Previously on Bella's Day Off: "Okay guys, we need to talk."

BPOV:

What was I going to do with these guys? They all sat on the couch giving me the puppy look, naked. It's not like I'm going to run away and never see them again. It was just one day without the human and they couldn't take it. I walked upstairs and grabbed my dolls hidden at the back of my closet. Renee bought me these when I was little and here they were ready for use. I walked back downstairs and Alice was trying to get out of trouble by 'crying.' It was not working.

I plopped the basket of dolls on the table. I turned to look out the window and saw a flash of blond and brown. "Carlisle, Esme, you can come out. I can see you for goodness sake."

Sure enough They walked through the open front door and began to strip. "WHAT ARE YOU DOIN!?" I yelled while covering my eyes.

"Well…" Esme left the sentence open.

"We wanted to join the party too," Carlisle finished.

I sighed as they sat on the couch next to their children. I looked they each in the eye (Rosalie tried to glare back but I had my resolve). "I know you guys followed me all day."

I watched as Edward's face became even whiter…if possible. "Love…how'd you find out?"

"You guys were so loud, I heard you all from a mile away. Let me show you how inconspicuous you guys were."

Emmet's POV:

I watched as she searched through the box of doll. What was she searching for that could prove her point. She pulled out a doll of Yogi Bear and a woody doll (toy story).

"I woke up this morning for some private business and what do I hear?" She looked at me and Jasper.

She held up yogi doll and in her best impression of the bear she said "OH GAWD!"

She held up the woody doll and in a southern accent she said "Good lord!"

BPOV:

I watched as Japer and Emmet hung their heads in shame. Then I picked up the next set of dolls.

Esme's POV:

Bella pulled a charming brown haired Barbie out of the box and a blond ken doll. The funny thing was though was that the female had on a doctor's outfit and the male had on some leather shorts. Bella's face flushed instantly. "Ummm, uh…let me explain."

She held up the blond doll. "Hi, I'm Calisle. I'm the doctor."

They she held up my doll. "Hi, I'm Esme. I'm the house wife."

Bella glanced around the room for approval. "And when we get in the bedroom, we switch roles."

Oh know, she's found out. What will the family think. Edward gave me a look of disgust. I guess they, um, didn't know. He nodded.

BPOV:

I glad that was over with. I held up the Carlisle doll and said "That can't be good fro her arteries."

I held the Esme doll and said, "Day-um."

I dropped both dolls and picked up woody. "LUST?!!!"

I found my skipper doll (Barbie's preteen sister) and had dyed the hair brown. I held it up and shrieked "She went shopping without me!"

I dug out a plain blond Barbie wearing a bikini. "And you say, I dress slutty."

I was almost done. I had to find my Edward doll.

EdPOV:

She dug her hand out one last time and pulled out a Raggedy Andy doll. What the hell.

Cullen's POV:

OH MY GAWD!!!

Bella's POV:

I pulled out a bootleg Barbie Renee had gotten me when she was broke that week. It was uglier than the real barbies but it proved my point. "Oh Edward, you know I love you."

I made the two dolls kiss. Then I threw them in the box. I picked up the Carlisle and Esme dolls and placed the mini whip I made in toy-Esme's hand. "Oh Carlisle, don't speak or else I get to deal out the punishment."

The whip hit toy-Carlisle's back and I threw the dolls in the box. I picked up the woody doll and the skipper doll. I let the skipper doll ride the woody doll like a horse (the sexual way). "Oh, jazzy."

I threw them away. I picked up the Yogi doll and the Barbie and started slamming them together. "Oh,…oh…oh…oh…oh-"

"Love, is there a point to this?"

I blushed and threw the dolls back into the bin. "Um…no."

They looked at me like I had grown a second head. "I need space you guys. I'm just one human and as you can see from today, I need to do things in private. Understand?"

They each nodded and walked out of my house naked. I went upstairs and fell asleep on my bed without getting dressed.

and then they all died...

jk jk