I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the related characters or elements of the Harry Potter books.

"Hermione...." Ron crouched down next to his bride where she was curled up in a dark corner of their bedroom.

"No! Don't, Ron...just...don't..." The words came through thick with tears.

"Hermione, please, you know better than to listen to him!"

"But he's right, isn't he?"

"no, of course not!" Ron insisted urgently.

"Don't lie!" she cried, turning on him with red, accusing eyes, before crumpling back into herself again, "I've tried so hard to accept this, Ron, to accept him. To respect Harry's decisions..."

"I know, Love, but he's a git. There's nothing we can do about it."

"Why does he have to be so horrible?!" she sobbed "I thought we'd made progress! He hasn't called me mudblood in ages!"

"Just cause he's 'fraid of Harry." Ron sighed, "'Mione, please, don't believe a word he says."

"But it's true! I know I'm showing!"

"Hermione, you are the smartest witch I know. You should know that being pregnant and being fat are two different things."

"You won't..." she looked up at him shyly, "You won't...stop...wanting me...?"

Ron blinked furiously for a couple seconds.

"This is about sex?!" he asked, flabbergasted.

"Ronald!" Hermione cried, blushing and turning away, clearly embarrassed. Ron smiled widely at her. Scooting down until he could fit into the corner himself, he wrapped his arms around his wife and kissed the top of her bushy head.

"Hermione, I love you." he whispered almost directly in her ear, petting her hair gently.

"I love you too" she hiccaughed softly.

"And I am not going to stop loving you just because you stomach gets bigger."

"I know, but that doesn't mean you - "

"If anything," he cut her off, "you carrying my baby is just another reason why you are the most beautiful woman in the world."

Hermione stared up at him, eyes brimming with tears and disbelief.

"You really think I'm beautiful?"

"I haven't told you enough already? Of course you are!"

"But, I mean, now." she said softly.

"Isn't that what I just said?" Ron didn't know what else he could say to get the point across, "Your gorgeous. You're glowing. You are carrying the proof that we shagged inside you. How could I possibly want to stop shagging you?"

"Ron." she admonished, rolling her eyes, but smiling none the less. He grinned, and cradled the small hump on her belly gently.

"My two beautiful girls" he whispered softly.

Hermione looked at him, one eyebrow raised quizzically.

"girls? You want a girl?"

"Mhmm." he gave her a genuine smile, full of love, "one that looks just like you."

---

SLAP! The sound resounded through the London flat, echoing off tastefully decorations and the recently vacated hearth.

Draco stared wide eyed at his lover, cradling his stinging red cheek. Harry was livid. His green eyes flashing with a furry the blonde had not seen since their school days.

"What the fuck is the matter with you?!" the brunette yelled angrily.

"I didn't lie!" Draco spat back, and then softer "and I didn't call her mudblood."

"Yeah, and that bloody well makes a huge fucking difference!" Harry said, voice loud and dripping with sarcasm, "You called my pregnant best friend a cow!"

"No, no I didn't!" Draco insisted, ready to argue technicalities with him, "I said 'no wonder she was as big as a cow' And since she's clearly put on weight - "

"Oh, shut up." Harry cut him off, "The two of them came over to break the happy news. To tell their friend, and their friend's boyfriend that they were having a baby. Because they were fucking happy about it! Not because they needed you to make Hermione feel fat!"

"Well she is!" Draco screeched, "She's fat! Fat! Fat! Fat! And she's only going to get fatter! until her waist disappears and her face puffs up and the love of her life never wants to touch her ever again!"

Harry stared at Draco, who now had huge tears dripping down the side of his face. The blonde was made even more pathetic by the slight pink tinge to one pale cheek, a shadow of Harry's anger. Merlin, he hoped it didn't leave a bruise. Draco's whole body was wracked with sobs, his shoulders shaking, fingers quivering as he tried to rub tears out of his eyes. Harry sighed, figuring he knew what this was all about.

"Listen, okay? I shouldn't have hit you." He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even more than usual, "It's like you said, you didn't call her mudblood, so I'm guessing it wasn't personal, you know, that you genuinely do think she's..."

"I'm pregnant." Draco said flatly.

Harry blinked.

"What..?"

"I'M PREGNANT!" Draco screamed. He threw himself down on their sofa and continued to sob uncontrollably.

"Is that even possible?" Harry asked in complete shock, but all he got in the form of an answer was a particularly loud crying sob. "Oh my god."

"Oh My God!" Harry said again, rushing over to the sofa and taking Draco in his arms, to which the blonde only made a halfhearted attempt to get away, "And I hit you! Here! Here! Let me heal it..."

The green-eyed hero took out his wand and gently touched the tip to Draco's face. Harry healed the cheek wordlessly, though there was barely even a bruise to begin with. When it was done, Draco took his handkerchief from his breast-pocket and daintily wiped his eyes and nose.

"You want to tell me how the hell it's even possible for you to be pregnant?" Harry asked, a little in awe.

"I didn't do it on purpose, if that's what you mean." Draco spat, refusing to look at the father of his unborn child.

"I wasn't. It's just..." Harry shook his head, completely bewildered, "I didn't even know something like this was possible. How is this possible?"

"Magic, duh." Draco rolled his eyes, "It's usually done through a lot of planning. A regimen of potions have to be taken, and incantations have to be said during the act."

"But I thought you said you didn't do this on purpose."

"I also said 'usually'. I seem to be an unusual case." he sniffed, close to tears once again, "I was at the healer's this morning. They can't figure it out. The fact that neither of us have even been thinking about having kids just adds to the strangeness of it. And on top of everything else...I'm going to get FAT!" the tears started again in earnest this time. Harry gazed down at the love of his life...and suddenly, it all fell into place.

"Oh love..." he cooed, pulling the blonde into a hug, "I don't care if you get fat."

"Yes you will!" Draco wailed, "I'm going to get huge! And my ankles will swell up! And I'll get a double chin! And hemorrhoids!"

"Draco," Harry said, doing his best to suppress a grin, "I've always wanted kids. I gave up that dream when I fell in love with you. I didn't think this was possible"

"So, what? You're...alright with this?"

"Ecstatic." Harry assured honestly.

"I might even get breasts!" Draco hissed, narrowing his eyes and pinning Harry with a look, "Some birth-fathers do."

Luckily the boy who lived knew a test when he saw one.

"Well, I...er..." he cleared his throat, "I suppose that would be convenient for feeding the baby."

Draco looked him over suspiciously.

"You're too alright with this." he said slowly, "Have you been slipping fertility potions into my food?"

"What?! No! Of course not!" Harry clutched Draco's hands and shook his head furiously, "I wouldn't do that! Besides, I just told you I didn't even know a man could get pregnant!"

"Hmph." the blonde replied, clearly not convinced.

They sat in silence for a few moments, both thinking hard.

"Er, Draco?"

"Yes?"

"I love you"

Draco let out something between a gasp and a sigh, clearly having not expected the expression.

"I love you too, Harry," Draco said, and then under his breath, "in spite of myself."

Harry grinned happily, having heard both comments.

"Draco." he said, now serious, "I think you should apologize to Hermione."

"Like hell."

"Draco!"

"I won't! You can't make me!"

"Well...I think we should at least tell them."

"Tell them what?"

"Draco..." Harry said warningly.

"What, Potter?" Draco asked, flipping hair out of his face, "Going to hit me again?"

"No." Harry began slowly, narrowing his eyes, "But I may spank you."

Draco widened his eyes, both scared and aroused. He turned his face so as not to meet Harry's eyes.

"Fine, we can go now then." he cleared his throat, still not meeting the green orbs, "As long as you promise to use paurseltongue too."

---

The fireplace roared and Harry stepped out of the green flames and into Ron and Hermione's cottage. He and Draco had decided it was probably best that he went first, just in case Ron was still in a rage. As it was, Hermione had come around the corner only moments before Draco entered the living room as well.

She tightened the belt of her dressing gown and asked tersely: "What is it you want?"

Harry put his arm around Draco and led him closer to Hermione. But the blonde wasn't going without a fight. Instead of standing directly in front of Harry's friend, they both ended up slightly to the left, glaring at each other.

"Draco…" Harry said warningly.

"Fine. Just fucking…" Draco screwed up his face and he looked like he wanted to stamp his foot, "fine."

"If you're going to appologise, don't bother." Ron spat, "We're not accepting it this time."

"Oh, don't worry Weasley." Draco replied, with equal vehemence, "I wasn't intending to appologise to you or your cow."

In a ginger blur Ron was charging at Draco, fists at the ready. Harry barely had time to jump between his friend and lover, but his seeker-like reflexes saved the same once again as he caught his friend's punch just before it hit its blonde target.

"Ron, don't! You can't!" He cried, terrified for his boyfriend and unborn baby.

"Why the FUCK not?!" Ronald bellowed, "Just this once, Harry! I'm going to deck him, just this once!"

"No, Ron, please!" Harry pleaded, struggling to hold him back.

"How can you still defend him?! After what he said to Hermione?!" Ron asked, almost horrified at Harry's actions, "Give me one good reason why I don't have every right to punch him right in his ferret face!"

"Because I'm pregnant, Weasley, that's why."

Three sets of wide-eyed astonishment fell upon the Slytherin, as he stepped around the other side of Harry, so as to better see Hermione and Ron both, without the risk of a black eye.

"It's…It's…not" Ron spluttered.

"I assure you it's quite possible." Draco replied, evidently already predicting his reply.

There was a shocked silence for a few moments, in which no one spoke, all three Gryffindors simply staring at the Slytherin as though waiting for him to go on. Draco simply kept eye contact with Hermione, who seemed to be studying him as well. The blonde finally broke the link, choosing instead to stare into the fireplace. A strange expression passed over his face, which neither Ron or Hermione would have been able to recognize, but which Harry noticed emmediately. He was just about to wrap an arm around his boyfriend's shoulders and suggest they take their leave when Draco spoke.

"I'm actually surprised you didn't notice." He told the hearth, "I'm…I'm as big as a cow!"

And with that, he did what Harry feared most, and burst into tears again. Then, as though simply following suit, Hermione did as well. In fact, the bushy-haired mother-to-be lunged herself at her fellow vessel and the two held onto each other in what had to be the first mutual, willing hug the two had ever shared.

Harry looked over and Ron and found that the other man looked as gobsmacked as he felt. The two fathers-to-be stared at each other, then at their partners locked in a soggy embrace, then back at each other again, but these actions shaped no answers.

"You are as big as a cow!" Hermione suddenly cried, pulling back to look into Draco face "As big as a house, you're huge!"

"You're bigger than a cow and a house!" Draco replied with a strangely less than vindictive smile, "You are as big as Hogwarts!"

Then the two flowed seamlessly from crying into laughing, sharing a hug before finally pulling away.

"Tea?" Hermione asked Draco pleasantly, wiping her tearstained face with a slightly shaky hand.

"Sounds lovely." He replied with a small smile, retrieving his already well-used hanky and after a good scourgriffy, wiping his eyes and blowing his nose noisily.

Harry and Ron fell back into the nearest chairs, astonished and not sure what to do. They exchanged a glance, but upon discovering that the other had no idea what was going on either, looked back upon their two hormonal lovers.

This is totally half-arsed and noncomital. I wanted to do an Mpreg, having never written one before, and this is what came out. I like the idea of Draco only being mean because of his own insecurities. After all, isn't that why he's ever been as much of a prick as he is in the books?

review please