Kenseikan Thoughts by TsukiNoKagura

Espada Special Omake!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach; I however claim the plot of this chapter. It is the second part of what now is a two-shot story.

Warnings: OOCness, randomness and plain not-funniness occasionally. I ran out of dirt TT

Today there was an arrancar attack in Rukongai, those stupid things needed to be taught a lesson. I have to personally go there to exterminate them, and then I have to release Senbonzakura's bankai just to kill the two. It annoyed me to hell because that useless brat Renji got defeated by the duo and came running towards me, so I had to abandon my beautiful artwork (Abarai called it horribly scary but he's just jealous) and go there myself.

Vizards, especially Kurosaki Ichigo, are also hated by me? Why? Those traitors actually have hollow abilities! No wonder they were exiled…

I wanted to say many things to those lowly beings but again I needed to be that 'Cool and Calm' captain.

Stark: Lazy-ass who sleeps all the time; he has this goatee that looked seriously retarded as if he's trying to be Shunsui. He acts so cool but has no cool fighting pose, unlike me; I look so awesome holding a released Senbonzakura don't I? Kurosaki is wrong, I DON'T look like a karaoke singer!

Lilinette: not exactly an espada but she is basically one with her master so I had to include her. I still wonder why such a little kid wears such slutty outfit. And her being the other part of her own master makes her more mysterious… Does that make Stark a masturbator if he ever does you-know-what to her?

Barragan: Old fart who thinks he's king or something; he basically dies just to enter resurrection form, but he reminds me of the Grim Reaper, that death-god wannabe. We are the REAL shinigami dammit!

Halibel: SLUT, why are all arrancar females effing whores? Do they wanna get raped every single second of the minute, every minute of the hour, every hour of the day, every day of the week, every week of the month, every month of the year?

Neliel: I always thought she was a guy when she was in her child form. But she had the traits shared by all female arrancar- Sluttiness. Just look at her outfit after she transformed back, then straight away she sexually harasses Ichigo.

Ulquiorra: Emo, He makes a good person in one of those teenage bands. I can almost imagine him singing some emo song. I have also heard (from my special sources) that he had regular PMSs…

Nnoitra: Perverted man-spoon; I understand why people would want to cosplay as an anime character; but as a SPOON? Does he come with a complementary fork and knife Fraccion? I think so. His resurrection is some mantis thingy, I feel like stepping on him now…

Grimmjow: Man-whore. I think he can get anyone pregnant just by looking at them. And maybe give them STDs or STIs on the way. He also has retarded coloured hair, and is probably gay with Kurosaki, he fully stalks the dude. But Kurosaki's gay anyway, HE LOOKED UP MY HAKAMA REMEMBER?!

Luppi: His/her gender cannot be identified, therefore he/she shall be known as 'it'. It got promoted so it boasted its ass off, resulting in the death of itself. If it was a male then it must be gay, but if it was a female it must be lesbian. It is just too hard to tell whether it is a man or a woman, or in this case a male arrancar or a female arrancar.

Zommari: Ultra-flexy yoga man who thought he could beat someone so wonderful like me. But I killed his sorry-ass, ha! He wears a humongously puffy bubble-skirt post-release. Maybe he was a prima ballerina in his past life. That explains everything.

Szayel: Pink this, pink that, pink everything. He is the evil version of Barbie. He does play with dolls a lot though. He is definitely gay, that's for sure. He makes a good pair with Luppi, it's quite lucky to have another companion. He is also cannibalistic, although his Fraccion do look very edible… like those delicious cookies that can also be used to repel Yachiru…

Aaroniero: Complementary to Zommari. His Resurreccion is a big, purple ball gown. His real face is outrageous. He is so dumb despise having two brain-things. He is also ugly because he looked like Kaien Shiba, who once insulted my lovely designer hair.

Yammy: He should go into the rapping career. He reminds me of those American Rappers that failed to do poetry, therefore invented rap. He thinks he's so cool by erasing the '1' in the number '10' on his shoulder but the truth is that it is written with pencil just to make it easily rubbed out. In reality he is the cero Espada, meaning that he does not have a rank at all.

A/N: Well my naggy friends suggested me doing another chap for Kenseikan thoughts so here you go. I'm not happy with this chapter; I honestly think it's not as good as the last! Beta anyone?

R&R Please… but if this is to complain about OOC/Randomness/Not funniness then STAY AWAY! If you flame then I shall dedicate an entire insulting chapter to you!