Disclaimer: I do not own any thing Twilight. I wish I did, but I don't. Stephanie Meyer does.
This is my first attempt at writing for fanfic. I hope you enjoy!!
BPOV
It has been four months since Edward left me in the forest that day. I have tried to move on, but the problem is that after Edward and the rest of the Cullen family left, I found out that Jasper stayed behind. I tried to speak to him a few times, but he just smiles at me and walks away.
So you wouldn't believe how surprised I was that when one day I was walking outside in the rain I hear "Hello Bella". When I heard the voice I recognized it as Jasper immediately. I spun around to see him standing there and smiling at me.
"Jasper what are you doing here?"
He looked me in the eye and said, "Bella I need to talk to you. Can we go somewhere and talk?"
I was completely shocked because he never really spoke to me before and now he wants to talk to me. "Jasper, why do you want to talk to me now?"
His smile faltered and he sighed before saying, "Bella I'm sorry, will you please come and talk to me?"
I tried to put on my best smile and said, "Okay Jasper lets go talk."
His beautiful dazzling smile reappeared and he placed his hand on the small of my back to lead me to his car. He walked me around to the passenger side of his car and opened the door for me. He was in the driver's seat before I could even get the seat belt buckled. "Where are we going?"
He was already driving down the road by then. He turned to look at me and said, "Would it be okay if we went to my house?"
Okay he wants me to go to his house, what do I say? No I don't want to go to that house or do I say yes? "Yes Jasper that's fine." The rest of the ride was in comfortable silence. When we arrived at his house, he was at my door in a flash opening it for me.
He grabbed my hand and helped me out of the car and led me to the door. We walked in the house and he pulled me to sit on the couch with him. I sat down next to him and I was looking down at my hands in my lap waiting on him to speak. We sat in silence for a while before he finally cleared his throat to speak.
JPOV
I cleared my throat to get her attention; she had been sitting on the couch looking at her hands. When I cleared my throat she looked up at me. "Bella I need to apologize for trying to attack you on your birthday. I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I truly am."
She was fixing to interrupt me, but I put my finger up to her mouth and asked her to "Please let me finish?" She nodded so that I could continue. I took a deep unnecessary breath to calm myself and spoke again. "Bella by me trying to attack you, it changed both of our lives. Once Emmett and Rose got me outside away from the blood I was able to gain control again and I realized what I did. I looked up at Emmett and Rose and they were looking at me with pity in their eyes. I did the only thing that I could think to do at the time. I took off running."
I paused to take a breath and make sure I wasn't scaring Bella. She looked at me and smiled to let me know that she was okay and that I could continue. I slowly placed my hand on hers and she looked down at our hands and then back at me, but she didn't pull her hand away.
"I stayed away from the house for six days and when I came back they were gone Bella. Alice left me a note that said she couldn't be with me anymore and she would never forgive me for what I did to her best friend. The letter also said that I shouldn't come to look for them because I didn't belong with them anymore."
Bella looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "Jasper, Edward told me the day after my birthday that you and Alice left together."
I looked at her and squeezed her hand a little and said, "No I never left with Alice, but I did leave. I am so sorry Bella, this is my fault."
She started shaking her head at me, so I stopped to look at her. "Jasper, this is not all your fault. Edward left me because he didn't love me anymore; he told me so in the forest."
I looked at her and I was beginning to get angry. How could Edward not love her anymore? I was still able to feel the love he had for her on the night of her party.
"Bella, I am sorry but I just can't believe that Edward quit loving you. I could still feel his love for you on the night of your party. No Bella he left because of me. He might have said he didn't love you anymore, but he left because I tried to attack you."
By the time I finished speaking, she was sobbing. I did the only thing that I could think to do; I put my arm around her and pulled her to me to hug her to my chest. She stayed like that for five minutes before she was able to control herself enough to quiet the sobbing.
The whole time she was sobbing in my lap, I never once thought about my blood lust. All I could think about was helping Bella, but it took me so long to be able to approach her. I waited four months before I was able to speak to her and now I hope she will allow me to stay in her life. When she quieted down her crying, she looked up at me and smiled. I used my thumbs to wipe away the remaining tears and there was this strange electric feeling that pulsed throughout my hands and all the way up my arms.
BPOV
When Jasper was telling me that it was his entire fault that Edward still loved me, I couldn't control it anymore, the tears started falling and before I knew it I was sobbing.
He pulled me into his lap and held me to his chest. I felt so safe there in his arms. When I was finally able to quiet the sobbing down, I looked up at him and he used his thumbs to wipe away my tears. When his hands touched my face I felt this strange electric feeling course throughout my face and down my neck.
I smiled at him and said, "Jasper I don't blame you for Edward leaving. He left me and said he didn't love me anymore. I believed him because I never did understand why he would love someone like me anyway."
He started shaking his head and said, "No Bella, you are a wonderful, beautiful, smart, funny, sexy woman and he left because of me. Please forgive me."
He still had his hands on both sides of my face, so I put both of my hands on his face and said, "Jasper look at me, I don't blame you for Edward leaving and I do forgive you. There was never anything to forgive. It wasn't your fault at all so please stop blaming yourself."
He was staring at me so intensely that I could feel myself melting in his eyes. He smiled and said, "Bella how could you forgive me when I ruined your life with the one you love?"
I held on to his face to keep him from looking away and said, "You didn't ruin my life with the one I love, he did. He is the one that left and he didn't just up and leave because you almost attacked me."
By this time I was starting to get angry. I didn't want him taking the blame for something that wasn't his fault. Edward did this not him and I wasn't going to sit around and let him blame himself for this anymore.
"I want you to listen to me, I don't blame you and I want you to quit blaming yourself. Will you do that for me please?"
He looked at me for a few seconds and I am guessing it was to feel my emotions. When he finally spoke he said, "I will try to stop blaming myself, if that is what you really want me to do."
I smiled at him and said, "Jasper that is what I want you to do, you would know if I was lying. I also want us to be friends. Jasper I want to feel like you could come to me with anything that you need. I will always be here for you. You weren't the only one that got left behind."
JPOV
As she was telling me that she wants to be friends and that I could come to her for anything, all I wanted to do was hug her again. I didn't think that she would want to be friends much less forgive me. I felt so happy by her just saying she wanted to be friends and that I could come to her with anything. I also felt stupid for staying away from her for the past four months.
When I was looking into Bella's deep chocolate orbs, I soon found myself lost, like I was looking into her soul. I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be. As we were sitting looking into each others' eyes, Bella started getting embarrassed. I was wondering what she could be embarrassed about, but then I realized she was still sitting in my lap.
Bella looked down at her hands in her lap and she started speaking so low, had it not been for my vampire hearing I might not have heard her. "Jasper I am sorry that Alice left you and I am sorry that she didn't even give you a proper goodbye, that all she did was left you a note."
I put my finger under her chin to lift her face so I could look into her eyes. As she was speaking I could feel remorse coming from her. I put my finger under her chin and lifted her face so I could look into her eyes. "Bella, when Alice left me it was not your fault. She left because I couldn't control myself around you."
She said, "Jasper if I had been more careful when opening my present, you and Alice would still be together."
I had to make her understand that she was not at fault, that it was my fault. "Bella even though you cut your finger, I should have still had enough control to leave or hold my breath, not lunge for you. I should have never lost control and tried to attack you. That is why Alice left because I couldn't control myself, not because you cut your finger."
She looked at me with tears running down her cheeks silently and said, "Jasper if I never cut my finger you and Alice would be together, so it is ultimately my fault. I ruined you and Alice's eternal life together and for that I am truly sorry and hope that one day you can forgive me."
I had to make her understand. I couldn't lose her too. I was starting to get angry because she was so determined that Alice leaving me was her fault and she truly believed what she was saying. I looked at Bella and I knew that I had to find a way to convince her that she wasn't at fault and that there was never anything to forgive.
I cannot believe how stubborn this woman can be sometimes. While I was trying to figure out how to say what I was feeling, Bella dropped her head again and she started radiating shame and even more remorse. I grabbed her face a little more forcefully than I should have, but by now I was truly pissed that she could blame herself for the situation we were in.
When she looked at me, I felt like my heart was breaking. "Bella please don't blame yourself for Alice leaving me. I can't lose you too."
She started shaking her head, but I was not going to stop until she understood. "Why can't you believe me? Don't you fucking get it? She left because of me, not you. She left because I almost killed her best fucking friend."
I didn't realize it at first but I was yelling this right in her face. Her beautiful eyes were open really wide and she was scared. God I had frightened her. I looked away from her and took an unnecessary breath to calm myself. Bella put her hand on the side of my face and turned my head to look at her.
She didn't say anything, just looked into my eyes. I found myself lost in her orbs again and unable to look away. We stared into each others' eyes for what seemed like forever when she finally spoke. "Jasper."
My name was the barest of whispers coming from her beautiful plump lips. I don't know what came over me, but all of a sudden I had the strongest urge to kiss her. I looked down at her lips and then back up to her eyes when I noticed her do the same thing. I pulled her to me then and crushed my lips against hers. They were warm and smooth against mine.
I don't remember feeling anything like this in all my existence. I couldn't understand why Edward wasn't constantly kissing this beautiful creature in my arms now. I licked her bottom lip to allow me entrance into her mouth and she gladly opened to me.
When I deepened the kiss, she moaned into my mouth and I nearly lost it. I kept pulling her closer to me until there was no space between us. The lust that was radiating between us was so powerful that I was finding myself unable to stop the kiss. When she pulled away to breathe, I started kissing my way down her neck. I kissed along her jaw line and down to her collarbone.
She moaned my name and I look up into her eyes and looked into mine and I knew that this is where I belonged. I belonged with Bella and I was going to stay with her. I would be in her life in any capacity that she would allow me. "Bella, I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry."
She looked at me and said, "You regret kissing me?"
"Oh god no Bella, I don't regret kissing you, but it doesn't make it right either."
"What does that mean Jasper? What you want to kiss me, but you shouldn't. Did you even enjoy the kiss? Do you wish you hadn't kissed me?" During her questions she was getting pissed.
"Well Jasper since the kiss between us was so fucking wrong, than why did you do it? You're the one that kissed me. So the next time you want to kiss me, why don't you fucking think about it before you actually do it?"
She moved to get off my lap and stalked to the door. My fucking mouth is causing her to leave me. I ran to the door to stop her from leaving. She had to understand what I meant. I swear sometimes I don't think I have a brain filter and if I do it must not work all the time. I grabbed her by the wrist and spun her around to face me.
"Bella that is not what I meant. I don't regret the kiss and I don't wish that I hadn't kissed you. I enjoyed the kiss, more than you could possibly know. What I meant was I shouldn't have kissed you like that because it wasn't very gentlemanly of me."
She was still extremely pissed and she had a scowl on her face while listening to me. "Bella, please listen to me. If I could kiss you like that all the time I would, but it is not in your best interest to want to kiss me. I couldn't live with myself if I lost control around you again."
Bella was so angry with me, that I actually cringed back from the look of fire in her eyes. When she spoke there was so much venom in her words that I looked at her with wide eyes from shock.
"Oh, well that's just great Jasper. That is exactly what I fucking need right now, for someone else to say what's in my best interest. You are just like Edward. Always deciding what is best for me. Well fuck you; I don't need you to decide what's in my best interest. I am perfectly fucking capable myself."
A/N: I hope you all will enjoy my story. I am new at writing here on fanfic, so please be gentle when reviewing. I will have the next chapter out tomorrow or Monday. Kathy