Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of its associated characters or fictional locations.

Once upon a time the boy known as Near was a bright, happy child who loved playing outside and wore the brightest colours he could find. Then one day he was passing L's door in his home, a place called 'The Wammy's' house'. Suddenly he heard a noise coming from the room, it was faint but it was there. Near was shocked, nobody was allowed in L's room, and L surely wouldn't be groaning so loudly... but what if he was hurt, what if L's had slipped and fell and was currently bleeding to death on the floor?

After sevreal minutes of deliberation young Near gritted his teeth in determination and pushed open the door. However, much to young Near's surprise the office was deserted, but he hadheard something. Suddenly the groaning began again, this time it was longer and it was getting louder with every second. Near whiled around to see the door to L's cupboard, it was open slightly and as he stood there the groans became louder.

Near's mouth hung open, someone was inside L's confectionery cupboard. If someone went in there they were in terrible trouble! It was filled all the cakes and creams the reclusive detective could dream of, and a few more besides. If someone was to ever steal from there it would mean L would fall into despair, leaving the world's most horrific crimes unsolved. Near's shoulders straightened, it was his duty to find the culprit and inform L, that way L would be able to deliver just punishment upon them and maybe he would get over the loss of his beloved cake faster. And with that he swung open the cupboard door and opened his mouth to condemn whoever was within only to freeze in unimaginable horror.

The first thing that Near noticed was that L's confectionery room was in fact filled with numerous tubs of clear fluid and oddly shaped objects. The second was that L, Watari and Roger were all on the floor together. The third was that they were naked, and the fourth was to ensure that he would never need descriptions in Sexual education later in life.

The trio froze as they spotted the brightly clad Near staring at them as if he had been told Santa Claus didn't exist. "Umm, this isn't what it looks like Near..." said L nervously.

"Uarrgh... hurg," Near moaned sadly.

"Are you okay Near?" Asked Watari.

"WrghhhhAAAAHHHHHH!" Near screamed before crumpling into a ball, crying like a baby.

After this incident Near's hair turned white from trauma and his he changed his clothes to match. He stopped venturing outside and because of the sheer mental scarring that he had been inflicted he never really displayed any kind of emotion again. And that, dear readers, is why you never confront someone in a cupboard who may or may not be alone.