I wrote this before the series ended (before ff even had a Double Arts section!), so I'm sorry it's not exactly consistent with what happens.
When Kiri looked back on it, he couldn't understand how he didn't wake up when she let go of his hand. After all, they had been in physical contact with each other since they met, almost a year ago, and they even tied their hands together when they slept. Maybe the sudden break of kicks and punches he received nightly from Elraine and her fretful sleeping habits had encouraged him to fall into a deeper sleep while he still could. But he was so used to the unintentional abuse that surely he should have woken up if it had stopped, right?
All this evidence piled up on him as he stared down at the grave marked "Elraine Figarette, Dedicated Sister and Beloved Friend". The guilt weighed so heavily upon him that he wondered why he wasn't sinking into the ground, sinking into the empty space where Elraine's body wasn't buried; there never is a body to bury when the person had Troi.
Kiri's eyes burned blankly through the headstone as his mind wound questions with no answers and answers with no questions. Why? he repeated to himself, again and again. Why would she kill herself for such a stupid reason as this?
The stupid reason was a girl. Her name was Lanora, and she worked at an inn her parents managed. Kiri and Elraine stayed there longer than usual, about a month, and Lanora befriended them. She was cute, Kiri had to admit, and they got along very well with each other. Elraine, for some reason, was stiff and tense around her. Although Kiri didn't have an extensive knowledge of girls and their odd and unpredictable ways, he was pretty sure Lanora liked him. Kiri, although he only very quietly confessed this to himself, would probably have wanted to go out with her if it wasn't for, y'know, the whole saving-the-world-from-Troi-thing and the fact that Elraine was permanently attached to him, which would make intimate moments a tad uncomfortable for all of them.
Leave it up to Elraine, Kiri groaned to himself almost affectionately, to overthink all of this. She must have started thinking she was a burden, although he didn't know it then. He should have picked up the warning signs- she kept hinting that he would have a better life without having to drag her around. He had been so used to these comments that he hadn't paid them any mind. Elraine suggested that she should let go of his hand almost weekly, whether it was for a diversion or if she realized yet another thing Kiri was unable to do while she was with him.
Elraine never seemed to understand that, to Kiri, it wasn't him and some girl he had to hold hands with. It wasn't Kiri and Lanora, who were attracted to each other, with Elraine unwillingly tagging along. To Kiri, he and Elraine were a package deal. She was never a burden to him, and he told her that repeatedly. What were a few minor inconveniences if it meant she could live?
A surge of anger and hate rushed through him. How dare she? That filthy hypocrite, she said she wanted to see a world without Troi. She said she wanted to stay by his side. Didn't she think about how this would affect him? Did she have any idea how it felt to have someone who was always with you, unfalteringly, for months, and to have that person vanish into thin air? Did she have any idea how empty his hand felt, how her body had become like a phantom limb to him? He could almost feel her warm hand sometimes, and the habitual way they bumped shoulders. How when danger approached them she'd squeeze his hand for a short second and rub her thumb gently against his hand, as if he was the one who needed reassuring and not her, even though she was such a worry wart. Sometimes he'd turn to say something only to realize in horror that she wasn't there. It was a cold, creeping feeling that slithered through his stomach.
He remembered the sloppy note she had written him with her left hand in the dark. It was hard to read, and he had to tell himself that that was the reason why her writing shook. She wrote she wanted him to be happy, or something. Maybe he should have remembered it better, but he didn't feel it was important. Elraine was dead, so what did a quick note matter in the whole grand scheme of things?
Sometimes when he thought of that horrid note he'd get even angrier- why on Earth would her death make him happy? His anger ebbed only slightly; he'd always known she cared more for others than herself, and that other people's happiness was important to her. She was a perfect and willing martyr for her cause. It was simply Elraine's nature. And, Kiri thought as he looked down at Elraine's empty grave, it was in his nature not only to be kind and to understand others, but to value life above all else.
"You're pathetic," he snapped, and then added a little immaturely, "I hate you."
Kiri turned and walked away from her with a frozen face. His eyes softened and his features twisted with guilt. He ducked his head down as if she could see. Hatred didn't suit him. He knew he didn't mean it. He hoped Ellie-chan knew that, too. The wind blew softly, and he turned to leave the cemetery.
I wish this series could've lasted longer. It was awesome, and I always looked forward to reading the next chapter. I think it had a lot of potential to get really really cool. The style was pretty interesting, too!