Dear Edward,

I'm sorry.

I know I promised, and I know you're probably angry but I had to do it. There really wasn't any other way.

In the beginning, the first few months after you left, I remember nothing. It's all blank from the moment you walked away until the moment I woke up, calling out for you. You never came, though. I used to like to think that maybe you hadn't meant it and that you were waiting outside my window, just like always. But you never were. I even left my window open for a while, thinking that if I hoped and wished long enough that you'd come for me.

But you never did.

Edward, I hate you for leaving me here, and I hate you for lying to me for nearly a year. It hurts so much to know that that time, which meant everything to me, had been nothing to you. It made me feel as though I was only a place holder for you, until something bigger and better came along. Those memories—all of them— seemed like a dream after you were gone. I couldn't even imagine being as happy ever again.

I need you to be that happy.

I couldn't ask you to stay if it meant sacrificing your happiness. I love you too much for that. I know, I know. I just got done telling you how I hate you and now it's love? Well, simply: I hate the things you've done to me, but I love you. I love the way that you'd stay with me through the night, even though I wasn't much company. I love the way you'd smile at me as I told you something I'd just learned, even though you'd probably heard about it before. But it seems I really was a stupid lamb, because those things were… lies.

I fell in love with a lie.

Maybe I could accept that and move on. Maybe I could forget about you, and go on with my life. But the thing is… I did believe that lie. And I did fall in love with it, too. Completely. Edward, I have nothing left to give to anyone. You took it all. You're the one with whom I wanted all of those things, anyway. Without you… it doesn't mean anything. Marriage would be a disposable transaction, children a burden, and life listless and dull.

Denying your soul mate goes against nature.

That's what you were, Edward. I used to like to think that you were changed for me; so that you would come to me and love me for the rest of time. Despite my severe inadequacies, I felt like we worked together. You made me want to change and be better. You really did. You made me want to mean something to you and to other people. But when you said that you didn't want me I felt betrayed; betrayed in that my heart couldn't tell the difference between a con and true love.

But then I realized: my love wasn't a lie.

That was why I couldn't let go of you, not even now. I've loved someone else with all of myself. There's no going back after something like that. You don't know what that love has meant to me, Edward. You can't. I've lived more in the last year than most do in a life time.

Which is why I can't regret what I'm doing.

I've lived.

I've loved.

What else is left?

I love you,

Bella

I crumpled Bella's note in my hand, letting out a loud cry. Had I been able to shed tears, I would have. I was mourning the loss of my love, but more than that, of her. With Bella went the meager excuse I had to continue on in my existence. With Bella went everything.

Oh, my Bella… what have I done?