A/N: A special thanks to Nolie, FanFicFanatic12, Ember411, Ava and Canadian Belle for their wonderful reviews. I really appreciate it! This chapter was written a little faster than the others, and I really didn't have time to re-read it thoroughly, so any mistakes are my own... feel free to point them out, and I'll fix them if I can. Also, you don't have to read the letter at the beginning to get the story, so feel free to skip over it if you get bored. If I think about it, it kind of does feel a little pointless. Again, this was written quickly in a free-writing session, so it might not be quite as good as the other two, but I'm trying, okay? I hope I kept everyone in character... and if the next chapter comes a little later, I'm sorry. I wrote chapter eighteen first, if you can believe it, so I haven't even started four yet. -sweatdrop- SORRY. ;)
Disclaimer: Suzie (S.E.) Hinton is God. Therefore, she owns the Outsiders.
3: You Feel Stuff Real Deep (But You Can't Show It)
Sodapop,
I know I left without much warning. Maybe telling you I was off to Florida that night before we left wasn't the smartest idea, but can you blame me? You asked me to marry you! Soda, we're children. We can't get married. You can't get married at sixteen! Well, I mean, you can, but we can't. Soda, something horrible has happened, and I can't marry you. As much as I want to be Mrs. Sodapop Curtis, which is a lot, I just can't. I'm sorry.
I know I told you I was pregnant. I know you got down on one knee. I know I said the baby wasn't yours. That wouldn't have mattered to you? Sometimes, I think you need really to grow up, and others, I sincerely hope that you don't change one bit.
We're putting the baby up for adoption. My grandmother thinks she can find a nice family that'll take him (or her) even though he (or she) was created out of wedlock. But Soda, you got to believe me, I didn't meant to break your heart. You probably hate me, and you have good reason to. I slept with another boy, even if I was drunk at the time.
You see, I went to this party. I would've invited you to come, but the girl who was holding it was middle-class... I know that doesn't make a difference. I don't care about money, and neither do you, but she convinced me to let you stay home. I don't drink, usually, but one of the boys spiked the punch, and I was so nervous, being somewhere without you, that I drank like half the bowl and ended up acting more stupid than Two-Bit when he has a few.
Do I regret it? Yes. If I could turn back time, I wouldn't have gone. Soda, I'm sorry I'm doing this to you, honest. The boy practically took advantage of me... it doesn't matter. It was my fault for drinking, and for going to the party in the first place. It was stupid of me. Soda, I'm sorry.
I just wanted you to know the whole story. Please don't try to contact me; I'm barely making it through this, and reading a letter from you, or hearing your voice on the telephone might just break me. I feel guilty about what's happened. If you send me a letter, I swear, I won't read it. It'll be easier this way, Soda. I loved you, but I can't anymore. What's happened cannot be undone, so it's probably best if we forget the past completely and start new.
I still love you. I think I'll always love you. We just can't be together anymore, see? It wouldn't be right. I hurt you, and that's not right at all. I'm so, so sorry Sodapop, but I can't ever see you again.
Good-bye,
Sandy
I touched the page and felt a tear roll silently down my cheek. I would have married her anyway. It wasn't her fault. I could forgive her, because I loved her that much. My whole world was shattering, and as much as I tried to hold it all together, I couldn't.
I folded the letter carefully and put it on the bedside table. Reading it again wouldn't change the words. She never wanted to see me again, because she felt guilty. I would have taken her back in an instant. I didn't have that luxury.
I turned out the light and lay back on the bed, letting my tears fall freely. I always tried to smile through my pain, always. And it worked, sometimes. Sometimes I could smile and forget that Mom and Dad weren't coming home. But not now. This had cut too deep into an already bruised heart to be forgotten so fast. I couldn't just get over it.
But I had to be strong for Darry. I was the glue holding the gang together, at this point; what with Johnny and Ponyboy missing and all. I'd written a letter and given it to Dally for Ponyboy. I knew he knew where they were. He'd gotten them a hideout somewhere. Two-Bit was convinced they were in Texas, but I knew better. They might even still be in Tulsa, though I doubted it. And it's not like that eased the worry or the pain at all.
Too fast, too soon, too hard. The weight of the world was on my shoulders, and no one seemed to notice. No Sandy, no Pony, no Johnny, no mom and dad; who was there left to lean on? Steve wasn't the cry-on-my-shoulder type, and as much as I loved Darry, I had to be strong for him. I had to be the smile when he'd had a tough day at work, especially now that my baby brother was missing and on the run from the police.
It wasn't fair. I reached my arm across the bed, as though expecting Pony to be there. He wasn't. I hugged his pillow, burring my face in it to try and stem the flow of tears. I slowly felt myself drift to sleep, my heart still aching to have a real person in my arms, rather than the feather-filled substitute.
--
"Soda, I'm not going to tell you again!" Darry's voice was rough, and he shook my shoulder as if to make his point. I hadn't heard him the first time. "Up!" He sounded hard. Almost like Dally, hard. It was scary how much he'd changed the last few days.
Ponyboy was missing, and I could tell how much it was affecting him. His usually cool blue eyes were dark and sad, and the worry lines in his forehead had increased ten-fold. I had to make like everything was okay and try to help him through this, or he wasn't going to make it. I had to be the strong one, just like always. I had to.
"What's from breakfast?" I asked sleepily, giving him a forced grin. No one can tell and easy smile from a forced one with me, and I knew it.
He looked at me a little softer than he had before, and said, "Chocolate cake, again, as long as Two-Bit didn't finish it off last night."
"Nah, he was too busy making plans to go to Texas." My joking tone cut deeper into the already gaping hole in my chest. How could I make light of Pony and Johnny been missing? And yet, if I were to be strong for the others, how could I not?
Darry ruffled my hair and left the bedroom, probably going to take a quick shower before work. I'd never seen him like this before, and it was scaring me a little.
--
The phone rang that afternoon, just as I was taking my break. "S'your turn," I yelled over my shoulder to Steve, who hopped the counter and picked up the receiver. His face turned from pleasant-worker to shocked-and-concerned-friend in a second. I knew something was wrong, so I walked back up to the counter, leaning over it anxiously, trying to hear the voice on the other end of the line over our combined breathing.
"What is it?" I asked breathlessly, watching his face. I knew Steve Randle like I knew the back of my hand, but this expression was hard to place. He offered me the phone and I took it.
"Soda?" I'd recognise Darry's voice anywhere, but he sounded different than he had the last few days. He sounded even more scared. "I'm coming to pick you up in half a second. They found the boys. They're in the hospital."
"Darry, what—?" The line went dead, and I stared at the phone. Both relief and panic settled in my stomach. They'd been found. But what did that mean? Darry sounded scared, and he said they were in the hospital. That couldn't be good.
"I've gotta go," I told Steve, and he nodded gravely as I raced out the front door and down to the street to wait for Darry. He really was there in a second; he must've been speeding. He pulled up alongside the curb and I jumped in as soon as he stopped. We were moving again before I'd even put on my seatbelt.
"What's going on?" I asked, still sounding breathless.
"A church fire in Windrixville. They're burned, I guess. I don't really know. They didn't have much information, other than it's Pony and Johnny and Dally."
The hospital wasn't all that far away, and we got there pretty quickly. Darry parked and jumped out, walking briskly up to the hospital doors, not even waiting for me to get out of the car. I jumped out and ran after him, even making it into the building faster. Darry asked the first nurse we saw where our brother was, and she pointed us to the left. I took off running; I didn't really know why, I just needed to see my baby brother. I needed to know that he was okay. So when I saw him, looking completely different (yet pretty much unscathed, thank God) in a waiting room chair, I almost broke down crying. But I didn't. I didn't, because I had to be strong for them. So I grinned and said, "Ponyboy!" as he jumped from the chair and ran to give me a hug.
I wrapped my arms around his back and grinned, biting back tears. He was safe. Safe, alive, and home. That was all that mattered, but instead of saying so, I mumbled, "Oh, look at your tuff hair," jokingly, as though that would make everything better. As if joking and smiling could heal a broken heart, or two.
Darry was standing off to the side, wiping his hands on his jeans. "Pony?" he asked, and Pony let go of me to run to him, saying, "Darry!" in a teary, desperate voice. "Darry, I'm sorry, Darry." I'd never seen the big man break down like he did then. He practically crushed Ponyboy in a hug so tight it could break steel, his face contorted into an expression of pain, tears in his eyes.
"I thought we lost you like we did mom and dad," he sobbed, and I leaned my head against Pony's, trying to comfort both of my brothers. I put my hand on Darry's shoulder then let it drop, and he grabbed me by the shirt and pulled me closer into the group hug. "You sure look funny," he said, trying to joke as a tear rolled down his cheek. I laughed and hug my brothers, trying to hold back my own tears.
As we drove home, Pony asleep in the back seat, I thought long and hard. I was fragile. My state of mind right now was fragile, and my heart was too. I'd barely been able to hand all of the emotional pressure, but now that everything was okay, I could heal. As long as nothing else happened, everything could go back to normal.
But I had a bad feeling that something else would happen. Something would happen, because my whole world wasn't through falling apart yet. That scared me, because I was fragile. If something else happened, I would break down, and let everyone down. I was fragile, and there was nothing I could do about it.
INDEX:
1: You Steal (Because You Can)
2: You Steal (Because You Have To)
3: You Feel Stuff Real Deep (But You Can't Show It)
4: Your Friends Matter (More Than Anything, Even Yourself)
5: Money Doesn't Matter (Because You Don't Have Any, Anyway)
6: The Police Hate You (Without Ever Even Meeting You)
7: You Hunt For Action (Because You Need It To Feel Alive)
8: Your Couch is Their Couch (Because They Have Nowhere Else To Go)
9: Jokes Keep You Going (When There's Nothing Else To Laugh At)
10: Beer is a Necessity (Because It Washes Away All The Shit That's Happened to You)
11: Love is Tough To Find (Because Everyone is Too Good For You)
12: Death Can Break You (But You'd Never Admit It)
13: Jobs Are Hard to Come By (Because Everyone Knows Your Reputation)
14: You're Not Afraid (Unless Someone Has a Gun)
15: Knives Stay Clean (Unless You Get Blood On Them)
16: You Stick Up For Other Greasers (No Matter What)
17: You Like Fights (For Assorted Reasons)
18: You Have Blood On Your Hands (And You Can't Wash Them Clean)
19: No One Understands You (Except Other Greasers)
A/N2: Again, feel free to guess whose POV each chapter will be written by, if you want. Also, Reviews are not only welcome, but very much encouraged! (I might even go as far as to beg for them...) And if you don't see a topic on the list above you think should be, tell me in a review and I'll think about adding it.
Thanks in advance,
Casey (BugFan4Ever)