What shall we do with the drunken ... Vulcan?!

Blurb: An Enterprise crew party, a surly Doctor, liquor, Kirk and a certain first officer... What could possibly go wrong?! Yup, you guessed it...

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek 2009. ...sadly.

A/N: This is my attempt at humour in the Star Trek universe. Please, be nice... :)

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It had started just the same, as all the other lame bashes Kirk had suddenly decided to throw. It was after another successful mission, this time it was down on the planet Dragoon V, in which the crew had successfully stopped a civil war happening. Just a normal day aboard the Enterprise, you could say...

Music, with a thumping bass rhythm, sounded throughout the whole top area of the ship. It tried to boast a good beat, but actually it just ended up giving most of the crew a fierce headache. The bridge was swamped in streamers and party poppers (which Chekov had mysteriously produced from his cabin), and a surly looking McCoy was sat in a corner, drink in one hand and a hypo spray in the other, just in case any unsuspecting Starfleet cadet (or Kirk for that matter) decided to come in a one meter radius of him.

Captain Kirk, on the other hand, was at the centre of the celebrationary banter. Drink in one hand, and a girl in the other (one of the numerous female Star Cadets, who Kirk had suddenly decided to hit on, without ever having to bother finding out her name.) he wove in and out of numerous crowds, and strode straight towards McCoy. Raising his drink in acknowledgement, McCoy simply rolled his eyes in reply and traced the trigger of his hypo spray. Kirk noticed and smirked, whilst sitting down next to him. The girl, who had been, quite frankly, getting rather bored seeing as Kirk hadn't kissed her in the past five minutes, stalked off, leaving Kirk and McCoy by themselves.

"So Bones, why so edgy?!" Shouted Kirk across to McCoy, slapping his shoulder in the process. McCoy winced.

"God Damn-it Jim! Can't a man just sit alone for once?!"

Kirk grinned, a little lopsidedly, before replying;

"Yeah, unless they've got a drink in one hand and drugs in the other. Not a good mix, Bones. You need to relax a little, find a girl..."

McCoy stiffened.

"What, and 'settle down' Jim? Yeah I tried that once, and you know what? It didn't work! I'm a Doctor, not a goddamn suitor!" He barked back.

Kirk laughed and hauled McCoy onto his feet.

"Come on. Let's go find Spock...Maybe he should be the one to teach you about mixing drink with drugs."

McCoy growled, as he was dragged by Kirk, through the tight knit crowd toward a certain Vulcan, who was sat with Scotty at the other end of the room, with Chekov and Sulu.

"I don't need that pointy eared hobgoblin, to teach me anything..." he muttered darkly to himself. But, before he knew it, he found himself plonked down next to Sulu and facing Spock, who, much to McCoy's surprise looked a little ...drunk.

He quickly risked a glance to his right and caught Chekov's eye, who catching his gaze, simply grinned in response and glanced ever so slightly at Scotty. Suddenly, McCoy's train of thought was broken by the very same Scotsman (who McCoy suspected might have drugged Spock), who smelt, to McCoy's keen senses, strongly of scotch. ...No surprise there then.

"...and so I said to her, that if she didn't get her hands of me right then and there, then I would –"

Scotty, much to the amusement of the rest of the crew members, then started to mumble incoherently about his various 'conquests'. ...Or, that's what McCoy hoped he was talking about. If he heard any more jokes about how the Enterprise was 'one well endowed lady', the hypo spray would find its way towards Scotty's neck, quicker than Spock could say 'fascinating.'... At least it would do, if Spock could actually string two logical sentences together. McCoy's suspicion, despite the person in question, was completely and utterly correct.

.drunk.

How he had gotten like that, McCoy couldn't (and quite frankly didn't want to) understand. ...Where the hell was a holographic recorder when you needed one? This was pure and utter gold. Kirk, who was now sat on the other side of him, was laughing so much that tears rolled down his face, as Spock (who looked slightly dazed and a little flushed), tried to speak.

"But surely, it ish li-logical, dat she would get her handsh off o' you. Captain what ish so funny?" Mumbled Spock, who for all his gravitas and intellect, epically failed to try to not sound the least bit pissed. Kirk, just about wet himself at this bit, and McCoy too stifled a laugh. Anything, to try and show that green blooded alien up.

"Oh, nothing, Commander Spock. Just, one small question though. How would you like to play a game?."

Spock, for a split second looked slightly confused (which, again was unusual due to his normally emotionless personality) before replying;

"What kind of game, would that be Jimmy?"

McCoy blinked spastically. Had Spock just called Jim...Jimmy?! Kirk grinned slyly, and caught McCoy's eye. He groaned and quickly took a swig of his drink. Whatever Jim had planned now, was certainly going to be very interesting. If Kirks last game, was anything to go by (and it had lasted six hours) he would certainly be needing that extra boost, before he got himself involved.

"Well, have you ever heard of a game called 'Spin the bottle?!"

McCoy sighed and placed his head in his hands. This was certainly going to turn out be a very long night.