"You!" She shrieks the word, her hands outstretched and her fingers crooked, turning her long nails into talons. "This is all your fault! He left because of you!"

And then, later, after Jien had come home, had found him, had cleaned him up and bandaged the cuts that wouldn't quite stop bleeding on their own, he would curl up into his brother's empty bed and hide for as long as he could, clasping the pillow over his head to block out the sound of their "mother's" screaming as her voice rose for a completely different reason.

There was something about a good gambling hall that made life feel worth living. The hush, the thick, nearly blinding haze of cigarette and cigar smoke…the charge of money floating through the air…it made him feel like life was good. One lungful of secondhand smoke and what might have been third-hand sake made everything fit. The world was a dirty place, and in the little hidden gambling holes of the world, no one tried to pretend that it wasn't.

The nicest thing about little places like this was that the air quality and the general distaste people who frequented them had for being actually recognized kept the lights dim. His hair turned a kind of grubby black when he took a seat at a poker table like this, and his eyes were too dark to really see, just like the next fucker's. Even if they'd been able to see him properly, if they'd been able to see the signs of his tainted blood like everyone else he knew could, they wouldn't really give a shit. As long as he had money, he could belong.

Well…so maybe that was the second nicest thing about these little gambling basements. The nicest was definitely the fact that any bouncing bundle of energy he saw was some dumb fuck that wasn't smart enough to keep the fact that he was on a winning streak to himself. The fact that a scowl was standard-issue but that the guns were checked at the door and fans were out of the question…

The fact that any soft, gentle smile had more teeth than a shark, and didn't bother hiding it once you sat down across the table.

And when there was a fight and chips and tables went flying, even though there were some damn hard punches and a few gunshots, there was never anyone but him left standing, and he didn't actually have to listen to that little disapproving clucking sound until he'd hauled himself back to whatever inn they were staying at. And even then, he could just pretend that he hadn't heard Hakkai and go up to bed.