Tap. TapTap. TapTapTap. TapTapTapTap.

The insistent noise of fingers on wood permeated the spacious room, percussive, rapid, agitated. The sound echoed and reverberated through the air, ricocheting against walls yellowed with age and paint, playing against appliances that had seen better days. The source, Sirius Black, sat rocked back on the unsteady legs of a kitchen chair, his fingers absentmindedly drumming against the table as blue-grey eyes stared blankly out a fogged up window in irritated boredom.

"Irresponsible."

"Reckless."

"Suspended from all active duties."

Wood crashed against tile as the chair thudded to the ground, the noise so loud it was like a gunshot in the empty room. Sirius clenched his fists, nails digging harshly into wood as McGonagall's words cycled through his brain, mocking him. It had been three weeks, three weeks, and those words still succeeded in making him see red. They were just outrageous. Ridiculous. The moment they had been uttered, he had thought them a horrible joke. In fact, he had outright laughed in McGonagall's face, sneering he reminded her nobody could be spared; especially now, with Slytherins so cocky and presumptuous.

But the elderly woman had not cracked a smile; her lips had not even fluttered. Instead, her mouth had thinned into a dangerous line and she had glared so hotly at Sirius and James that all laughter and joking had abruptly died.

"I very well know how dire the situation is, Mr. Black," she had said. "And you are right in that we cannot spare able bodied soldiers. But you are not able bodied. You are irresponsible and reckless and because of this you and Mr. Potter nearly ended up dead. I can't have you two running around London in the name of Gryffindor without any regards for yourselves or others. As such, you are suspended from all active duties until further notice." Here she had paused and leveled them with a look as stern and serious as a death sentence.

"And if I find that you have disobeyed my orders I will find you unfit to wear the crest of Godric Gryffindor. Am I understood gentlemen? Yes? Then dismissed."

And that had been that. End of discussion, no questions asked. McGonagall had taken the weapons Sirius and James had on them and discharged them from the room. Yes they could have acquired more; hell the basement was full of weapons, not to mention a few satellite locations. But in that brief meeting, McGonagall had taken something more vital than knives or guns: she had taken her support. And that was something Sirius and James could not find somewhere else. Well, except with Dumbledore, but the leader of Gryffindor was no where to be found, out on "business" or other such euphemisms that adults threw around like they meant something other than killing or finding ways and people to do so.

So, Sirius stayed locked up in his tower, some perverse twisted version of a damsel in distress. He hadn't seen James, his partner in crime and everything else, in days, since his parents were less than pleased with current events. And, though he be loathed to admit it to his face, Sirius missed his bespectacled friend. At the very least he made for some entertainment.

A clock chimed somewhere in the house. Noon. At least nine or ten more hours until Sirius could respectfully call it a day and go to bed, only to wake up in the morning and begin this routine of doing absolutely nothing all over again.

The Gryffindor huffed out a breath and dropped his head into his hands. "Bloody kill me," he groaned. Anything was better than this.

"I wouldn't be saying that too loud cousin. Some Slytherin might actually take you up on that."

Okay, anything but that.

"Tonks don't bloody start with me alright? Bugger off."

Nymphadora Tonks wrinkled her nose as she slid into the seat beside her relative. "Well isn't someone cheery today," she said. Flat grey-blue eyes rose up and glared at her. "Nymphadora Iwillcause you physical harm ifyou do not get the bugger out of this kitchen right now!" He was in no mood for his flamboyantly colored housemate. Not today. Not with the sea of his anger at its cusp. Not with the itch of restlessness crawling under his skin like ants, like lava, waiting to be unleashed.

The younger teen rolled brown eyes and rocked back in her chair, lacing thin fingers behind her head. "I'd like to see you try Siri. McGonagall would have your bollocks before you could say 'Please! NO!'"

A derisive snort exploded out of Sirius. "She already has them," he mumbled, glaring dourly at the worn tabletop.

"Hmm true," Tonks mused. "I guess Siri is a more appropriate name for you now eh?"

"Ha ha. You are hilarious Nymphadora." Standing up from his chair, Sirius stretched, sighing as he made his way over to the cabinet. "What are you even doing here? Shouldn't you be out on patrol anyway", Sirius asked, mouth twisting in slight bitterness as he grabbed a glass.

Tonks shrugged her thin shoulders, purple hair dancing across her shoulders as she rocked in her chair. "Hagrid took my patrol. Bit too cold for my liking. I'd rather wait until it gets warmer."

Sirius frowned as he turned to the younger female, the now full glass of water halfway to his lips. "It's the middle of bloody winter." Wide brown eyes rose to meet his, full of faux innocence. "Really? Hell, I guess he'll have to wait a while for me to reimburse him."

Another snort worked its way out of the former Black heir. "It's times like these that I realize we are definitely related," he chuckled before chugging his glass. "Ugh, bugger. What I'd kill to get out of here though! Bloody hell, I'd even clean out Hagrid's stables if it meant a few hours away from the Tower."

And that was saying a lot. It was common knowledge that Hagrid's stables, which were a little ways out of London, was the last place any sane person on Earth wanted to be, with the exception of at the end of a barrel. Rubeus Hagrid, a long time friend of Dumbledore, had an…eclectic taste in pets to say the least. His "kids" ranged from dogs to horses and then branched out into more exotic breeds. It should really be illegal, half the stock he had. Hell, it probably was, but again, having friends in high places didn't hurt and Dumbledore was the highest one could hope to have.

Tonks rolled her eyes again. "Oh don't be so melodramatic, Siri. You make it sound like it's the end of the world." Sirius scowled at her and swiftly reached out to tug the side of her chair, leaving the girl squawking in indigence as she attempted to right her balance. "You try being bloody stuck in here every hour of every day for almost a month! It feels like forever!"

"Yeah? Well imagine what a coffin feels like."

That shut Sirius up quick.

The chair Tonks had been rocking in came down unto the floor with a snap. "Sirius," she said, eyes finally somber, all teasing light gone. "The only reason McGonagall is locking you in here is cuz you and James were thick enough to almost die. Die, Black. You and Potter act all invincible but you're not! If it wasn't for this Melanie, you and James would be six feet under or worse, we wouldn't even have a body to bury!"

Sirius slammed the glass down on the table, the pent up anger in his veins singing for release. "You think I don't know that Tonks? I know how close James and I were; hell I was fucking bloody sure we were dead the second Malfoy pointed the gun at my chest," he screamed, hand drifting up and absentmindedly rubbing his chest, fingers dancing over the thin shirt and gauze underneath. As a flare of pain went through his chest, brought on by the gauze tugging at his stitches, the anger seemed to seep out of Sirius, his body losing its tense posture as it slumped against the table. He was silent for a few moments before a hand rose up and dragged through his hair, a woe begotten and somewhat lost gesture. "I was so sure…that I would never wake up again." That last admission was spoken in a barely audible whisper, as Sirius stared at the ground, lost in the memory of that alley and his supposed-to-be-but-not-quite death.

But Tonks heard it; she heard every single word and, what's more, she heard all the emotions behind them. She heard the fear, the blame, the anger; everything that roiled in her cousin's head, and more importantly, his heart. The stubborn boy tried to pretend like he didn't have one, that he was some hard arse soldier and having a heart was below him. That was just the Black in him. The truth was, however, out of her whole family, Sirius was probably the one with the biggest heart. It could be slightly hard to see, what with his prickly exterior and his wanker "Casanova" moments, but Tonks saw through all that shite. She might act like an idiot at times, but one couldn't survive long if they didn't have some smarts in them. So, even though most people saw her as a berk most of the time, Tonks was actually very astute.

For example, Sirius might be at James' throat half the time and vise versa, but Tonks knew, better than she knew her own name, that those two idiots would give the world and the stars beyond for each other. They were best friends, brothers, hell they were almost one person. Those two loved each other unconditionally and Tonks knew that the fact that James had almost died, again, in Sirius' presence, haunted her older cousin more than he would ever admit.

And, even though she would never admit it, Tonks' heart went out to Sirius. Sure, none of the Gryffindors had stellar lives, what with the constant cloud of Death hovering over them, but Sirius' life truly…sucked. Tonks had been lucky enough to be spared the Black insanity thanks to her mother's genius and disownment (whether by her or her family Tonks never knew). But Sirius had been forced to deal with all that "Tempus Pur" mania. He had been forced into the wrong side of this war ever since the age of ten, watching his family and "friends" of the family kill time and time again. He had been beaten and abused and degraded up until the point where he had had enough, running away, bruised and bloody, even though he knew it meant his certain death. Fate, although slightly kind, couldn't even find it in her heart to fully give Sirius the life he deserved. Yes, he was away from his crazy arse family, but he was still stuck in this God forsaken war. He still had Death tugging on his very heels. He was still trapped in this situation that was slowly killing him, piece by broken piece.

So, even though she never showed it, even though she kept her feelings for him locked deep inside, Tonks cried for the little boy Sirius had never had the chance to be. She cried for all the pain he had experienced and all the agony that was yet to befall him. But, most of all, she cried for the fact that, deep down she knew, no matter his luck, no matter his skill, Sirius would probably never see the end to this war.

"Given that," Tonks thought to herself, gaze drifting over her defeated relative. "If McGonagall gets pissed over what I'm about to do, she can kiss my bloody arse."

Taking a deep breath, Tonks ran a hand through her purple hair. "Yeah well, fortunately for us all you and James are still alive and kicking. I mean, without you, who else is going to drive McGonagall up the wall?"

Sirius blinked at her words and then a smirk settled over his handsome features, although Tonks saw it didn't quite reach his eyes. "You're getting pretty close, Dora. I'm sure McGonny will have a few grey hairs with your name on them soon, if she doesn't already that is," he chuckled. Tonks suppressed a smile at his weak attempt at humor and stuck her tongue out at him, hoping to really make him smile. "Not my fault you and James are bad influences. I was innocent before you both came along."

A mock serious expression overtook the older teen's face and he nodded in faux understanding. "That's right. You were "innocent" before we met and "corrupted" you," he said, making air quotations. "So innocent in fact, the second James brought me in the door, you kicked me in the shin and called me a buggering wanker."

Tonks colored at the memory, crossing her arms over her chest. "You were taking my room! How else was I supposed to act? Anyways, that's besides the point!"

Sirius raised an eyebrow at her, leaning his hip against the table. "And what, exactly, is your point? I mean besides bothering the shite out of me."

"Do you want out of this Tower or not?"

At her words, Sirius grew quiet. "That's what I thought," Tonks said with a smug smile, rocking back in her chair once more.

But Sirius was far from amused. Scowling, he pushed himself off the table and leaned over his cousin, supporting himself so their faces were inches from each other. "Nymphadora, that isn't funny. Don't fucking tease me," he growled, eyes intense and piercing.

"Who said I was teasing," she challenged back, lifting her chin in defiance. Sirius might make lesser men wet themselves, but Tonks had lived with him for over five years; he didn't scare her.

Narrowing his eyes at her, Sirius pursed his lips. "You must be joking. McGonagall would have your head, not to mention my bollocks." A smile that would make the devil proud stretched Tonks' full lips; her brown eyes alight with unholy mischief. "That's only if she catches us, which, with both of our smarts, I'm hoping she won't."

Sirius huffed and stood back, his brow furrowed in thought. That little voice at the back of his head, the one he so strived to ignore but that kept coming back with a burning vengeance, began to awake in the dark recesses of his mind as he stared at his grinning cousin. "Don't do this," it said. "McGonagall told you the consequences. Is a few hours of freezing cold air really worth the probability of being kicked out?"

Sirius thought about it, thought real long and hard; he weighed the pros and cons, he considered all angles. Then…

"So what's the plan?"

Too bad for Sirius' conscience that the boy was never one to really listen to reason.

"Bugger. Tonks wasn't lying. It's bloody cold," Sirius thought as he hunched against the wind, blowing into his hands to ward off the biting cold. Needless to say, it wasn't doing much.

However, despite the freezing cold temperatures, the grey and slushy snow sliding beneath his boots, Sirius hadn't been happier in weeks. For the past twenty-one days, locked in and locked down at Gryffindor Tower, all he had seen were the off-white walls of his bedroom, the mustard yellow paint of the kitchen. He had counted every crack in his ceiling, every chip in the wood and tile floors; every cobweb and spider and piece of dust in between. It was maddening.

Sirius allowed a smile to tug at his lips as he tilted his head up to catch the fleeting snowflakes on his face, listening to the bustling sounds of London and letting them soothe his soul. Well, no more playing prisoner; he was free and he was going to do whatever the hell he pleased, McGonagall and consequences be damed.

A tittering laugh abruptly flared to his left, making Sirius slow in his steps. "Hey there handsome, where you headed? You look a bit cold." Blinking at the airy giggle, Sirius turned to find two very attractive women smiling seductively at him as they stood in the mouth of an alley. The brunette on the right winked and wiggled slim fingers at him. "Need to be warmed up?'

Speaking about doing whatever he wanted…

Grinning to himself, Sirius changed his direction and began to walk towards the two women, rolling his shoulders and slipping back into his long subdued Sirius Black confidence. He hadn't talked to or seen a bird in weeks; not counting is cousin, McGonagall and Molly Future-Weasely. And those did not count. At all. "So sue me for wanting a little fun," Sirius thought.

As he approached them, Sirius couldn't help but do a quick appraisal, shallow though it may be. Within seconds, he had singled out the brunette on the right as the more attractive of the two. Yes, the blonde was pretty too, but her makeup was cakeier, her hair stringy under all the spray, her smile too forced. No, the brunette was definitely the beauty. Her hair was pin straight and fluttered attractively in the winter wind; her smile was welcoming and sultry; her brown eyes lidded and beckoning.

All in all, Sirius thought he could do worse. "Actually, I do. Care to point me in the right direction dearie," he grinned. The brunette bit her lip. "Maybe. Why don't you come a little closer and find out?"

Sirius didn't have to be told twice. He quickened his pace.

However, as he drew closer, Sirius had a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that he could do better. Which was insane, yet he couldn't shake the thought. The brunette was pretty, true, but he couldn't help but feel she would be beautiful if she laid off the blush a bit. And maybe curled her hair loosely. Sirius furrowed his brow and his eyes traveled up and down her figure. In fact, she'd look better without the fishnet stockings and the too short dress. Jeans and a nice shirt would look better.

"Hey love, my eyes are up here," the brunette tittered, snapping her ruby red painted fingernails playfully to gain his attention as came to a halt before her. Sirius blinked and locked eyes with her, working up to his full-blown charming smile. "Sorry. I was trying to take in all your radiant beauty and it took me a bit."

The brunette pulled her red lips into a sensual smile, her brown eyes twinkling. "Well aren't you the charmer?" Sirius grin widened but something picked at his conscience, nagging, wheedling, insistent. He tried his best to ignore it.

"You are the charming one my dear," he said, laying on the charm so thick even James would be proud. "So charming I had to come over myself and make sure you were real."

The blonde let out a gurgling giggle, reaching out and stroking his cheek lightly. "Real enough for you?" Sirius looked at her, smile still affixed to his face as he gazed into her washed out blue eyes.

Blue eyes.

That was it! That was what the brunette was missing. Slightly giddy, Sirius turned back to said woman and mentally added his additions. First the makeup went; then the hair curled slightly, making it appear wind tossed; the dress lengthened into jeans, the top into a t-shirt; the high pitched fake laugh melted into a full bodied melodious chuckled; and finally brown cow eyes lightened into the clearest blue, sparkling and full of laughter.

A sense of contentment spread through Sirius as he mentally took a step back and admired his creation. Something stirred in the Gryffindor then and he blinked at the picture he had created. Call him shallow and misogynistic, but the previously pretty woman had transformed into a heart stuttering beauty; the perfect woman so to speak. She looked like something out of a painting, or a picture.

She looked like…

The air in Sirius' lungs froze to ice, the blood in his veins following suit as his heart rammed against his rib cage and screeched to a halt.

This new and improved version of the escort Sirius was talking to…looked just like… Melanie.

Unbidden, the last image Sirius had of the teen rose to the forefront of his mind, her silhouette framed in her doorway as she half-heartedly raised her arm in farewell. Sirius' heart twisted in his chest at the thought of the girl who had saved him life time and time again. For the last three weeks, he was tormented by the thought of her, by her well being and health. By her fate. He had tried to forget about her; after all he couldn't do anything for her locked up in his Tower. It was no use losing sleep over something he couldn't change, he had told himself.

But that didn't make it any better, it didn't lessen his god awful guilt that ate at him day and night. It didn't erase the nightmares of going back and finding her bloody and dead on her doorstep, Malfoy standing over her with a bloody, gruesome grin.

"You claim to worry for her and yet, the moment you are free, you don't spare her a second thought. Instead you walk around like an idiot and find two bimbos to let lose a little steam," his conscience quipped. "How very…Black of you." Sirius grit his teeth at the last sentiment. All his life, he had tried to distance himself from his "family", tried to escape the black stain of his name. And yet, time and time again, he kept proving to be more and more like them. Even Melanie had called him out on it, all those weeks ago. It pissed him the bloody hell off.

"Love? You all right? Maybe we should take this inside eh?"

Sirius was brought of his musings by a thin hand wrapping around his wrist. Shaking himself, he flickered his eyes down, gaze landing on the brunette's hand as it lay upon his wrist. Sirius couldn't help but think that it looked like a pretty hand, dainty and delicate. But, once again, as he took a closer look he saw the smoking calluses on her fingers, the dirt that hid near the nails, the scars that bore testament to the hardships of her life, just as Sirius' did for him.

The ghost of a bitter smile flared upon Sirius' lips. "It seems we are all black underneath," he thought.

Taking a deep breath, the Gryffindor brought his head up and flashed his most blinding smile at the two women. "Ah sorry my dears. I just remembered I have a previous engagement that I most attend to. Maybe some other time," he amended.

The two women pouted, their red stained lips jutting out as they tried to tug him back. "Aww come on. You look stressed. A quick rest won't hurt," the blonde coaxed. Sirius just shook his head and fully extracted his arm. "Believe me, you cannot be more sorry than I. Sadly though, I must bid thee adieu."

Nodding in their direction, Sirius made to leave, thoughts circulating around another brunette. However, as a whispered "Bye" floated past him, he was suddenly seized by a reckless impulse. Not thinking about what he was doing, Sirius spun back to the two women and snaked out his arm, grasping the brunette's hand once more and pulling it towards him, brushing a kiss upon the back. "But take this and why don't you two beautiful birds go warm yourselves up for a change yeah?"

Before the women could as what he meant, Sirius pulled back and flashed one last smile before turning on heel and jogging down the street. The blonde followed his figure with a frown. "What do you think he meant by that Sally," she questioned her companion.

The brunette didn't answer. Instead, she opened her hand and showed her friend the wad of pounds the mysterious man had just left in her fingers.

Snowflakes eddied around Sirius, particle made ribbons that danced through the air and twisted around his body, as if to entice him to accompany them in their joyous dance. Sirius scowled at the flakes, leaning against a stone pillar as he lifted his cigarette to his lips and took a deep drag, letting the smoke curl in his lungs and warm him. "Fucking freezing my bollocks off here. Can't it snow when I'm inside?", he thought dryly.

"You'd be inside if you hadn't listened to Tonks," his mind supplied. Sirius contemplated the statement and then shrugged, taking another drag of his cigarette. Touché.

As it were, he couldn't do anything about it now. He was out and wasn't due back till after dark, since McGonagall wasn't supposed to return till close to midnight. Or so he hoped. So he really hoped.

A shriek of laughter caught his attention and Sirius turned to his left to see a gaggle of boys push each other in the snow, tossing half-hearted snowballs back and forth. Silently smoking, Sirius watched the young teens, for he realized that the boys were teenagers, and a feeling of envy and admiration filled him. Here these kids were, happy, health, whole, a testament that Sirius' sacrifices were not in vain. He fought for these people, for the innocent; he fought for their right to go to school, to laugh and frolic and play.

Sirius let the used fag falls from his fingers, his heel digging it into the snow-covered sidewalk. "Even if I can never do those things myself," he thought sourly. Sirius himself may not have had a childhood but he'd be damned if this god forsaken, back doors war stole another's.

A flicker of guilt spiraled through him as he recalled the three childhood's he had just abruptly ended not a few weeks ago. Which brought him back to why he was here, freezing his bollocks off in the front of a prison looking school. He was here to make sure he hadn't made the biggest mistake of his life three weeks ago. He was here to make sure he hadn't failed yet another person.

He was here for—

"Melanie!"

Startled by the name of the one he sought, Sirius turned his attention back to the snow-laden schoolyard where the boys had previously been wrestling. Said boys were nowhere to be found, the space where they had been empty and barren, but now there were two figures that stood in the middle of the icy expanse, isolated and vulnerable.

Sirius immediately identified Melanie, though given that the other figure had blonde hair it was easy enough. Nevertheless, Sirius felt something warm unfurl in his chest at the sight of the brunette, at the sight of her healthy and whole. "I haven't failed," he unconsciously thought and a knot of guilt came apart within his heart. "Not yet at least."

The grave afterthought jostled Sirius back into a more somber mood, his feeling dying out as his mind took over. Grey-blue eyes ranked over Melanie's figure, observing, analyzing, as she spoke with her blonde companion. Nothing had changed much; she was still slight, her hair still loose and curled. But, as Sirius narrowed his eyes against the stinging wind, was it him…or did she seem more exhausted, her frame slouched where she stood, as if it were all she could do to stay on her feet? Sirius frowned; was she ok?

However, before he could contemplate the subject more, Sirius saw the blonde's eyes catch sight of him and go wide. Quickly, they darted back to Melanie and Sirius saw her furrowed brow as she spoke urgently. Sirius felt a mixture of relief, excitement, and exasperation go through him. For one, he was finally going to talk to Melanie, make sure no Slytherins had found her, but he was also going to probably have to deal with the blonde's questions. Joy.

Resigned and resolved, Sirius watched as Melanie went rigid for a few lingering moments, but then slowly, as slowly as the earth spun on its axis, the brunette turned and glanced over her shoulder, immediately locking eyes with him.

As their gazes interlocked, the ice blue of Melanie's eyes going wide and fathomless, Sirius had a very peculiar feeling in the pit of his stomach, as if his intestines were writhing in their places. He blinked at the sensation but quickly wrote it off as indigestion; the leftovers he had had for lunch hadn't looked all the edible but he had eaten them anyway, out of sheer boredom if nothing else.

"Oh yeah? And was changing the hooker into Melanie just an indigestion induced hallucination," his mind quipped. Sirius scowled. That had only happened because he had subconsciously felt guilty for not finding out how she was doing. Nothing more. His mind decided to leave it at that.

Pushing the thoughts for his mind, Sirius took a deep breath and smirked at the still gawking brunette, lifting a hand in a little mocking wave. Melanie blinked slowly, as if coming out of a dream, before a dazzlingly brilliant smile overtook her features. Sirius chose to ignore the way it stuttered his heart. Spinning back towards her friend, Melanie seemed to share a few quick words before turning around and jogging towards him. Smirk slowing melting into a genuine smile, Sirius pushed himself off the stone gate and began to walk towards Melanie, meeting her halfway. However, as he drew closer, Melanie's brilliant smile slowly began to fade until all that was left was a naked concerned expression. Brow furrowing, he made to ask her what was wrong but she beat him to it.

"What's happened? Is J…Prongs ok? Are you ok?", were the first rushed words out of her mouth. It took a moment for Sirius to process for her words, to untangle the syllables and unwind the words, but once he did, he couldn't help the grin that over took his features.

"Well hello to you too," he chuckled, a twinkle in his grey-blue eyes. Melanie pursed her lips, concern still etched in her brow. "Oh hi. Um sorry, I just…well…," she stuttered, face flushed with cold and emotion. Sirius raised an eyebrow, blatantly amused. Mel exhaled harshly and crossed her arms in front of her chest, concern beginning to melt into irritation. "Don't give me that look! Here you go, just popping up out of the blue again, no warning, nothing," she ranted. "For weeks I don't know if you are dead or alive, hurt or ok and now you just materialize out of nowhere and give me that same impatient look. Well, I've had enough Sirius! I-"

"Are you done?"

Melanie balked at his interruption but Sirius continued. "Cuz if you are, I'd like to talk to you. Preferably inside," he said, gesturing to the snow that was still falling around them. Mel scowled up at him with a look that would put Lily Evans to shame, blue eyes on fire. Sirius flashed her a grin, attempting to coax her. "I'll buy you a cup of tea at the shop down the street," he bribed.

A few seconds ticked by in which Melanie stared hard at him, considering. "Fine. But don't think that a cup of tea is going to get you off the hook, Padfoot." As Mel stalked past him, Sirius couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Women," he thought, but he followed the brunette anyway.

Sorry for the delay. I had to finish college apps and then it was the holidays for me. But i promise the next chapter will get this story rolling. Review please. :)

~Shadows