(Note: I own nothing besides the plotbunny that spawned this.)

I have absolutely no excuse for this fic beyond the fact that the mini-plotbunny fairly clawed its way into my head, and wouldn't leave.

:EDIT TAKE TWO: So I read back through this first chapter and had the epiphany that, while amusing as a one shot, it made next to no sense as the first chapter of a longer fic. So I've done some minor editing to make it make more sense. That's it really lol.

:EDIT: So, the delightful Askita has bribed me with whiskey and betalove to continue this into the longer fic I'd imagined! Note, it will definitely be a Self Insertion type fic, but I'm out to make her into an "Everywoman" charater (See what I did in my King Arthur fic Gentled for an example) so that each of my readers can imagine themselves as our Reaper's honey. Cuz really, who wouldn't?

Chapter 1 Sound Reasoning (or Creatively Avoiding the Subject of Boyfriends)

Leave had been far too long in coming in my opinion. Though the past month or so had been relatively quiet on base, it had still been nearly 6 months since any of us had anything resembling a vacation. Hell, John's birthday bash in Vegas was probably the closest we'd gotten, and while I'd definitely enjoyed the hotel room the rest of the team hadn't known I'd shared with the birthday boy, the 24 hours off that Sarge had managed to arrange had felt more like a damn tease that a true getaway. Now though, now I was only minutes away from a solid week of R&R with John. Or I would be as soon as the damn transport arrived. The sound of an orange exploding against a locker drew my attention from the upcoming trip back to the chaos that the barracks currently were. Granted, our team wasn't the sanest or calmest on our best days, but the men were even more stir crazy than normal due to the late transport.

I just sprawled out comfortably on John's bed, rightly assuming it would be the safest place in the room considering the oranges flying around. I was counting on the fact that with his baby disassembled and spread across his desk, the boys wouldn't dare risk a home run his direction. It was a smart move on their part: John could be more than a bit protective of that gun. I had a book open, but the circus around me was far more interesting, if occasionally disturbing (Portman's comment about his she-boys was far more info than I needed.)

"What about you, Angel?" Duke yelled over, eyes still glued to his game. It was nice of him to make the effort to include me in their conversations, but to be honest, my plans were not exactly something I could share. Not entirely, anyway. "Going anywhere fun?" I had to work hard to keep myself from glancing back toward John, but I managed to answer with a straight face.

"I'm heading for a little hotel on the beach, with a large bed and an exceptionally attractive man in it."

"We talking a clothing optional beach?" Destroyer's quip got me chuckling. I grinned wickedly and stretched, allowing the rather diminutive t-shirt I wore to ride up a bit.

"Is there any other kind?" We all laughed, and I slouched again, pulling the shirt back down before John could mention it. "Seriously though, if any of you even dreams of calling and interrupting my trip, I will hurt you." I glared a bit just to make the point stick. "I'm in severe sex withdrawal, and you do not stand between an addict and her fix."

"Aww, come on Angel. It's not like you don't have plenty of opportunities here." Trust Portman to respond with his hand on his crotch; I should have seen that one coming.

"In this group? Like hell." That statement might have been a mistake, as more than just the letch seemed offended. Duke, in particular, seemed to take it personally, though he attempted to hide it with a sneer.

"There's not even one of us you'd fuck, huh?" I sat up with a sigh.

"Let's face it boys, there'd be issues no matter who it was." I started to lie back down, hoping they'd drop it.

"Oh yeah, like what?" Hopes dashed. Oh well, I decided, might as well have fun with this one.

"Shall we go through the list?"

"Sure." I shot a glare over my shoulder. John had to start paying attention now? I shook my head and turned back to the boys.

"Well, first up, we have Sarge." I saw their eyes widen and chuckled. After the first few months of the men assuming I'd been brought in to be our CO's fuck-buddy, and Sarge and I vehemently denying it, they'd finally dropped the topic. Me bringing it back up was probably something of a shock. "Frankly, that whole 'fucking your way into a promotion' thing is a little too cliché for me to go there. Besides, he's like family, and incest just isn't my kind of kink."

"How 'bout me?" Portman asked with what I guessed he meant to be a sexy grin.

"Wrong species. Next?" Over the laughter, Duke called out Destroyer's name. I shot the shy demolition man a grin.

"Boy, that would probably be a helluva lot of fun, but note: you call him Destroyer. I wouldn't be able to walk for a week." The big man actually grinned back at me before nodding at his baseball partner.

"What about Mac?"

I eyed the quiet Asian, thoughtfully. "It's worth considering, but… what the hell could I call him during sex?" That crack actually got me a few nods. There really were far too many syllables in the man's name.

"What about Goat, then?" Portman sneered, thinking to make a fool of someone other than himself. Goat and I only shot him incredulous looks.

"Dude… he took a vow of celibacy. How the hell did you miss that?" There was a sudden silence, as if Portman hadn't been the only one. I met Goat's gaze and we both shrugged. "O...K..."

"Why not the kid over there?" Our newest member paused his sweeping with a distinct 'deer in the headlights' look. I took pity on him.

"He's cute and all, but I'm really not ready to be a bobcat."

"A bobcat?" John's voice was incredulous, and I giggled.

"I'm not old enough to be a cougar." They all groaned at the joke.

Mac nodded over at Duke, who was trying not to look impatient. "Him?" I shook my head, knowing this one would probably sting.

"Sorry but no. We've all seen his apartment. The bedroom had a big screen and a x-box controller on the night stand on top of his box of condoms. There's only so much multitasking I can handle."

They all had to laugh at that, even Duke, though it came across as more than a little sheepish. After a moment, Duke asked about the last man in R.R.T.S., the one I'd been frantically trying to come up with an explanation for. Daring to glance back over my shoulder, I saw John was busily re-assembling his rifle. Ah, that was it! I swallowed a chuckle and forced my face into an innocent expression.

"Gentlemen, the love between a man and his gun is a beautiful thing… I'm just not sure I'd be able to handle the competition." The men cracked up, as I tried desperately not to laugh. "Really, I'm the jealous type, and I'd want him to spend that time stroking me." The room dissolved into hysterics, and I risked a look at John.

My lover wasn't laughing, only smirking slightly and leveling a look that promised I was in for so much trouble later. I smirked back. Finally.

What can I say? Review if it made you giggle too!