(A/N: I hope you like and Review. Thanks.)

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

Pushing past, the greatest conflict of all, holding back, the greatest tears ever cried, the wasteful silence that fills the polluted air is life for me. I try my very hardest to forget, but I am cursed to remember, every sickening moment of my life, so vivid as if it were yesterday, so clear as if I was right there.. So scary. They tried to support me, to stick by me but there is no help, there is no cure, no instructions as to when things fall to tiny pieces and you cant even collect one of the pieces as it falls thru a crack in the gray sidewalk. And the hardest of all, is waking up each day just to find, that the piece is still missing, and you may have had a dream it had returned, but in reality you would never get it back, no matter how hard you try, its gone. She was my coffee my daily boost, got me going, and ready to go on my feet, she was my best friend, my other half, my sister. Its my fault, they say, they pulled me aside and pointed a special finger at me. It was truly and forever my fault. And they were right, we cant bring her back, and we wouldn't have to worry about her coming back, if we never lost her… if I had never did those things.

Flashback

'Murderer.' they all chanted in synchronization as I stood with my tray of food, looking for a place to sit in the cafeteria. I looked at all their faces, all there disgusted, angry, glares at me as I searched the room for help. They kept on chanting louder and louder, some banging the table, my ears becoming extremely sensitive and the banging making me jump and have the urge to cover my ears.

'Its your fault Bella.' a girl screamed at me and then I lost it, I dropped my tray and ran out of the cafeteria.

End of Flashback.

"Bella lets get going." Charlie grabbed my luggage as we stood in the middle of the air port. I shook my head to shake away the thoughts and a few loose tears. I followed Charlie out to the parking lot and to his police cruiser. Charlie was a cop, and I was a killer, how funny. Oh yes and I forgot to mention, I do not speak… at all, at any time. Its been this way for years, ever since the day of her funeral.. Shuddered at the memory as walked behind Charlie. Renee tried to get me help but with all the distractions and loud teenagers, leaving horrible notes at my door, threatening to kill me, the only thing she could really do to 'help' me was to send me to Charlie. I don't believe in help truthfully. I tried to before, but that quickly ended. From what I remember Charlie was a respectable man, he loved me I knew that, and I wish I could thank him properly with my words, but I cant. Every time I open my mouth to say something, I forget how to speak, literally, its like my brain cant process my actions fast enough. It didn't matter, I had nothing to say, and I am not convinced I ever will. So silence will do.

Soon after a fairly long ride Charlie stopped the car, but instead of a house, in a neighbor hood, we were outside in the parking lot of a hospital. I turned my body towards Charlie and he got my question.

"There is a doctor here, who has offered to help." He sighed, knowing I would disapprove. I held a straight face as he told me this, but the pang of anger that went off inside me, burnt like a wild fire. No one would accept that I am a freak, and I will stay a freak, I wont speak, so how will you help me, I wont 'open up' because I am eternally closed, I should be dead, I should be in jail. I killed my best friend. That's it. Let me be. I took a deep breath.

"I know you don't want to Bells." Charlie nodded.

"But please, trust me on this one." Charlie smiled weakly at me. I just looked back out the window at the gloomy setting. Trees surrounded the small hospital, along with low foggy clouds. I stared intently at the hospital as if I could make it all disappear with my mind, but if I was capable of doing that I would not be here.

"Lets not keep the man waiting." Charlie grumbled and began getting out of the car, as I did as well. I got out the car and shivered at the cold wind that touched my arm bringing me back to my memory of that horrid night. I shuddered at the memory trapped in side my head.

"Bella." Charlie called as he waited at the entrance of the hospital, I had dazed off. I shook my head and began walking up towards the building, and right before I entered I took a deep breath. Inside the hospital was not crowded, phones rang, some people walked back and forth, seemed like a normal hospital. Charlie walked up to the front desk and had a short conversation I could not hear from the door way. The lady nodded and then looked at me over Charlie's shoulder and smiled a friendly smile. I tried my best to return it but I'm sure it looked more like a grimace than a smile. I wasn't very good at smiling. Whatever Charlie said to her after that made her understand something but before I could analyze the situation, a doctor calling my name entered the room. The most handsome doctor I have ever seen. He had pale skin, and bright topaz eyes, like a golden color. He looked like a movie start, not a doctor, or maybe the lead roll in the show ER. Not a real ER.

"Bella?" He called again, and this time I raised my hand, so he would know, that Bella, was in the room.

"Ah." He smiled and began to walk over to me, so graceful, almost like a model.

"Bella, yes I'm Carlisle Cullen, can I talk to you in my office.. Just for a while." He gave me an option and I took advantage. I shook my head being honest, I could not talk to him in his office, nor did I want to.

"Alright, well can I sit out here with you?" He pointed to the chairs I was standing next to. I thought about it for a while, and for some reason he was different. Different in his looks definitely, he was inhumanly beautiful. But he wasn't like the doctors I knew, he didn't give the vibe the others physiatrist gave me. The feeling of awkwardness, or uselessness did not fill the atmosphere. Carlisle seemed to carry some kind of enthusiasm, that almost made me want to ask. Why are you so happy? What's your secret? How can I get to where you are?

"How bout it?" Carlisle asked again, not to pushy, still giving me the full decision. I nodded and took a seat in one of the chairs and in a nice manor, Carlisle sat a chair away from me. Giving me space I suppose. I did not mind, but it was very nice of him. I looked down at the tile on the floor and began to count, a habit I have.

"Bella," He began as I counted the tile on the floor.

"I don't want to force you to speak, actually I don't mind if you don't speak." He said and I wanted to hear more.

"I just want you to listen. Can you do that for me?" He asked again. Usually they make me do things, he kept asking me, putting the decision in my hands. I nodded again.

"Thank you. It means a lot to me Bella.. And you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to tell me." He continued. "And of course you don't have to tell me anything at all." When he said this I looked up at him, truth in his eyes, my eyes searching for the false in his words, but I found nothing. I looked back down at the tile.

"Here, take this. Its not a diary, its simply to help you communicate." Carlisle handed me a notebook, and a pen. I took it from him and looked at both of the items.

"You can take paper out of it, or use as a diary, or whatever you like." He assured me as I studied the notebook. It was simple and small. 'Just for communication.' I repeated in my head. I prayed I would not have to communicate. I prayed that people would just let me be here.

"Well Bella, its been a pleasure meeting you." Carlisle stood up, and I tilted my head in confusion. He looked at me with the same confused look. I clicked the pen and began writing in the notebook for the first time. 'That's it?" I wrote and then showed it to him and he smiled.

"That's it Bella."

'When do I come back?' I wrote and then showed it to him.

"Whenever you like. Its all up to you." He answered that same truth in his eyes.

'Why' I wrote.

"Because if you come to me, something obviously is on your mind, and that's why I'm here. To help you with that. You aren't always going to have something to share Bella, and maybe you never will." Carlisle explained, and his answer made a lot of sense surprisingly. I just closed the notebook and stood up and walked out of the building hoping Charlie would follow, and take us home now. I walked out to the car and counted my steps on the way there, till I was standing looking at my reflection in Charlie's cruiser windows. I hadn't looked at myself in a while, my face looked pale, not as pale as Carlisle, the strange doctor, but still unusually pale. My cheeks, weren't even red, with blush, my hair was in a messy ponytail. I touched the window, as if to touch my reflection, the cold glass, made me shiver, and my reflection shivered. I felt anger suddenly, I wanted to hurt that girl in my reflection, I wanted to hurt her. She was a murderer, a no good piece of crud. I hit the cold glass, I hit it hard, I began hitting it again and again, harder and harder, my hand becoming red, with every hit. The cold glass banging against my little fragile hand. I slapped the glass I hit it.

"Bella?" Charlie's voice called a little worried. I was to busy, punishing the reflection. Feel you stupid girl FEEL! I yelled in my head and my hitting became more violent and low screams escaped my clenched teeth and I suddenly felt hands around my waste pulling me back.

No ! I screamed in my mind. Kill her ! I yelled in my head. The screams escaping my clenched teethe became louder and I started struggling more violently

"MMMMMmmmmmm!" I screamed and hit the air, I wanted so badly to hurt her, that girl in the reflection. She ruined everything my life, my plans. She ruined the person I could have bin.

"Bella stop!" Charlie demanded, but I couldn't. I couldn't, that monster, killed my life, killed my relation ship with my family friends, that person killed someone, my best friend. Charlie let go of me and I fell to the cold damp floor, I put my head in my hands. STOP make it STOP I screamed in my head. Tears started to fall from my eyes, and small sobs started coming from my mouth, this rarely happened, but I was having an emotional overwhelming day.

"Bella." Carlisle's voice was in my ear, and his ice cold hand was on my back. I pulled my head out of my hands and I reached for the pen and paper, that was half way under Charlie's cruiser. As I wrote tears fell on the page. I wrote 'I want to go home.' Carlisle nodded and patted my back.

"Charlie take her home, she wants to go home now." Carlisle told Charlie as I got up off the cold ground and waited for him to unlock the door. I heard the click and immediately got in the cruiser. I saw Carlisle and Charlie mumble a few things to each other and then Charlie got into the car and I hung my head as tears kept falling from my eyes. Great, my first encounter with someone here in Forks, and I already managed to have a breakdown in front of him. The ride, that I hope was to home, was quite, and awkward, my tears had stopped and I once again was numbed, all hope was gone, and I knew I would not be enjoying my life here in Forks. The great trees flew past as we drove to me to my new shelter. A new place to hide in, and wait for the all these quite days to pass.

The drive to the house was short, we got there in minutes.

"Here we are." Charlie smiled gloomily and got out of the car. As I got out of the car I noticed a big tree in the yard, It captured all of my attention for some reason, I was intrigued by its, lifeless green leafs hanging loosely on branches, and so branches bare and long like a skeleton.

"You like that tree?" Charlie looked at me from around the trunk, and then slammed it and walked towards me with all my bags. I nodded when he was looking at me.

"You like nature a lot?" He asked this time resting one of my bags on the ground. Before I answered I thought about it. After a while, I nodded.

"You could start a garden if you want." Charlie looked eager. "It would look nice." A garden, a pretty garden, with roses, daisies. I saw a garden like that before. I wanted one I did. I just nodded still deep in thought. Charlie started to walk towards the door with my things and I followed behind him.

"Things haven't changed much." I heard Charlie mumble as he opened the door to the house. I can remember a lot, more than I want to, but I did forget the structure of this house, the sudden fear I had, of being inside. What If I never left Forks with Renee, I would have never met Sandy, and the accident would have never happened, and I would be normal, and possibly happy. Soon I realized I was inside the house, the nice warm comforting house. Home I thought to myself. This was home now.

"Your room is upstairs if you've forgotten." Charlie nodded towards the stair case and began leading me up the stairs. I didn't remember any of it, it was all new, must felt some what like home. When I got into my room, I wasn't surprised, it wasn't anything strange or fancy, it was plain like me, simple.

"Here you are Bella." Charlie put down my bags. "I'll let you unpack in peace." Charlie walked out of my room. Living with Charlie should be easy considering he doesn't hover. I slowly walked over and sat on the bed, and bounced a little testing it out.

Flashback.

"Sandy give them back." I whined as Sandy ran with my shoes, I chased her down the street, both of us giggling uncontrollably as we ran further and further down the street.

"You know you're going to have to run faster Bella." Sandy panted.

"I'm sure I will catch up." I smiled and started to speed up.

"Why do you like them so much?" Sandy came to a sudden stop and I ran into her back and we both fell to the ground, I grabbed my shoes from her in the process.

"I like them because, it was the first pair of shoes I picked out… like my first step to independence." I shrugged, as we both breathed heavily, laying on the side walk.

"I wish I had something like that." Sandy sighed. "Wait I have Bella." She giggled.

"Oh Bella you were my first step to independence." She mimicked a manly voice and picked both of us up off the ground.

"Shut up." I laughed.

"What time is it?" She looked a bit worried.

"Time for you to get a watch HAHA just kidding its, 4:06." I nodded.

"Oh crap I got to go." Sandy quickly hugged me. "Oh and don't forget I'm coming over later to test your bed, you know for bouncy ness" She smiled.

"If you are referring to our sleepover later, then yes I shall see you later." I smiled. She began walking off.

"Don't try to make it a sleep over Bella, its strictly business!" She called back at me giggling, I rolled my eyes and walked the other way home.

End of flashback.

No one thought tragedy would strike and I would be sitting there at the bottom of the bridge covered in her blood, screaming for help, her last words repeating in my head over and over again.

"Your going to let me fall Bella." Sandy said as she stood at the edge of the bridge. "Your going to watch me die." She smiled.

"Stop it Sandy, your scaring me." I begged tears flowing down my cheeks.

"Everyone is going to think its your fault. Is it?" She asked me I couldn't answer the tears were to strong.

"Sandy stop!" I screamed.

"How could you betray me Bella , that's what really bothers me." She smirked at me as she paced back and forth on the thick railing at the edge of the bridge.

"I'm sorry Sandy, please stop." I cried. She stopped pacing and stared directly at me, her eyes narrowed and her hands fell to her sides.

"Bella, this is all your fault." She raised her hands and fell back wards off the bridge I ran to the railing and reached over hoping by some magic I caught her…… but then I heard smack.

"SANDY!" I screamed in sobs. I knew the others were watching somewhere far off. I heard a car start and drive off, that was probably them . I ran down the street to where the stairs were, I ran down the stairs and searched the dark for Sandy.

"Sandy!" I called. And then slipped on something, I fell to the ground and right next to me a pool of blood surrounding her, that I was sitting in. I pulled her body on my lap.

"Sandy, wake up!" I cried touching her bloody face, my hands getting covered in her blood. I put my head to her heart to hear if it was beating, but it was silent.

"Sandy STOP this isn't funny!" I yelled.

"HELP!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "Help." I sobbed.

I pulled out of the tragic memory to find my self on the wooden floor, breathing heavily, tears running rapidly down my cheeks. From this angle I could see under my bed, and I needed a distraction before I had a heart attack or did something stupid. I grabbed the first thing I saw with my shaky hands, it was a white box, covered with little white flowers. My breathing was still ragged and my hands shook violently. I ripped the lid off of the box, I pulled it closer to me to look inside, to get my mind on something else. I pulled out the first thing I saw and my jaw dropped, my hands stopped shaking and the tears stopped. It was a picture of Sandy and I, holding the cat we both bought and shared, her hand over my shoulder my arm around her and both of us smiling widely at the baby kitten in our laps.

"Willy." I smiled weakly, that was the cats name. I put the picture down and dug into the box again. This time I took out several pieces of papers, I looked at the papers and they seemed to be some kind of letters or notes. One paper said, 'things to do before you leave Bella from Sandy.' I was immediately interested. So I read what the letter said. It read :

Dear Bella,

Its of course me Sandy, and I do miss you a lot, but I want you to have fun in Washington. I have never been there, and I know you will be coming back soon, but I would like you to do something's before you leave.

- Jump up and down 5 times. Just kidding don't do that hehe.

-Go into the forest, (you said there was a lot of trees, so I assume there is a forest.) and pick one of the prettiest flowers you see, then rush it back home and keep it alive so you can bring it back to me as a souvenir.

-Try and find another Willy, if you are having trouble remembering Willy, was our cat. Get another one please, it was so fun when we had a cat !

-Tell one of your Washington friends you have a friend name Sandy, and tell them at least one funny story about us.

I stopped reading right there and put the letter down, I didn't want to read any further, I was already remembering to much for one day, I could feel myself about to draw the line. I put the letter back into the box and the box under the bed, I jumped to my feet and searched for the notebook Carlisle gave me. After throwing some stuff around I found the notebook and pen. I wrote the first thing I could think of and all I wanted to think of.

I wrote on the 3rd page:

I found a piece of her under my bed. What do I do?

(A/N: please review and tell me what you think. Thank you.)

Preview of next chapter:

If the sun wasn't up still, and I could do whatever I feel, as Charlie put it, I could go for a pointless walk, to nowhere.

Or somewhere. I didn't want to go to Carlisle empty handed and in a way I didn't want to go at all. But in a way I wanted to go, just to see if he hadn't disappeared. So I would go on a pointless walk doing a pointless task, 'checking' on Carlisle.