It was the incessant sound of Luffy and Usopp running around the Thousand Sunny's lawn, screaming at the tops of their lungs that jarred Zoro from a rather pleasant afternoon nap. Only paying minimal attention, Zoro was able to figure out that Luffy had snatched something from Usopp –- maybe one of his gadgets, though by the way the sniper was screaming it could damn well have been his first-born child –- and promptly run off with it.

Sprawled on the grass in a shady patch and enjoying a cool sea breeze, the swordsman would have been content to ignore the pair as best he could and drift off again, since honestly this had nothing to do with him, but it seemed fate was against him, as in the next moment Sanji made his appearance, twirling out from the direction of the galley with a tray balanced on each arm sporting some brightly-colored fruity drinks that must have been intended for the two women enjoying the nice weather in beach chairs on the lawn.

"Nami-swaaan, Robin-chwaaan," the cook crooned, "I have prepared a meager offering in hopes of--"

He probably would have gone on in that vein for a few more minutes, but his speech was cut abruptly short on a sound along the lines of "Aaaagh?!" when his foot caught on Zoro's leg and sent him stumbling gracelessly.

Zoro cracked an eye open to scowl at the blonde as Sanji staggered for balance and Luffy and Usopp raced by on another lap around the ship.

"Watch where you're walking, idiot," Zoro snapped, and Sanji - having recovered his balance if not his dignity - offered the swordsman a withering look.

"Maybe if you weren't sprawled across the deck like the useless lump you are, I wouldn't have to," Sanji shot right back, and Zoro was halfway to his feet when Nami's voice drifted up from a short distance away with an inquiry after her and Robin's drinks.

"My sincerest apologies, Nami-swan!" Sanji cried as he turned to hurry off out of the swordsman's line of sight. Though despite his quick departure he did deign to slide in the last comment, "I was distracted by a brainless speed-bump."

Zoro snorted derisively and dropped back on the lawn, hands folded behind his head. He'd let the cook have that one. No point in wasting his time when he could still salvage his nap.

Closing his eyes again, Zoro exhaled slowly and relaxed again, shutting out the distant sound of running feet and shouting voices and letting himself drift. He had nearly returned to comfortable sleep when Sanji made his return trip to the galley, once again crooning at the women, though this time doing a sort of backward walk with the trays clutched to his chest as he tried to watch Nami and Robin for as long as possible.

This could account for the next instant in which he tripped backward over Zoro's legs and squawked in a rather unmanly fashion as he was sent sprawling to the ground.

This time, there was no pause. Sanji barked a curse, brought a leg up sharply and dropped it in an attempt to take Zoro's head off with an axe kick. But the attack only connected with grass as Zoro rolled to the side and gained his feet, grabbing his swords from where they had been laid next to him in the same movement. He had the weapons drawn before he was completely upright, but since Sanji hadn't wasted half a second in launching himself to his feet, Zoro immediately had to take up the defensive and use his blades to block a front kick that had his feet sliding back a few inches on the grass.

The sole of a dress shoe ground against crossed blades for an instant, and then Zoro released an aggravated snarl and forced Sanji backward with a forward lunge that the blonde couldn't counter while balanced on one leg. Zoro pressed the advantage and advanced with a series of rapid slashes that had Sanji retreating backward to avoid being perforated.

"Bastard curly-brow!"

"Shitty swordsman!"

On the other side of the lawn, Luffy streaked by at speed, cackling maniacally with a shouting Usopp still on his heels.

Blades met kicks again with a familiar crash-grind and now both men were trying to overcome the other with sheer strength and it wasn't getting them anywhere.

Across the lawn, Luffy's erratic path had him darting toward the railing of the ship, and Usopp continued to yell himself hoarse, at his wit's end.

As Zoro lifted a blade in preparation for his next attack, Sanji dropped back a pace and wound back a leg to set up a wicked roundhouse, and that was when everything went to hell.

Usopp chose that exact moment to make a mad lunging grab for his retreating captain, but only managed to catch the edge of one sandaled foot. This pitched Luffy off balance and with the momentum his running speed provided, he was helpless to keep himself from going right over the railing of the ship.

Zoro's attention shifted immediately to his captain, which he regretted in the next instant when a black blur connected with his temple with crushing force and took him right off his feet. Sanji had already turned to charge for the rail to rescue Luffy before Zoro even landed, so he didn't see the swordsman collide with a solid Adam wood wall. It wouldn't have been such a bad landing if Zoro's already-battered head hadn't been the first thing to make contact, the sudden introduction to the Adam wood making a rather sickening 'thud'.

Zoro managed to drop onto his feet, but he swayed dangerously and found his shoulders bumping the wall behind him. He leaned on the surface, dazed and waiting for the black to clear from the edges of his vision, but it was only getting worse and in the next moment he was sliding down the wall to sit at its base, swords falling on either side of him since his hands refused to grip the hilts.

There was something warm running down the side of his face, and Zoro made the fuzzy connection that it had to be blood, but he couldn't lift a hand to check. His vision continued to fall out of focus and darken, and Zoro managed one clear thought before his world went dark:

He was going to kick Sanji's ass.

~ ;3 ~

Whereas the ocean breeze washing over the Thousand Sunny was just cool enough to counteract the warm weather and make time on the lawn thoroughly enjoyable, the ocean the Sunny was sailing through was startlingly cold. No, it was freaking cold. Sanji had taken note of this when he plunged into the blue after his idiot captain, and so when he hauled himself and the limp rubber man back onto the deck, he was in a considerably foul mood.

Luffy hit the grass with a wet sound and laid there miserably, and Usopp scowled at him until the captain produced an odd metal box that seemed to be leaking water and offered it to the sniper with an apologetic look.

Usopp studied his captain's kicked-puppy expression, then the battered and waterlogged whatever-it-was, and promptly burst out laughing. Luffy looked relieved, laughed with him and oozed sea water all over the grass.

Sanji ignored them completely as he slogged toward the men's quarters, taking stock of what was most likely a ruined suit and wringing water from his blonde hair. Change clothes, kill Luffy, then finish beating the shit out of the marimo, Sanji thought acidly as he stomped across the lawn. Good plan.

Or, at least, it would have been had his luck been any better that day. As it was, Sanji's warpath was brought short halfway to the men's quarters when he spotted Zoro sitting against a nearby wall, head dropped forward and swords scattered around him.

There were a few details out of place in this scenario. For one, Zoro wouldn't have flopped down to sleep when Luffy had just fallen off the ship; he was usually the first one at the rail whenever their captain took a header into the ocean. Second, the swordsman usually had his arms crossed like he was perpetually pissed at the world, even while napping. And third, he wouldn't have just tossed his swords all over the ground like that. They weren't even sheathed.

With a mixture of confusion and uneasiness, Sanji stood in the middle of the lawn and watched the other man's unmoving form.

"Oi, marimo," the blonde tried, voice nonchalant, and received no response from the swordsman. So he tried again; "Zoro." And again, no response.

Now admittedly unsettled, Sanji turned to stride across the lawn and stand before the swordsman. Closer, he was startled to see a streak of blood on the side of Zoro's head. Had he kicked the swordsman harder than he thought?

Quickly dropping to kneel by the other man, Sanji reached out and gave Zoro's shoulder an experimental shake. When that earned no reaction, he shook him a little bit harder. And since none of this seemed to be working, Sanji tried a new tactic:

"Zoro, wake up. Luffy's playing with your swords."

That earned a change. Zoro twitched and then his head rolled back and he fixed Sanji with an unfocused look that didn't do much to settle the blonde's nerves. It helped even less when he actually spoke, because Sanji was pretty sure he was trying for something along the lines of "Where is he?" but it came out so slurred Sanji could barely understand him.

Hell.

"Zoro, how many fingers am I holding up?" Sanji waved three fingers in the space in front of Zoro's face, but the swordsman's attention drifted to the sword at his side and his brows drew together in a frown.

"The hell, liar," Zoro muttered, hand twitching toward the weapon, and Sanji scowled.

"Zoro, dammit, look at me," the blonde snapped, barely earning the other's attention. "How many fingers?"

It seemed his voice actually registered this time, because Zoro's gaze shifted to the digits in question, and he ground out an annoyed, "Three. Now move."

Sanji released a relieved breath and sat back, since Zoro seemed increasingly agitated at the invasion of his personal space. Okay, the blonde thought. Zoro was already speaking more clearly, and seemed to be recovering from whatever had been wrong.

With a mental snort, Sanji shook off his worried thoughts and moved to get to his feet at the same time as Zoro... and promptly had to lunge forward to keep the swordsman from taking a header into the deck when Zoro swayed on his feet unsteadily.

As the swordsman muttered something indecipherable, Sanji tried to help him up again, but Zoro seemed intent on returning to the deck and nearly took Sanji down with him when his legs gave out.

Suddenly Sanj's fears seemed a lot less silly and he found himself shouting before he realized he was doing it:

"CHOPPER!"

~ ;3 ~

Concussion. A relatively simple word, one whose meaning was common knowledge: To injure the brain, usually temporarily, by violent impact. Anyone asked could probably tell you what a concussion was without hesitation, and most would even know how to treat one.

Why, then, Sanji had to wonder, couldn't he get his head around this simple word? He knew the meaning, he knew the context, and he knew damn well why he was having to think about it, but even with that word bouncing around in his head like Luffy after too much candy, he still couldn't believe it.

"He has a concussion," Chopper had said clinically after the ordeal of examining one rather disgruntled swordsman. Then, upon seeing an expression more confused than he had ever seen cross Sanji's face, the little doctor had promptly launched into a detailed definition of the condition as if he actually believed Sanji had no idea what a concussion was.

Well Sanji knew damn well what it was, and he also knew there was no way in hell he could have given Zoro a concussion.

One kick! One slip-up in timing and one shot that landed due to distraction. He had hit the swordsman harder before, and he couldn't believe that one lucky shot would do this much damage.

But still, Sanji was aware of the fact that Chopper wouldn't give the diagnosis lightly, and after witnessing Zoro's behavior on the lawn...

Sanji hissed out a ragged breath and snatched his spent cigarette from his mouth to stub out on the sole of his shoe. He'd been replaying the scene in his head for the better part of two hours, and only managed to thoroughly distract himself while he was fixing dinner. Now he stood having an inner monologue in the hallway outside the infirmary, a tray balanced on one arm and staring at the door like he expected a squad of marines to open fire on him if he turned the knob.

He was being an idiot. He knew that. Chopper was still in there, since apparently Zoro's concussion was serious enough to warrant observation, at least for a night, so it wasn't like Sanji would have to face the swordsman alo--

No. No way in hell was he finishing that thought.

"The hell is wrong with me?" Sanji muttered in annoyance and grabbed the door handle like he intended to snap it clean off. His sails lost a bit of their wind when he actually eased the door open and he found himself sort of creeping into the room. Oh, yeah, not guilty at all.

Chopper was inside, puttering around as Sanji had expected, and when the blonde glanced toward the small bed to one side of the room he noticed Zoro was awake and looking thoroughly annoyed with a bit of white gauze taped over the cut at his right temple. Sanji wondered briefly if the impact cut had required stitches.

When Zoro spotted the cook lingering by the doorway, his annoyance level jumped almost tangibly, his eyes narrowing to slits.

Sanji bit back his snark and shut the door behind him, the click of it closing serving to capture Chopper's attention.

"Hey, Sanji. Something wrong?" the doctor asked distractedly as he shuffled a large book back into its place on a shelf of similar volumes.

"No, but dinner's ready. You can go eat; I'll take over watch," Sanji replied easily, and he felt Zoro's glare on the back of his head. At least the swordsman was biting his tongue for the moment.

Chopper looked away from his work and blinked at Sanji, only then noticing the tray the cook carried. His eyes widened, which was amazing considering their normal size. "It's that late?"

Sanji smirked. "Yeah, thought I'd bring the invalid some food too," he commented, and the inarticulate snarl from nearby told him it hadn't gone unnoticed.

Luckily Chopper missed it, too distracted by the draw of dinner as he scuttled for the door.

"Thanks Sanji. Just tell me if anything changes," the doctor said, and Sanji offered an affirmative before the door clicked shut behind Chopper.

The silence that fell in the room only lasted until the sound of Chopper's retreating steps had faded from earshot. Honestly Sanji had expected Zoro to come off the bed and maul him once Chopper was gone. He hadn't expected to have to duck to avoid catching a well-thrown book with his face.

"Dammit, the hell--"

"Asshole, idiot, curly-browed bastard cook!" came the start of a tirade from Zoro, though he was still parked on the cot. Sanji straightened the tray on his arm and sent Zoro a scowl, but made no comment.

"I've been stuck in here for fuckin' hours because of you! Chopper threatened to use sedatives when I tried to leave!" Zoro ranted on, looking like he wanted another book to fling, but fortunately there were none within arm's reach. So he settled on leveling the cook with a glare that probably should have set the blonde's head on fire.

Annoyance rearing its head was probably the last thing Sanji needed right at that moment, but he found himself glaring right back at the swordsman and moving to set the tray on a table by the bed a bit too hard.

Deep breaths, Sanji thought. He wasn't here to get in a shouting match.

"Not my fault you were too slow to block it." Okay, so maybe he hadn't meant to say that. But dammit, being civil was hard when he had Zoro biting his head off!

An interesting tick had formed in Zoro's left eyebrow when Sanji tossed the jab his way and by the way his hand twitched toward his right side, Sanji could guess he really wanted his swords, but they were on a table across the room. Briefly, Sanji wondered why he didn't just get up and retrieve them, but the thought was fleeting when he was busy trying to be civil, dammit.

"It was your underhanded ass that took a cheap shot!"

All right, screw civility.

"Cheap shot!" Sanji shouted back. The volume of the argument had been steadily increasing with every word exchanged. "You're the one that got distracted in the middle of the fight!"

"Luffy fell off the damn ship! The hell was I supposed to do, asshole?!"

"I don't know, maybe not be an idiot?"

"You--"

Despite the fact that their shouting match had reached near deafening levels, the infirmary door being slammed open with the force of a small explosion still scared the hell out of both men and had them whirling to face whoever had just broke into the fight.

It was Nami, and the look on her face silenced any comment even Sanji could make. She was positively livid, one hand still on the battered door and her eyes practically throwing sparks as she glared hard enough to keep both men frozen. But if the look was bad, then her strangely-calm voice countering it was just evil.

"What, may I ask," she inquired evenly, dark eyes narrowed to warning slits, "was all the shouting about?"

Sanji wasn't exactly sure if he was supposed to answer but he was pretty sure saying nothing would be even worse, so he offered a tentative, "My apologies, Nami-san, we were--"

"Fighting," the navigator finished for him in that same eerily calm voice.

Zoro chose that moment to realize he was allowing himself to be cowed and snorted derisively. "What's it matter to you?"

All right, so maybe his judgment was slightly flawed, as Nami turned the full force of her Look on him and Zoro found himself wondering if the window glass was going to spontaneously explode.

"We could hear you in the galley," Nami informed him, radiating violent intent. "Like we can always hear you."

"I'm sorry, Nami-san, I didn't mean to disturb you with--"

Nami sent the blonde a warning look and Sanji snapped his mouth shut with an audible click.

"You two are at each other's throats constantly," Nami said as she eyed them both. "And now one of you has finally managed to seriously injure the other--" Zoro made as if to protest, but it didn't last in the face of the navigator's wrath "-- and the first thing you do is start ANOTHER FIGHT?!" Her voice turned to a roar on the last two words.

"This is done. I'm sick of it. The next one of you to pick a fight with the other is going to have to answer to me, and I'm sure you're both creative enough to imagine what that would be like. Do I make myself perfectly clear?" Nami ran a questioning look over the pair, but her voice had taken on a razor edge and neither man had any comment. Her eyes narrowed, and then she dropped one hand to the door knob without looking away from the pair.

"Good," she said simply, and then the abused door snapped shut with a firm crack that rattled the hinges.

The stretch of silence that followed Nami's departure was eventually broken by Sanji clearing his throat and finally moving from where he had been standing stock-still in the middle of the room during the navigator's tirade. Zoro managed to shake off his own dose of shock and gathered what was left of his dignity with an annoyed scoff, folding his arms tightly over his chest and muttering, "Crazy witch."

"Don't talk about Nami-san like that, moron," Sanji countered, though with considerably less bite than might have usually accompanied the defense. He retrieved the tray from the bedside table and after placing it on the cot near Zoro's folded legs, grabbed a chair and tugged it closer to the bed.

A moment passed in which Zoro stared at the tray like he expected it to jump up and bite him, and then he finally reached out to lift the silver lid off and reveal a large bowl of stew and some pieces of what was probably freshly-baked bread. There was water on the bedside table within Zoro's reach.

Zoro mumbled a brief thanks and kept his eyes on the tray, and Sanji made no comment as he dug his cigarettes from his shirt pocket. It was the sound of a match striking that had Zoro glancing at the other man.

"Chopper's gonna kick your ass if you smoke in here," the swordsman commented, and Sanji lifted a shoulder and let it drop as he lit his cigarette and then shook the match out.

"He doesn't have to know," the blonde said simply, though they both knew Chopper would be able to smell it the moment he walked in. Honesty Sanji just needed something to do with his hands while he tried to think of something clever to say about what had happened on the lawn.

Zoro shifted the blonde a slightly suspicious look. "Why're you staring at me?"

Sanji stiffened and almost denied it, but decided against it and instead hissed out a breath, along with a cloud of smoke that wafted in Zoro's direction and apparently personally offended the swordsman, because he swatted it away.

"I, uh..." Sanji shifted in his seat. Great, he became inarticulate when he needed to formulate an apology.

Zoro was giving him an annoyed look, so Sanji said the first thing that came to mind; "Why didn't you get up?" Oh, his conversational prowess was unmatched.

Zoro's eyebrow ticked again. "What?"

"Earlier. Why didn't you get up?" Sanji waved a hand vaguely toward the table where Zoo's swords rested neatly and the swordsman shifted in an uncomfortable manner, making a dismissive gesture.

"Dizzy. Chopper says it's temporary," Zoro supplied, focusing on his food again.

Sanji wanted to kick himself. "Oh."

Zoro made a non-committal sound, and the conversation lapsed into tense silence again, the only sound to fill the void being the quiet clink of dishes.

Sanji fidgeted with a new, unlit cigarette as his gaze skated over the room, searching for a point to focus on. He glanced back to Zoro to see that the swordsman still wasn't looking at him and had a brief flash of misplaced annoyance, but stomped on it before he got waspish. He just had to apologize and get it over with.

"How is it?" Sanji inquired off-handedly, trying to start some line of conversation, even if it was a rather blatant attempt.

"S'good," Zoro shrugged one shoulder, and that was all he offered.

Sanji tried not to snap his cigarette in half. "Look, Zoro, I'm trying to--"

"You don't have to apologize," the swordsman interrupted, finally looking up from his dishes as he shifted the tray away a bit.

Sanji blinked slowly, like a lizard, and then collected himself as he sat up straighter in his chair. "How did--"

Zoro gave the blonde a level look and lifted a brow. "When do you ever doubt your food?"

With an aimless scowl, Sanji sat back and started digging for his matches. "At least I'm trying," he said, miffed.

"Don't have to," Zoro countered easily.

Sanji offered him an irritated look. "I gave you a concussion, idiot. You might not be able to feel anything from the neck up, but a concussion is a bad thing."

Zoro glared but didn't rise to the remark. "Look," he said, suddenly deadly serious, "you may be a prancing, curly-browed pain in the ass, but you're nakama. I know you never would have done it on purpose. Leave it at that."

Sanji was admittedly taken aback, his visible eye having gone just a touch wide at the statement, and Zoro must have caught how startled Sanji was because the swordsman started to look a bit embarrassed, though he made a valiant attempt to cover it by glowering at the cook.

But Sanji wasn't going to taunt him about it, and not just because he suspected a book to the face would be the least of the consequences. No, Zoro forgave him because they were nakama, and in a weird way Sanji would never admit even under threat of death or torture, it felt... nice.

But that reminded him...

"If you don't care, then what was all the hostility about?!" the cook demanded, flinging a hand in the direction of the book Zoro had thrown at his head. The volume still lay face-down on the floor on the far side of the room, looking rather forlorn and abandoned.

If Sanji thought the swordsman would at least have the decency to look sheepish, he was sorely disappointed, as Zoro just shrugged and said, "Seemed like the right thing to do at the time," without a trace of guilt.

Sanji's eyebrow did a remarkable imitation of the swordsman's, twitching over his visible eye. He was about to comment that throwing books at people's heads might not end very well, but then he remembered what had landed them both in the infirmary to begin with and effectively silenced himself.

"Fine, I wont apologize then," Sanji grumbled as he struck a match for his fresh cigarette.

Zoro actually smirked, looking oddly triumphant. "Just don't do it again."

Sanji rolled his visible eye as he flicked the spent match into the trash bin by the bedside table. "Not like you can afford any more brain damage."

When Zoro just made a mildly amused sound and made himself comfortable on the bed, Sanji looked thoughtful. Were they actually getting along?

"I wonder if it's chilly in hell right now...?" Sanji mused quietly.

"You say somethin'?" Zoro asked, cracking open an eye to peer at the cook.

Sanji considered it, then took a page from the swordsman's book and shrugged it off with a simple, "Nope," and Zoro just scoffed and dropped his head onto the pillow again, letting the conversation drop off into the most companionable silence they had probably ever shared. And it was all caused by Sanji giving him a severe head injury.

Sanji grinned as he lifted the tray of empty dishes from the edge of the cot and Zoro, sprawled out over the entire bed, started snoring.

Maybe he'd kick the marimo in the head more often.

! ~ ;3 ~ !

Uhm, this was actually written for a prompt over at the OP_FanForAll, and I promised myself I wasn't going to post it here... but then I went and accidentally un-anon'd myself like an idiot anyway so HERE IT IS! XDDDD I fail at being anonymous. -brick'd-

As a change of pace, TheDoubleMintTwins11 performed the duties of beta for this story! :'D Dear Lolo Popoki was away on vacation and TheDoubleMintTwins11 heroically stepped up to do the job. They were subjected to my epic delays, weird impulses to repeatedly have them check the unfinished version, and my constant babbling like a fool between re-reads, and they handled it with the utmost grace and patience. ;D So I thanks ya, TheDoubleMintTwins11! Without you, I was brain-dead and helpless.

8DD And also, because I am lame, some alternate endings containing your necessary dose of fail!Sanji can be found over in the place for change, the place for luls, the place for WTF-ery, Alternate Ending Theatre.