The Difficult Kind

It had been six months since she'd left. Six long months away from the city she'd grown to love. Growing up in Kenosha never felt quite right for her, but in New York she felt she had finally found where she belonged. It was her home.

Ten years she lived there, in the middle of the chaos that is New York City. Bright yellow taxis, unbelievably tall buildings, and millions of people were a far contrast from the small town she'd grown up in, but little by little the magic of the big city consumed her. She was swept up in the fast paced lifestyle it had to offer. With her Quantico training still fresh on her mind, she starting working in the Missing Persons Unit. Diving head first into her new career, she put every ounce of energy into each case, giving every one of them her undivided attention. And for awhile that worked. She put her heart and soul into the job, sacrificing her personal life for her professional one.

But it didn't take long for the fire inside her to begin to dwindle. The wear and tear of case after case, day in and day out, and seeing the harsh realities of the world began to weigh heavily on her. Going in to work with the weight of the world on her shoulders was beginning to tear her down. Piece by piece she was changing, becoming more hardened, more emotionally detached. To ignore the intense pain she felt at times was much easier than having to deal with it all alone.

It was years into the job before she'd even entertained the idea of a man in her life. She didn't have time for dating. Sure she had the occasional boyfriend type to keep her company, but there was no need to string some poor guy along when she knew she'd never commit to a serious relationship. Her work was her life.

Then he came along, Martin Fitzgerald, the man who turned her world upside down. They started out as friends until their relationship morphed into something much different. The walls she'd taken years to construct seemed to fall way the more she was around him. In the short amount of time they were together, he made her feel more alive and more loved than she ever had.

And it scared her.

Slowly, she began to push him away. She shut her heart off completely, afraid of anyone getting too close. And over time, he got tired of fighting with her. He let her win. He had only ever wanted to make her happy. The more they fought, the more apparent it was that he was no longer making her happy. So he let her go.

She never expected him to give up, to let her go, to break her heart. Eventually, though, she realized that his heart had been breaking for a long time. He loved her. He knew it. She knew it. Everyone knew it. And she was certain that she loved him, too. Her actions, however, revealed something much different. Her mind and heart were never quite on the same page, and she could never really decide what it was she wanted. In the end, with his patience wearing thin, he could see that his love for her was simply not enough to keep them together. He needed more than she was willing to give.

It ended just as suddenly as it had started.

I think I was wrong
I think you were right
That all my angry words
Will keep me up at night
And through the old screen door
I still hear you say
Oh, Honey won't you stop
Treating me that way

It wasn't until a few months later when a few bullets had nearly taken him away forever that she realized just how much she really loved him. The thought of losing him scared her far more than she could have ever imagined.

At his bedside she remained for days on end, waiting for him to awake from the drug-induced sleep he was in. She slept in the chair next to him at night and paced his room during the day, brushing her hands gently over his skin and hair periodically praying that somehow he'd know she was there. His mother arrived the second day, but even then she stayed by his side, leaving only to shower and change clothes at his mother's insistence.

When his eyes finally opened, she breathed a deep sigh of relief. A smile rooted itself firmly in place on her lips the moment those familiar blue irises fell on her. She helped him through his recovery, hoping to salvage what little bit was left of their friendship. Much to her relief, things did get much better between them. They were able to talk and laugh around one another again, and she couldn't have been happier. Somewhere deep down inside, she still held hope that they could one day give a romantic relationship another try.

If you could only see
What love has made of me

Unfortunately, she soon understood that that would never happen.

While she was stuck in the past, holding onto a relationship that never really had a fighting chance to begin with, he was moving on.

Then I'd no longer be in your mind
The difficult kind
Cause babe I've changed

She was beautiful, Martin's new girlfriend, and completely unlike her. Her wavy brown hair and piercing green eyes were a stark contrast to his blonde haired, brown eyed past.

Weeks, months went by, Samantha overhearing things and seeing things that only made her feel more alone. Gabrielle, or Gabby as he liked to call her, was a lawyer at a high-profile firm in Manhattan and daughter to well-known Senator McDaniel. She made it a point to stop by the office at least once a week with lunch for Martin, and she was never anything but nice to all of them. The wide smile that covered his face each time she came around only served to make Samantha's heart ache that much more. She tried not to let it get to her because for the first time in a long time he was happy, but she couldn't seem to get over him.

After speaking to Jack and Lisa Harris, she decided that maybe the only way she ever would was to get away. Leaving New York was one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do, but she knew that staying was only making life more difficult for her.

Two weeks after asking for a transfer, the FBI office in Dallas called. A spot had opened up in their MPU and the highly commended Agent Spade would be a perfect addition to their team. The next weekend she was moving to Texas.

Her leaving came as a big shock to everyone, but none of them could really say that they were surprised, except for Martin. Unlike the others, he assumed Sam was doing fine. Obviously she was more withdrawn around him, but he never would've imagined that she'd just pick up and leave. One day they were sitting around in the bullpen laughing and joking as usual, the next she was telling them all goodbye. She cleaned out her desk, packed away the pictures, awards, and memories. She gave Danny, Vivian, and Jack a hug and said her goodbyes, sharing a few tears and sad smiles before working up the courage to face Martin. That was the farewell she dreaded the most.

As she approached him that night, her heart clenched in her chest. The look in his eyes was one she'd never seen before. A mixture of confusion, hurt, longing, and to some extent regret were settled over his features causing her heart to drop that much further. Forcing a smile, she stopped within arm's reach of him still not quite sure what to say.

Tell it to me slow
Tell me with your eyes

If anyone should know
How to let it slide

Not leaving her to dwell on it, he took a step closer, enveloping her in a tight hug. She wasn't sure what persuaded him to do it, but he had. His arms remained draped securely around her waist as he buried his face in her hair, inhaling her sweet scent for possibly the last time. Tears welled in her eyes as her hands linked together behind his neck, her fingers sweeping through the short strands of hair. She wasn't sure how long they stayed that way, wrapped in one another's arms.

Finally, he pulled back, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I'm really going to miss you, Sam."

Staring into his blue eyes, she felt her resolve begin to crumble. She didn't want to leave New York, leave him, but she didn't want to stay and watch him with someone else either. It was time for her to move on. "I'll miss you, too." She felt a few more tears slip down her cheeks which were hastily picked by the back of his hand. "Hey, I hear the Giants play the Cowboys in Dallas this year. Maybe I could get us tickets to the game." She requested knowing it'd most likely never happen. She was set to move clear across the country. In all reality, she knew that this moment was probably the last time she'd ever see him again, but foolishly she clung to the possibility that he would visit.

"Don't tell me you're changing alliances." He quipped, his attempt at humor falling flat at the steady trail of tears spilling down her cheeks. "This isn't the end, Sam."

His words gripped at her heart as she wondered about the meaning behind his words. She glanced over his shoulder, her deep brown eyes finding a pair of emerald green eyes focused on her. With a final heartrending look at him, she stepped back and wiped the tears from her eyes before she replied with a small, sad smile. "I think it is." After a final attempt at a smile, she whispered goodbye, leaving him for good.

I swear I can see you
Coming up the drive
And there ain't nothing like regret
To remind you you're alive

Now a half year later, with her life and career thriving in Texas, she still had the occasional sorrowful days where she wondered if she'd made the best decision in moving, but finally she felt like things were headed in the right direction.

Her new team was better than she could've imagined. One of her biggest fears when she decided to transfer was having to join a completely different group of people that she'd never met and trust them implicitly on the job. Thankfully though, everything worked out perfectly and she felt like she'd been a part of the team forever. They were a lot like her former partners which made her happy and also somewhat sad.

The SAC Bill Marshall was a well-respected agent throughout the Bureau with over 20 years of service. He led the team with a world of knowledge, getting them some of the best results in the country. Trent James, Leslie Reynolds, and Jacob Alexander along with Samantha rounded out the rest of the team. The four of them were all in their thirties and had great chemistry. She and Leslie had instantly bonded, forming a solid friendship that she knew would last for years. Leslie was someone she could always come to for support or a good laugh, and Samantha had even explained everything that led up to her leaving New York. Trent and Xander were great guys, too. They were self-proclaimed protectors of Sam and Les even though they both knew the women were fully capable of taking care of themselves.

The four of them often went out together after work and on the weekends, reminding her a lot of ball games and nights out with Danny, Elena, and Martin. Only this time, she wouldn't overstep the boundaries of friendship. She'd done it once before and all it'd gotten her was a broken heart.

Honestly, she hadn't dated at all since moving to Texas. Even though it'd been more than a year since her breakup with Martin, she still couldn't seem to make her feelings for him go away. What she'd had with him was something she wasn't sure she'd ever have again.

If you could only see
What love has made of me
Then I'd no longer be in your mind
The difficult kind

She'd spoken to him on the phone a few times since she'd left. Each phone call left her more upset, but she couldn't imagine completely cutting him out of her life. She knew all she was doing was torturing herself, bringing up feelings that would be better off forgotten, but for those fifteen or thirty minutes that they spoke, she felt happier and more content than she ever was. Half a country away, he had the same effect on her.

It was useless to try and change. She still loved him.

Cause babe I've changed

A/N: That's the end for now, but I may add more at a later date. :)

The lyrics are from Sheryl Crow's 'The Difficult Kind'

I own nothing to do with WAT or Sheryl Crow