Because it just had to be done. Mary's infatuation with that stapler was just too good to pass up. And on a side-note. That thing would be a bitch to put in jell-o, lol.

There it was, just sitting there on Marshall's desk.

It seemed innocent enough, but Mary knew the truth. It was mocking her with its awesome power. She was captivated by it, and wanted nothing more than to gather as many papers together as she could, and bask in its glory as it stapled through all of them.

This thing had powers of biblical proportions, and she knew it. How did no one else see that? Why did they all look at her strangely when she gazed at it reverently? Didn't they realize that they were practically in the presence of God?

Mary was pulled out of her reverie as Marshall waved a hand in front of her face. "Hello? Quit daydreaming about the damn stapler and focus! Stan's not gonna let us out of here until we finish these reports."

Mary glared at him. He was part of the reason she was unable to worship the amazing stapler of amazingness properly. He had moved it to his desk, to appease Eleanor and "keep it safe from Mary".

"It's not just a stapler, Marshall! It's freaking Superman in office-supply form!" she said seriously, gazing at it longingly.

"Whatever. Here's an idea. You focusing? Good. How about for your birthday next year, I get you one? Do you think if you had that to look forward to you could, I dunno, stop?" Marshall said, gritting his teeth slightly.

Under normal circumstances Mary would've smirked and thought that it was about time karma bit him on the ass and she did something to annoy the hell out of him. But these were not normal circumstances.

She stared at him with wide, adoring eyes. "Would you? Would you really?"

Marshall sighed. "Yes. I'll ask Eleanor where she found that one, and then I'll save up and get you your own. Now will you do your work?"

Mary didn't reply. She soundlessly got out of her chair and walked up to Marshall, enveloping him in a hug. Marshall was too shocked to respond for a moment, but after that went away, he awkwardly hugged her back.

"Marshall?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I love you."

Marshall rolled his eyes, but looked at the stapler over Mary's shoulder, a small smile on his face.

Mary was right, he thought. That stapler had superpowers.

Haha. I'm just lovin' this whole stapler deal. Ha, makes me think of Tony's Mighty Mouse stapler in NCIS. =]