TEARS OF AN ANGEL
By: Dreams of Leilani
Author's Note: Wow, it has been WAY too long since I've updated either of my two stories: Look After You (Grey's Anatomy) and Still There For Me (Hardy Boys). (Cowers in a corner). My last semester of university education was, to say the least, a form of hell on earth. Unfortunately, I remember nothing but all-nighters, emotional breakdowns, and fighting with various teammates. Now that I've had about a month of recovery from the stress, I'm back and kicking with new ideas and inspiration to finish my other two stories. On a serious note, you may or may not have heard, T.R. Knight (who portrays the lovable and neglected Dr. George O'Malley) has asked to be let out of his contract with Grey's Anatomy and will not be back for the show's sixth season. While the early rumors ran rampant around the blogosphere, I admit that I ignored them, refusing to believe anything until T.R. himself confirmed it. Now that it's final, I feel a little jipped; Shonda & Co. didn't exactly give George the exit that he deserved. It is sad that at the one moment that he most needed his friends, none of them were there for him, not even realizing that it was George until it was too late. So without further ado, I present my first (and probably last) oneshot. Tears of An Angelexplores the feelings of Meredith and Derek, who are struggling to come to terms with George's passing. I hope everybody enjoys it. TISSUE WARNING – I cried a bit writing the flashbacks.
We've heard it all: the circle of life, "death is but the next great adventure", "live as if you were to die tomorrow", and "the good die young." We may accept the reality of death, but losing a loved one knocks us down in a way NO ONE can prepare for. Agony, both physical and mental, rips its way into our consciousness, leaving us reeling like a fish out of water. As surgeons, we've all felt this grief at one time or another, either by losing a patient or through personal tragedy. And in the end, the only choice we have is to mourn our loss, raise our head, and find the strength to live another day.
Cover my eyes,
Cover my ears,
Tell me these words are a lie.
It can't be true,
That I'm losing you,
The sun cannot fall from the sky.
Meredith stood under the scalding hot water that was pouring out from the shower, oblivious to the light burns that were already forming on her delicate skin. In fact, the world had ceased to exist. When she closed her eyes, all she could see were images of the bloodied John Doe. No, she corrected herself. That was George the entire time. Sweet, innocent George, who had earned the unfortunate nickname of "007" before the end of his first shift. Her traumatized mind couldn't erase the looks of terror, the eyes that begged silently for someone, anyone, to recognize him. Meredith was suddenly assaulted with memories of George; some good, some bad …
"You got the Nazi? So did I. At least we'll be tortured together, right? I'm George … O'Malley. Uh, we met at the … ah, mixer … you had a black dress with a slit at the sides, strappy sandals, and … now you think I'm gay. No, I'm not gay. It's uh … ah… it's just that, ah … you know … I mean, you were very unforgettable … and I mean… Yeah, totally forgettable."
"You don't understand. Me gonads, you ovaries … you're parading through the bathroom in your underwear when I'm naked in the shower… I am a man! I don't buy girl products! I don't want you walking in while I'm in the shower, and I don't want to see you in your underwear."
"… I don't like Izzie. Izzie … no. She's not the one I'm attracted to."
"I know I'm not a world renowned surgeon, and I know I'm not a lot of things that you've gone for in the past. I know … but … I would never leave you … I would never hurt you … and I will never stop loving you."
"What's wrong … you're crying… Sleep- sleeping with me is really this awful for you … Why? I just wanna know why you … If you didn't want to… I don't know how to go back. No. I'm done. We're done."
"You're trapped … and you don't have to talk. I'll do the talking. George, I am truly, very deeply sorry. And I'm not going to make excuses. I'm just sorry. Look, I know you're going to get off the elevator and walk away and not look back, I know that. But George, we're friends. Real friends, and that means no matter how long it takes, when you finally do decide to look back, I'll still be here …"
"O'Malley, you are a sad excuse for a man… You're like a whiny little girl… Man, you got laid! It went badly. A man would move on! But you! You mope around this place like a dog that likes to get kicked! You make me sick! And if it wouldn't get me thrown out of the program, I'd smash your pathetic little face … RIGHT INTO THAT LOCKER!"
"You don't see him. Either of you, you don't see him. He's just … he's just George to you. He's … he's… he's just O'Malley, he's your roommate. He makes my world stop. George O'Malley is sweet and kind and smart and strong. And he makes my world stop, so you shut up about him."
"I used to be her roommate… Well, Meredith is anything but cold. She smiles … not that often, but when she does, you know, because she's … been going through a lot. But … it's- … it's like you feel warm. She's kind. I mean, she can be a little selfish. Yeah, she can be … she's flawed, but she's kind. She cares about people, and, uh … she cares about her patients. I think she's going to be a brilliant surgeon, you know, and around here, she's known as the one to beat. So I … I guess she has that in common with her mom, but I think the rest of her … I think … I think the rest of that, she gets from you."
"I - I didn't do you any favors… It didn't mean anything. STOP SAYING THAT YOU'RE SORRY! You wanna know something? I knew. I knew you didn't feel that way about me … even during … when we were in bed, I knew. I knew, and I still let it happen, because, um … well … I figured that … one night with you was better than never. So, will you just stop saying that you're sorry? 'Cause you didn't know any better … but I did … and ... I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Meredith."
"Ok, I'll be Cristina for you, if you'll be Izzie for me… Oh, uh … McDreamy was doing the McNasty with McHottie? That McBastard! How was that? Cristina enough? … We are now the people that the people we want to be with avoid… You know, we should make a pact. No more dating. Just 100% focused on our work… They are freaking corpses to us."
"He's my dad… He's my dad."
"Dad's in pain. His organs are shutting down. He can't breathe on his own. It's painful. And he's on medication, but ... medication can only do so much… He's not dad like this. And he's not going to wake up, mom."
"She knows nothing … just, nothing. She's a danger to the patients, and so I told her that she could tell the Chief, or I could, and that I wanted to let you know because … you're her friend. Although, for the life of me, I … I don't know how you two were ever friends."
Meredith started to shake uncontrollably. Moving herself underneath the steaming jets of water, she tried desperately to wash off the feelings of loss and guilt. How could she NOT have recognized George under all that burned and mangled skin? She had been his next best friend aside from Izzie; even Bailey had been aware of their closeness, calling her a "loving friend."
Whimpering, Meredith brought a hand to her mouth, trying to stifle the tears that she knew were close to exploding. It was then that she detected the tangy smell of blood on her hand … the hand that George had squeezed desperately before they went into surgery.
Can you hear heaven cry?
The tears of an angel,
The tears of aaaaaaaa ...
Tears of an angel,
The tears of an angel.
Derek stood outside the bathroom, nervously pacing back and forth. His ears were alert, listening for any sign that Meredith needed a shoulder to cry on. His newlywed wife had been worryingly quiet ever since they had left the hospital. Derek knew that she needed time to grieve; after all, George had been one of her closest friends, aside from Cristina. Hell, he was hurting, too. He still remembered the jolting rush of fear when Meredith had run up to him, screaming to everybody in the vicinity that John Doe was George. Closing his eyes, he leaned against the bathroom door. Losing O'Malley had felt like a blow to gut. Derek kept hearing his false reassurance to his colleague, telling him that he was going to be able to survive another day.
"O'Malley, it's Shepherd. You're not going anywhere, you hear me? Alright, let's put him out, NOW!"
All other thoughts flew out of his consciousness when he heard a heartbreaking "NO!" issuing out from behind the closed door. Without hesitating, he barged his way into the bathroom. Meredith had sunk to her knees, howling uncontrollably as she scrubbed furiously at her hand, which had turned red from the repeated action.
His eyes filling with tears, Derek walked up to the bathtub and climbed in, wrapping her shaking form in his arms. He didn't care about the scalding hot water that was soaking joyously into his jeans and shirt. All he knew was that he had to help Meredith with her pain. She gripped his shirt tightly, sobbing, "I can't believe he's dead! George … he was going to join the army. He was going to help people, and now … now he doesn't have a chance to do that. It's George, Derek! He's always there for us, and we weren't there for him. We weren't there …" Meredith's voice broke as she buried her face into Derek's shoulder, overcome with guilt and anguish.
Derek didn't even know how long they stayed in that position, both of them shedding hot tears that rolled down their backs. All that mattered was getting the chance to grieve for the man who, before their very eyes, had slowly evolved from "007" to a true hero.
Stop every clock,
Stars are in shock,
The river will run to the sea.
I won't let you fly,
I won't say goodbye,
I won't let you slip away from me.
Can you hear heaven cry?
The tears of an angel,
The tears of angel ...
Tears of an angel,
The tears of an angel.
So hold on,
Be strong,
Everyday on we'll go,
I'm here, don't you fear.
Little one don't let go …
Don't let go!
Don't let go!
Cover my eyes,
Cover my ears,
Tell me these words are a lie.
-RyanDan, TEARS OF AN ANGEL
Closing Remarks: First of all, thanks for reading! I can only hope that this provides a tiny bit of closure for the character of George O'Malley. I was originally planning to have Owen, Cristina, Callie, and Bailey make an appearance, toasting their fallen colleague. But I felt like this was a more fitting goodbye for this heroic character, without making it sound too cheesy. What do you guys think?