Hello! Thank you for stopping by to read Matters of the Mind. I'm working on this project for JulNoWriMo, starting my word count from the second chapter. I'm really taking this seriously and I truly hope that you enjoy it! Please review after you read, it would mean so much to me. Thank you!

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, its characters, or anything associated with it. I only own this plot and the original characters that appear in it.

The faint rain drizzled on her light brown hair, softening its hard, shaggy appearance. She looked down at the sidewalk, clutching the bear that her father gave her on his deathbed as the older men talked. She was standing in front of Wammy's House, a special home for smart boys and girls like her. At least, that was what Daddy said. She didn't have a mom to take care of her, she had died in childbirth, and Daddy had died just a few days ago.

The man who had brought her here, Watari, looked down at her and put a hand on her shoulder. She looked up with sad, pale blue eye and the old man smiled kindly. "Felicity, I must tell you now that you have to call yourself by a new name."

She blinked. "Why? My mom named me Felicity…It means happiness."

Watari shook his head. "You're going to school here to learn to become a great detective, but no one can know your real name. You have to call yourself something different. An identity is a very important thing to keep safe, and the best way to do that is not to reveal it." An even larger frown crossed her face, and Watari added, "I know it's hard, but surely there's another name you like you can use. Why, it could begin with an 'F' like your real name does."

She looked down at her shoes and thought very hard, stroking the head of her white teddy bear. Seconds passed by like hours as she decided on a new name, one her Daddy would have liked. Then, it finally came to her, and she spoke it shyly.

"…Fera. I want to be called Fera. I-it's Latin for 'wild,' I think."

Watari nodded. "Well then. Welcome, Fera, to Wammy's House."

"It's seven-'o'-clock!" the after-care teacher was saying to a woman who worked outside the principal's office. "Where on earth could her father be?"

Felicity, sitting in a chair in the library, swung her feet back and forth like she was on a swing. She had to admit, she was worried. Daddy wouldn't just leave me, she thought to herself, would he?

The phone rang and the librarian was quick to answer it, saying the name of Felicity's school. Then there was a pause. "…We'll be there right away," she responded, hanging up. "Come on, Felicity," she said, grabbing the little girl's hand. "We're going to see your father."

"B-but isn't Daddy coming to get me?" she asked shyly, dragging her little backpack behind her, tripping over the straps as she followed the fast-moving feet dressed in black.

"Just come with me," she insisted, but then Felicity pulled her hand back, hugging her backpack.

"No!" she squeaked. "Daddy told me not to go with someone unless they give me a good reason! Bad people take you places for no reason!"

The librarian sighed. "Felicity…There's been an accident at your father's store. He's in the hospital. Please, come with me…"

Felicity's eyes opened wide and she nodded dumbly, dragging her backpack again; lucky she didn't leave it behind. The teacher sighed sadly and took her hand. "Let's just go. The sooner we get there, the better."

The car ride there was a blur of pictures and movement and noise, she was too far away in her mind to process it. What happened to Daddy? Why couldn't he call the school sooner? What was going on? Felicity's young mind couldn't understand, not to mention the absolute worry and fear that was consuming her. She loved her daddy so much…This shouldn't happen to people you love.

"Felicity, we're here…Felicity?"

The librarian's voice snapped her out of her frightened stupor. (At least, partially out.) She got out of the car, took the woman's hand, and followed silently, like a sheep. The blacktop of the parking lot, mixed with the fierce wind and rain and the red brick of the hospital all melded together in a swirling, silent storm in front of her eyes. Most likely, she wouldn't have been able to walk in a straight line if she wasn't holding the librarian's hand.

Felicity didn't know what part of the hospital they were walking into, but when the sliding doors opened, she squeezed the librarian's hand a little tighter. No more did the shapes become melded together like she was in a surreal dream. No, now the images and sounds were all too clear.

This was real.

This was happening.

But, oh, God, she didn't want it to be.

"Go on, don't be shy," another old man working at the orphanage, Roger, said.

Apparently, she had arrived during recess for the children. They were busy playing games indoors, but Fera didn't want to join. She shook her head, clutching the bear and hiding behind it. "I-I don't think I should…"

"Why not? They're just children like you," Roger replied, trying to coax her but failing. He wasn't too deterred by this behavior, though. Many of the children at Wammy's where what you would call "strange," in a word.

Fera looked back over and shook her head again, stepping backwards and bumping into Roger's leg. "Oh! I'm sorry, Roger!" she squeaked. "I-I didn't mean to do that…"

"It's fine," Roger responded. "Now, go on, just join in. They won't bite you." He thought for a moment, then added quietly, "All right, K might, but other than that, he's harmless." But another violent shake of Fera's head convinced him that she would not join the others. "Okay, okay, you don't have to. I'll have one of the older children show you around." Roger scanned the room and called, "D, come here."

An older boy, about 16, with prematurely gray hair walked over. He walked straight, with confidence, and his brown eyes were light and responsive. Stretching his arms behind his back, his green flannel jacket opening t reveal a black t-shirt underneath, he asked, "What's up, Roger?" He then looked down and smiled a bit. "Aw, is this a new kid?"

"Yes, this is Fera," Roger said.

"H-hello," Fera squeaked, still hiding behind her teddy bear.

D must not have heard her, because he looked at Roger again and said, "She's a cute kid. Want me to show her around?"

"Yes, I'd like that," Roger said, gently pushing Fera in his direction a bit. "Fera, go with Dilan here. He'll show you around Wammy's House so that way you don't get lost. Understand?"

Fera nodded and Dilan kicked his foot backwards. "All right, then!" he chirped, patting the young girl on the head. "Welcome to Wammy's, Fera." He turned and walked away. Fera followed him quietly, staring at his sneakers. His jeans were a little big, so she couldn't see them like she could for most people, but they seemed well-worn, like he was almost ready for a new pair but didn't want to let them go.

"This room we're in now," Dilan said, "is the common room. We come in here in our free time most of the time, and for indoor recess. Down this hallway," he added, looking back to make sure Fera was still following him, "we have the library. If we have a paper to write, this is the place to go get research. There's usually three to seven kids here, I know. I've done the math."

"Wow, how did you figure that out?" Fera asked curiously. She walked up to his side and came up a little past his knee. Either he's really tall, she thought, or I'm really short.

"Oh, it's not that complicated," Dilan said, stepping inside. "Look here now. How many kids are in here?"

Fera stopped for a moment to count. "Umm, five. Unless somebody's hiding."

D chuckled. "Yeah, that's right. If you came here two hours ago, you'd have seen that there were eight. Basically, what I did was I came in at different points during the day, tallied up the number, and – well, you'll learn how to do stuff like that in your classes. It's not important. Anyway, come on," he said, holding the door open so she could step out before him. "We've got places to go and people to see!"

Fera smiled a bit. She liked this boy, he was nice and friendly. "Okay," she said, more enthusiastically than last time.

They walked down a different hallway and Dilan gestured toward a room with a large, long table at the center of it. "This is the dining room. Don't be fooled. It may look fancy, but really, it's like the kitchen table at home. Many a food fight have been broken out in here." Fera giggled and took a moment to take it all in, then turned back and followed D as he walked out. "And next to it, we have the kitchen. Afternoon, Sama!" Dilan called in. A woman who had dark brown, almost black, hair tied up in a bun shook a large spoon at him and he laughed. Turning back to Fera, he said, "That's Sama, the chef here. Don't get her angry or she might put something nasty in your food."

"Don't start spreading lies about me, young man!" Sama replied, glaring at Dilan. "Especially not to a little girl like that!"

"I'm not lying!" Dilan said, laughing. "You put a worm in my eggs earlier."

"It was a gummy worm," she insisted. "And you did that!"

"Well, would ya look at the time!" Dilan said, gesturing exaggeratedly at his wrist (on which there was no watch). "Gotta go! See ya, Sama!"

"Watch yourself!" Sama snapped after him. Fera, a bit frightened, pulled close to D and followed the gray-haired boy closely. Dilan seemed to have a permanent grin on his face and it made Fera feel at ease.

"Come on, I'll show you the dorms real quick," Dilan said, walking up a staircase. Fera shyly gripped the wood banister and made sure not to drag her muddy shoes on the red carpet. At the top, a room with the letter "M" was on it.

"We actually have two M's here," Dilan said, laughing. "This is our first M's room, though. You'll see him around, being loud and obnoxious. His name's Mello. The other M's name is Matt, but he practically lives in his bedroom, so you don't have to worry about him. You know we go by letters and not just codenames, right?"

Fera shuffled a bit in place. "I kinda guessed, but I wasn't sure…"

Dilan chuckled. "You're really shy, aren't you?" Fera stammered a bit, embarrassed, but D cut her off. "It's fine, I'm just messing with you. Come on, I'll take you to your room so you can get settled in." He turned around and Fera followed again, burying her face in her bear.

"…These hallways are really dark," she remarked. "There's hardly any lights down here."

"Yeah, we're really not supposed to be in our rooms much so there isn't much light. You get used to it after a while." He turned around, grinning. "Why? Scared of the dark?"

"N-no! I-I just noticed it, that's all."

They walked down a ways in silence, Fera gripping her bear tightly, jumping at the flitting shadows on the walls. The truth was, she wasn't scared of the dark, but what she imagined could be hiding inside it. You never knew…

"Excuse me?" the librarian asked the man at the reception desk. He looked up, dark-haired with large glasses and a scowl on his face.

"Yeah?" was all he said, instead of a "May I help you?" or a "What can I do for you?".

"We're here to see a Mr. Benjamin Hunter…"

"You family?" the man asked. Felicity gripped the woman's hand tightly, begging her to say 'yes.'

"W-well, you see, I'm not, but this girl here, she's his daughter, Felicity, and-"

"You can take her, but you'd better not get caught." He took a quick glance at the scared little girl and almost – almost, God forbid he actually did – gave her an expression that said, "I'm sorry," while handing the librarian the room number and visitor passes. But Felicity didn't look long enough to check; held in tow by the librarian, whose tight bun was becoming loose, strands of blonde hair beginning to fly about, she was tearing down the hallway to her father's room.

They opened the door and Felicity saw a doctor and two nurses standing over a bed. Going to that bed were lots of beeping machines and plastic tubes and other things she didn't understand. Surely this couldn't have been the right room, could it? She looked up at the librarian for assurance, but the grim look on the adult's face spoke the words she didn't want to hear.

Incredulously, Felicity turned her head back to the bed, letting go of the librarian's hand and walking toward it slowly. Her backpack merely dangled off her shoulder, but she didn't seem to notice. One of the nurses stepped out of the way and the doctor and the librarian began to have a sad-sounding conversation, but Felicity wasn't paying attention.

She looked up at the head of the bed and saw a man with dark hair and a scruffy beard, a clear oxygen mask on his face. His normally healthy complexion was pallid and sickly-looking, and a groan emitted from his throat. Yes, this man looked like her father, but it wasn't the same man who would pick her up and swing her around in the air. He wasn't the same man who would kiss her goodnight and remind her to say her prayers. And he certainly was not the same man she kissed goodbye when she went to school that morning.

Because her father, her daddy, was not a dying man.

"D-Daddy?" she asked quietly, touching his hand and avoiding those nasty, scary tubes at all costs. "A-are you sleeping?"

He groaned again, opening dark green eyes. "Felicity…" he grunted, holding her little hand, so small in comparison to his. He squeezed tight and Felicity had to fight back tears, because while she didn't understand what was going on, the instincts that only a child possesses told her that this was going to be very bad.

"Daddy, why are you in the hospital?" she asked, biting her lip. "Wh-what happened? A-are you gonna come home soon? I-I-I can p-pack my own lunch for the morning for school…"

Her father chuckled, then coughed in pain. "Sweetie, I'm…not coming back home."

Her eyes widened in shock and she gasped. "What? No! What do you mean!?"She clutched his hand, never wanting to let go, afraid that if she did he would simply vanish before her eyes. "Daddy, y-you have to come home! Wh-what am I supposed to do without you?"

Unseen to Felicity's eyes, a small tear slid down the man's pale cheek, and he removed his hand from her tiny, desperate grip to stroke her wet face. "It's okay…You'll go to a home for smart girls and boys like you…You'll be okay."

"But it's not the same!" she wailed grabbing his hand and crying freely now. "It's not the same! I wanna just go back home with you! I love you! D-don't leave me, Daddy, please! Please!"

"Felicity," he muttered faintly, coughing. "Sweetie, I want you to have this, okay?" He looked at one of the nurses, who handed Felicity a pure white teddy bear, soft and furry, with shiny black eyes and a pink felt nose. She took it but absentmindedly, more interested in squeezing her father's hand, trying so hard to hold on to the one person she knew loved her in the world. "Promise me," he father said to her, looking her right in the eyes. "Promise me that you'll be a good girl, okay?"

She nodded wordlessly, twin rivers coming from her eyes and primal sounds of pain escaping her lips.

"Honey, remember this, okay?" She nodded, promising to remember. "Whenever things seem their worst, whenever all the lights are out and when you're at the lowest part of your game…That's when everything shines. That's…that's the one thing I've learned, and God, how I wish I could have known that at your age. Promise me you'll remember that, Felicity."

She nodded. "I-I promise, Daddy, I promise."

He smiled, sighing. He took in one, two, three more breaths, squeezing his little girl's hand, and then…

Beeeeep…

His hand went limp in hers, his head lolling to the side and his chest falling for the last time. And still he smiled.

"…Daddy?" she asked. No response. "D-Daddy?? Daddy! No!" She broke down, collapsing on his stomach, clad in a thin hospital gown and sobbing. She clutched the paper-thin covering and cried and screamed and wailed, but a little part of her knew her efforts were fruitless. Because her daddy was gone, and he wasn't coming back.

"Fera? Hey! Hellooooo?" D was waving his hand in front of her face, "Earth to F! Helloooo?"

"Huh?" she asked, snapping out of her stupor. They were standing in the middle of one of the dark Wammy hallways. "Oh, sorry…"

"Eh, it's all right, we all space out sometimes," Dilan replied, shrugging. "Anyway, here's your room," he said, gesturing towards the door. She turned and blushed a bit. It was a large door with a painted-on "F" on it. Her merely staring at the door made the older boy laugh. "Come on, open it! It's your room, after all."

Casting a shy glance at him, Fera took her tiny hand to the cold metal doorknob – it felt like it had never been touched before – and twisted it. Pushing the door open, she saw a fairly empty, gray room. A simple bed was up against the wall with white sheets on it and a standard white pillow. There was a small closet inside it upon further inspection, and an empty dresser sat at the other end of the room. The walls were bare except for one, on which there was a window looking out over the English country.

"You can fix it up later and make it really your own," D said, surprising her a bit. She hadn't heard him come in. "But for now we have enough room for you to put your things in and clean sheets for you to use for the night. Normally it looks a little nicer," he admitted, gazing out the window, the rain dripping down it, "but you were a bit more short-notice than some of us."

Feeling embarrassed for no good reason, Fera buried her face in the white bear again, which she was growing to love. "U-um…"

"No, no, don't you worry about it!" Dilan said, smiling sheepishly. "It's fine. Come on, let's go grab that suitcase of yours and you can empty it out. We'll make you feel right at home, okay?" He left the room, whistling a happy-sounding tune, but for a moment, Fera stood in place.

"Home…" she whispered. Thoughts of her father went through her mind and, biting back a few bitter tears, she followed the boy who was kind enough to try and help her. But she wasn't sure if this place, this Wammy's House, could ever really become 'home' like living in that little house, just her and her daddy, on the corner of two quiet back roads was.

The adults were talking in the big room, all dressed in black and with sad faces. Felicity had gone to her grandma and grandpa's for the night and was now wearing a black dress, on her grandma's wishes. To be honest, she didn't really care. Instead of socializing or going near her father's body, all dressed up in makeup that made him look different and scary, she sat on a chair next to a window. Looking out it, she became angry.

Her father, her daddy was dead, but the sun was shining and butterflies were flying by the window, white ballet dancers lighting down on pink flowers. Why, she thought angrily, was such a happy scene outside when she felt so sad?

An older man, also dressed in black, walked up to Fera. She looked up at him and saw that he had a silver moustache and squinty eyes that looked closed. He wore glasses, but, if you didn't open your eyes, how could you use them?

"Hello," he said quietly, tipping his hat for a moment. She nodded, acknowledging him, but she felt unsure. Most of the people here were family or family friends, but she'd never seen this man before. "My name is Watari," he said. "I work for an orphanage for gifted children. And you are Felicity, correct?"

She nodded again, holding her bear. It was almost adorable (almost) how the white bear contrasted the dark clothing. "Uh-huh."

"Felicity, did your father tell you that you were going to be going to this place?"

"He…mentioned it," she said, "but why do I have to go? My grandma and grandpa can take care of me, right?"

The old man shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry, but they cannot, for financial reasons." Felicity knew that 'financial' meant 'money' but didn't quite understand. She kept quiet, though. It didn't seem important to ask. "So in about three days, you'll be coming with me to Wammy's House."

Felicity bit her lip, scared out of her mind. She lost her father, and now she had to go somewhere she didn't know with a man she had never met before? "…D-do I have to?" she asked quietly.

"I'm afraid there's no other choice," Watari said, stepping closer to a chair next to her. "May I?" he asked, and she nodded. Taking a seat, Watari removed his hat, revealing his silver hair (which surprised her, since her grandpa had that color of hair but he was bald) and sighed. "It's always so unfortunate," he said, half to himself, "the things you children have to go through. But I can assure you," he added, looking right at her, "you have a bright future ahead of you now."

She wanted to believe him.

"Wow, one suitcase and that's it?" Dilan asked, surprised as he took the black case into his hands and carrying it with ease. "Heh, that's less that I expected."

"M-my daddy and I didn't have a lot of things at home," she said quietly, as if she was afraid to talk. "W-we made due with what we had, really."

D smiled, leading the way back to her room again. "Let's take the route through the classrooms," he suggested, "so you can see those on your way." She nodded.

They cut through the playroom and out a door in the back of it, but while walking through it, she noticed a boy with white hair and dressed in white sitting all alone in the corner. She stopped to look at him for a second. He was playing with a puzzle quietly, a rubber duck at his side. No one bothered to walk over to him or ask him to join in their games. "D-Dilan?" she asked, turning back to him and tugging on his shirt sleeve.

"Hmm?" he asked, looking down at her with curious brown eyes. "What's up?"

"Um, th-that boy," she said, gesturing towards the corner but not pointing (her daddy had taught her never to point at a person because it made them feel bad). "Who is he? He looks lonely. Should I go say hi?"

"Him?" Dilan said. "Oh, that's N. Near. He's about your age – you're, what, seven?"

"Eight," she corrected gently.

"Yeah, that sounds about right," he said. "And he's not lonely. Near just plays by himself all the time. If you want to say hi, you can, but don't expect much. He's not a very social kid."

She looked over at him for a moment. This boy, Near, was so fixated on his puzzle that he didn't even bother to look up at them, although something told Fera that he probably could hear them. She wanted to say hello, she really did, but…she couldn't. "N-no, it's okay," she said, turning around and facing the door. "L-let's just go," she said.

Dilan shrugged, lifting her small black suitcase up on his shoulder. "Fine by me," he said, leading the way.

So this is Wammy's House, Fera thought to herself. I guess I have a lot of getting used to.

Whoo! So glad to be able to post this! I'm pretty proud of it. Please review and let me know what you think!

-Winter Poison