Oh yes he thought as he was laying there. Then something hit him. He really didn't want to die. "Oh crap" he said.

He reached for his phone and called Alexx.

"Hello,"she said answering the phone.

"Alexx,help me please. Come over my house,please,I'm dieing,"he said applying pressure to the cut.

"I'm on my way,what happened,"she asked getting her shoes on.

"I cut my vein while I was cutting,"he replied.

"I'll be there in ten. Hold on Ryan,you can do it baby,"said Alexx grabbing her first aid kit and ran out the door. She called Horatio's phone.

"Horatio,this is Alexx,meet me at Ryan's house,now,"she said then she hung up.

"I guess this must be important,"he said to got in his car and drove to Ryan's house.

Alexx arrived in seven minutes. She ran alot of red lights and stop signs. She jumped out of her car and pushed the front door open to find Ryan sitting on the floor and blood all over the place.

"Ryan,sweetie,what happened,"she asked as she opened her first aid kit.

"I cut too deep Alexx. I cut one of my veins,"he said as tears were streaming down his face. Alexx put the cloth down that he had been using to stop the bleeding and realized what he meant.

"Ryan,I need you to be as still as you possibly can,"she said giving him numbing medication and pain. She got the bleeding to stop a little. Then ten minutes later Horatio came in.

He was speechless on what his eyes saw when he got in the house. Ryan was sitting on the floor crying and had cuts all over his body. Alexx was holding a thick towel on his arm,and the blood,all the blood he saw.

Alexx and Ryan just looked at him.

"Someone care to explain what's going on,"he asked still looking at the both of them.

"Horatio,whether you are aware of this or not,Ryan's a cutter and tonight he cut his vein,"said Alexx putting a comforting arm around Ryan.

"Why Ryan,I told you not to do it,"said Horatio moving closer to him.

"You said if you caught me I'd be in trouble."

"I did catch you right now and you are in trouble,"said Horatio with his hands on his hips.

"Horatio listen,don't you punish him. He's already been punished. He has to live with all these scars for the rest of his life. You know as well as I do he was doing out of don't you dare punish him,"said Alexx bringing Ryan into a hug as he began crying more.

"Then what am I supposed to do,"he asked while looking at Ryan's body.

"That is what you have to decide. If I find out your are getting him in trouble,your gonna have bigger trouble with me,understand."

He just nodded and made his way to Ryan and sat down by him.

Before he could say anything,Alexx said,"Alright sweetie,I'm going to have to stitch the vein back up and the soochures will just absorb into your vein so we don't have to take it out,okay. Then I 'm going to stitch the wound on your arm and in about two to three weeks I'll take it out."

Ryan just nodded. Everybody could see the fear and pain in his eyes. Horatio grabbed his hand and held it. Ryan looked over at him and smiled. When Alexx got the needle out and the other things Horatio could see him stiffen.

When Alexx put the needle through his skin,he squeezed Horatio's hand. Horatio took his other free hand and started rubbing the younger man's back. After Alexx was done with his arm she looked at Ryan and he knew that she would want to know why.

He averted his gaze to the floor,anything but Alexx and Horatio. It was silent for a few minutes and they both knew Ryan would crack sooner or later.

"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have done it but it felt so good. All I wanted was to be apart of the team. But instead I am tearing it apart,"said Ryan then he broke down into tears. Alexx and Horatio glanced at each other over Ryan.

Alexx pulled Ryan into her shoulder and he started crying more. "Shh,it's alright now,okay.I'm here,shh,"she said in a comforting voice trying to get him to calm down.

After about ten minutes he calmed down and looked at both of them then to Horatio.

"I'm so sorry for pulling your team apart,"he said then clipped of his badge and gun and set them down on the floor.

"Do you really want to do this,"Horatio asked still looking at him. Ryan shook his head.

"Then why are you?"

"Because you guys deserve a better person. Like Speed,"said Ryan looking up at Horatio.

"We don't want another person,we want you."

All three of them turned around to see who said that. When they did Calleigh,Eric,and Natalia were standing at the door.

"Are you guys sure you want me. I mean,i've been tearing this team apart,"said Ryan looking at the ground.

Eric walked over to him and sat in front of him. He picked up his gun and badge and said,"Trust me,we don't know what we would do without you,"Eric said causing Ryan to look up.

"but you said." He was interrupted by Eric. "I know what I said. I was also frustrated. But we three all decided that whatever the circumstance was for you to keep the casing must've been important cause you would not have done that normally." Then he handed Ryan back his gun and badge.

The two girls walked over and Calleigh said,"Plus,we realized that your human and that we don't need to give you such a hard time about things. And we defiantly shouldn't make you wanna love you."

They all talked for several hours til it was two 'o clock. "Also,Ryan,you will need to go see a counselor. That's protocol. If you want any of us to come with you,you can just ask,okay,"said Horatio putting a hand on his shoulder.

"H,are you gonna put this on my record,"Ryan asked knowing if he did Stetler would be all over this.

"You know I should,but,I'm not gonna punish you for emotional pain. As far as anyone knows who's not apart of this team,you just had some personal issues,"he responded wrapping Ryan in a hug.

The End! I odn't know if I have this right medically,so just go with the flow.