Torn
Oneshot by Dawn. Fire. Angel

Hey everyone! I've had this idea for a long time now, and only recently decided to write it. It's really long though... D:

Disclaimer: Me, Square Enix? Hah! I wish.

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Torn

This was how it's meant to be. No matter what, this is how my life is destined, the path Fate had chosen for me. I am content... not fully happy, but content. The only person who could make me happy was stolen from me...

I had let him go, hadn't I? He's in her filthy clutches now... I can't stop them. He loves her now... just as he had loved me.

But...

What if I was wrong?

--

"Light!"

The strawberry-haired woman looked up from cleaning her gun-blade. "Yes, Laris?" The blond man stuck his head in and gave her a wolfish grin, then tossed her a small box.

"Found it," he said triumphantly, then walked over and sat next to her. Lightning's lips quirked into a ghost of a half-smile, and she allowed the man to wrap an arm around her and peer down at her gun-blade. "What are you doing?" he inquired.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" she answered, raising her eyebrows at him. Laris' breath caught. Despite being married to this goddess for over a year now, her beauty never failed to leave him breathless. Being only slightly shorter than he was, he could always look at her in the eye... and he could always pick out the small icy-blue sea of sadness behind the mask of perfect tranquillity. He knew why she was always sad.

And of course, she never smiled properly. Not since...

Laris swallowed, and jerked his thoughts away with a shake of his head, as if chasing off an irritating fly. Lightning took note of this, but kept silent. She knew what he was thinking. She always did.

Her thoughts were there, too.

Lightning let out a soft sigh, and stood. "I'm going hunting," she told her husband, and kissed his lips gently with hers. His own parted as he sighed, apparently glad she wasn't so upset that she couldn't kiss him goodbye. "Any kind of creature you desire?"

"Chocobo?" Laris offered in a usual attempt to make her laugh as he once did.

"Funny," Lightning answered dryly, slight amusement deep in her icy depths. "I think it'll be better if I can surprise you. Chocobo indeed." Shaking her head, she kissed the top of his curly blond head once, and left, taking her cloak off the hook and wrapping it around her as she stepped out of the cabin and into the snowy wilderness. The young woman paused to gaze around her now familiar surroundings before heading down the worn path that led to the valley below, holding creatures fit enough to eat.

Taking a deep breath, Lightning leaped from halfway down the mountain, out of sight of Laris' sharp eyes (he freaked out if she jumped off high places – hell, he freaked out about everything), and clicked her fingers. Gravity bent itself to her will, and she landed lightly on her feet at the bottom.

Time to hunt some game.

--

When she came back, Lightning was swinging a wild wolf in front of her, feeling somewhat pleased with her catch. The wolf had sprung out of nowhere and bit her arm, but fortunately she had taken a White Magick course and healed it after the wolf was dead.

The door opened before she could knock.

Laris grinned at her happily. "Hey, Light! You'd never guess who's here."

Lightning's eyes narrowed suspiciously, but she didn't say anything.

"I can't believe it, you know? I think you'd be glad to see them... They're here in bulk."

In bulk? Okay, so Snow's definitely here. Lightning suddenly felt the old exhilaration come back, thinking of her old friends. Vanille, Snow, Lebreau, Marcus, Bradley, Noctis... oh God. Noctis.

Her heart constricted.

But he wasn't her friend anymore.

"They brought along a kill of their own, as well as a baby girl," Laris chattered excitedly, having not noticed, in his excitement, the lack of on her part. "Vanny's, y'know. Looks just like her mother – even the shade of her eyes are exactly the same. Only she's got black hair – like Brad's. She's really cute though, she pronounces my name as 'Lawis'."

"Yeah," Lightning murmured, still deep in thought. "Cute."

Laris was an unstoppable force of nature as he took her arm to the dining room, where she could hear laughter and a baby crying.

"They're gonna be here for a while – I told them they can sleep in the living room, with the fire, cause it's warm and all. Hope you didn't mind."

"I don't."

Her husband grinned and yelled, "Hey guys, she's here!"

There was more laughter, and yells of, "LIGHTNING!" She was handed from arms to arms in hugs, and (on Snow's part) an affectionate slap on the back. She smiled and nodded: yes, she was very well, and no, she wasn't pregnant yet. Much laughter came from Vanille and Laris, who were old friends. (Their bubbly nature often lit up the room)

And then she saw him.

He was standing at the back of the group, looking awkward and slightly afraid, – at this, she almost smiled. He was never particularly one for physical greetings – and with a fixed expression of calmness that made her want to know what was going on beneath the surface, as always. He wore his usual travelling attire – all black, of course – and on his bare left pinky she spotted a ring.

Her ring.

He still wore it after all this time.

The Prince looked up at her, and offered her a small smile and a shrug, then rolled his eyes to narrow them at Marcus and Laris, now engaged in a playful cat-fight. Lightning, watching them, wondered why she ever married Laris, then her lips twitched. She married him because he carefully put back the pieces of her heart together when Noctis broke it.

But now, looking at the dark, brooding man, Lightning felt the part of herself that had become dormant for so long come alive again. Her stomach fluttered, and she felt overly warm, like she always did in his presence. His scent drifted down to her, and she almost lost consciousness. Her eyes pricked, and swam with tears, but she controlled herself, carefully sliding a mask over her raw emotions.

Her head hurt.

Spinning around on her heel, she walked out the living room to the small garden where she grew vegetables and herbs and sometimes flowers in the spring. Now, in the winter, the ground was bare except for a few stray wildflowers and clover leaves.

A small squeaking near her feet made her look down.

The tiny dormouse struggled fearfully as she knelt and began to free its little paw from the tangled clover leaves. When it was finally free, the dormouse bolted away, thinking she might go and kill it. Lightning, still kneeling in the dirt, watched it go, and stayed there for a time long after it was gone, her mind in a turmoil.

Seeing him brought back the last time she saw him, two and a half years ago.

--

"You're right, Noctis."

Nineteen-year-old Lightning looked up at her dark Prince with a soft smile, her eyes shining with love that had been broken so many times before. But she knew he would never break her heart, like her parents and many others broke it. She trusted him.

He smiled back at her, and pressed a kiss beside her mouth, his right hand tangled in her strawberry locks. His other hand rested on her waist. Hers were on his shoulders.

He was teaching her to slow-dance.

"See?" he murmured to her with a smile. "It's easy, isn't it?"

She grimaced, then continued her sentence. "But only with you."

He grinned. "I never intend to let you dance with anyone else," he told her. "Unless it's on our wedding day and you must dance with your guests, as I do with mine. But only for a few minutes before I take you back," he warned. She laughed quietly, and rested her head on his chest.

"You speak as if you were sure we'll wed."

"Of course." She laughed again. He kissed the top of her head, and sighed.

"You're so beautiful."

Her lips twitched. "Thank you."

The hand on her waist rose and stroked her wavy hair, then he stepped back and lifted her chin. Amber eyes met icy blue, and he ducked his head to kiss her. His tongue explored her mouth as his hands lifted her high up. Her hands wound themselves into his dark hair, and she moaned against his mouth.

His lips curved into a smile as he drew back and looked down at her.

Then, they both stiffened and whipped their heads at a knot of trees.

"Stay behind me," Noctis murmured to Lightning. She scowled and was about to argue when a mixture of blond, white and tan hurtled through the trees and skidded to a stop, panting, right in front of Lightning.

The border collie growled at Lightning, then nipped at her leg.

"Toni! Come back, Toni!"

The dog pricked up its ears and yelped, running back to the girl who'd hopped out of the trees. Was it Lightning's imagination, or did the mysterious girl look smug as she patted the big tracking dog. "Bad Toni," she scolded the dog in a voice that reminded Lightning of candyfloss. It was big, puffy, and pink. So was she... in a small, petite and pale way.

Lightning scowled.

"Who're you?" Lightning demanded, her hand going to her gun-blade. She narrowed her eyes on the girl.

At the same time, Noctis said, in a surprised voice, "Lady Fleuret?" He stepped forward.

She smiled sunnily up at Noctis, completely ignoring Lightning. "Lord Noctis! I was just out for a walk with Toni here – she was restless, and so was I. I think she picked up your scent, so she ran straight here... she's as fond of you as I am," Stella said flirtatiously.

Lightning's scowl deepened, and her hands tightened on her weapon.

"That's all very nice, Lady Fleuret, but as you can see, we're not alone," Noctis reminded the girl.

"Oh, I told you to call me by name, Lord Noctis," Lady Fleuret told him, giggling and batting her lashes. Lightning murmured, under her breath, "Pass me the sick bucket – fast." If Noctis heard her, he gave no sign of it.

"And I told you to leave Toni alone," Noctis told her severely. "The dog is jumpy enough without you taking her out every night."

"Oh, but she is so lonely!" Stella replied, her violet eyes looking upset and pitiful. Lightning wanted to wring her neck. "As was I, since you don't like to stay with me."

Forget wringing her neck. Lightning wanted to tear this woman's limbs off, and torch her body.

Noctis cast a restless glance at Lightning, and snarled, "Be quiet, Stella."

Stella, in the pretence of finally having seen Lightning, exclaimed, "Oh! Is this the girl your father wouldn't allow you to wed? The commander of the rival army? But... aren't you two supposed to not see each other anymore?" She turned her gaze back to Noctis. "After all, that's why I'm here, isn't it?" Stella turned her triumphant eyes back to Lightning. The latter read everything she needed to know there.

Lightning felt as if she'd been slammed to the ground from the back of a furious, heavy animal. She stumbled back, and turned to Noctis. "What?" she whispered.

He looked upset, and stepped to her. "Light-"

"You're getting married?" Lightning interrupted, backing away as Noctis advanced. "And you-"

"I'm trying to stop this wedding! Light, please listen-"

"No. Leave me alone." She stalked back to her mount and started to mount when Noctis stopped her. She looked down at the hand he hand on her arm. "Let me go, Noctis," she said quietly.

"Only if you listen," he told her, and used his other hand to turn her face back to his. "I told you, I'm trying to get out of this wedding – I'm almost there, I promise. I love you, and I never want to wake up to any woman but you. I've told my father that-"

Lightning let out a bark of sharp laughter. "You and I both know how stubborn your father is. If he wants you to marry her, you've got no choice. You're doing it. I'm just getting out of here before it hurts too bad." She swung into her saddle, and gathered her reins.

He knew what she meant.

His hand caught hers, and he looked up at her beseechingly, feeling heartbroken himself when she gazed back with cool, concealed eyes. They were as emotionless as they had been the first time he'd met her.

"Light, I don't want to hurt you."

She looked down at him almost pityingly, then smiled without expression. "It's too late, Noctis," she said, then caught herself. She shook her head, and kicked her mount without saying goodbye.

What had he done?

--

Lightning hadn't realized she was crying, crying as she had the night the truth had been revealed. She curled her legs into her torso and wept silently, not caring who it was standing behind her, watching her cry. She felt... good, like she was letting out something.

A gentle hand rested on her back, and electricity shot up her spine. She knew that touch.

Noctis looked at her, and said gently, "I'd ask if you were okay, but I know you aren't, and I know why. All I can say is that I'm sorry. Sorry for everything I've done to you, for everything I'm going to do. I led you on even though I knew what was going to happen between me and... Stella. But I loved you too much to let you go. You have to understand I never kept you for amusement, or to hurt you. I simply loved you far too much, for too long. You were the best thing that ever happened to me then." He took a deep breath, and added, in a voice so soft that even she had to strain her ears to hear him, "The best thing that ever happened to me ever."

Her breath caught. "Noctis..."

He ignored her and ploughed on, "Ever since I've met you, I'd always imagined the life we would have together... the life we ought to have had, before everything came crashing down, and the fantasy became a reality." He stroked her hair, and pulled her to him. "Cold, harsh reality," he breathed into her ear. "We loved each other for so long... I could never stop thinking about you even after what happened. You were always on my mind."

Lightning shivered as his hands ran up and down her back. He pulled away gently and raised her head to meet his... so like that time, so long ago.

But even how much she wanted this, wanted him, she couldn't do it. Not because she didn't love him anymore, or the fact that she still felt betrayed by his lying to her, or even that he was married to Stella. No, it was because of Laris she stopped him, put a hand on his chest and shook her head, whispering, "I can't."

He paused. He didn't understand.

"You can't what?" he asked her.

She gazed up at him with those fathomless, bottomless icy blue eyes. "I can't do it to him. To Laris. He's my husband... I'm married! I love him. He took care of me in those long days you were gone, when I was alone... he rebuilt my trust for people. I can't do this to him, not now. Please understand, Noctis," she pleaded, tears cascading down her face again. "He's the one who helped me up when I was down..."

"And you hate me still, don't you?" Noctis asked darkly, but his hands still caressed her back and her hair.

She nodded miserably, then something sparked in her eyes. "I hate you," she said, speaking with conviction and anger that shook her. He flinched, and hugged her tighter against him. "I hate you. I fucking hate you, you son of a bitch." But as she spoke, her arms went around him, and held him to her. She shook now, not because of cold or anger, but because of her desire for this man to be with her and love her, much like Laris was now.

Laris.

Even as she longs for Noctis, Laris stands there, always there, once the light of her darkness, now the darkness of her light. She was torn between the both of them, and would forever be until she died. She cannot live without one, while the other cannot live without her now.

There was nothing now. Nothing.

"Light..."

He knew. Noctis. He always knew everything going on in her mind.

He sat back, and gazed at her with his now dark, sad eyes. Soulful, searching. Internally, Lightning cursed. Were all boys taught at birth to look like that with their big, steady eyes?

"I understand," he said heavily, as though he was agreeing with the devil to allow the latter to take his soul from him. "You have to stay with him, out of loyalty... but I just want you to know that if he ever turns you away, or leaves you in any way, I'll be there. Waiting."

The Prince stood, and looked at her restlessly before walking back into the house, leaving her alone to her doubts and worries and a torn heart.

Vos erant nox noctis, tamen quoque lux lucis. Sit obscurum, unus quisnam habitum meus somes, tamen non meus pectus pectoris. Vos pallium is ex him, me. Tamen EGO diligo vos usquam.

I'll love you forever.

Okay, so the direct translation for the latin part is: You were the night, but also the light. He is the darkness, the one who holds my body, but not my heart. You stole it from him, from me. But I love you anyways.

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