Riker, Worf, and Data were standing in the transporter room. They were checking to make sure their equipment was in order and that their phasers were set to stun. Riker quickly went over the mission in his mind. The three of them would beam down to the planet and try to negotiate with both the Blue and Red leader. They would attempt to halt the hostilities and create a stable atmosphere between the two sides until Captain Picard could meet with them and help them hammer out a permanent treaty.

When the three of them were sure they were prepared, they stepped onto the transporter pad. "Energize," Riker told the transporter chief. The three officers disappeared in a flash of blue light.

They reappeared behind a large rock in a secluded area of the canyon. "Alright, we're going to the Blue Base first," Riker said. "We will try to talk to Church, their leader. According to our reports, he was described as an angry and violent man. We need to handle negotiations with him as delicately as possible. Now, Blue Base is that way if I'm not--" Riker was cut off by an explosion.

The three officers quickly ducked down further behind the rock before any stray debris could hit them. "Where did that come from, Data?" Riker asked.

Data took a short moment to analyze his sensors. "The explosion happened approximately thirty meters ahead of us. It appears that the source was a small explosive device, perhaps a grenade. I will require more information before I can know if we were the intended target."

Worf gripped his phaser tightly in his hand. He could feel the blood begin to rush through his body as he thought of the possible battle ahead of him. His lip curled upward revealing sharp Klingon teeth. He believed in Starfleet's peaceful methods, but the Klingon in him always enjoyed proving his honor through battle whenever the chance arrived. He peeked up from behind the rock. "It appears that they are already fighting each other. That attack must have been terrible aim on their part."

The three officers watched the battle from their somewhat safe location. It appeared that neither side truly wanted to kill the other team. That or they were just too lazy to actually try.

Simmons was firing the mounted gun on the back of the warthog. Bullet casings were showering the ground next to the vehicle. The only problem was that the bullets were only hitting rock, grass, and dirt. That didn't stop Simmons from having fun. "Take that, you damn Blues. Suck on this bullet sandwich, fuckers. And here's some bullet french fries to go with your bullet sandwich. And take this bullet ketchup to go with the fries. It's rich in iron, like your blood."

Sarge was standing right beside the warthog. "Heh, heh, heh, good shooting Simmons, and even better taunting. I can hear the Blues quivering in fear. It won't be long now until the Blues are defeated and we can claim this planet for the Red Command. Especially with my new secret plan just about to hatch." Sarge looked inside the warthog where Grif was napping. "Numbnuts, wake up on the double!"

Grif raised up. "Is the battle over?"

"No, you waste of space. We need you to get out there and distract the Blues while we sneak up behind them."

Grif starred at Sarge. "You want me to distract the Blues so that you and Simmons can sneak up behind them? How many years of military training did you go through to come up with that tactic? No wonder we've been stuck in this fucking war for over five years."

"Why don't you come up with a better plan?"

Grif was silent for a moment. "Why don't we retreat a bit? Then when the Blues come to check to see where we are, we ambush them?"

Sarge just starred at Grif for a moment. Then he turned towards Simmons. "Excellent job using that ESP thingy to make Grif say that excellent and extremely creative plan."

"Thank you, sir," Simmons said, still shooting grass. "That is what I'm here for."

Sarge got in the warthog and started the engine. "I guess it's time to make our fake retreat. Those Blues won't see through this trick at all." Then the warthog started driving towards Red Base.

Church watched the warthog drive off through the scope of his sniper rifle. "Hey, I think the Reds are setting us up for an ambush," he reported to Tucker, Sister, and Tex.

"Really," Tucker said. "I thought that they were really running away from that one bullet that you fired ten minutes ago. You truly are a modern day, fucking Robin Hood, Church. If I had an apple on my head, I would totally let you shoot it off."

"That's William Tell, moron. And I'm saving ammunition," Church stated. "As leader of of the Blue Team, it is my job to make sure we have enough rations and ammunition to last us through this war."

"You know how many bullets we really need to win this battle?" Tucker raised his hand with four fingers held up. "We only need four bullets to win. Sarge, Simmons, Grif, and Donut. Four bullets. It's your shitty aim that has made this whole mess last so long."

"So, you're blaming this all on me. The whole war on me. A single individual. You don't think that anyone else is to blame. Not even a little bit."

Tucker shrugged. "Okay, so maybe it isn't just you. The people pulling the strings in command knew just who to put here to drag this battle out as long as possible. Oh, but that whole thing about you conserving ammo, that was just you being full of shit."

"You know," Sister started to speak in her light yellow armor. "You saying that reminds me of something that has confused me for a long time. Back when I was joining a frat house, my sorority sisters made me eat a bunch of weird, foreign chocolate. After I ate it, they just kept constantly yelling, 'Ha, ha, you're full of shit!' I still don't get what was so funny."

Church slapped his hand against his forehead. "Oh my lord, you weren't eating chocolate. You really were eating shit."

Sister looked confused. "Huh, I remembered it tasting different."

"Well should we chase after- wait what?" Church stuttered. After a second, he said,"Actually don't elaborate more than that. The sad thing is I still prefer her stories to Caboose's."

Tucker nodded his head. "Plus I like the potential for nudity that she presents, too."

Tex sighed. "I like how you two are just ignoring the fact that I'm here."

Tucker looked at Tex. "Sorry, I don't like your potential for violence."

"Are you going to help us win this battle?" Church asked.

"Depends on how much cash you've got."

"We have no money. Which means you're no help." Church looked over at Tucker and Sister. "We're going to follow the Reds. We're going to hope that they are as ill-prepared and don't really care about winning as we are. That's about the only way we're going to stand a chance of winning." Church started jogging towards Red Base with Tucker and Sister following close behind. Tex lagged behind them just to enjoy watching the show.

Tucker settled along beside Church as they continued to jog. "It's a good thing we sent Caboose to distract Doc until this thing is over."

"Yeah, there's a lot less that can go wrong with them two out of the picture."

Caboose walked up to the entrance to Doc's cave. He always enjoyed visiting Doc. They would talk about stuff all the time. Caboose was about the only one that Doc had talked to since the commotion two months earlier. Doc enjoyed talking to Caboose because nobody else would talk to him. Caboose also enjoyed talking to the rock in Doc's cave. Doc had drawn a face on it and named it Rocky. Caboose wished that Church would meet Rocky and that they could all be friends.

Just as Caboose was about enter the cave, he noticed somebody else approaching. He turned around and saw that it was Donut.

"Hello, Donut," Caboose said. "How are you today?"

"I'm fine. Did you come to visit Doc today, too?"

"Yes, Church told me to distract Doc while him and the rest go play with the Red Team. He told me to make sure that he does not leave the cave."

"Hey, guys thanks for coming to my humble abode," a voice said a few feet away.

The two of them turned and saw a man in purple armor standing right outside of the cave.

Caboose turned and looked at Donut. "Um, Church said that if he left his cave, that I was to stop him from going into the middle of the canyon."

Doc started stretching. "You came just in time for my weekly jog around the canyon. Without regular exercise your muscles will atrophy into nothing until you're like a skeleton. A skeleton without muscles. Now come along with me on my jog. I've got a great song we can sing about the skeletal system that goes to the Star Trek theme."

"Sweet," Donut said, joining in behind Doc. "I love songs about bones."

Caboose stood there and watched the two other soldiers start to jog towards the center of the canyon. "Uh-oh. I think it's about extra-angry Church time." Caboose started to jog after the others.