A/N: So! I'm still stuck on Kyman. No Style or Stenny or Creek or nothin' for a while. Kyman only has six pages of stories! Six pages! Style has, what, twenty-three? I'm just adding to the fandom. Well… I guess Stenny is lacking, too… and doesn't CraigxThomas have only one complete story?

Yeah, whatever. I'm on Kyman right now.

It's recommended that if you haven't heard Date Rape by Sublime before, you do so now.

~`'~

Hey there. My name's Stan Marsh, but this isn't about me.

Let me tell you about a boy I know.

Well, he had a glass of Pepsi about an hour ago, and he's sitting in a corner all by himself in a Whistlin' Willy's in downtown South Park. Suddenly, he heard a noise, and he looked through the door… and saw a guy he really despised (but secretly liked)! Light skin, dark brown eyes, a double chin and a plastic smile…

His heart raced as this guy walked in the door and took an empty seat next to him at the table.

"My brand new car is parked right outside. How'd ya like to go for a ride?"

And he said, "Wait a minute, I have to think."

And he said, "That's fine. May I please buy you a drink?"

Weird behavior for an ass like him, if you ask me. Oh, right! Ahem…

One drink turned into three or four (they're Pepsi's, not what I know YOU'RE thinking!), and they left and got into his car, and drove away some place real far…

"Now babe, the time has come… how'd you like to have a little fun?"

And he said, "If we could only please be on our way, I would not run…"

That's when things got out of control.

Oh. OH. Oh damn. That's… creepy.

He didn't want to, fatass had his way!

Jew said, "Let's go!"

Tubby said, "No way! C'mon babe, it's your lucky day. Shut your mouth, we're gonna do it MY way! Come on baby, don't be afraid… if it wasn't for date rape, I'd never get laid!"

No SHIT.

He finished up and started the car, and they turned around and went back to the Whistlin' Willy's.

He said, "Now Jewboy, don't be sad… in my opinion, you weren't half bad!"

He picked up a rock, threw it at the car, hit fatass in the head, now he's got a big scar!

The next day, Jew went through his drawer, looked up his local attorney at law…

Wait, hold on.

Oh.

Kenny says Kyle didn't take Cartman to court.

Hold on…

Oh.

OH.

Shit.

Kenny says that, despite hating Cartman for violating his privacy and taking his virginity, Kyle liked the sex so much that he went back for more. And they did some cliché bonding and fell in love. Now they're dating.

Well, whatever, then.

Wait, WHAT?

…

It's the end of the world, I think. I'm gonna go hide in my basement and cry.

That's just WRONG.

~`'~

A/N: Ah, Poor Stanley. He thinks Kyman = Apocalypse.

I was listening to this song today, and I was like, OMG KYMAN.

So yeah.

Revieeeew? Pwetty pwease? :3

Okay.

TOODLES.

-disappears into shadows-