Disclaimer: Does not belong to me, blah blah blah, J. K. Rowling pwns, blah blah blah, not that anyone reads the disclaimer.

Summary: Draco Malfoy is completely sure of himself. So much in fact, he believes himself to be the personification of sex. When fellow Slytherin, Theodore Nott, questions his ability to charm all womankind, he's quick to the defence. After all, the World must know of his pure amazingness. Even if he has to charm Hermione Granger to prove it. Hermione on the other hand, has decided to educate her fellow students in the ways of babies. A clichéd story that isn't so cliché full with turns, twists, and Draco's failing splits. And yes, I do mean the ones with your legs.

Chapter Completed: 07 September 2009

Chapter Word Count: 1351

Story Word Count: 4308

Recap:

Ron looked at her in shock. Obviously, the caring infirmary lady didn't know either. Never mind her life's work being in health and by connection, babies as well. He thought it was up to him to bring her up to speed on the workings of the world. "Oh Madam Pomfrey. You must've not known either."

Her apprehensive look made him continue.

"Babies come from diricawls!"

The Irresistible Charm of Draco Malfoy

Chapter One: Yummy Bubble Baths

Hermione woke with a dull throbbing pain in her head in what she assumed was the hospital wing, recalling what had placed her there. She had been reading her new edition of Hogwarts: A History, but she had been bothered by her fellow house mates conversation, then she had interjected, and then she had blanked out. But why?....

"Merlin's Purple Socks!" she whispered loudly as she remembered exactly why she had and sat up. The whole bloody common room believed babies came from dodo birds. She was well aware that magical families raised their children differently; but occasionally, parallels existed between the magical and muggle community. And one of them, apparently, was telling your children they came from some type of bird.

Sadly enough though, the muggle practice of telling your child about the birds and the bees in their later childhood didn't apply to the magical world. It was appalling. How could they allow their own children to be raised with such skewed views? Then again, many purebloods were raised to believe that magical children who weren't pure were inferior to them. Ah well, that was a topic for another time.

As Hermione sat there in thought, she realized something. Obviously, the older magical community was quite aware of how children came about considering they had their own. It wouldn't be surprising if the older generations had been led to believe dodo birds were also the bringers of babies. But if so, then how did they acknowledge the truth. Because they had to have known at some point that babies came from the birds and the bees; after all, they had children of their own.

She grabbed her wand on the bedside table and slipped on her shoes. Books were awaiting her at the library, and surely they contained some truth.

"Ms. Granger," her head snapped towards the resident Healer of Hogwarts. "Do lie down and stay put!"

Ah, but the books called to her. Her yearn for knowledge and answers were pulling her towards the library. "Madam Pomfrey, I assure you I'm fine. Please, may I leave?"

"Turn those puppy dog eyes elsewhere!" she scolded Hermione who only pouted in return. "You had quite a nasty spill when Messrs. Potter and Weasley were bringing you here."

Oh, that does explain the throbbing headache. Hermione thought to herself.

"Bumped your head right on the floor, you did," the blonde witch tutted to herself. "Now just lay back down and drink this."

"Yes ma'am," she monotonously replied before resuming her earlier position and watched as the caring—if not a bit overbearing—witch bustled about the cupboards before retrieving a small vial with a purple substance swimming inside. She held it out to Hermione without words. The bookworm drank it and set the vial down before immediately falling asleep, the Sleeping Draught already taking effect.

As the knowledgeable girl fell asleep, Poppy sighed while she thought to herself. I feel somewhat guilty for lying to the girl. But it simply wouldn't do is she were to know what happened.

When the youngest male Weasley had said that diricawls bring babies, the Hogwarts matron had stumbled backwards and tripped over a cart. Said cart then promptly barged into the side table which caused the lamp to lose balance and knock the occupant of the bed right on her noggin.

She had quickly shooed the two boys out of the infirmary, making sure to alter the memories with a quick obliviate. Frankly, it'd be a chilly day in hell before she'd allow the students to know of her occasional slips. But merlin, that girl's NEWT scores would be feeling the blow. It's a miracle she didn't wake up. Ah, but it's a miracle that she has those idiots for friends too. Even if they did defeated You-Know-Who.

Realizing that she had drifted off into her thoughts, she quickly smoothed her apron and began tidying up the infirmary. After all, the potions may have been colour sorted, but placing them alphabetically as well would do wonders for organization!

Draco Malfoy sat at the Slytherin table poking at his peas, sipping his pumpkin juice, and ignoring the idiot girl beside him, while taking note of the absences at the Gryffindor table. From what he'd heard, Granger had managed to land herself in the infirmary courtesy of her own clumsiness. He snorted at the thought.

Weasel looked to be drowning in the amount of food he snarfed down his mouth and Potter was chatting up the Weaslette. It was obvious to anyone with a brain that the two fancied one another. But be it far from him to be the one to provide them such a happy ending.

He scanned the hall for his friends' targets. Katie Bell was found further down the table by Demelza Robins, a chaser like herself, and Brian Lenare, a Gryffindor Beater. By their hand motions and quick-fired words, the Slytherin immediately realized they were discussing the latest Quidditch match between Puddlemere United and Toyohashi Tengu. That had been an amazing match to say the least. His family had attended the game with the Zabinis during the hols.

"—right, Draco?"

Drat, he hadn't been paying attention. But since he was a Malfoy, he knew he had to play it cool. "I don't feel like listening to your incessant chatter. Be quiet or be gone."

Daphne Greengrass huffed and stood up, "That's the last time I'll keep you company Draco Malfoy!"

He didn't reply as his fellow Slytherin angrily stalked off. Really, he'd been dropping hints that he wasn't as taken with her as she believed him to be for quite some time. They'd never officially dated either. Ah, the sooner she stopped bothering him, the better. After all, he had another goal to pursue.

Taking a last sip of his pumpkin juice, he stood up and headed for the dormitories. He must devise a scheme to entrap the Gryffindor queen and to do that, he'd have much scheming ahead of him.

He undressed as he contemplated the whole matter at hand. She really wasn't that much of an enigma if taken at face value he supposed. He thought of their encounters throughout the past. She was clever, sarcastic, intelligent, stubborn, and abusive. He'd learnt all of those facts first-hand.

Her abusive way of slapping him in their third year was probably the worst. Although he kept himself in denial that she had ever had done such an atrocious and barbaric thing to him. If anyone were to discover that he had let himself be attacked in the muggle fashion, he'd be ruined. Women don't usually find squealing men attractive. He had to admit though, she had some courage to slap him so outright. Or stupidity. Actually, he figured it was the latter, because despite her impressive and vast amount of knowledge and usually present logic, she was best friends with Potter and Weasel. And some of their stupidity must've transferred to her. Be it far from him to acknowledge the idea that he might have had some blame of any kind.

Just recalling such a horrid moment of his life made him simmer with anger. Letting his pants hit the floor he climbed into the tub, immediately becoming appeased by the warm water and white musk scent of his personal edible bubble bath formula.

He loved the taste of strawberries and vanilla it had. Stretching languidly in the large tub, he thought about his great invention. Edible bubble bath, in all essence, seems rather disgusting being that one uses it to bathe. But by placing a hygiene charm on the liquid, it would always remain clean.

It was a secret love of his. Draco was completely fascinated with bubble baths. Watching all the bubbles form and float around atop the water always entranced him. That added with the soothing scent of his favourite bubbles always calmed him. He placed thoughts of the headstrong Granger aside and paddled around the tub, bubbles floating around him.

Oh how he loved his edible bubbles.

A/N: So I finally updated.....Haha.