Hi! It's great that you're here! Sit down and make yourself comfortable. There's a kettle of hot water on the stove and the tea is in the cabinets. I have mandarin orange, raspberry, and green, but the vanilla chai is my personal favorite. Or, if a cup of tea isn't your cup of tea, you can make yourself a cup of hot chocolate with the things in there. If you're truly boring, I suppose you could have a glass of water, but water just isn't good for storytelling. I'll stick with tea, myself.

Good, now that we're all situated—oh, would you put another log on the fire? They're just there—I can begin.

This story starts underground, as all good stories do (except the ones that don't. Not to be confused with bad stories that begin underground, or bad stories that don't begin underground, such as Twilight), in a lair of sorts. Watch as your comfortable surroundings melt away and are replaced with the dingy and poorly lit appearance of an 80's grunge film.

If you squint, just so—there, do you see it?—you ought to be able to glimpse a very large silhouette just ahead of us. Step forward—not too close!—and take a good look. Is the shape familiar?

No?

Don't worry, this will all make sense soon. Now step back, quietly now, and open your ears. What do you hear?

No, not the rats scurrying in the sewer pipes above our heads. No, don't freak out! They're just animals, same as bunnies and chipmunks and puppies and butterflies, and they're not hurting you, so pipe down already and LISTEN.

Now do you hear it?

"F-father?"

It's an odd, almost childlike tone, isn't it? Strange, isn't it, coming from the throat of a large man such as this? Hush for a moment. Can you see what he is doing?

"I smell you, but I don't see you..."

No, not us. He can't see us.

"Hullo! What is this?"

See what he's touching? No? Oh well, just watch.

"I wonder what happens when..."

QUICK! Jump back! See that glowing? No, don't get close!

Quick, back to the study!

Okay, is everyone intact? Good.

That, my friends, was the accidental activation of an ancient experimental transmutation circle that was never used. Because it was hidden under the city, it lay undisturbed for millennia, and would have remained so if it weren't for the unnatural creature that happened to stumble upon it in the underground. Because of that unnatural creature's actions, approximately thirty million people in this little military dictatorship of Amestris are going to wake up and quickly discover that the impossible has been made poss—

Do? What do you mean, what does it do? Well, don't you—

Oh, yes... well, I suppose I shall have to explain.

...Actually, it's easier to show you than tell you. Come on, we're going somewhere else.

This is a little country town called Resembool; a blip on the map, really. It is here that we will find a very good friend of mine named Winry Rockbell. Winry is quite a nice young lady, really, very talented, very strong. Not too long ago, two of her childhood friends came home for a visit. They are the brothers Elric, I don't know if you've ever heard the name. I shall introduce them later, once they're awake; you see, they're sleeping in. This is significant because it is only a very recent thing that both of these brothers are ABLE to sleep.

But that's a different story.

Back to Winry.

Ah, here she is. A pretty girl, isn't she? But you'll notice something quite odd about her if you look closely. Do you see it? Don't be shy, have a guess. Pay attention to the way her body is shaped under the covers of the bed in which she is sleeping. You can say it, go on! She can't hear you!

AHA! Yes! Very good!

Winry Rockbell isn't a she at all, is she?

Now you're surely asking the inevitable follow-up question: If she is not a she, then why did I call her thus? Well, you see—oh, she's waking! Watch:

Winry opened her eyes and immediately sensed that something was wrong. She sat up, rubbed her eyes a little, then threw the blankets away from herself and realized what was different.

"AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Her voice cracked with the force of her scream, but even as high in the register as it was, she could still tell it was off.

Moments later, a female Ed burst into the room, dressed in only a black shirt and boxers. "Winry, what's wr—hey, who the hell are you?" She made a funny confused face, then cleared her throat as if thinking she had gotten something lodged in it.

Winry looked at Ed, blinked, then screamed again.

"Where is Winry?" Ed demanded. She coughed more roughly this time.

"I AM Winry!"

"No you're not! You're a guy! What, do you think I'm retarded? Is it you, Envy? I'll take you on anytime if you've hurt her, I swe—"

"Ed!" Winry interrupted. "Just look down!"

A girl's scream echoed through the house and out of it, scaring a few birds in the front lawn.

"WHAT THE HELL!?" Ed screamed at the top of her voice. She squished her left breast, then looked horrified when she realized she could actually feel it. "What the hell, what the hell, WHAT THE HELL?" She looked at the man in Winry's bed. He did seem to sort of have Winry's features, most noticeably, her eyes and bangs. He was also wearing a nightgown the likes of which any real man wouldn't be caught dead in. The hair was shorter, though, and his body was entirely unlike Winry's soft, tempting...

Oops, sorry, I'll get my mind out of the gutter.

A very pretty blonde with sideswept bangs appeared in the doorway next, rubbing her eyes. She was also dressed in only her pajamas, a light-colored tank and men's boxers that stretched tight over her hips where they wouldn't have on a man. "Winry, what are you doing in the doorw—" she began, having only seen Ed from behind and therefore assuming that she was Winry. "Hey, you're not Winry," said the girl slowly.

"Of course I'm not—" Ed began, whirling around to see who was behind her. She stopped short when the two pairs of golden eyes met. "Al?" Ed asked.

"Nii-san, are you cosplaying as a girl or something? Why do you look so... pretty? And what's with your voice?"

"Take a look at yourself!" said Ed. Al looked down, then gave a similar scream to the one Ed had given earlier.

"I'm a girl!" she screamed in horror. "A hot girl!"

"I know!" Ed shouted. "Me too!"

"Al's prettier," Winry mumbled, smirking.

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" Ed screamed, rounding on him.

"Okay, calm down, calm down," said Winry, waving his hands around in what was probably supposed to be a calming gesture. "We need to figure out what's happened and reverse it."

"Oh yeah, and what do you suggest, O Wise One?" Ed asked, putting her hands on her hips unthinkingly. "I'm still having trouble getting over the fact that I WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND I WAS A FREAKING GIRL!"

"Cool your jets, nii-san," said Al. "Or should I say nee-san now?"

"YOU WILL STILL CALL ME NII-SAN! I AM NOT YOUR SISTER!" Ed shouted, starting to turn pink from yelling.

"Enough with the capital letters!" said Winry. "We have to figure this out, and fast. I can't go out like this!"

"There MUST be an explanation," said Al. "We just have to find it."

"ARE YOU ALL ALREADY OVER THE FACT THAT I AM A GIRL OR WHAT?"

Perhaps I should have warned you about Ed's temper issues first.

Well, that's all there is. See you late—oh, you want to know how the story ends? Well, I didn't know you came here wanting the whole shebang! I wasn't prepared for this eventuality! Okay, stop by later and I'll have the rest for you by then. Drop the mugs in the sink; I'll get them later. Take care! Drive safe!