So sorry for not updating. Let's see…I've been sick, been pregnant, miscarried, got married (wrong order, I know.), and kind of busy. Hah. But I'm back. Song lyrics are by Incubus

CHAPTER TWO: PARDON ME

"So, pardon me while I burst into flames."

I've decided. I can't take it no more. This may be crazy, but I am going to see Marie again. My thoughts are always centered on her, and maybe it's sick, but I have to find out… I have to find out, if we have a shot. Or if I can even handle a relationship with her… but then there's Jean. Suddenly, I can feel that wave of guilt washing over me. Oh, I'm not sure. Should I stay or should I go? I take a few deep breaths and decide neither. I should just keep moving on, see what the next town has in store.

I think I'm becoming quite the alcoholic since there isn't a pub or bar I have yet to visit on my journeys. I guess bars are just magnets for the lonely. Everyone here seems to be looking for something. A piece of ass is the most common, but even that, I think relates to loneliness rather than horniness. I alarm the bartender when I ask for straight vodka, but he obliges nonetheless.

"You like it strong, eh?" A woman next to me smiles seductively.

I nod, "Yeah. I guess I do."

"So do I." She says, but I can tell she's not referring to the drink.

"Huh." I mumble. I don't have time for this. When my shot of vodka comes, I gulp it, and ask for five more. It's like swallowing peroxide, but it offers such a sweet warmth and mildly fills the hole inside me. Each shot I take, I feel myself becoming more relaxed and my body heat up. I could do this all night.

And so I do.

I don't drink solely vodka, I switch it up. I experiment with any manly drink there is. My thoughts are becoming fuzzy now. I can't really remember why I came here, but I know it had something to do with a girl. Doesn't it always?

"You look like you need a ride home." A girl, I remember her, says.

"I don't have a home."

"Hmm. I guess I could take you to mine…"

The offer seemed quite generous, so I agreed. However, the woman felt the need to support me. It was like she viewed me as fragile or something. She held my hand as she led me to her car. I guess maybe I am pretty drunk. More drunk than I've been in a long time.

When we're in her car, she talks about music and an art show she has coming up. I don't understand it, but I nod anyway. I even agree to look at her artwork. Soon, we're at her house…and I start to wonder, why am I here? It hits me what she wants, and but then just as suddenly, I realize I don't mind. To lose myself in another person sounds like a relief right now. I follow her.

It's not long before I am on her bed, undressing her in a drunken frenzy. Placing my hands on her breast and kissing her lips. "Take me," she whispered in my ear.

I shuddered.

Our bodies are moving together in a not-so-perfect rhythm but it doesn't matter. It feels good. As I reach my peak of pleasure, I whisper, "Marie."