A/N: This chapter is rated hard R.

Chapter 9

Everything hurt.

That was the first thing that registered in Lorne's brain when he tried to open his gritty eyes. His head hurt like nothing he'd ever felt before, the light was too strong behind his eyelids, he had the worst throat-ache, like a hole was drilled into him, and his body was stiff and pulsing with pain.

Without his control a throaty, hoarse sob escaped him, and he immediately regretted it. It hurt like his throat was on fire and it made the sheets move over his body, which in turn made his skin hurt everywhere.

The light suddenly dimmed beyond his closed eyelids and he risked opening them again, only to find Caldwell standing over him.

"Good to see you back with us, Major," he said cheerfully. "You gave us all quite a scare."

Lorne tried to reply, but the hole in his throat was melting all of his internal tissues so he merely whimpered pathetically.

"Don't try to speak," Dr. Keller was there instantly, beginning to run all sorts of tests on him, while Caldwell scooped some ice chips from a nearby container and slipped one into Lorne's mouth. Lorne hoped his eyes showed his appreciation.

"How're you feeling, Major? I'm sorry about your throat, but we nearly lost you and we had to intubate you so you might hurt there for a couple of days still," Dr. Keller said with a compassionate smile.

Considering that Lorne's entire body was aching, a hole (a real one, apparently) in his throat won't kill him. He was grateful for still being alive to begin with.

Dr. Keller scanned him and checked under his throat and listened to his heart and lungs, commanding him to breathe as deeply as possible. At that point even his lungs began to hurt, and he resorted to silently blaming her for everything.

"I've got to say, Major, I think you just outdid Sheppard in the category of most stupid and most dangerous stunt to pull and still stay alive," Caldwell said, but his voice was affectionate and not at all accusing.

Sheppard! If Lorne's body would have obeyed his commands he would get up to check on Sheppard, but all that he managed was a wince and a whimper again, tears of pain streaming from the sides of his eyes and down his temples from the attempt. He looked at Caldwell desperately, begging him silently to tell him what had happened.

Caldwell seemed confused for a moment, but Zelenka stepped in from beyond Lorne's field of vision to fill the gap. He smiled broadly at Lorne and pushed his glasses up.

"You did well, Major. The asteroid blew up and incinerated the entire cluster with it. It damaged your Jumper's systems but you managed to jump out in time, and a rescue team jumped right after you and caught you before you could drown. The Jumper was smashed into such tiny pieces, it was…" Zelenka shuddered.

Lorne begged him in his mind to skip to the important part. He was there, everything hurt, which meant that everything was fine. What about Sheppard?

"Colonel Sheppard was in a dart when the explosion occurred," Zelenka said, and Lorne drew in a sharp breath even though it hurt like being zatted. "He was the one who got rid of all the darts that were on your tail. He managed to fly to the city but his dart and radio were both damaged and he nearly drowned as well, but was rescued in the nick of time. He was badly injured from the explosion, but Dr. Keller says that he's going to be fine," Zelenka said, and Lorne wished that he could smile. Instead he closed his eyes and thanked every guarding angel for Sheppard's life.

"As for you," Dr. Keller smiled at Lorne once she finished torturing him. She slipped another ice chip into his mouth, which helped with the dryness if not with the pain, and said, "You were in shock. Your body was in a state of complete shock from the jump and from hypothermia, and you have a concussion. You've been in a medical induced come for the past five days," she reported.

Lorne's eyes opened wide at that. Five days? But then again, if Caldwell was in Atlantis then it must be over three.

"Yes, five whole days!" Dr. Keller was too cheerful, like everyone else who had the luxury of standing on their own two feet. "And you're not going anywhere anytime soon, so you might as well make yourself comfortable," she added, tapping her computer tablet as she walked away.

"I'll let you rest, Major. You'll be fine in a week or so, and hopefully so will Sheppard. In the meantime, both Colonel Carter and myself have taken over both your duties, so rest assured that you have nothing to hurry up for," Caldwell said kindly, fixing the sheets covering Lorne before leaving his bedside. Lorne knew that he meant well. It was well past the time Caldwell tried to enforce changes on the city and take advantage of the fact that there was no military commander in place.

Zelenka smiled at him, being the last to remain at his bedside. He walked around Lorne's bed and with a wink moved the privacy curtain a little sideways. He then left without a word.

Lorne took a deep breath and turned his head around. It hurt, but it was worth it.

On the bed beside him was Sheppard. He had bruises on his forehead and white gauze bandages were sticking out of the V collar of his hospital-issued gown. But he was also breathing steadily in and out, his eyes were moving under his eyelids and he was going to be fine.

They were both going to be fine.

####

A week and a half later Lorne was released from the infirmary. He was ordered a lot of bed rest, was prescribed three different sets of pills for the next few days, and was ordered to come to the infirmary twice a day for inspection. After he insisted, Dr. Keller relented and allowed him some light work like reports and mails, but nothing at the office and nothing too long.

Sheppard was released the day before, having woken up with a similar concussion, a few battered bones and numerous bruises that began to color up in a variety of shades.

They didn't have much time to talk after Sheppard regained consciousness because by the time Lorne got his voice back Sheppard's bed was moved to the other side of the infirmary so that Dr. Keller could scan Lorne more frequently without disturbing both of them. There was an angry tension between them and when they did talk it was only mundane conversation and strained banter.

They never talked about their date, about what had happened at the cruiser or how Sheppard managed to get out. Sheppard told that last one to Carter while Lorne was asleep, and Lorne heard only bits and pieces from the nurses and from his visitors at the infirmary. He knew that they would have to talk about it soon, and he preferred to get this done with as soon as he could. He knew that Sheppard was angry, but he was angry as well and they both had things they needed to say.

So after being released, instead of walking to his own room he went to Sheppard's room straight from the infirmary. The painkillers were still in his system and he felt relatively fine for the time being.

Lorne knocked lightly on Sheppard's door and waited. He had a feeling he wouldn't have to wait long.

The door opened almost immediately, as if Sheppard stood on the other side and listened for that particular knock, and he was invited in.

Sheppard's quarters were the same as when they left them, two weeks that felt like a lifetime ago. Even the CD case was still exactly where Lorne left it, open at the same page. This time, however, a gentle breeze was coming in from Sheppard's tiny balcony and light spilled from the windows to show what a beautiful day it was outside.

"Hi," Lorne said, not knowing whether he should address Sheppard as 'Sir' or as 'John'.

"How're you feeling?" Sheppard replied, leading Lorne to sit on a white couch while he himself sat on his bed.

Lorne shrugged. "Nothing hurts anymore except for my head, and I was given painkillers for that. Other than being completely drained and weak, I'm okay. How're you?" he asked, once again with no title or name.

Sheppard shrugged. "Bruises, concussion, a few scabs that itch like hell… the usual," he said, and then looked into Lorne's eyes and Lorne knew that the small talk was over. "We need to talk, Evan," Sheppard said, serious.

Lorne was relieved. At least now he knew how to address the issue before them. "Yes, we do," he agreed, looking back at Sheppard with no intentions of apologizing for his actions.

"You disobeyed my order, Evan," Sheppard said, voice hard and uncompromising.

"Yes, I did," Lorne once again agreed, because there wasn't any other answer he could give.

Sheppard suddenly leaned forward, bringing them closer. "I thought that we talked about it, Evan. I told you that if we're going to do this together then there are going to be some lines we can't cross, and you just crossed the most important one! You disobeyed my order in the field," Sheppard accused, eyes unreadable. His voice never went up in volume but it was as effective as a scream.

Lorne, however, served enough time with Colonel Edwards to be familiar with such a voice. "Of course I disobeyed your orders, John. You ordered me to leave you behind on a damn asteroid about to explode with no viable means of escape," Lorne explained rationally, calmly. It was the kind of calm before the storm.

Sheppard's eyes flashed. "Why? We talked about it, why did you do it!" he demanded, his anger now showing.

Lorne was angry as well. Angry that Sheppard didn't understand. "Because we don't leave our people behind, that's why!" his voice was low and intense, and he looked Sheppard straight in the eye when he answered him. "Beyond the fact that it was you that I was leaving behind, you ordered me to leave one of my men behind and save myself!" he accused back. Sheppard wasn't the only one who had accusations to make.

"You damn right I did! But we talked about it-" Sheppard began hotly, seemingly baffled by Lorne's sudden anger.

"Did we?" Lorne cut him off. "Did we talk about you ordering me to leave any of my men behind? I don't recall that. I recall us talking about putting Atlantis before our feelings, not ignoring one of the lead principles of this expedition!" he snapped. He was waiting to say that for the entire time they were in the infirmary, and he needed to make Sheppard understand that this was a relationship of equals. He was as deeply in love with Sheppard as Sheppard was with him, and he could get mad at Sheppard just as Sheppard could be at him.

"What are you talking about! I gave you an order and you ignored it, it's as simple as that. If you say that it wasn't because of your feelings for me then maybe we should take this somewhere more formal!" Sheppard said, angry and harsh.

Lorne was somehow not amazed at all. Sheppard didn't really understand the impact he'd made on other people. "You really don't understand what you just did? You gave an order that goes against everything you taught your men to believe in, John. Your entire command could be summed up with this one principle, 'we don't leave our people behind'." Lorne explained. "Miller disobeyed your orders the first time, and I disobeyed it four times. I would have done it again, and for anyone," Lorne told him, and then reached the part he was most wary of. "If you want to take this someplace more formal, go right ahead. Just tell me where I stand in the meantime," he told Sheppard quietly.

Sheppard was disturbed by what he was hearing, Lorne could tell. Lorne knew it was a lot to take in. A commander whose message to his soldiers is to disobey their superior's orders?

"I…" Sheppard looked down and rubbed a hand over his face. "I guess I can accept that," he said eventually, surprising Lorne.

"Can you? Can you accept that I couldn't leave without knowing that you'd follow?" Lorne asked, trying to catch Sheppard's eye.

"I… would've done the same," Sheppard said finally, uneasily, face much softer and relaxed when he looked up. Looking into his eyes Lorne was suddenly reminded that their war with the Wraith started because of the exact same thing, the principle of never leaving their men behind.

Lorne smiled his first genuine smile since waking up. "Yeah. Yeah, you probably would," he mused, his hand reaching for Sheppard's. They jeopardized an entire galaxy, as well as their own lives, for this principle. If Sheppard could understand that then maybe they had more of a chance to make this relationship work than Lorne had first thought.

"The lines are clear for me, John. Those of our relationship, those of our duties as military commanders and those of our responsibilities as human beings," he said, squeezing the fingers interlaced with his.

"Then what made you comply?" Sheppard asked, looking at their joined fingers instead of at Lorne.

"Exactly what we talked about right now. Once I knew that you had a way out I wanted to stay with you and see that you're really going, but I couldn't. I had no reason to disobey the order a fifth time," Lorne explained.

Sheppard smiled, embarrassed. "I guess that the lines are more blurred with me than they are with you," he confessed, uneasy. If Lorne could trust himself not to faint he would've kissed Sheppard in reassurance. But he didn't, so he had to settle on words.

"Well, you do have overly developed sacrificial tendencies," he said with apparent playfulness, but was only half kidding. "But this is what makes you the commander that you are. For better and for worse," he added honestly, and smiled into Sheppard's eyes when Sheppard turned to look at him. "The city still stands," he repeated Zelenka's words to him from a while ago.

Sheppard grinned. "Yes, it does," he said, and then looked at Lorne somewhat embarrassed. "You know, this wasn't exactly the first date I had in mind," he confessed, and they both burst out laughing, all the uneasiness forgotten.

####

Lorne was kneeling on his bed with his legs spread wide, groaning and biting his lip. He didn't want this to end too soon but he needed to be prepared.

Closing his eyes, he inserted another finger.

####

Lorne knocked on Sheppard's door. It was late in the night and he was feeling strange, walking after having loosened himself earlier. But he was finally given a clean bill of health, as has Sheppard not long ago, and he needed to make the most out of it. He swore to himself that before the next emergency will come he will have a chance to be with Sheppard at least once.

Sheppard answered his door barefoot, wearing soft cotton sweat pants and a black t-shirt with a white panda print, looking all ready to go to bed. He was surprised to see Lorne at his door.

"Hi," he said, smiling and stepping aside to let Lorne enter. No one was at the hallway and no one saw Lorne come in. Lorne checked it but allowed Sheppard to check it as well. "What are y… mmn!"

Lorne didn't allow Sheppard to finish that sentence. As soon as the door was closed he moved forward and cupped Sheppard's nape in his hand, sneaking his tongue into Sheppard's mouth and kissing him deeply.

After the initial surprise Sheppard kissed back, still tender and playful, suckling on Lorne's tongue and running his hand around Lorne's neck. Lorne took that as encouragement and slipped his hand under Sheppard's shirt, feeling the warm skin in the small of his back and caressing his way up.

This, however, brought the resistance out of Sheppard.

"Evan," Sheppard's hands were pushing him back and Sheppard's head was turning to the side to avoid Lorne's lips. Lorne, despite his overwhelming desire to kiss every inch of his skin, obediently stopped and looked at him, expectant.

"You remember what we said about taking it slow, right?" Sheppard asked him, serious, though his hands were still holding onto Lorne's shoulder and neck.

"Yeah, I remember. But I just received a clean bill of health after jumping eighty feet into the freezing ocean and nearly losing you in a Wraith dart. I want us to do this now," he told Sheppard earnestly. "I have been thinking about it ever since our talk," he added, kissing Sheppard shortly on the mouth.

Sheppard still seemed uncertain. "Please, John. I really, really want you to fuck me right now," Lorne added, voice gone husky and low. With satisfaction he saw Sheppard's eyes widening.

But he had underestimated Sheppard's stubbornness. "Damnit Evan! You're not my fuck buddy," He said, a spark of anger mixing with the desire that was evident on his face.

Lorne smiled warmly, feeling his desire for the man in front of him rising. "Okay," he murmured, "I'll revise that. Right now I really, really want you to make love to me, John," he corrected, and Sheppard's head bowed down to rest against his.

"You're incorrigible," he said, resigned. Lorne might've said something about that but Sheppard's lips were on his, Sheppard's tongue was in his mouth, and Sheppard's hands were sneaking under his shirt and over his chest.

Lorne moaned into the kiss, relishing the rasp of stubble on his skin and the softness of the lips caressing his. His hands roamed Sheppard's back and down to his ass, cupping the firm mounds and bringing Sheppard closer.

Lorne had to admire Sheppard's resistance. He didn't think he would have been able to even talk while sporting an erection like Sheppard was, and he slowly and deliberately began grinding his own erection against it.

Sheppard's mouth broke from the kiss and they both gasped, holding onto each other and taking a deep breath. "Bed," Sheppard said, short of breath, and his hands came out from under Lorne's shirt to take Lorne's hand and pull him to his narrow bed.

It wasn't long before they both collapsed on the narrow bed, sweaty, sticky and short of breath. The sex was amazing and Lorne's orgasm was intense, turning him boneless and bringing all the tiredness of the last month crushing back into his system. When he managed to get his tired eyes to open, he saw Sheppard smiling warmly at him and finally felt Sheppard's thumb tenderly caressing his cheek and it was well worth it.

A few minutes passed before they found the strength to pull themselves up for a short trip to the bathroom to clean up, each in his turn. Lorne was last, and took his time since it hurt to move his lower back and thighs. He was out of practice and the sex was neither gentle nor slow. But the pain of the penetration was a welcomed burn that he deliberately awoke by forcing himself to walk a bit straighter and with longer strides.

He was coming out of the bath, still somewhat stiffly, and savored the stabs of discomfort deep within him. Every one of them carried with it the ghostly feel of Sheppard's cock and of what they just did.

Sheppard was eyeing him as he came out, naked and spent, with apprehension. Lorne knew that he noticed the way Lorne carried his body and the way he gingerly knelt to scoop his boxers off the floor.

"Are you okay?" Sheppard asked, slightly worried. His hands came to rest lightly against Lorne's naked hip, caressing absently.

"I'm fine. More than okay," Lorne replied sincerely.

Sheppard's brew creased, and his eyes flashed with anger. "Evan, if I-" he began, upset, but Lorne quickly raised his hand and pressed a finger against Sheppard's lips.

"John, I'm fine, just a little out of practice. It's been five years since I let anyone fuck me. The next time won't be like this, don't worry," Lorne assured him, and could see that Sheppard was now torn between feeling full of himself with pride at Lorne's words and still being worried. Eventually he smiled hesitantly and stepped forward to bring them closer together, surrounding Lorne with his scent and warmth.

Lorne fiddled with his boxers, too comfortable with Sheppard's hands touching him to actually put them on. He was tired and all he wanted to do at this point was curl up in Sheppard's arms and sleep, but he knew he shouldn't. Caldwell was still in Atlantis and nobody knew when the next emergency would occur. He looked at Sheppard half-heartedly.

"I should go," he said reluctantly.

Sheppard looked at him with a measuring eye. "Yeah, maybe you should," he agreed. "But not tonight. We earned a night together, don't you think?" he asked mischievously, and went to lie down on the bed, lifting the sheet in invitation and waiting for Lorne to come in.

Lorne smiled broadly, and gladly accepted Sheppard reasoning. It was their first night together, after all. He climbed up into the bed, settling with his face against Sheppard's shoulder and Sheppard's strong arms wrapped around him, and inhaled Sheppard in deep.

"Go to sleep, Evan," Sheppard murmured in his ear and kissed his temple, warm and strong and smelling of sex.

"I love you too, you know," Lorne said, because it wasn't right that the only one to say it so far was the closed-off Sheppard. He felt more than heard the way Sheppard's chest rose irregularly as he laughed.

"I figured this much," he said dryly, his hand burying itself in Lorne's short hair. "But it's good to hear."

Lorne settled to sleep without guilt or shame, for the first time in months. He was still alive and in the arms of the person he loved and who loved him back. He had just had mind blowing sex and even had a mark on his neck to prove it that no one will dare to ask about.

He was completely safe, warm and content. Nothing in the galaxy could hurt him when he's in Sheppard's arms, he was promised that a long while ago.

THE END

A/N: I'm really not happy with this version of the chapter. Obviously, there was a sex scene somewhere in there and while I tried to sew the beginning and the end of it into one piece, I suspect that I've failed miserably. If you're interested in the uncensored version of the story, please visit the Wraithbait site. You don't have to register, if that's what you're afraid of. :)

On a different note, I would like to thank all of you who read and responded. I meant a lot to me! Thank you!