Disclaimer: I own nothing that is recognizable as belonging to Tamora Pierce. That means Beka, Rosto, Tunstall, Goodwin, Ersken, Kora, Aniki, and Phelan all belong to her, not me. Jarred, though, is mine. Mine, mine, mine. And so are all of the other original characters, who I won't list, because the list is too long, and there are bound to be more coming.
A/N: I'm back with Shades of Grey! I'm really happy about this - I've missed writing Jarred these past couple of months, even with the outlining. So, here's volume two, and all of the awesomeness to follow. A heads up, update wise, though. I'm leaving at like 5 AM my time for Texas tomorrow, and I won't have my laptop, and I'm only back for a day before I head off to camp (again, without my laptop, as they're not allowed at camp), so an update is going to be at least two weeks in coming. But, I'll get an update up as fast as I can once I get back! Until then, enjoy, and please, review! It only takes a minute!
From the journal of Jarred Cooper
September 7, 267 H.E.
Before Watch
It has been about two and a half (almost three, actually) months since I finished my last journal. In that time, I've come to realize not only how calming it is to write the whole, or at least most, of my day down on paper, but it does help me remember things better, too. It's beyond me why I can be the least bit scatterbrained (or forgetful) about anything, much less details, with the parents I have. When she has time (and she does now), Ma is meticulously neat and never forgetful about anything, but Rosto, on the other hand, is worse than she is. He's finicky and obsessive about things at times. I really (really) don't know how Ma managed to live with him sometimes. Maybe it wasn't so bad back then, though. I suppose it's not really relevant…
And it is not my point. The point is, I got in trouble with Tay last night when he told me to recite something I was supposed to memorize about a cove we were looking for and I couldn't remember part of it. So, it became necessary for me to get myself another journal. And I like keeping a journal besides.
There are a number things that have changed in the last few months. For one, Piper isn't even fully grown, and she's already getting even bigger. She kicked me out of bed this morning because she takes up the whole bed to make it all worse. It's been happening repeatedly this week, too. And it's my bed, too, so I should be the one sleeping in it. Not my dog, who takes up more room than a normal animal should…
Of course, when I tried to argue that point with Piper, she'd bark and yip and look at me like I'm the silly one. Piper be big. Real big. Gotta hunt big animals. Weiryn say so. Ask him. Which, of course, means nothing to me – as if I could ask a god of the hunt about my dog (who just might be a constellation)! And the only other constellation in the house won't tell me how big Piper will be. Because Pounce was too dignified to ever do something so low as pay attention to a dog constellation. Joy. But at least Piper likes me. Though, I think that's only because I feed her regularly.
The whispers in the City, which I heard from time to time the first few weeks after we got back, have gotten worse. Everyone is gossiping about me, Ma, and Rosto. I think we confuse them. I mean, people had an inkling that I was probably an unusual child. And people like Bold Brian even guessed I was the Piper's son, but most people really couldn't believe that Ma would have done that willingly with the Rogue. And now that they've seen us all together, seen Ma and him together, seen me standing near him, they know that Ma and Rosto did that, and that I was the result. And of course, everyone has to ask me about THEIR relationship. Grrrr.
Every once in a while (usually at least when I'm on Watch) I'll listen to people around me, and then I'll hear my name, or Rosto's, or Ma's. The part that annoys me is that when people realize I've heard them, they just quiet down and stare at me. It's really very obnoxious. And some of the Dogs and Puppies of Evening Watch – of all of the Watches, come to think of it – won't talk to me anymore. Or Ma. They won't talk to her either, but she doesn't care. Well, they'll talk to her when she's in her gear, 'cause she's too well known and too good a Dog to be ignored. But me, I thought that maybe I would get some residual deference as I'm her son.
Nope, none doing. Most people look at me and don't know whether to treat me as Ma's child or Rosto's spawn. I'm not really anyone's son, just something that exists and thus not worth really talking to or listening to, and that bothers me. I don't like it. Sometimes I think to ask for help or advice from another Dog and they just look at me like I'm a puppy who piddled on the floor. One Dog on Day Watch even called me The Runt. And then proceeded to say that the Runt was the weakest pup in the litter and most likely to turn traitor. And me, I soon won't be a Puppy anymore. I'll be a Dog in my own right.
And then there's MA. She doesn't help it at all. She doesn't mind the talk as much as I do because she's shyer than I am, and she's got her own group of friends that she's had for years, and they still talk to her. But me, I find it irritating, because sometimes I need to talk to one of them because of something on Watch, and they won't respond or anything. Really, I find it immature, irritating, and rude. Most of the time, I've come to ignore it, but it's still stupid. And sometimes, it's even harder to ignore all of it because of how loud and pushy some people are.
But, Tay has forgiven me (not that I really had anything to do with who my parents are) for not telling him (and I couldn't have, even if I wanted to, because I didn't know) that Rosto is my father. He and Rinny have been nice to me since this whole thing has come up, and they don't treat me any differently, because I'm still the same person I was before Scanra, only I know a bit more now. It's really just folk who don't know me who treat me differently than before. Elaine and Robbie still treat me the same, too. I'm still just their friend, as it's always been, and not suddenly 'the Rogue's whelp' or anything. Whelp, as though I was this half-breed who shouldn't exist. And what really irked me was that, in most people's opinion, I shouldn't exist.
Worse than the people who stare at me and glare, are those who laugh and point and jest. Bold Brian, it seems, had been right, so he's about as smug as is possible to be, and his lads (though not him directly) will sing all those songs about The Piper and The Terrier that they know, and make up songs about me, their poor Pup who has no idea which parent he belongs to and that they can't tell if I'm a Rat or Dog or a Cat or a Bird (That one song never made sense much to me, but it still bothers me because I know I'm a Dog). Naturally, everyone has some idea about what happened in Scanra, though no one is right. You should hear the songs, they're ridiculous!
I've tried to spend more time with Elaine and Robbie recently, too, because I didn't get a chance to before I went to Scanra. I mean, I wasn't any busier with Puppy stuff than Elaine was, other than that big trip, but I had other things to do with all of the extra stuff with our case and helping Ma and so on.
Then again, it is pretty unusual for a Puppy like me to be gone for two months on a case. And on top of that, all that happened before that all seems like a rush to me at this point. Things are certainly different now, though. It does make a difference…
Ma isn't nearly as busy as she was before, though. The Day Watch Dog who was helping Goodwin out before has taken over most of the jobs she did before. Ma stays around the Dove a lot more these days. I'm starting to wonder if she was always gone because she didn't want to think about Rosto and his inn made that a lot harder for her…And he's been really busy, too, with all sorts of Rogue matters. Rosto's gotten much better since we got back, actually. He's put on some weight (most of which seems to be muscle—mostly in his legs—as he's been practicing with Aniki out back a lot) and his skin tone is more normal, for example. I mean, he's pale, but not acos he's ill, he's pale because he chooses to be. But he ain't sallow looking. And the dark circles are almost gone.
Either way, I don't see him all that much. Most of the time, he and Ma are off somewhere, like upstairs or something. And it's usually when I'm looking for one of them (which is very rarely Rosto, and more than likely Ma). It's sort of annoying, because I can never find one of them when I need them. Just last weekend, they went on a huge long horse-back ride out into the King's Forest and then came back just afore Court.
Rosto's trying to bring back that old control. I think it's why he's so insistent on keeping things neat as a pin. But, he doesn't know what to do with me. He can't control me because I'm not really part of that old picture he had about his life. But once in a while, I'll see him try to talk to me, and he'll look like he did in that cell, but then he'll shake his head and ask me if I've seen Aniki or Ma.
Other times he'll be talking to me and Ma, like yesterday over breakfast, and I'll see he wants to pull the "You'll do as I say, 'cuz I'm your Da" routine, but then Ma will touch him on the arm and he'll swallow the words and he'll just say, "I'd appreciate it if you do as I say, but you're a lad grown and can do as you like." It bothers me, because I want him to either own up to the fact that he's my da, act like one, or stop calling me "Beka's Son" and trying to control me as the Rogue does (and he ain't even the Rogue). Then there's the trying to be my friend, which I think we've both given up on. I'm just waiting for the fight between us to blow over. It'll probably shake the Dove down into the ground and all the way up the street until Palace Way. Probably.
Rosto hasn't taken back the throne in the Court of the Rogue, yet, but he's heavily involved in it again, helping Aniki and getting reacquainted with the Court that's changed over the last nearly twenty years. Both he and Aniki are part of the Happy Bag negotiations, and whatever else is going on. I try to stay out of it, since I'm Rosto's son, after all, and people will think that I can pull strings in the Rogue, which I can't. But he always knows what's going on, though. He's just not fully the Rogue.
It's bloody confusing to try to explain the whole thing (and I've tried), and the last thing I need right now is a headache. I honestly don't like the Court of the Rogue all that much at this point. It was a little different before, but I really don't care. I try to avoid it as much as I possibly can, which is rather difficult, since I live in the Dancing Dove, and all…
Not that I like that all that much anymore, either. The only good parts are seeing Ma and Aniki, and Corcoran's cooking. Rosto and I haven't been getting along lately. At least once a day, we somehow manage to get into some sort of stupid little argument. It's annoying, really. Like this morning for example. I was going to go with Ma and help her with the errands she was going to run, and Rosto decided that since he wasn't doing anything, he wanted to go instead, so we got into an argument about it. And he won, Mithros curse him. Okay, I don't actually want to curse him as he does love Ma. And he tries to like me.
For the longest time, I was the man of the family, and now he's just taking over! He was gone for eighteen bloody years, and in two and a half sarden months, Rosto has usurped my position, and he hogs all of Ma's time! I understand that he missed her, but he's still got to share! I don't think he's very good at that. Actually, I'm not sure he understands the concept of sharing, particularly when it comes to Ma. He seems very possessive, and it's even more bloody annoying, as I don't think Ma even really notices. That ain't her fault, but still…
And I sound like a whiny two-year-old. Great. It's just so frustrating, though that's not an excuse. I don't really like these chances. Until a couple of months ago, I was the center of her life. Now, I'm not nearly as much, though she does make an effort to spend time with me. It's just that Rosto takes up most of her free time at this point.
I really need to stop complaining about Rosto, but that in itself is hard – I get so frustrated, and I can't even vent. If I did, I'd either get in trouble, or be told to shut my mouth and sit down or something. And it's like they have ears everywhere, because when I start talking to Piper about it, someone's looking for me.
So, I got stuck staying home instead of spending time with Ma. But, on a happier note, I had lunch with Elaine and Robbie today. It was great – we headed over to the Singing Cat, which is another inn and tavern that's over in Patten District. It used to be something else, but the owner died, and his family sold the inn and left Corus. We talked and had fun, goofed off a bit, really.
Robbie has started working for a carpenter, it turns out. He was apprenticed to a blacksmith for a while, but that, well, didn't work out too well. I think it has something to do with his sister not wanting to marry the blacksmith's son, and it just went downhill from there. And it turned out that that particular blacksmith held a grudge and Robbie had to find a whole new line of work. He's mostly happy, though.
Elaine has been busier than usual lately – she's staying with her cousin, who is expecting a baby while her husband is away and has needed Elaine's help with the other little one in the house. So, Rob and I really got lucky that we could get her away for a couple of hours before her cousin needed her again before baton practice, which is the next time that she'll actually leave her cousin alone for a while, when she doesn't really have a choice unless she wants to take a leave.
It was actually quite a bit of fun to just spend time with them and have lunch together, and to joke around. Even when I'm not busy, I don't get to do that all that often. It's sort of hard to find sometime when all three of us are free, and it really makes me miss Kalir and Lily even more now. They've only been gone a few months, but it seems like ages since I saw them. It's rather sad, really. Ria's always tired, too, so she never comes if all of us get together, and it's just too quiet around the Lower City these days…
I don't know why, but I get this feeling that something's going to start happening. Something bad. Nothing's come up on the pigeons that have come to me (I still hate those bloody birds) and none of the dust spinners Ma has me check have much other than gossip. It's just too quiet. I don't like this. Not at all, and Ma always told me to trust my instincts when it came to Dog work. She said that it was the best way, and I think Rosto's mentioned something along those lines, too…not that I'm going to take advice from him. He did spend most of my life in a cell in Scanra, after all. That isn't what I'd call great instinct, if he couldn't tell he was going to get jumped…
So, I'm not really sure if I want to take Rosto's word for it, but Ma, on the other hand, is a different story. I've never gotten bad advice from her, either, if I think about it.
I suppose I'd best get going now, so that Goodwin doesn't try to murder me for being late again…
After Watch
I am so tired. I'm going to go kick my dog off of my bed and go to sleep now. I'll write what happened in the morning. If I tried now, I'd fall asleep. And my eyes are stinging. I hate it when my eyes sting.