Disclaimers: I own nothing! Nothing!
Chapter one: A WHAT?
It was a bright and lovely morning. The sun was out, the birds were singing, the flowers were blooming and the people were Chinese. Where the Chinese people existed, there was a palace. In the palace was a room, in the room was a bed and in that bed was a man! A Chinese man you see! A chinese man with bright Orange hair! He was called Tasuki!
Tasuki was sleeping but since the sun was out and the people were Chinese, the sunlight got a little too bright for him.
'ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH TOO BRIGHT, TOO BRIGHT! STUPID MIAKA…STOP IT! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!'
The undignified Tasuki hollered as he thought that it was surely the evil Miaka who was taking advantage of the situation, prying his eyes open and shoving her torch into his face to wake him up till he heard the rooster's call.
'Cockle hoohoo arrrrrcck -BANG.'
'Cockle hoohoo.' Mumbled Tasuki as he got up to go back to sleep.
'cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep-'
'SHUT UP!' yelled dear sweet Tasuki.
'CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP-'
'SHUT UP AND LET ME SLEEP!' came Tasuki's clear sweet tinkling voice from inside the grand bedroom as fire spouted out of its window and birds in the vicinity died of third degree burns.
Three hours later, something happens to Tasuki. He wakes up.
'I'm a happy bandit! Yes I am!' Sang Tasuki. 'I'm gonna decompose Tamahome's face today!'
He got up and walked over to the mirror to get a look at his happy bandit face to greet himself a good morning and oh-what-a-fine-day-it-is-to-decompose-peoples-faces but when his eyes met his reflection, he cried. Oh he did.
'MUMMY!'
From his majesty's room, Hotohori was appreciating himself with admirable concentration when he heard Tasuki's cry of distress.
'Hang in there gorgeous! I'll be back...' drawled Hotohori, blowing his reflection a kiss as he strutted off in search of that particular lesser being.
Not to mention, everyone of them, being Suzaku seishis and all sorts arrived and congregated outside the victim's room in cool armed and ready to kill freeze frame poses for an estimated five seconds. In the midst of the tension, Mitsukake accidentally squashed an insect.
'Ew, there's blood all over your hand.'
'Sorry.'
Nuriko chuckled to himself. 'Tasuki needs my help!'
'There's nothing noda. I can't find anything noda.' muttered Chichiri as he walked around Tasuki's room trying to pick up extraterrestrial signals.
As the tension faded, the anti-climax behaviour began as Nuriko punched the door open and got it stuck to his hand just do things went on smoothly for everyone.
'We always told you to slide the door because we're in China and it's a bloody sliding door but NOOOOOOOOO! You NEVER listen!' said Tamahome in a voice which made Nuriko clout him. Being people without large wooden accessories, everybody except Nuriko entered the room without much difficulty.
'What happened?' questioned the group in unison (less Nuriko, he was busy trying to enter with his tenth century wooden bracelet) as they immediately focused their attention on the victim.
Tasuki was staring at his reflection in a way His Majesty would never have or will have and most likely in the near future not have done or be doing.
'TASUKI-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' Nuriko's greeting turned into a shriek as he laid his eyes on Tasuki's face.
He brought his hands to his face, for that sort of dramatic expression to show that he was very and extremely surprised and promptly forgetting that he had a door bracelet, hit Chiriko in the face and thus the weak defenceless little boy with the weird hairdo fainted.
Tamahome laughed; anything that made Tasuki look bad was good and when Tasuki looked bad, he looked good. He was indeed, also laughing at Chiriko but as he had cleverly taken a position in which he was pointing at Tasuki with all his available fingers, suspicion was not aroused.
His Majesty stood there in mock horror, face betraying thought and feeling triumphant. Ah, how he had known. How he had waited. Look at Tasuki! He thought, he lives in a Mountain! With mountain goats and all kinds of infectious people! Oh how I have waited for this day!
'I have never had anything that ugly crawl up my face.' Said Hotohori grandly.
Chichiri took the liberty to assume and claim that it was one of Nakago's psychic devices - 'We cannot be too sure Noda.' and jabbed it hard.
'It's a zit.'
At Miaka's revelation, all heads turned and they stared at their Mistress with attention deserving only of animes.
'A what?'
'Is it a disease?'
'What's that?'
'AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!…' Tamahome Laughed and laugh he did. The word meant nothing to him but he liked it in every bit of its alphabetical glory.
Tasuki weeped silent tears of manliness.
'How do you get rid of...zits?' Mitsukake inquired wisely.
'You'll see.' came Miaka's reply as she tried to fetch an aura of mystery to surround herself with (and make this a good enough cliff hanger for the story).
It's crappy. So I re-wrote it.
Thank you very much. I love you guys for reading it!