
"Dude," he said, looking at dean in confusion, "Why do you own so much girl stuff?
Dean smiled, "Well...I used to be a transvestite, then i discovered my cool car and awesome music and my cool leather jacket....so I stopped dressing like a women" he replied, with large grin across his face. Sam looked at him like he was a freak and the grin on Dean's face soon vanished.
"okay then......" Sam said, "Lets go kill this motherfuck of a penis" Svetlana nodded and..then they left.
They arrived at the school and Dean arranged himself provocatively on the floor of the gymnasium.
Sam and Svetlana hid behind the bleachers, clutching the condoms and tomatoes.

Soon enough the ghostly penis drifted into the hall and over to dean who pouted sexily.
"Well hello there," he said huskily, "My my you are a big boy..."
The penis wibbled and tried to attack dean. Sam jumped on it and tried to cover it with the extra large condom but it was too small. Dean was helpless!
"Somebody save me!" he cried.
Suddenly a blur appeared and flung the penis off dean. The blur slowed down and turned into a young man with black hair and REALLY white teeth.
"Hi, i'm clark kent," he said, looking at dean, "hi sexy lady!"
"OH NO!" sam cried, "the penis is....trying to do it with Dean!" he squealed.
"Svetlana, fire the tomatoooooooossss!!!" he cried. Dean and Clark heard a whooshing noise and as they both turned to look they saw a mountain of tomatos launching towards them. Both of them screamed like girls and Dean jumped into Clarks strong arms.
"ooooh, wat strong arms you have :D" he smiled looking at Clark.
"Why thank you, all the better to...wait, what the hell am I saying, we need to get out of here" he screamed running for the exit.
then he remembered he was superman and therefore was not a pussy and so returned to where the brothers and svetlana were still fighting the penis which was trying to wriggle up dean's dress.

"GROSS!" dean cried, "how did this evil penis come to exist?"
"I looked it up on the internet," sam said, still throwing tomatoes, "The legend goes that when a guy dies in the middle of having sex and he didn't 'finish' his penis will forever haunt the place he died."
"I bet lex luthor had something to do with this..." clark muttered under his breath.
"How to we defeat it?" dean asked, making a kissy face at clark.
"We may need to let it have its way," sam said seriously, looking at his brother. He took a deep breath, "with dean."
They stopped throwing tomatoes and the penis disappeared up dean's dress.
It then 'finished' and exploded into goo all over the place. Sam extracted the mop from his ass and was about to start cleaning when someone walked in. It was...Buffy, here to the rescue, she cried, throwing her arm in the air.
"What the hell you doing here?" Sam asked, "there ain't no vamps around bitch"
Buffy began to cry as she was a very vulnerable person. "There there its okay" Dean said, trying to comfort her. "thank you miss."
"HEY I AM NOT A WOMEN! AND I MOST DEFINETLY AM NOT GAY" *wink* *wink*
"Then why are you wearing a dress?" buffy asked.
"It makes me feel gooooooood." dean admitted, "And we needed disguises to fool the penis."

Suddenly a bald man walked in, strutting like he owned the world.
"Lex!" Clark cried, running in front of dean to defend him. "I knew you were involved somehow!"
Lex smirked evilly. Because he was evil. "Yeah i was trying to create a race of super-penises using kryptonite in my lab a Luthorcorp but one got away and came here.."
"DUDE!" Sam cried, "What do you need loads of penisis for?"
Lex grinned at him and ran a hand over clark's bicep.
"Well..." he said, storking his arm and looking deeply into Clark's eyes.
"I've been meaning to tell you.." he began, still locked on Clark's blue eyes.
"Ive got this feeling that wont subside." he continued. Dean looked at Sam, he was sure he had heard these words before.
"I look at you and I Faaaantaaassiize!" Lex sang in Clarks ear. Just then the penis began to stomp towards Lex, "oh shit! I shouldn't have began flirting, the penis is reacting."
"Yeah!" Sam said, disgusted. "It reformed from the goo to do you!"
Lex shuddered. "That cannot happen. It is modeled after my own penis."
"Wow," dean was impressed, "You aaaare a big boy. I guess you make up for your lack of hair in other ways, huh?"
Clark saw lex wink at dean and got jealous. Lex was HIS evil bitch.
"I VOLUNTEER TO LET IT FINISH THIS TIME!" he cried.

The penis wibbled towards him and disappeared down his pants. A few seconds past and it exploded into goo.
Sam picked up the mop and began to clean. Svetlana and buffy threw up in a corner.
Then they heard a loud rumbling. "What the Frak is that?" Dean asked, his glossy lips trembling.
"I hear it too" Sam said, everyone stopped and looked around. "look at this cup of water, it mooooooooooooves" Dean, said holding an abnormally large glass of water, about the size of flower pot infront of him.
"Where the fuck did you get that?" Buffy asked.
"I was very thirsty, anyway...shhhh this is climatic moment" Just then the rumble sounded again and the doors of the gym flew off. "AHAHHHHHHH" they all screamed as 20ft penis' marched into the gym chanting a freaky song.

"WE WANNA HAVE SEX ON THE BEACH!" the penises sang, "come on everybody!"
"Holy hell," lex exclaimed, "I may never be able to look at my own penis again."
"I can look at it," Clark licked his lips.
"You are welcome to," Lex fluttered his eyelashes.
"HOLD IT!" Sam cried, "Your flirting is making them wibble!"
"What are we going to do!" Buffy cried. "I wish i had never come here!"
"they all have to finish," sam said solemnly. "I bagsy not 'finishing' them."
"Me too!" lex said.
"Me three!" Buffy and Svetlana said at the same time.
"Me four," clark said.

Dean shrugged and waltzed over to the penises who surounded him immediatley. They all wibbled in unison for a moment and then exploded into goo. Dean stood where they had been, naked.
"Woah dude!" sam cried, "Put it away!" he threw a silver jumpsuit at his brother and dean put it on.
"How did you know you could take it?" lex asked.
"Oh easy," dean said, "I once did a whole football team.
Sam sighed, his brother was..... such a slut. Dean shrugged and claimed "I go a little bit crazy sometimes. Just lose it" he said, leaping in the air. Lex laughed and jumped over to Dean. They both began doing some crazy shit dance, throwing their head in the air and screaming, "AHAHAHAHAH!"

"What the bloody hell, have they gone insane?" Clark asked. Just as he said this the roof of the gym flew off and a gigantic Lionel smiled down.
"Hello, there, is Lex there. His dinner is ready."
"what the fuck dude, why you so tall?" asked Sam.
Lionel smiled and threw his mane of hair over his shoulder. they could actually see it growing as lionel spoke.
"Well i was secretly in league with the penises," he growled, "I made a deal with them. Offered them money if they would haunt this school."
"But dad!" Lex was devastated, his father was a double-crossing dick. "Why did you want to terrorize this school?"
Lionel shrugged, "because i am evil."
"But strangely sexy.." dean said.
"GOD DEAN DO YOU DO EVERYTHING?" Sam yelled.
Dean nodded and pulled his the zipper of his jumpsuit down to his hipline.
"Yo lionel, like what you see?" as asked flirtateously.
Lionel sighed "......Lex walked right up to Dean and slapped him in the face,
"Get a hold of yourself dude!" he said, "I'd rather get a hold of yoooouuu.." Dean said, moving flirtatiously towards Lex. "Im for Clark's eyes only." he said, grabbing Clarks strong shoulders. "Hey guys, I think we can put a stop on this gay show. We need to get out of here before the whole place collapses." Sam said, pushing Lex off clark and slapping Dean once again.

Just as they were about to leave Svetlana and Buffy both slapped Dean.
"Dudes, whats with the slapping!!" he yelled.
"We don't like MANWHORES!" they cried.
Somewhere in beverly hills a handsome young man named brandon looked up from his newspaper work, "did someone say my name?" he wondered.
back in the gymnasium dean began to cry.
"I can't help it!" he sobbed, "i am addicted to SEX!"
"To me?" lex asked, confused.
"No darling, " Clark gave lex a sloppy kiss. "he said SEX not LEX."
"LEX!" Lionel cried. "how dare you be gay!! A LUTHOR CANNOT BE GAY!"
Lex burst into tears, "Dad i hate you! because of you i struggled all my life with this secret but i finally found clark who accepts my man-loving ways!"
"You know i do!" Clark cried, slapping lex on the ass.
Buffy and Svetlana burst into tears, "GAY RIGHTS!" they cried.

Dean turned to his brother and sam noticed dean's mascara had run down his face.
"Sam, is there anything you want to confess?" dean asked.
....."no, not really." Sam said, backing away from all the strange men. "why is everyone gay....." Lex at this point was hanging onto Clark, Dean was doing some sexy dance and Lionel was watching from the roof. "THERES NO PLACE LIKE HOME!!" Sam shouted, clapping his feet together. He kept doing it, but nothing happened. "Join us Sam, be one of us." "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" he screamed running out the gym. Outside hundreds of men were performing YMCA.
Sam screamed again and ran back inside.

Dean was now wearing only purple unicorn boxers and was doing a seductive fan dance with fern leaves.
"This was supposed to be a simple mission," sam sighed, "how did it end up like this?"
He finished sweeping up the glue and then shoved the mop back up his ass. He grabbed his brother.
"Dean, you gotta snap out of this!" he cried. "What would dad say?"
Dean blinked at him, "he would say....wow my son is HOTT!"

"Lets all get to know each other!" buffy yelled suddenly, gathering everyone to sit in a circle. "After surviving giant penises i think we should at least learn some stuff about each other."
Lionel watched from above, a tear trickling down his cheek.
"I'll go first," he growled; "I may love my bald gay son but have a pathalogical need to screw with his life. I don't want to hurt him...i just find it hard to express love because when i was young my hamster died. I vowed then that i would never love again."
"I once did george bush," dean confessed, "And pierce brosnan, and eminem, and bubby deol, and dawson from the creek and sam..."
"DUDE!" Sam screamed, "WHAT THE..."
"You were asleep," dean grinned. "Who's next?" buffy asked as sam threw up.
"Sorry, Sam, but you fucking enjoyed it...hehe............." Dean said.
"Dude, that is soooooo wrong...eeww man. Your ma BRO!" Sam said.
"I know...and ur hott!" he said, rubbing his head up against Sam's chest. "eeeeew get off me." Everyone looked at Dean in shock and then Buffy screamed,
"I was in love with Giles, but he thought he was just standing in the.." "BORING!" Dean shouted suddenly. "Unless it is gay, im not interested." They all looked as Dean fluttered his eyelashes at Lex, who cleared his throat and looked elsewhere. "I'll go then," Clark said. "i was sitting in my fortress of solitude a few days ago when i got horny so i ran to lex's house and used my laser vision to look into his bedroom. he was dancing to the backstreet boys, naked. anyway i did my thing and when i 'finished' my goo turned out to be super strong and it made a crater in your garden,"
he pouted, "I'm soooo sorry lex!"
Lionel growled, "I knew that was you Kent, you left a farm smell behind."

"That was gross," buffy said. "I was in love with giles and one day i went to seduce him dressed as mrs calender, cos i knew he liked her, and then he..."
"Oh clark," lex cried, "That was the most beautiful thing i ever heard.
Dean nodded, jumping on sam's lap and braiding his brother's hair. Sam threw up.
Lex sighed, "that day when i crashed my car off the bridge and clark you saved me, i wasn't really dying. I just pretended so you would make out with me. Also i like to walk around my mansion naked but its been really hard recently because everyone keeps popping in to accuse me of doin evil shit."
"Saaaaaammm, sam, sexy sam, "Dean bit his brother's ear. "It's your turn. And it better be sexy!""
"But what about me?" buffy sobbed, "I was dressed as mrs calender and i found giles in the library and i said 'Hello there hot stuff' and he said..."Calendar! I love you Jenny. And we started making out.."
"Anyway, Sam, tell us about your day." Dean said, stroking his head. "Sam, jerked away from Dean, " I woke up. Had coffee and ended up in this mess...and apparently slept with you DEAN!!" he said, storming out of the gym.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo wait for me honey bunny." Dean shouted running after him like a girl. Buffy watched as they left and took the opportunity to finish her story. "Anyway we were making out and then my wig fell off and Giles was like OMG! But then he just shrugged and we kept going...isnt he a weird man....but he kept calling me Shiloh for some reason...strange. And then he cut out my kidney...not sure why...and then he dressed up as a repo man...not sure why."

"SAM IS ABOUT TO COMMIT SUICIDE PEOPLE!!" Dean said storming infront of Buffy once again. everyone rushed outside where Sam was stood on top of the roof.
"What are you waiting for!" Svetlana screamed.
"shut up" LEx said, punching her to the floor, "who the fuck is she anyway?" he asked.
"Yeah totally," Dean bitched, "she isn't even from any show..." then he remembered his brother "WE HAVE TO SAVE SAM!" he cried. They all ran outside and looked up at where sam was standing on the roof.
"I can't live like this dean!" he cried, "What if you got me pregnant!"
"Boys can't get pregnant," svetlana pointed out.
Lex punched her in the face; "Fuck you!" he cried, "me an clark are gonna have a baby possum!"
"Sam! Please come down," dean sobbed, "I promise i only did it that one time when you were sleeping and, well there was that other time when i drugged your beer..."
"DUDE!" sam cried.
"And that time when i dressed up as a nurse and you didn't know and we did it on the hospital bed..."
Sam covered his ears "lalalalalalalalaalalala!" he cried.

"GILES AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED!" buffy cried, "i should be at the church RIGHT NOW!"
"Then why are you still here?" clark snapped.
"I have a hero complex," buffy cried. "I can't leave when someone is in danger."
"SAM!" dean screamed, "i won't ever do you again until you ask me to...." he took off his shirt and flexed his muscles, "And u will, cos no one can resist this bod, but please come down. I can save the world from giant evil penises without you!"
Sam looked at his brother and.
Just couldn't resist those puppy eyes.

PART 2

Dean hugged Sam close to him. He was sobbing furiously into Sam's signature checked shirt.
"waaaaaaaa I thought you were gonna die duuuuuudde" Dean squealed, holding him tighter.
"Okay, get the fuck off me now...where'd buffy go?" Sam asked, looking around.
"there she is." Lex said pointing at her. She was frantically running around the car park chasing a teenager who was dressed up as a vampire.

"oooh i wanna play chase the hott dude too!" Dean said, throwing his arms in the air. "Thats not what they are doing." Sam informed him. Svetlana slowly stepped into the picture, placing her large head inbetween Lex and Clark who were staring at each other. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BITCH DOING INFRONT OF ME!" Lex said, she was now nose to nose with him. Clark huffed and puffed and blew the bitch away.
Svetlana landed on top of the kid dressed as a vampire and crushed him. Buffy lunged and staked her. When she realised who she had killed she screamed.
"Oh no! Killing a human is WRONG! WRONG WRONG! My soul is tainted forever, i am no longer pure. Taking a human life is unbearable i must suffer in hell...I...."
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" lex cried, "Killin wierd bitches who poke their heads around ain't bad."
"Yeah," Lionel growled.. "I kill people all the time. I even tried to kill lex...it's not a bad thing!"
Lex glared at his giant hairy father, "You sick son of a..."
"Don't swear," Clark said, his big eyes glassy with tears, "It makes jesus cry."

Suddenly sam felt something wet hit his thigh.
"What the?" his voice trailed off as he noticed it was 'goo.
"Sorry dude," dean said, zipping up his fly. "I couldn't help it."
"OH FOR CRAPS SAKE!" sam cried.
"AHHHHHH!" Buffy screamed. Svetlana had turned pale and risen to her feet. "she's a vampire!"
"That is wack," dean said, "wack."
Sam gave his brother a smack.
Svetlana smiled evilly.
"Crap, lets run. Unless, Buffy stake her." Lex said, grabbing her arm "nooooo, its my fault. Let her live." she said...looking insane.
"Fuck this shit" lex grabbed a stake and pounced on Svetlana, stabbing her in the...leg.
"Man your aim sucks like fuck dude" Sam said, taking out a convenient crossbow out of his ass. POW! he shot her in the heart and she fell down dead.
"My hero!" Dead said, gayly squealing and hugging Sam.
"Dude, for the fifth time, Im your bro...drop it." he said, pushing Dean away from him. Just then Lionel fell from the sky and landed as a normal sized person ontop of Dean.
"Why helllooooooo there" Dean said, stroking Lionel's mane, "so so soft. heheh" he giggled girlishly before being dragged away by Lex, who once again slapped him! Dean ran into sam's arms, crying.

Lionel stood up and noticed a bit of goo on his jacket. He looked suspiciously at Dean.
"Oh sam," dean sniffled, "Keep me safe from the horrors of this world!"
Sam shook his head, "And who's gonna keep me safe from your sexual torture?" he asked.
"Oooh that sounds hott," clark said, licking lex's bald head like an ice cream.
"It's torture for me too sam," dean whimpered, "Seeing your hot body everywhere i go,
having to drug you to get the satisfaction i need, peeping at you in the shower."
Sam pushed his brother away, "DUDE YOU ARE FREAKING ME OUT!"
"I watch giles in the shower!" buffy piped in, her eyes rolling crazily in her head.
"Son," lionel said, wrenching lex off of clark. There was drool on lex's head. "Son,
you have to get away from these freaks! Lets go back to metropolis. I'll buy you an ice cream!"
"Ooooh Mint flavour!" lex cried, clapping his hands. Then he frowned, "No. Last time you said that you gave me a cone of hand cream instead."
"To make you stronger son," lionel said, "disappointment makes you stronger."
"Ice cream makes jesus happy," clark said.
Dean offered his brother a cup of wine, a suspicious look on his face.
"Want something to drink Sammy?" he asked sexily.
"No way," sam narrowed his eyes, "I totally saw you slip sleeping powder in it. You are still holding the bottle in your hands."
Dean threw it away and slithered slinkily toward his brother.
"No i didn't," he said. "You're just insane."
"OH MY GOD!" buffy said...