Super big thanks to my beta, gkkstitch. You are priceless!

And, of course, I do not own Twilight.

**

Bella was quiet with her thoughts. She had wanted time apart from Edward to think about their future. Her future. When he left her after her birthday, it tore her very soul from her chest. When she found herself in his arms again, after all the drama, she felt healed. However, the scar, the memory of that time apart, it lingered. She wondered if it would ever go away completely.

Sometimes the pain returned, like a phantom, bringing with it a rush of uncertainty and fear. This last time had been the worst. The catalyst had been a conversation she overheard between Mike Newton and Eric Yorkie. She had been sitting in class alone. Edward and the rest of the family were absent since the weather man had predicted sunshine and blue skies. Mike's hostile whispers caught her attention.

"The Cullens just came back out of the blue and everyone just pleased as punch about it, especially at the hospital." She heard Mike whisper. "I don't get it. How can they just come and go as they please? They can do whatever they want and no one questions it?"

Eric was quick to jump on the conversation. "Yeah, I know, man. I swear money makes the world go round, even in small-time Forks, Washington."

"That's not even it, though." Mike continued a bit louder, as Bella began to notice an uneasy feeling pulsing in her stomach. "Seriously, how can people just pick up and leave without any warning? Just, poof, gone like they never existed. Then, on a whim they decide to grace us with their presence again and everyone is just supposed to welcome them back with open arms."

Hearing Mike's last words made Bella wince. That was how Edward had left her. He told her it would be as if he never existed and then he was gone. And she did let him back into her life, without any question. She let herself become just as vulnerable as she had before. Suppose he changed his mind again?

"I don't like it." Mike proclaimed, slapping his hand on the desk.

"Something you'd like to share, Mr. Newton?" Mr. Banner sat behind his desk, staring pointedly at Mike.

"No. Sorry." Mike looked around sheepishly. He focused on his paper for a minute, waiting for Mr. Banner to lose interest.

Lowering his voice back to a whisper, he went on. "I especially don't like Edward or the power he seems to have over Bella. It's just not … just not normal. It's like he's got a goddamn leash around her neck or something."

"You're just jealous," Eric quipped.

"I'm not." Bella strained to hear Mike's whisper. "I just don't want to see her crushed again. You saw her. She was a fucking zombie. She still looks like she'd jump at her own shadow sometimes."

The conversation stopped for a moment and Bella could feel their eyes appraising her from behind. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, pushing her hair behind her ear and scribbling random words on her paper so she would look busy.

Mike picked up the conversation once again. "You watch. He'll take off again. They all will. What does Forks have to offer anyone as wealthy as the Cullens? He'll leave and she'll fall apart again. Hell, maybe she needs to fall apart again just so she can put herself back together without any help from him."

To Bella's relief, the bell rang. She was out of her seat and tripping towards the door before anyone could see her tears.

**

That was the day Bella called Edward and told him she needed to take a break. He went into a panic immediately and said he was coming over to see her. He pleaded that she let him come so they could talk. Bella gently refused. She explained to him that she just needed to clear her head and figure out her feelings.

She sequestered herself to her room, giving Charlie the excuse about monthly cramps. One she knew he wouldn't question. She told Edward she would call him when she was ready to face the future, whatever it may hold for her, for both of them, together or apart.

**

It had been three days. Three days of soul searching; of going over every detail of their relationship. She recalled every important conversation and many of the not so important ones. She had turned these things over in her head repeatedly. Her imagination replayed their intimate moments. Even with the chasteness of the touches and kisses they shared, Bella found that her body still responded to the memories of the intense emotion that fueled those moments. She would trace her fingers along her bare stomach, savoring the chill that would cause her to shudder. She lay on her bed, letting that chill overtake her entire body until she was shaking with need.

Alice called her that night. She wasn't pushy about asking her what was going on, but Bella could hear the concern coloring her side of the conversation. Finally, when she couldn't explain any more than what she had told Edward, Alice's voice turned harder. "You know this is killing him, right? He's a complete wreck. This is harder for him than when he thought you had jumped off the cliff at LaPush. Knowing you're alive and he can't be with you; that you don't want to see him."

Bella was startled at the quick turn in Alice's mood. "Alice," she spoke quietly. "I'm not trying to punish Edward. Don't you think this is hard for me as well? I'm so afraid. Terrified really."

"What terrifies you?" Alice's voice was softer, but Bella could still sense some irritation in her tone. "Your feelings for Edward or his feelings for you?"

"Both," she whispered into the phone. "It's just too much, Alice. He means too much to me." Bella could feel her self becoming more frantic, facing the truth of her fear. Her words came out in a rush. "I don't feel like I can survive without him. He is too much of me. I can't give myself up to him again. What if he leaves? I would be empty … alone forever."

"Bella." Alice tried to interrupt her, but Bella continued without pause.

"I can't do that again, Alice. I'll lose it … worse than before."

"Bella, Edward is not leaving. We are not leaving." Alice's reassurances did little to dissuade her.

"What do you see, Alice? Can you tell me what you see, right now, for Edward and me?"

Bella was met with silence. She waited for an eternity before she spoke. "You can't see anything, can you?"

"It's all a blur, a constant barrage of changing images." Alice stopped for a moment and then started again, attempting to sooth Bella. "I'm sure it is because you haven't made up your mind. You're still figuring out what to do." Alice sighed loudly. "Just don't take too long, okay?"

Bella sniffed, grabbing a kleenex to wipe her nose. "Okay."

"Bye, Bella. I'll call you tomorrow."

**

She woke when she heard the cruiser pulling out of the driveway, glancing at the clock. 4:00am. She closed her bleary eyes and drifted in and out of consciousness.

**

"Bella."

She felt his cool breath against her neck. Instinctively she drew up her hand to touch the chilled skin. Bella felt his breath again, this time ghosting near her lips. She kept her eyes closed.

"Bella, I tried but I couldn't stay away any longer. I needed to see you. Just tell me to go and I will leave immediately." Edward's desperate plea pulled at Bella's heart, but she remained still on the bed, letting him take the moment where he would.

Hearing her heart rate increase, Edward waited for a minute to see if she would banish him from her room, from her life. When she did not move to push him away, he went on with his desperate confession. "There are no words to say how sorry I am. Never will my voice be able to speak to what aches within me from hurting you."

She felt him move onto the bed as he continued to whisper to her, his form only inches above her prone body.

"My regret for leaving you, for lying to you… to myself, it eats away at me every moment. I can't blame you for not wanting to be with me. I have failed at even following your request to stay away. I am weak, I admit it. You've made me weak."

She heard him choke back a sob, his body shaking above her. Her indecision tore at her. She wanted so much to reach out to him, to pull his body to her and be one with him; to lose herself in his arms. But she had heard these words before. She had surrendered to his proclamations and she had paid a heavy price. She wouldn't let the sound of his voice caress her into forgiveness.

He continued. "I'm losing you again after I've only just found you. I know now that nothing I can say will take that pain from you. Nothing I say will erase that scar. I was a fool to believe that it could."

Slowly Bella opened her eyes. The intensity in his face stirred something within her. He held her gaze, moving his mouth closer to hers. "I hated myself. I hated what I was without you. You make me better. You've given me back my humanity. How can I show you how you've made me feel every minute of my life since your lips touched mine?" Edward trailed his hand down her cheek, stroking it softly.

Bella waited without moving, without responding. The struggle between her fear and her desire was raging inside her. She saw Edward's pain; he wasn't trying to hide it from her anymore. Edward swallowed hard, uncertainty creeping into his eyes. His hand slipped from her face, down her neck. He began to pull away, dropping his eyes from hers. Bella reached out to him, holding his hand to her body. She slowly moved it over her breast, wincing at the expectation that he would once again pull away from her. Edward's head snapped up, watching Bella with an anxious expression. He took an unsteady breath and pressed his palm against her. Bella gasped, letting her mouth fall open as her eyes closed.

Edward's response was intense. His moan filled her head, washing away any thoughts beyond the feel of his hard, cold flesh against her soft, warm skin. He quickly brought his mouth to hers, kissing with a force that pushed her down onto the bed. Bella tangled her fingers into his hair, pulling his lips to hers even harder, relishing in the coldness once again against her lips. She had missed it more than she knew.

Edward snaked his arms beneath Bella's body, pulling her up as he slid himself off the bed and onto his knees before her. He pulled his mouth away from hers and began kissing her face. His lips lingered on her eyes, her cheeks, her forehead, her nose. He moved his mouth over her chin and down to her neck. Bella let her head fall back slightly, offering herself to him.

Edward tugged at her shirt, pulling it up her back. He curled his hands underneath it, letting his fingers gently rake her skin. He raised it, pushing her arms up over her head and sliding her shirt up and off her body. Bella let her arms fall back, leaning slightly away from Edward on her hands.

"Let me show you, Bella." His eyes were impatient as he asked her permission. "Please."

Bella reached forward and caressed Edward's cheek. He tilted his head into her hand. She brushed her fingers over his lips as he opened his mouth and she could feel his breath once again. Her thumb trailed down his lower lip onto his chin and she gently pulled his face to hers and kissed him softly. "Show me," she whispered.

Edward's fingers grasped the waistband of her sweatpants. She lifted herself as he slid them over her ass and down her legs. He lifted each of her feet, kissing the tops of them, before pulling the pants off. Bella sat on the edge of her bed in a simple lavender cotton bra and panties.

As she watched him, her breathing grew shallow, her muscles tensed. Edward stood up quickly, pulling his sweater off. He stepped out of his shoes and removed the rest of his clothes in a matter of seconds. Bella found herself mesmerized by his pale form. He was a vision, more perfect than even she had imagined. She couldn't focus on any one part for more than a moment, wanting to take in all of him at once. In spite of her shyness and inexperience, she couldn't help but imagining what it would be like to lick his pale chest. Her mind continuously returned to the image of her tongue following the contours of his body; from his collarbone to his navel, and then slowly traveling along the slight trail shadowing his lower abdomen.

Edward's need for her was palpable, but he stood before her, waiting and letting her take what she needed. Bella blushed when she looked back to his face, realizing where she had been staring for the past several seconds. Her face was hot and she knew he could read her mind just from the look in her eyes.

Crouching back onto the floor in front of her, Edward leaned in and kissed Bella again, this time gently sucking on her bottom lip. She felt his tongue tease the sensitive skin. He waited a moment to gauge her response to his venom. She felt only a mild tingling and pushed her lips into his, encouraging him to continue. He opened his mouth to hers and let his tongue slip further, moving tentatively to meet hers. Bella contained her urge to reach down and pull him to her. She knew he was being cautious with these dangerous kisses and she did not want to give him reason to stop his exploration.

"Mmmm." She heard his voice, though she knew he wasn't talking to her. "So sweet. So…" He opened his mouth onto hers again, taking more of her, sucking her tongue into his mouth. His coldness coupled with the venom left her with a cool numbness around her lips. She felt the effects lessening only seconds after he pulled away.

She watched him as he assessed her every reaction to his newly broadened affections. Though her breathing was coming in quiet pants, her pulse was strong. The venom on her skin didn't seem to have any negative effects, making him eager to carry on.

She reached her hands out to him. He took them both into his, turning them up so he could place a soft kiss on each of her palms. He guided her hands up, pushing them into his hair. She curled her fingers into his bronze mane, pulling it ever so slightly. She heard him growl quietly as he turned his head to lick her left wrist. He slid his hands under her arms, letting his thumbs graze the sides of her breasts. She could feel the chill even through the stitched cotton of her bra. His fingers danced over her shoulder blades and played with the ends of her hair, tickling her deliciously.

She felt his hand smoothing over the clasp of her bra, fingering it hesitantly as his kisses began to diminish into the chaste motions she had remembered so many times before. Bella pulled her face away and looked at him. She could see the indecision and trepidation clouding his eyes. He dropped his head to her shoulder and breathed a defeated sigh, his hands balling into fists behind her. Bella pulled his head back, looking into his dark, frustrated eyes. "This is what I need," she spoke with conviction.

Edward shuddered at her words, reaching up and smoothing his thumb over her lips. Offering his mouth to her, she kissed him again. He unclasped her bra, sliding his hands underneath the material. He moved his hands back around her sides, pulling the garment with him. They looked at each other for a moment before Bella reached out to take Edward's hand. She brought it up to her breast, stopping only a breath's distance from her hardened nipple. She gave a faint nod and he moved to her, palming her breast. A whimper escaped her lips. Edward responded with a quiet moan.

Her warm, naked flesh felt wonderful to him. He wasted no time in bringing his other hand up to cup her left breast. He marveled at the beautiful rose color of her nipples, wanting nothing more at that moment than to feel them against his tongue. Leaning back again, Bella arched her chest out to Edward. He slowly lowered his head and took her left breast into his mouth, swirling his wintry tongue over her heated skin.

Bella was more vocal in her response, crying out at this new sensation. "Oh God! Uunh." Her pelvis rose off the bed as if her body's movements were no longer under her control. Edward massaged her breasts, gently pinching and licking each nipple to attention. Her body was tensed with desire. Her gasps and moans were like a song to his ears.

He looked up at Bella, continuing to kiss and taste her flushed skin. His hands traveled over her ribs and waist. His fingers played along the edge of her panties, grazing the skin on her lower abdomen.

Taking his mouth from her breast, Edward whispered once more. "Please."

Bella closed her eyes and sighed, "Yes." She raised herself as he removed her panties, taking a torturously long time to get them all the way down her legs and off her feet.

He took Bella's left foot in his hand. Lifting it off the floor, he placed her heel on the side-rail of the bed. He did the same with her right foot, placing it farther away from the left and causing her knees to part. Her scent was intoxicating to him. Being so close to her sex, he felt like all control he ever had was quickly slipping away. He rubbed his hands up her calves, stopping just behind her knee. With a gentle touch, he pulled her knees apart even farther, allowing him to see the wetness of her excitement evident on her thighs.

Bella felt so vulnerable and open to him now. She watched in fascination as he explored her body. Edward's hands continued their journey up her legs. He fingers pushing into her muscles and rubbing the skin to a slight pink. He moved his hands up and around her waist again, bringing them down to slide under her ass. He elevated her just an inch and pulled her to the edge of the bed. Keeping one hand on her waist, he moved his other up her torso, letting his palm graze her breast again and then gently pressed her back into a laying position.

She felt heavy against the bed, her body weighted down with her overwhelming need for him. Her skin was alive with sensation. Chills radiated from her center, from beneath Edward's hand, now pressed against her pelvis. His other hand had begun stroking the inside of her thigh. She could feel his fingers moving over the moisture that was there.

Then the touch was gone. Bella groaned in protest, missing it instantly. She lifted her head to look down her body and saw Edward holding two fingers to his lips. As she watched, he took them into his mouth, sucking her taste from them. With his eyes hazy, he pulled the wet fingers from his mouth. "God, I want so much more," he said, his jaw clenched. He brought his face between her legs and licked her thigh. She jumped and reflexively clamped her thighs together against his head. Edward hissed and pulled himself back, shaking his head in self-chastisement.

He heard Bella's breathy voice. "Then take more."

Edward looked up at her body, watching her stretch before him, reaching her arms up over her head. Keeping one arm wrapped around her right thigh, Edward brought his free hand up to her sex. He caressed the slick line between her lips and felt Bella push her body down against his touch. He gradually pushed one finger into her, feeling the heat of her body pulsing around it. He inhaled deeply, savoring her scent. He listened to her pulse, its tempo increasing as he began moving in and out of her wet pussy.

He could feel the glorious tightness as he slipped another finger into her. Bella gasped and rocked her hips forward. Edward pulled back quickly, leaving just the tips inside her. He held tighter to her thigh, trying to still her writhing body. He looked up at her, watching her chest rise and fall in staccato movements.

His body was tense as he crouched on his knees in front of her. He was afraid to move. He was being consumed by his feelings, his primal urges to claim Bella as his own. His desire to be closer to her, to control her body and make her cry out was overwhelming. He needed her to bring him back from this dangerous edge before he lost control.

"Bella" he groaned against her skin. "Help me."

She rose up into a sitting position. Hearing the desperation in his voice, she wrapped her hands around the back of his neck and pulled him to her on the bed. He crawled over her body with deliberate caution as she lay back down beneath him. She guided him up to her until they were face to face, sharing the air between them.

Edward's breathing was heavy. She looked into his eyes and saw his struggle, the fear that was stopping him. She wanted to sooth him with her words, realizing he needed this as much as she did.

"You are strong," Bella murmured into his lips. "You are good." She ran her hands down his back, gliding her fingers over the hard muscles down to his ass. Kissing him, she whispered, "You are forgiven."

Edward released a sigh heavy with emotion. He brought his hands up to Bella's face, brushing the hair back from her forehead. His kisses started slowly, his lips pressing to hers gently, reverently. Soon, his mouth became more demanding, his tongue pushing past her lips, sweeping into her mouth. He let his teeth graze her chin and neck.

Bella welcomed his neediness. Her whimpers and moans encouraged him. She arched her body up into his, guiding his hands over her flesh. She scratched her nails over his back and shoulders, trying to hold herself to him. She felt his erection hard against her leg, his size not lost to her senses.

Edward's body continued to push Bella into the bed; his legs coming up to drive hers further apart. His kisses moved lower as his tongue traced down her neck and between her breasts. She felt the strength of his hands gripping onto her waist, pulling her center to him. Her wet sex pressed against his pelvis as he curled his body into hers.

She reached down and took his hand, bringing it between their bodies and laying his cold fingers against her clit. She jumped at the contact, pausing for a moment. She began rubbing her fingers on top of his, showing him what she wanted. Looking into his eyes, she bit her bottom lip. Edward shifted his gaze, looking down Bella's body to where her hand was covering his. He began to mimic her movements with a careful precision.

"Uuh…mmmm". Bella moaned. "God yes." She clamped her eyes shut, taking her hand from his and grabbing on to his forearm. He continued stroking her, circling her clit with his thumb while curling one finger inside her. Her body responded to his touches as her breathing turned harder and her neck and chest flushed a light crimson.

Edward positioned himself on his knees, wrapping one arm around Bella's waist and arching her body up, pulling her ass off the bed while his hand kept working her slick sex. He gently pinched her clit and slid and second finger in to her, sending Bella careening over the edge.

"Oooo….uuunhh…..God, OH GOD!. She bucked her hips up, one hand gripping his shoulder while the other kept hold of his forearm. Her muscles coiled tensely as her orgasm washed over her.

Edward rushed his mouth to her neck, licking and nipping down to the soft curve of her shoulder, tasting the sheen if her perspiration. His hands were frenzied, roaming from her breasts to her face to her hips. Bella's body began to relax again. She was moaning his name over and over now, driving him insane with need.

Without warning, he felt Bella's hand around his erection. He shuddered at the warmth of her fingers wrapped delicately around him. He could feel her positioning herself lower and he lifted his body, giving her room to move beneath him. He watched her face and noticed the smile around her eyes. It had been too long since he had seen it. He felt her move one last time and then he felt his cock pressing against the entrance of her pussy, the effects of her orgasm coating his tip.

"This is forever," she whispered to him.

"You are my forever," he whispered back, pushing into her and through her barrier. Bella cried out at the pain, grabbing onto Edward's hips. He stilled instantly keeping his lips pressed to her neck where he could feel her pulse just beneath the skin. She bit into his shoulder to stifle her cries. Edward waited for her, feeling her walls contract around him, surrounding his shaft with a heat he could've never imagined in a million lifetimes.

When her fingers loosened their hold on his hips, Edward pulled back from her slowly, feeling the wetness dripping from inside her. He pressed back into her, cupping her ass to hold her to him.

"Uuh… Bella." He moved their bodies in a slow rhythm. "God, so good. This…uhn."

Bella wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself up as he pumped into her. She brought her legs up, wrapping them around his waist. She wanted to be one with him, to get all of him inside her. The pain and pleasure caused her to whimper and gasp with each thrust of his cock.

Her mouth found his and she bit at his lip, sucking it into her mouth. She licked her tongue over his teeth. Edward hissed into her mouth and pulled away, letting his head fall back. Bella attacked his neck, crying out between the wet kisses she placed on his marble skin as he continued to drive into her.

Edward's body began to react urgently. He felt himself harden even more inside Bella. His skin felt tight over his muscles and his mouth filled with venom. He was suddenly intoxicated with Bella's scent. He wanted her more now than in all the time he had known her. His hands moved from her ass, letting her body fall back to the bed and he drove himself in deeper. He reached up and pulled Bella's hands from behind his neck, gripping her wrists tightly and stretching her arms above her head. He thrust into her faster and harder, oblivious to anything else, as he held her beneath him, lost in the sensation of her hot, wet sex around his cock.

Bella's body continued to move with Edward's increasingly frantic thrusts. Her hips rose up to meet his, grinding herself against him. She focused on the sensation of Edward filling her, stretching her, claiming her. She wanted all of it. She needed all of it. She needed all of him.

She began rolling her hips against him faster, needing to find release from the tension that was building inside her. Edward paced his strokes to match her rhythm. He watched her face as she rocked into him, memorizing the shape of her lips as they opened in a silent moan. Still holding her arms above her head with one hand, he brought the other to her breast, rubbing his thumb across her nipple roughly.

"Aaah… God. Mmm….please, Edward, please…just, uunh." Bella's head began thrashing wildly as Edward raised himself up onto his knees again, arching his body over her, his cock sheathed fully into her swollen sex. Bella screamed out, her walls clenching over and over again. Edward plunged into her deeper, crying out at the tightening sensation of Bella's orgasm.

Crushing her to the bed, he stilled himself as he came, releasing his cold seed inside her. His head fell and his mouth found her neck again, his lips sucking fiercely against her flesh. She heard a quiet growl coming from him as he rubbed his nose along her jaw and down to her neck. She groaned as he placed his icy lips on her again, opening his mouth wider on her skin.

He held himself there. It could have been hours or minutes, she didn't really know, with his cock buried inside her and his mouth on her, as if poised to bite. Finally, she lifted her head, bringing her lips to his ear. "You could never hurt me again," she whispered. "I realize that now."

He released her wrists and raised his head, meeting her gaze. "Never," he whispered, breathing the words against her lips. His kiss was delicate. "I will never hurt you again."