AN: I don't know much about drugs or rehab, but I'll try to make it sound convincing with what little I do know about it. If there is something wrong that bothers you, I don't mind constructive criticism. All I know on the subject of drugs I've gotten from Health Class, Movies, Books, and the internet. So if you'd like to correct me all I ask is that you do it nicely.

This story is very loosely based off of The Killers "When you were Young" the idea popped in my head while I was listening to it.

I probably won't update this one as much as "The Other Side isn't so Green"

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Warning: Swearing, because Axel and Roxas are bad and adult content.

Summary:

I'm killing myself slowly. Yes I'm aware of it, and I don't care. I've lost all my friends and I'm losing my family, but I can't save myself. He doesn't look a thing like Jesus, but he thinks he can save me. Yeah, good luck red, you've no idea what I'm going through. You've probably never had a sip of cough syrup.

Saix is gone, my savior is gone, I need drugs. No, what would Saix say. Just because he's gone doesn't mean you should destroy what he's done for you. The best way to honor his memory is to help someone else. That cute little blond could be perfect.

Chapter 1 – He Doesn't Look A Thing Like Jesus

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now, here he comes

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentlemen
Like you imagined when you were young

-The Killers, "When you were Young"

'Axel, we knew this day was coming. We knew. I'm not telling you not to mourn for me, but Axel, don't slip back back into your old ways. Stay clean, and live for me, make me proud, and know I will always love you.'

oOo

Those were his last word, ant the only thing going through my head as they lowered the coffin into the ground. Saix's parents were holding each other, crying, and sending a glare my way every once in a while. Saix had spent the majority of his last years with me, and they hadn't approved in the least. As far as they were concerned I was a no good druggie whore out for his money.

All I can say is, Saix is the most important person in my life. Yes, even though he's dead he is still the most important person in my life. He is my anchor; he keeps me from going back to the drugs that nearly killed me. As long as he's in my heart, he can keep me clean. I moved forward placing a single red rose on my lover's coffin. 'Saix, I will love you forever.'

"Axel, promise me you'll move on. After I'm gone, promise you'll allow yourself happiness."

"I'll try Saix, but I love you, it won't be easy."

"Since when is anything easy? I will always know you love me, and there is no reason you shouldn't move on. You deserve happiness even if it's not with me. Axel, baby, I can't be at peace if I know you're unhappy."

"I'll be happy, not at first, but I'll move on, I promise."

"Axel!" My floor length coat was billowing in the wind, hands buried deep within the pockets as I looked over my shoulder to see Demyx shuffling towards me, moments before the wind blinded me with my vibrant red hair. As he reached me Demyx put a tentative hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"I'm not crying, am I?" I said indignantly, as I pushed my hair out of my face showing my very obvious dry face, and new tattoo, identical to my previous. This earned me another venomous glare from Saix's parents. I can just imagine what they were thinking, 'Bastard won't even cry for him. He stole him from us, fucked him, and took his money, but he won't cry for him. That filthy druggie whore.' Yeah whatever bitches, I haven't cried since my mother died, it's not like I don't want to cry for Saix.

"That doesn't mean anything Axel, you never cry."

"I'm dealing, Dem, I made a promise to be happy again and I intend to keep it." I paused before asking, "Any chance you and Zex will stay with me tonight. I haven't slept since he died. I think it's because I've never slept in our apartment alone." It was true; the bed just seemed so cold these past four days.

"Of course Ax, we'll meet you there." I couldn't help but smile at him, as bad as I felt right now, I had to smile. Saix had given me such great friends. They would get me through this; he left me in good hands.

"Thanks Dem." I said as I walked away, waving. As I stepped into my black Lamborghini Reventon I saw another glare from Saix's parents. Yes your precious son bought this million euro piece of metal for me on my nineteenth birthday, one full year of sobriety than you very much. Then we christened it by fucking like it was going out of style, which was an interesting experience with it not having a backseat. They continued glaring at me all the way to their limo. Yes go morn the fact that he left all of his possessions and his business to me. After venting some more I sped to our, no my, apartment where Demyx and Zexion were waiting for me. These would be a difficult few months.

oOo

"You're doing drugs again, aren't you?" My mother's shrill scream did nothing for my hangover, "All that time in rehab and your doing drugs again. Sora doesn't need this type of influence." I emptied my stomach contents into my toilet. Why can't she just shut the fuck up, "…How could you do this?"

"I'm not doing drugs; I raided your liquor cabinet." I yelled back at her, tears filling my eyes. I don't know why I bother to waste my tears on her. There's really no point, she's given up on me already. "You're really making me want drugs though." I didn't see it coming, but before I realized what was happening there was a sharp stinging pain in my cheek. She slapped me! Oh my God, she's never touched me before. I was shocked beyond comprehension and my tears were now falling freely.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, Roxas. I just…I'm worried about you. You and Sora are all I have left since your father left. I love you so much and your killing yourself." I had fallen to the ground now and she followed me, hugging me tightly. I didn't hug back.

"I'm not doing drugs." I whispered. Yet, just wait till I find some, maybe I'll overdose and you'll never have to be burdened by me. I got up and escaping from my mother's clutches. I left her crying on my bathroom floor, I didn't care; I don't care about anything anymore.

Somehow, I don't know how, I ended up in a café with my younger brother Sora, Riku, Kairi, Namine, Hayner, Pence and Olette. "Aren't you so happy its summer?! We all get to hang out together again!" Olette exclaimed, "Roxas is back from boarding school…all is right again." I love, excuse me, loved my friends, but after that first joint…things changed and I just don't care anymore. If I got hit by a bus on my way home, I wouldn't give a shit. I didn't need my friend to whiteness my new attitude.

I haven't really talked to them for two years. I stopped talking to them when I was about sixteen; I was too focused on where I was buying, where I would get the money, and how high I could get. At seventeen I was put into rehab, though only my brother, mom, and dad knew it, everyone else thought I was at boarding school. Beats me why they lie. "Hey! Roxas!"

"What?!" Oh hell, were they talking to me. I was spacing out.

"I asked how boarding school was." Olette repeated.

"Torture. Withdrawal was a bitch, and the therapists are always trying to get you to talk about 'feelings'." I made air quotes and watched as confusion and surprise entered my friends' faces.

"Wh-what?" Olette stammered.

"Roxas!" Sora scolded.

"What? Why lie, Sora. Just face it. I'm a filthy junkie who got himself thrown in rehab. And last night I got so shit-faced I made mom cry, and didn't even care. I spent all night and morning sitting by my toilet and left mom crying on the floor when I left this morning." I wasn't one to lie, I like the truth.

"Oh my God, Roxas!" Kairi exclaimed.

"That's terrible." Namine added her quiet opinion.

"I can't believe you don't care that you made your mom cry." Olette said.

"Yeah, that's weak man." Hayner added with Pence and Riku nodding their agreement.

"All the more reason I shouldn't hang with you all." I drawled out in boredom, and paused. The bell on the door rang and an angel walked through. His eyes caught mine and he walked over to me quickly.

"Roxas." He said in greeting. I had never heard a more wonderful voice.

"Seifer." I said back, scratching my head in signal, he in turn pulled his ear, a system we had. "See you around." He said and walked away. Yes, I had drugs, now I just needed money. Maybe he'd let me pay him back. "So when did Seifer get out of Juvie?" I asked. Everyone was staring at me. I was hoping it was because I made my mom cry and not because they knew Seifer was my dealer, the one who gave me my first joint.

"About three weeks ago." Hayner answered.

oOo

A few hours later I found myself in the usual alley waiting for Seifer. I hadn't been able to scrounge up any money, but I was still confident I could figure something out. "Got the money chicken wuss?"

"Got the drugs, Seifer?"

"Roxas, Roxas, you think I'd cheat you." Seifer opened his arms and smiled at Roxas. "All I got today is coke, you good with that?"

"Yeah, let me see." I said getting excited. He pulled out a bag of white powder. Yes, I could swear my mouth was watering.

"So where's the money twerp?"

"Uh…well, I don't have any. But…but I'll pay you back."

"Money up front."

"Seifer, I'll do anything, please?" I begged.

"Anything?"

"Yes." Once again I was in the position of not knowing what was happening before it happened. I was being slammed face first into the wall. Seifer was pressed into me, the buldge in his pants grinding into my ass. His mouth was touching my ear as he spoke, "Are you sure about 'anything'?" I was hesitant, I'm still a virgin, yes and eighteen year old virgin and I liked it. There was a time that I wanted someone special to be my first. But after my mom's fit this morning, that bag was calling me, "Yes, I'm sure."

oOo

There is something wrong with me. I let Seifer fuck me in an alley for a bag of coke. And to be honest, I don't think I'll ever have sex again, that shit was painful. My ass still hurts; I don't think I'm walking properly either. Just the small walk form the alley to this park sucked. Now I'm sitting on the park bench trying to figure out why this bag was worth my virginity.

Come on Roxas. Like I've ever cared before, I shouldn't start now. But I did care. I used to care about a lot of things, what were they? Now I'm crying again. I sat on that bench crying and staring at that bag of coke for about two hours before, holding it up and finally breaking it open.

"Are you sure you want to do that."

AN: I hope you like this. I truly enjoy writing it while I've got writers block with "The Other Side…" I won't be updating this as quickly as "Other Side" because "Other Side" is still my priority story. It's my first.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed

And be nice with criticism please.