This is my first fanfic for the Fate/Stay Night genre. A friend of mine got me into it back in April and I've loved it since. I've only seen the anime though, and am beginning to read the manga. I've not seen any of the visual novels. I've wanted to write this particular oneshot for awhile and it took some thinking. I was spurred to write it after reading The King and Her Queen.
This story features a femslash pairing of Rin and Saber. If you don't care for femslash, turn back now. You were warned.
Distant Dreaming
Slowly, she made her way up the gently sloping grassy hill. For miles around, she could see nothing but grass swaying gently in the breeze. Daisies were spread sparsely. The sky was a clear blue, with bits of cumulus clouds here and there. She couldn't shake the feeling that she should be somewhere to meet someone. Clearly, she was alone here in this empty expanse of field, her only company the nature that surrounded her. She continued walking, certain that her current path would lead her to wherever she felt she needed to be. A frustrated frown crossed her face as she wished she could remember exactly where she was to go or who she was to meet. Her feet merely trudged on as her brain continued to search for an answer.
Time passed, but nothing changed. She estimated that a mere twenty minutes had lapsed since the beginning of her journey. Why am I here? she wondered to herself. In the distance, a large object rose up from the grassy field, the only object that was above ground level. It appeared to be a tree of some sort. Perhaps she could find answers there. At the very least, she could find cool shade. The prospect of even that was inviting, a welcome break from all the walking she had been doing. However, she kept to the same walking pace, knowing that to speed up and rush was to appear childish.
As she drew closer to the tree, she noticed something else. There appeared to be another person standing beneath the tree, leaning back against the bark. Instinctively, she tensed up, ready for a fight if need be. The lingering effects of the last Grail War still had their hold on her. She still watched for an enemy at all times, still prepared her body for a fight that would soon commence. Proceeding with caution, she continued forward. She drew closer and closer to the tree, identifying it as an apple tree, the only one that she could see around her. Whoever stood at its base did not move, only stood in the same position as before.
When mere feet separated the two, her eyes widened in recognition; she knew exactly who stood before her. It couldn't be possible, could it? She blinked, trying to clear away any sort of mirage that might be clouding her vision. The woman still stood there, munching on an apple and watching with a curious eye. "Afternoon, Rin. What brings you here?" she asked, smiling as she took another bite of the bright red apple.
"I…I could ask you the same…Saber," replied Rin, astonished.
Saber smiled gently. "I come here often to think. It's my own place of comfort." She reached up to the lowest branches of the tree, plucking an apple from one of them. "Apple?" she asked, holding it out for Rin.
Rin took the apple and held it with both hands, cradling it gently. Her fingers ran over the shape, eyes watching her fingers. She was uncertain and unsure of what to think. Saber was supposed to have disappeared at the end of the war, but here she was, alive and well and speaking to her.
"Rin?" came the soft inquiry, and Rin found herself looking up into those bright green eyes that seemed to be looking deep inside of her.
Rin shook her head. "I'm sorry, Saber. I was daydreaming." She rubbed the apple on her shirt to clean it and then took a bite. It was quite juicy, she realized as she munched.
"I asked if you'd like to take a walk with me," inquired Saber, watching Rin closely.
"All right," replied Rin.
Saber extended a hand to Rin. Rin looked at it and then at Saber. Is she… what does she…. Rin's thoughts were jumbled, but before she could think it through, her body acted on its own. Rin slipped her hand into Saber's waiting one, and the two began walking. Rin looked away shyly, avoiding Saber's gaze. She'd dreamed of this before, but for it to actually be true was an entirely different matter. Saber's hand was warm in her own, and she could feel the strength it possessed.
"Rin, what's wrong?" asked Saber, a hint of worry in her voice.
Rin blushed at the question, knowing that Saber must find it strange how she reacted to the simple actions. "It's nothing, Saber. I'm fine," she replied, trying to act casual about it.
"Your face is red. Are you not feeling well?" continued Saber.
"No, I'm fine. It's just that… I never thought I'd hold your hand," stammered Rin.
"If you're uncomfortable with it, I can let go," replied Saber. Rin could feel Saber loosening her grip in response.
Rin gripped Saber's slipping hand more firmly. "No, I'm not used to it," she corrected. "It's rather… nice." Who am I kidding…I've dreamed about this enough times. I know it's nice. She looked up at Saber, offering a small smile.
"That's good. I'd been waiting for you. I was afraid you weren't going to come. I was about ready to leave," remarked Saber.
Did I forget to write it in my appointment book? Surely I would have remembered something such as this. I don't usually slip up on meetings. "I'm sorry," were the words that came out instead. Somehow, excuses seemed insignificant, pointless. "I didn't mean to keep you waiting." Why can't I remember agreeing to meet Saber? Or that she was back? Did Shirou not tell me about this? He won't get away with it, that's for certain. Rin realized that there had been silence between the two of them for more than a few minutes and she struggled to come up with a topic of conversation. "Where are we heading to?" she asked. It had been the first thing that popped into her mind.
"To a place that is both beautiful and tranquil. I think you'll like it," answered Saber, not giving any further clues.
Rin looked around her, wondering if Saber was just a bit crazy. Currently, they were descending the gently rolling hill, but all she could see were grass and flowers around her. There were no more trees, not even a bush or bit of shrubbery. It was merely empty field that surrounded the two of them. She would trust Saber's word and not worry about the contradictory nature of the answer versus their surroundings. Without knowing it, she moved closer to Saber. In response, Saber intertwined their fingers together. Rin felt at ease.
Time passed and Rin noticed that their surroundings had begun to change. There appeared to be more trees in the distance, a clumping of them. The majority of the landscape still remained a wild field. Saber and she had walked along in silence, content in each others' company. "Just a little further," spoke Saber out of the blue. "We'll soon be there."
Rin was curious to see what Saber's secret place was, and even more curious now that Saber had mentioned it without giving away any details. She kept herself from asking. Deep down, a tiny part of her suddenly wondered if it was a trap set for her. Instinctively, she began to sense the area around her, but could find nothing out of the ordinary. Unless you counted the fact that she was walking with Saber, hand in hand. Other than that, things were perfectly normal.
Closer and closer they drew to what was indeed a clump of trees. Rin could also hear something, faintly at first, but growing louder as they grew closer. She strained to listen and realized she heard the sounds of water flowing. A river, or something similar was nearby. Saber said nothing, but continued to walk forward.
As they took shelter amongst the trees, Rin looked more closely at her surroundings. Indeed, she had heard water, but it was not that of a river. It was a brook of much smaller size, gentle and dainty. In comparison, the trees that stood around them were strong, with large trunks. Rin recognized them as oak trees. She looked to Saber, wondering what the girl had on her mind, but Saber was looking off into the distance. Patiently, Rin waited for Saber to make the next move.
Her patience was answered in mere minutes. Saber tugged gently on her hand and led her to the base of one of the oak trees, the one closest to the brook. She sat, tucking her legs beneath her long skirt. Rin felt foolish, standing above Saber, fingers still intertwined. "Rin?" asked Saber, waiting for her to sit as well.
Rin's mind was reeling. How should she sit? Casually? Close? As friends? As something more? This indecisive nature was so unlike her. Why couldn't she make up her mind quickly and feel confident about her choice? She was saved further pondering by Saber's quick pull on her hand. Down she tumbled, landing next to Saber. Saber's arm snaked around her waist, steadying her further. Rin tucked her legs behind her and tried to regain her composure. She was a Tohsaka for goodness sake! If only her classmates could see her now. They'd laugh at her!
"Something is bothering you, Rin," stated Saber.
Rin lowered her head. After her attempts to keep Saber from guessing, she'd failed. "I'm sorry, Saber. I just couldn't… put it into words," Rin explained feebly.
"Do you want me to go?" asked Saber. Rin could hear the sadness in her voice. Saber probably thought that Rin didn't want to be here with her. Her suspicions were confirmed when she felt Saber's arm slip away from her waist and then watched as Saber began to rise to her feet. Rin kept looking at her lap; she felt too embarrassed to look up. She didn't want Saber to go, but Saber thought she did, and all because she couldn't explain herself. She shook her head. She wouldn't cry; she would explain herself. That didn't stop the tears that began to well up in her eyes. She forced them back. She would not stoop so low. All of these crazy emotions, this uncertainness, this weakness… this is what it felt like to have feelings for another. She'd put a stop to it.
Rin's hand shot out, grabbing Saber's. Saber turned her head and looked at her in surprise. Rin tugged gently at her hand. "Please, stay. I'm not… used to all these feelings I have. It's not you, and I implore of you not to go." She looked up at Saber, deep into those brilliant green eyes. For a moment, it seemed as though Saber would simply leave without a second thought. "I'll explain," promised Rin, still looking at Saber directly.
Saber pursed her lips, looking back at Rin. She then gave a small smile, before sitting back down as she had before. "Do explain then." She looked at Rin expectantly.
Rin held the eye contact, and took a deep breath. This was it. This was where she finally confessed her thoughts to someone besides Archer, besides the emptiness of a room. She would bare a part of her soul that she kept hidden and locked away. "Saber… I'm not used to… feeling like this. All these feelings… it makes me feel weak inside. One minute I feel this way, and another I feel totally different. I act shy and uncertain. I've never understood why love affects some people so much, but now I'm starting to see why." Rin looked down at her hand, which rested near Saber's. She moved her hand, and traced the lines on Saber's palm. "I'm not sure I can explain it better than that."
Saber clasped her hand around Rin's. "I think I understand. You're not used to any of this, are you?"
Rin shook her head. "I've never felt like this before." She looked down at their joined hands again, shyness overtaking her.
Saber reached out with her free hand, cupping Rin's chin with it. Slowly, she moved her face closer, giving Rin the chance to push her away. Rin knew Saber's intentions and despite all her nervousness, did not push Saber away. Her cheeks colored at the thought of what was coming. In the next moment, Saber's lips were on her own, gentle and soft.
I'm kissing Saber thought Rin. I'm really kissing her. Rin closed her eyes and kissed Saber back. Saber pulled away slowly, and watched Rin's reaction, caressing her left cheek. Rin's aquamarine eyes looked back at her and Saber knew the answer to her kiss. She lowered her head again, this time, kissing Rin longer. She wrapped her arms around Rin, pulling her close against her body.
The two of them continued to kiss, unaware of the passage of time. It was a slow, sweet exploration of feelings and simple desire. When Saber finally pulled away, Rin was hesitant to let go of the contact they had shared. She lay against Saber's chest, enveloping herself in Saber's natural scent, one forgotten in the modern world of perfumes and sprays. She didn't want to let go of this moment between them. She felt Saber kiss the top of her head and nothing more was heard, save for the sound of the brook. The two simply relaxed beneath the oak tree, curled up against each other. Rin closed her eyes, intending to rest for only a minute, but slowly drifted off to sleep. Darkness overcame her world as she dozed…
Rin's sleeping form gripped at a pillow near her, fingers holding onto it gently. Her room was dark and her blankets had been discarded on her bed. Yet, she still kept hold of the pillow, the tip of it touching her nose. "Saber…." She murmured in her sleep. Her arms hugged the pillow closer to her, as if unwilling to let go. "Saber…" she murmured again. A gentle breeze blew from a cracked window, causing Rin to shiver slightly. She held the pillow more tightly, as though using it to protect her from the cold. When she awoke in the morning, she wouldn't remember anything of her dream. All she would know was that she felt exceptionally refreshed and energized.