Ok, here's my latest songfic, seems like on late nights I always get ideas like this... :D Ok, maybe it's because I hear "new" songs I like like 24/7 till I got enough from them... Well, whatever the reason is; here's my second songfic to "Mistake" by Stephanie McIntosh.

It takes place in season for, after Tommy told Jude that she was poison and after she burned all the things she had that reminded her of him together with Megan in the garden. This is the following morning, so before she writes all the mean stuff in her blog.

It's just a short scene, to show that Jude's really deeply hurt by Tommy's whole behavior. It might explain why she's writing the things in her blog in the first place. Well, like always, tell me what you think, please :) You'd totally make my day.

In the morning Jude went down in the garden. There were still the remains of the box where all "Tommy-Things" she ever had, had burned the day before. Despite everything she said and did in front of Megan, despite all of her anger and hurt about what Tommy said, she still knew that she wasn't over him.

She felt like a fool for believing that Tommy could change so much, only for her. She had confused her dreams with the truth and it hurt damn much to realize that.

Rush in
Way too fast
Why do I always do it?
Thinking this might last
How could I be so stupid?

She had been so quick to fall in love with Tommy. Although she should have learned better, she had still believed, that when the press knew and Tommy finally admitted he loved her, everything would be ok. "Fool!" A soft and bitter voice called out inside of her head. Jude shaked her head sadly. She shivered in the cold air, but inside she felt so much colder.

But this time
I'm not OK, no

She thought about all the times Tommy had broke her heart, beginning with her not-so-sweet sixteenth birthday, topping with him walking out on their first date and him humiliating her on her 18th birthday, and ending with him giving up on their relationship so easily, telling her once again he wasn't good enough for her, in this cell in New Brunswick. And of course that little "talk" they had recently; him telling her that she was poison. Not exactly what she had expected for the closure she had searched.

I need to breathe again
'Cause I don't want to

I don't want to make another mistake like you
And I don't want to hate, but love doesn't get me through
'Cause I can't be
Alone again
No I don't want to make another mistake
Like you

Maybe Megan WAS right after all. Maybe she really needed to finally let go of Tommy and her dreams. What Jude knew for sure, was that she couldn't keep on like she used to. She just couldn't take anymore of this drama, always ending with her being left heartbroken by one and the same guy. Now she had not only lost her heart, but also her best friend, Jamie. She should have known that Tommy was no good for her, as long as he still thought she didn't know him or that he needed to protect her from himself. Everybody had told Jude that Tommy was no good, but Jude always had faith in him and believed his crap about protecting her. Jude laughed bitterly and cynical; it was like Tommy never realized that with breaking things up with her, he hurt her more than anything else he could ever do. Because if he really messed up, like cheating on her or something, then she would maybe be able to let go, to hate him. But this way it was hard, she kind of came to thinking, that hating Tommy was the only way to get over him. She knew that she couldn't just ignore him this time, because she needed to move on, she needed to get over him, she needed to do this for herself. And hating him would be the easiest way to moving on. But that was hard, considering she still cared.

Stone cold
And hurt inside
Not what I wanted to be
I don't sleep
Its kinda hard when you cry
Yeah that's where you left me

Jude went back into the house; she had enough of starring at the same ashes. She passed Sadie, but when her sister asked her what was wrong, she just waved it away and went upstairs in her room, slamming the door shut. She knew that Sadie was just worried and tried to help and inwardly Jude winced at her cold behavior, but she just couldn't deal with everything. She hated herself for being that way. She hated that Tommy seemed to be alright, when she was totally messed up. She hated that she had been so wrong with believing in Tommy, because the Tommy she thought she knew would have never ever said those things to her. That Tommy she knew…

"Well, Tommy always seemed to think that he protects me with hurting me." She thought sarcastically. Maybe he thought that if he kept hurting her, she would have enough of him some day. "Why am I still searching excuses for his behavior? He's an ass, but I still try to understand him. Maybe I'm really stupid for holding on to something that's not there."

But she hoped for the first time he was right. She hoped that she would really have enough of the drama at some point. Because she didn't know how much more of this all she could take, it felt already like it wouldn't be ok again ever.

But this time
It's not alright, no
I need to find someone
'Cause I don't want to

I don't want to make another mistake like you
And I don't want to hate, but love doesn't get me through
'Cause I can't be
Alone again
No I don't want to make another mistake
Like you

Jude sighed defeated. She just didn't know what to do about Tommy. She believed now finally what everybody else has been telling her, that a real relationship with Tommy wasn't possible. Not meant to be, at least not for her. She had no other option than believing what everybody else said, because there just was no excuse anymore. Even the excuses she made up for him, they sounded ridiculous even just in her thoughts. But she still knew, that she couldn't let go. But she sure as hell didn't ever want to be left alone like that again. She couldn't.

Don't wanna be caught in the moment it never comes
Is it too much to ask
That real love could find me?
I won't get stung
I'll find the one

"Maybe Tommy's not the right one for me. But if it's like that, why can't I hate him for everything he's done to me? Why do I still care?" Jude scolded at herself. She was stupid to still believe in Tommy after he said these things. But she couldn't change it. She still loved him.

But...

Jude suddenly grabbed her keys and went outside, started the car and pulled out of her driveway. She had made a decision and had come to a cognizance. Tommy had been a mistake. She had made a mistake in falling in love with him.

I don't want to make another mistake like you

Jude vowed to herself that she would never ever get into a situation like this again. She would never ever let herself believe in her dreams coming true again. Now she had to choose how to go on, she had already tried being only friends, but that didn't go that well. She had already lost him and that didn't work out for sure.

And I don't want to hate, but love doesn't get me through

She would try to hate Tommy. She might still love him, but she would at least try to fight it as good as she could. She wouldn't let him in again, no matter what he did. She would fight everything, like she used to in the beginning. Maybe he would leave again if she convinced him that there was no chance to get along. At that point she had to be over him, or at least enough to act like it and to not going to the next club and get wasted.

'Cause I can't be
Alone again
No I don't want to make another mistake
Like you

While she sped off to the rehearsal place to meet up with Megan she promised herself not to let Tommy back in, at least not without a fight. She wouldn't give in that easily this time.

The first thing she had to do, was finding something to get Tommy to NOT ever fight for her, so she wouldn't even be tempted to give him yet another chance. Then she might get over him. Move on and fall in love with somebody else, less complicated.

Jude sighed, at least she wasn't all alone in this, Megan would help her and Sadie too and she still had SME, they never liked Tommy anyway. And maybe… maybe she could get Jamie back. She missed her best friend and now she knew that a best friend was worth much more than a Tom Quincy.

At least that's what she kept telling her all the way to the rehearsal place.

Ok, that's it. I know, it's short... I was kind of unsure if I should actually put this up, because, I don't know, I have the feeling that something's not right, but I really got no clue what's bothering me. So I just thought I put this up and if you don't like it, well, not the end of the world, right? And if you really don't like it, maybe someone tell me why? And if you do like it, just tell me too, please! ;)

Be nice and review! :D