Hey everyone, this is the first chapter of my first fanfic ever. All comments are greatly appreciated!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight :(

Imperfect Love: Chapter 1

Bella's POV:

I hadn't really breathed in so long. I always felt like I was gasping for air; like there was something caught in my throat and no matter how many times I coughed or swallowed, it just grew with each passing day of my silence. It seems for me that the old standard line to live by was proven true once again: You don't realize what you have, until it's gone. And I had had a lot. And I had lost more than I thought possible. The hole in my soul was openly bleeding every day. And I had no idea how to make it stop.

I glanced over my shoulder, through the crowded room, until my eyes came to rest on a table I knew quite well. I couldn't decide which emotion was more dominant inside of me: relief or jealousy that I was no longer welcomed there. Alice looked up at me then and I turned back to my empty table and my book quickly so she wouldn't see either emotion on my face. Alice, my former best friend, hadn't spoken to me since that fateful night last June. I couldn't really blame her. In the proverbial dog-eat-dog world of high school, she was just protecting her pedestal, terrified to fall from grace, like I had. It shames me to say that I probably would have turned my back on her as well, if she had committed social suicide. Of course, if she knew what I was feeling, I like to think she would have spared me the pain that was ripping my insides apart every second. I would have done it for her. In fact I probably still would.

The bell rang then and I slowly packed up my things and headed to Biology. I couldn't be the first person to enter the classroom and take my seat, but I couldn't be the last person through the door either. It was a delicate balance, walking into class with enough people so that no one took direct notice of you, but making sure that you weren't butting into a clique because then they would sneer at you for trying to force yourself into their posse. I had become pretty good at being invisible since school started again; people generally took little notice of me now. All that was left of my glorified high school days was locker room gossip and whispers when I walked through the halls. At least they didn't know everything.

I took my seat at the back of class and hunched as low as I could in the high stool. My lab table was the only one in the class that only one person sat at. I didn't need a lab partner, the work wasn't difficult to me, and Mr. Scott had been kind enough not to force me to team up with someone. Even the faculty knew what happened over the summer. That's what happens when you live in Forks, Washington, with its pathetic population of less than 3,000 people. Everyone knows everyone else's business; at least the teachers seemed to sympathize with me. Teenagers were not so forgiving.

My mom, god bless her soul, thought I was just going through normal teenager shit and didn't interfere. I had always been independent and she loved the fact that she didn't have to be a parental figure. She preferred to think of us as BFF's. I wasn't about to burst her bubble. She was always excessively happy and energetic and I relished in the fact that at least one person didn't mind being around me during my doom and gloom saga. Even if it was the person biologically programmed to love me. She still asked me how school was every night, though my response was always an indifferent, "Fine." She seemed to accept the fact that there were things she didn't know about my life and she didn't pry. She knew me so well and I knew that she would let me work through my issues on my own, like I always had. Of course, nothing as traumatic had ever happened to me before.

By October, school had become mind-numbingly dull. I did the same damn thing every day; walked with my head down, avoided meeting anyone's gaze or touching anyone, ate by myself, spoke to no one, raced to my car after the final bell and finally exhaled my breath when I reached the sanctity of my room. My comfort bubble burst on a Wednesday afternoon when I walked through the cafeteria doors and saw someone sitting at my always deserted table. I froze. My breath hitched as panic coursed through my veins and my brain tried to figure out my next move. If I stood still too long in the cafeteria where everyone could see me, eventually people would notice and my invisibility cloak would slip off. I glanced around myself and my nightmare was happening right before my eyes. People were elbowing each other and pointing at me and the whispers got progressively louder, as did my heartbeat. I gathered myself as best I could and practically ran to my table. It'd probably be worse if I fled from the cafeteria.

I stood next to the table thief and waited for him to look up at me. Wrong choice. He met my angry gaze and my resolve to reclaim my table completely melted away. He had the most dazzling green and gold eyes I had ever seen. They seeped with indifference, but they still sparkled as I dazed into them. I felt myself getting lost but I couldn't look away. The rest of his face was just as beautiful as his eyes. His features were strong, but not harsh-looking. He had high cheek bones and a set of full lips that looked extremely kissable. His hair was a dirty blondish color and a total mess that looked like it'd never been brushed, but it looked good on him. Anything would probably look good on him. The stubble that graced his jawbone added that sexy-I-don't-give-a-shit look that I'd always fucking gone for. He must be new to Forks High because I'd certainly remember that level of sex-appeal if I'd seen it before. I was vaguely aware that I was gaping at him, but didn't stop until his voice reached my ears. I blinked and shook my head, trying to make sense of what he had said.

"I'm sorry, I was um.... wait....what?" I hadn't spoken to anyone at school in so long I was surprised I even managed to get out that incoherent thought.

"I said can I help you?" Damn, he had a sexy voice too. Like velvet, even though it sounded annoyed.

"Oh, um....yeah, actually you're sitting at my table." I accused him, not as harsh as I had wanted to be.

"I wasn't aware that they were assigned." He replied, not missing a beat.

"Well they're not, but.....I always sit here, everyday." I explained, assuming that would clear up the whole problem.

"Except for today." He said, zero remorse in his voice.

I exhaled furiously and folded my arms in a defiant pose. "Look why can't you just sit somewhere else and give me back my damn table?"

"Because it's not your table and you're already standing so why don't you just sit somewhere else?" I was pretty fucking shocked at how harsh his tone was.

I stared at him in disbelief, waiting for a brilliant response to occur to me. When nothing came out of my half-open mouth, he turned back to his food. I mumbled "jackass" and then quickly stalked away before he could look up at me again. I ate lunch in the bathroom that day. How pathetic am I? There was absolutely no good reason why I couldn't simply sit down at another table in the cafeteria. My routine for today had already been screwed up, so why couldn't I? And why the hell am I about to cry over this whole stupid thing?I was one of the first people in Biology and I put my head down on my arms, happy to be out of the bathroom but still pissed off about losing my lunch table and a little angry about how upset the whole situation made me. Well, the day can only get better from here.

Edward's POV:
Fuck my life. Whiny Weird Lunch Girl was sitting at the only lab table with an empty seat. She had her head down but I recognized that her from her long wavy hair that was falling down over her head. The teacher predictably pointed me to sit next to her and I slouched my way to the back of the classroom. She looked up when I pulled out my stool and disgust mixed with horror flooded her eyes.

"You've got to be kidding me" she mumbled under her breath. I'm not exactly thrilled about this either, fucking whiny bitch.

The teacher began handing out the assignment for that day and of course, because I am the unluckiest bastard in the world, we had to work with our lab partners. I looked over at her and shrugged. We didn't have any choice. She grimaced, moving her stool closer to mine and leaned over to read the instructions with me. We worked in silence and quickly. At least she knew what the fuck she was doing and I had already done this lab in L.A. so we were the first ones done in class. The teacher checked our work, nodding approvingly, and told us to take the rest of the class to get to know each other. Fucking prick. Couldn't he at least give us some busy work so we didn't have sit here so awkwardly?

The silence was fucking excruciating. She was glaring at the front of the room with her arms folded and completely ignoring me. Apologizing would probably have been the right thing to do, so I said this instead.

"Shit, what is your problem? Are you seriously that pissed off about losing your fucking lunch table?" She turned to look at me with a crushed expression on her face. Fuck me. I really didn't want to hurt her feelings. I just couldn't figure out what the big fucking deal was.

She swallowed thickly and turned her gaze away from me before answering. "It doesn't matter, you wouldn't understand."

She was probably right. I never really did understand what the hell went on in a girl's mind. They were so god-damn complicated.

"Look, I'm sorry. It's just a fucking table, can't you get over it?" I asked, keeping my voice low so that only she could hear.

"I'm over it. Just drop it, asshole." She shot back at me.

"Well, good, I'm glad you're over it." Sarcasm was always my favorite go-to insult trick. She rolled her eyes and pivoted her body away from me with an angry jerk.

The seconds ticked by. We sat through the last ten minutes of class, her with her back to me and her arms folded across her chest. Every once in a while she'd let out an angry huffing noise and shake her head a bit. I fought the urge to laugh at her completely irrational reaction to the whole fucking lunch table incident. When the bell finally rang, she was out of her seat and out the door before anyone else. Nice to meet you, too, whiny, weird, over-reacting bitch.

"How was your first day, dude?" I looked up at my dad with a smirk on my face.

"Just bitchin' man." I choked out with a laugh. My dad chuckled.

"Come on, seriously. Do you hate it here as much as you thought you would?" He inquired, shifting into his concerned doctor voice. I wasn't in the mood to be diagnosed.

"No dad, it's fine really." I ducked my eyes from his probing gaze and searched through the containers of Chinese food littering the coffee table. I was glad he didn't seem to mind eating in the living room. It was easier to be with Carlisle when the TV could provide some white noise and an excuse for not making eye contact with him. We ate in what I had assumed to be a comfortable silence, for a few minutes then my dad cleared his throat and decided to try and ruin the rest of my night.

"I know how hard it was to leave that house, but we did the right thing." He couldn't hide the sadness that was breaking his voice.

I stood up abruptly form the table, not willing to have that conversation tonight. "I know. I have homework to do." I turned away before I could see the sadness that was sure to be on his face from my brush-off of him. I raced up the stairs and locked my door, grabbed my cigarettes and a lighter and sat down on the balcony, leaning against the wall of the house. Thank fucking god I got the room with the balcony. I had no doubt that my dad knew that I smoked like a chimney, but at least out here I didn't have to feel guilty about his disapproving gaze. I think he also knew that I needed to smoke. It was the only thing that seemed to calm me down and he was fucking thrilled that I didn't have to be on those little blue pills anymore. My hand was shaking as I desperately grappled with the silver lighter to get the cigarette lit. I inhaled deeply and eventually the calming effects took over and my fucking hand stopped shaking. I stared up at the stars and the mountains. I had to admit, it was fucking beautiful here, except for all the god-damn rain. And he was right, it did feel good to leave everything behind, including that damn house, and I couldn't understand why the fuck he kept trying to talk about it. Shit head.

I climbed into a hot shower to try and soothe myself after I'd finished off my pack of cigarettes. It was incredibly fucking embarrassing how one comment from my father could have such an effect on me. Maybe I did need those happy pills after all. The more I thought about it, the more unstable I began to feel. And the more unstable I felt, the more ashamed at myself I became. I was a man, god-damn-it. I should be able to handle this shit. I got out of the shower when the water turned from calm-me-the-fuck-down hot to freeze-my-ass-off cold. I dried off quickly and threw on some boxer shorts before climbing into bed. I closed my eyes, bracing myself for another restless night full of nightmares.

I didn't sit at her lunch table on Thursday. I'm not a complete asshole. Also, I was recruited to sit with Perky Conceited Flirty Chick from my first hour class. Despite being a tiny little thing, Alice had an energy about her that somewhat exhausted me. She was always upbeat and happy, jittery and bouncy. She reminded me of that fucking energizer bunny.

"This is Jasper, Rosalie and Emmet. Guys, this is Edward." Alice went around the table, introducing each of her friends. They were all staring up at me with curious eyes.

"Hey, how's it going?" I asked the table at large, hating every second of being the new exciting thing in their day.

Jasper pulled up an empty chair and I sat down next to him. "Good to meet you man. I get so bored with these fuckers it's nice to have someone new in the group." Shit, I was already part of this clique. I sat down next to him while Alice took her seat on his other side. I got the sudden sinking feeling that I was a fifth wheel to this group as Jasper and Emmet both threw their arms over the girl sitting next to him, marking their territory. I laughed inwardly; Jasper had nothing to worry about, even though when she stopped talking long enough, Alice was pretty. Emmet on the other hand, I don't blame him one bit for laying claim to Rosalie. She was one of the most strikingly beautiful girls I'd ever seen. She was definitely the hottest blonde I'd ever seen, including all the California sluts I knew. She had big brown eyes, long silky blonde hair, and a body that curved in all the right places.

"So, you're from L.A. right?" Rosalie asked, leaning over the table to stare at me, giving me a pleasing view of her glorious cleavage.

"Yeah, what'd you do read my transcript?" The small town notion of everyone knowing everyone else's fucking business was obviously not lost in Forks.

"Oh, don't be silly. Everyone's been waiting for you to arrive for months." Alice chirpped. "You're the most exciting thing to happen around here in a while."

"Shit, that's pathetic. Sorry, but I'm a pretty boring bastard." I groaned, hoping that they really believed me.

"Great you'll fit in perfectly here." Emmett said in his booming voice.

Someone up there likes me because I did fit in with them. Awkward fucking high school fitting in problem averted. Jasper was laid-back and Emmet was funny as shit. Even the girls had their moments; Rosalie was conceited as fuck, but her snarky comments about Emmet were priceless. Alice relaxed immensely around Jasper and she wasn't nearly as annoying as before. She was still overly girly and bubbly, but it was cuter when there were other people around to soak it up. I was honestly enjoying myself when I caught her eye from across the room. Whiny Weird Over-reacting Lunch Bitch was staring at me from her precious fucking table with wide eyes and she looked...annoyed. And that really pissed me off. I hadn't sat at her god-damn table and yet there she was, looking fucking bitter as all hell.

Still holding her gaze, I said to no one in particular, "That girl's a fucking freak." Jasper looked around at who I was staring at and grunted.

"Check it out baby." He whispered to Alice and her face fell when she saw who we were looking at. It was the first time I'd seen her not smile. She looked sad.

"Who is she?" I was really hoping they could tell me what her god-damn problem was.

"That's Bella Swan." Jasper said with a shake of his head. "How do you know her?"

"I sat at her table during lunch yesterday and she freaked the fuck out. Then I had to sit next to her in Biology and she wouldn't let it go. And now, she's looking at me like I killed her damn dog or something. I don't know what the fuck I did to her." I blurted out angrily.

"Well, that's probably because you did it again." Emmet said with a laugh that sounded forced. At my quizzical look, he elaborated. "Bella use to sit at this table last year."

"Oh…what happened?" There was a general groan around the table and I heard Jasper mumble: "Here we go again."

"It happened this summer," Alice began in a sorrowful tone. "James, Bella's boyfriend at the time, was having a party while his parents were away. It was pretty wild and there were a lot of people there, basically the whole school. Anyway, someone brought cocaine to the party...."

"We didn't even know the kid that brought that shit. We have our fun, but we're not fucking coke heads." Emmet interjected angrily.

"We asked the kid to leave but Bella got spooked and called the police. Everyone ran like hell, but it's hard to hide something like that from your parents in this town." Alice explained.

"Everyone knew Bella had called the fucking cops and people were pissed. We're usually pretty good at not getting caught." Emmet grumbled.

"Shit that sucks." I said, chancing another glance at Bella. She was staring down at her book now.

"At least she had the guts to turn the fucker in, it's what we should have done." Jasper said hotly.

"Maybe, but look where she ended up." Rosalie said before turning to me. "Anyway, the worst part is that she didn't even say sorry, she didn't talk to any of us after that night." I notice Alice shift uncomfortably in her chair.

"So, she used to be a good friend of your's?" I asked, looking around the table.

"Yeah, Bella was the Queen of Forks High before that night. Everybody adored her." Alice said with a small, sad smile. "She used to be my best friend." Jasper hung his head low and squeezed Alice gently around her waist.

"She was mine, too." Jasper said, his voice breaking a bit.

"Belles was so much fun, always had something funny to say." Emmet was no doubt trying to lighten the mood.

Rosalie laughed lightly. "She was the one that finally told you to get over your shit and ask me out, remember?" They were all laughing at the memory but it was short-lived. "I really miss her sometimes."

Alice looked at me then and there were tears in her eyes about to spill over. "Don't say anything to her about it, please. I don't want her to think that we all sit around and talk about her."

"I won't say a word." I promised. Alice just nodded at me. I felt horrible for bringing this up. They all looked so glum after reliving what had happened.

The bell rang then and everyone started getting up. I looked over at where Bella was sitting but the table was already empty. I felt pretty fucking bad for her. It can't be easy going to a high school where everyone fucking despises you. When I walked into the Biology classroom, I met her gaze and felt even worse for her. She looked fucking sad and anxious as hell. She dipped her head from my eyes and covered her face with her hand. In that moment, I made myself refuse to judge her. I didn't know her at all and I had been judged by absolute strangers too. It was so unfair and it had been done to me too many fucking times. I won't be an asshole to this poor girl.