A/N: This is based off a movie I happened to see while flipping from channel to channel. When I find it again I will place it's title for you all to see. So while I was watching the movie I was trying to think about how funny it would be if the characters were crazy but then it turned angsty and... yeah... Anyways, I have some warnings (I guess.).
Warning: Rated M for Light and his freaking obsession, which I don't want to reveal just yet so you'll just have to read the first chapter. Also there is very vulgar language, and Mello can make the squimish feel unpleasant.
Light's eighteen. L's eighteen. Matt's eighteen. Mello's eighteen. Near's sixteen. Anyone else's age can basically be figured out.
I know I said that I wouldn't update this just yet but... I got a black and blue thumb and I can't type and it's been totally killing me that I couldn't post anything up because The Game has a few editing things I need to put in before updating so this is to please those readers and find new ones. Updates will be a bit slow. (A BIT!) But I have complete faith that it won't be that long. Anyways, read and enjoy and reviews would be pleasant.
Chapter 1: Inner Battle
Light could smell the sweat and tobacco. He could feel the overwhelming sense of guilt, pleasure, and unhappiness. He could taste the thickness' of the air as it overwhelmed him in a white fog that blinded him from the present and made him want to choke, gag, throw up. He felt distant, lost, and for the longest time he couldn't remember where he was, what he was doing, or how he got there. All he could remember was the fact that he felt like he was drowning. Drowning in fog.
Then he could remember. He could remember feeling everything, every fantastic moment, every great second involved. He could remember Misa's blond hair ruffled badly, sticking up in every which way, he could remember the sounds that were made, he could remember every time he moved he felt so in control and so damn good that he didn't want to stop it. Ever.
And then he remembered the only reason he felt so good was because he fucked her. He, Yagami Light, fucked teen idol Amane Misa.
That was a lot to feel good about.
But then he remembered other things. Things that weren't nearly as good, not even close. He remembered the burning cigarette, watching the smoke flow up to the ceiling. He remembered an old grubby voice talking to him, asking questions. He remembered other voices too, that seemed to talk without even letting him into the conversation. He remembered hearing someone softly crying and he just wanted it to stop. Now.
And he couldn't get himself to stop it but he still couldn't remember it either. Someone was talking to him, and he could hear the man talking, saying things that shouldn't be said.
He could also hear Misa.
"When's the next time we get to meet like this?"
[When's the next time your free?]
"Do you know how many times it has been that I have seen you?"
[Maybe you should stop worrying my parents.]
"Next time we should go out on a romantic date."
[Whatever gets those tight skirts off.]
"Next time may not happen..."
[Good. I'll be glad to make sure of that.]
"Maybe we should tell the press about our relationship."
[Let's not. They're not as dumb as you, they'll know all I want from you is what's underneath your clothes.]
"Maybe we should start fixing the problems."
[Maybe if I got the chance to fuck you then everything would be better for both of us.]
"Your perfect, Light. Everything about you is perfect."
[Keep thinking that, it will help my situation more.]
"Your shaking, Light-kun. Everything I say makes you shake."
[Because I want to fuck, you idiot. I want to feel good fucking now!]
Light began choking more, his lungs closing in as Misa's form started to dwindle away. He tried to run after it, to make the sensation come back, to make the memories stay forever. But the voice of that man- that annoying cretin- was slowly crawling louder and louder to him. Light wanted to yell at the voice, tell it that he was telling lies, another part of him wanted to yell at him and tell him that he needs a good fucking session.
Neither were heard.
"He's out again, Mr and Mrs Yagami-san. I'm sorry I wasn't very useful but I can't control when Light has these kind of things happen."
[Hey, if I get you angry then maybe I'll shut down more often.] Shut up.
"It's fine doctor. It's just that... We want to help him- really we do- we just don't know how. What will help him?"
[You getting the hell out of my life.] No, I need their help.
"Since therapy isn't helping I would say medical help would be most affective."
[Medical help won't help me get in anyone's pants.] Yeah, but it could help get you to shut the hell up.
"But the only problem is Light-kun here is eighteen, your no longer his guardians. He would have to sign up for it himself."
[Fuck you. No way. I'm perfectly fine.] I want to hear more. I might just be interested.
"You say, sign up for it. What is it exactly?"
"... A mental institution, but the best one around! You'd be able to visit on holidays and he'll be very well treated for there-"
[No. No, no, no, no! Absolutely not! I'm not going there, I'm not going anywhere! I'm going to stay home and wait for Misa so I can fuck her again and again until I'm so happy I can't even see straight.]
You can't anyways get what you want. Have you seen yourself? Have you seen what's been happening? Why do you need sex to feel good? Why can't you just feel good?
[I do feel good, I make it so I can feel good. Your the reason why I have to keep doing it. Why I have to keep fucking her. It's for you, all for you! So appreciate it!]
Stop talking like we're not the same person! We are both Yagami Light and I do not intend on sharing him with you.
[The feeling's mutual. If your so upset about it then leave.]
No. I was here first. I was the one who made Light into the perfect student, son, and boyfriend he is. I-
Light couldn't stand it. He had to stop the feud in his mind before he exploded. It was insufferable and the fog that was drowning him ever so slowly before was now being pushed away. He knows there's something wrong with him, schizophrenia or whatever it may be, but he couldn't stand it anymore. Something needed to happen. Something needed to make everything stop.
"Yes." Light was shocked to hear that it was his own voice. Did he actually do that? Did he actually snap out of the made up world? He looked around to see the room. Cream colored walls, a few book cases, and of course a desk. His mother and father sat on chairs next to each other on the other side of the room while his therapist sat across from him, head snapping when hearing Light's voice.
"Yes?" The therapist asks. Unfortunately for Light he couldn't remember the man's name, but at least he knew why he smelt tobacco. The man was smoking a cigarette. Was that supposed to somehow make Light open up more?
"I will sign myself up. I know... I know there's something wrong with me... I just don't know what and I want help with making this right. I want to be me again." Light explained. His mother placed a hand over her mouth in both happiness and sadness, his father let out a stressful sigh and the therapist smiled.
"You won't regret it."
[I'm regretting it already.]
--
Everyone stood there, and nothing more. They watched him, and nothing more. They cried for him, and nothing more. They said words to him, and nothing more.
[Wake up. Misa's here.] Run.
Delicate small arms snaked their way around Light's body, sending chills up his back. [I want more.] The small body leaned in as much as possible, pressing their bodies together. [I need more.] The blond head leaned up so that their lips could meet, sending a rush throughout his body. [Get more.]
No.
Another haze. Another forgotten moment of many in his head.
Light was in the taxi, in the small and disgustingly cramped back seat. The first thing he noticed was the smell, the smell of sweat and shame. Smells familiar, don't it? Then he saw the lady who held few wrinkles on her face, too much makeup, and her hair was obviously dyed many times.
[You can always use her.] Shut up, she's been asking a question.
"Hey, kid. Where to?" She asked, voice showing the annoyance grown from Light's failure to answer the question.
Smile, pretend to be normal, use your charm. [She's a slut. She can't be swooned.]
"Sorry, Wammy's Home for the Clinically Needed." Light answered, hoping that the women [You mean slut.] didn't know the real meaning of those words. She raised an eyebrow at him.
"You mean Wammy's Insane Asylum. Don't use big words with me, kid, I've sent my fair share of people there." She explained as she started the car, every once in a while stealing a glance at Light through the rear view mirror. "Anyways, what's wrong with you?"
[Nothing.] Everything.
"I don't know, all I know is that I need help." Light said, looking at her.
"You know, most people who say that aren't actually crazy. If I were you I wouldn't go, and I would just learn what's wrong with me." She explained and their eyes met for a moment. Light was tired, confused, and did not feel like arguing with her.
But I can't just ignore her. I'll lose myself again, get lost in another haze and forget everything. Who knows when I'll wake back up.
[So let me take control. Let me face this whore, put her in line, and stop the battle. Let me out.]
... Fine, just this once.
Light leaned forward so his lips were at her ear.
"Well if I were you, I'd get a real job so that I don't have to get paid to fuck around. If I were you I'd find one dimwitted person who will let me fuck them whenever pleased. If I were you, I'd become me." Light explained.
She bit her lip.
"Well, damn kid. How is it even possible that you could have been mistaken as crazy? Smart is what I'd say you are." She stated. Light leaned back and smiled.
"Thank you."
[Your welcome.] Not you..!
--
[Are you going to make friends here? Are you going to sit and play chess with people that really do have mental illness'? Are you really going to sink that l-]
Shut up, I am trying to listen.
"-And this is the main desk. Roger is usually always present. You will be informed by him when to eat, when you have calls, and when you have visitors. You will also take your daily medication here, if it need be." The old man explained.
Light looked around. Wammy's was a huge place, of course it was in all white (what kind of asylum wasn't?) but it was a place that Light could most definatly get lost in.
Was his haze that bad that he didn't even remember the tour, much less the gravely, wrinkly, old man who gave him the tour? [Yep, now who's fault is that?]
He's wearing a name tag. Quilish Wammy. See? Not so hard, now deep breaths and smile.
Light tilted his head to just left of the counter that was protected by a (probably) unbreakable glass where there were tables, a couch, and a television. Some people were there, none actually paying attention to him, and one worker with dark red hair. The television showed nothing of importance and was hardly heard. Overall it was quiet besides for him and the elderly man.
"Is it always this quiet?" Light asked. Quilish let a wrinkled smile show.
"No, wait until Mihael gets here." Quilish stated as the red head walked over to Quilish. Light was able to take in his features then.
Clean face, green eyes, nice hair- are those... goggles?! Yes, they most certainly are around his neck.
"I got those papers you asked for Watari. Are these for..." The redhead trailed off, looking at Light, waiting for a name as he handed a few papers to Quilish.
"Ah, thank you, Mail. Yes they are, this young man's name is Light Yagami. Light Yagami, this is Mail Jeevas, he helps look over some of you." Quilish explained. Mail held out his hand for Light to shake and Light did so, frowning at the goofy grin.
"Call me Matt. I hate my real name." Matt stated. "So, your signing yourself into an Insane Asylum-"
"Clinical Help Home." Quilish corrected. Matt rolled his eyes.
"Whatever. I just can't believe your signing yourself up for it. I work here, man, I know this is going to be a mess." Matt stated. [Does he ever shut up?]
"Just sign here and here." Quilish pointedly ignored Matt's comments, flipping through to the last page of the papers where there were two lines Light were to sign. Quilish took a pen from his chest pocket and gave it to Light.
Light leaned on the counter, placing the paper down so his hand was hovering above it, pencil barely grazing the paper's surface. His hands shook.
[Don't you do it. Don't. You. Dare. This is my body too, I have some say! Go back home, I bet Misa really misses you! Stop! Don't!]
Please do. Please free me. Don't listen, just write! Hurry!
[Stop!] Go!
Light took a deep breath and placed the pen down. He closed his eyes for a few seconds to try and get rid of the feud.
The feud. That's why he was there. That's why he had to sign.
His eyes snapped open, his hand quickly grabbed the pen, and his name was soon signed twice. Light took a breath of relief as he handed the papers to Quilish.
"Welcome to Wammy's." Quilish smiled to Light, but it was a fake smile that Light could see from the start. The smile told Light that the old man was able to see- able to tell- that Light had something wrong with him.
Then he heard a laugh, a small chuckle, from the entry of the room. The three of them turned to see a tall blond with hair that fell to his chin.
Strange but healthy hair, clean face, but those eyes... Those icy eyes... They just scream danger. Be careful, it's probably best to stay on his good side.
"Is it that hard for you? For you to write your name down? For you to sign yourself into confinement for only God knows how long? Is it really that hard... for you?" The blond asked, and Light could have sworn he heard seduction in the blond's voice. He stepped forward, slowly to Light, until their faces were only inches away.
"Mihael, I trust you to be kind to him while I go and make sure dinner gets done." Quilish started away but still called over his shoulder. "And I trust you not to eat any chocolate before hand!"
Mihael's face turned into a snarl, eyes glancing back but head never turning around to see Quilish leave.
"Don't listen to Watari." Mihael ordered Light, holding out his hand. "The name's Mello, call me anything else and your dead."
Light shook the hand, feeling cuts and bruises on the otherwise soft skin. Strange... Why does nobody here go by their original names?
[Because they're probably just like you. Trying to block out their innocent side that makes their life a living hell.]
Are you admitting we're crazy?
"What's your name, pretty boy?" Mello asked.
What does it matter to you? None of you use your real names.
[Then lie. Lie like he did. Become someone else make up a name- any name- just lie. Lie so I can be out, so I can be free, so I can lie. Let me be!]
No, not you. Anyone but you. I want to be me.
"My name... is Kira. Not pretty boy, got it?" Light asked with an equally icy glare. Mello raised an eyebrow.
[Kira- Killer... I'm free now. Free to talk, just let me stay and I'll get us out of here in no time. I'll free you from this hell and set you free.]
No you won't. I named you Kira because you are just that. Your a killer, and your going to kill me.
"Not as lame as I thought. I'll keep you in mind, Kira." Mello grinned as he turned to Matt, holding out a hand. The redhead handed over a chocolate bar. "For now, keep the chocolate coming Matt."
[And keep Kira coming too, Mello. Keep him coming.] This isn't the help I wanted...
--