Warhammer 40K
Soloman the Blood God
By typicalteenager.
Disclaimer: I do not, and never will, own 40K, the characters etc.
Important: 1) This is only my second ever fanfic, so it may not be that good.
2) Thoughts are in Italic.
Well, here we go!
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Chapter 1: Pissing off the Blood God
(Please bear with me: I know I posted this as a comedy: but I need time to set the scene first).
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"And adding in that cultist squad…… that puts your kill count up to 1340."
"Did he say 1340!?!?!?!?!"
"****ing hell dude!"
"You're a killing machine!"
With a broad smile plastered across his face, Trooper Soloman Castern of the Mordian 112th Imperial Guard regiment took in the praise, shock, and awe of his fellow soldiers.
The location of all this was a ruined city, currently the regiment's barracks, on the planet Tenalp. The planet had, until recently, been the site of a large force of Chaos cultists, but the Imperium of Man would never tolerate this, and so had sent the recently-formed Mordian 112th to deal with the cultists. This they had been successful in: the cultists were defeated, the 112th had proven itself, and the regiment now had many heroes.
One of these was the fore-mentioned Soloman Castern.
To look at him, you wouldn't think it. Standing 6 foot tall, with brown hair, green eyes, and a naturally toned body, Soloman was in no way an obvious hero. He certainly wouldn't have said he was one. Yet somehow, he was just good at being a soldier. He didn't go out of his way for kills, and he used the regimental combat style like everyone else, yet while many officers had kill-counts just in triple figures, he was well into a four-digit count and showed no sign of slowing down.
Soloman was pondering this while his comrades still went on.
"Damn you're good Castern!"
"Not even Khorne Berserkers are that good: and they're mad!"
"Hell you're probably more than a match for them!"
"Them? Soloman could probably fight Khorne and come out on top!"
"Yeah! All hail Soloman: the true Blood God!"
The chant soon spread, everyone screaming "The true Blood God!" at the top of their voices. Though he thought they were over-doing it a bit, Soloman didn't stop them: after all, how often will a standard Guardsman like me get hailed as being greater than the Chaos Blood God himself?
It was a mistake he would think of for the rest of his life.
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Khorne, the Blood God in question, was sitting atop his ever-growing throne of skulls, slumped on one elbow, while his other hand's fingers tapped at the arm of the throne.
Only one thought was on Khorne's mind. And it was I'm bored.
He continued to tap his fingers, unaware that this was causing a series of massive earthquakes across a dozen plants. Even if he had noticed, he wouldn't have cared. He was bored, and had been for a while. Since the recent 13th Black Crusade, everything just seemed so….. 'samey'. He couldn't get a truly challenging fight anywhere now, except against the other Chaos gods, and he knew their tactics too well for it to be any real fun. He wanted something new, something unexpected, something he could actually find interesting.
His wish came true 5 minutes later (by Imperial time: the world of the Chaos gods has no true sense of time), when his bloodletter manservant Alix came into his sanctuary. Alix wasn't his real name of course: his real name, which was not pronounceable by non-daemons, was far greater than that, but for some reason Khorne had given them all human names (though no-one asked why: the one time someone had, they'd been instantly incinerated and banished to The Arena of Blood with but a thought).
"Um…. Master?" began Alix tenderly, knowing how wrathful his patron could be.
*Sigh*: "What is it Alix?" muttered Khorne, too bored to be even slightly angry.
"Well, your bloodiness……… I have found something that……. I think you may want to see."
"Get on with it."
Alix did indeed 'get on with it', bringing up a viewing portal for his master.
The viewing portal showed a human, about 21 years old, 6 foot tall, pale-skinned, brown haired, green eyed, and naturally toned, with a bit of blood on his clothes: a Guardsman's uniform, looking very amused. Khorne was about to ask Alix what the **** was this supposed to be about when he heard what the man's comrades were saying. The mocking of Khorne's great Berserkers, the mocking of himself losing to this human, and finally the chant cries of "All hail Soloman: the true Blood God!"
The viewing portal disappeared, it task done.
For 2 hours, Khorne just stared into space, a look of pure shock on his face, his facial muscles squashed painfully since they had never had to make an expression of disbelief before.
Then with a roar that caused yet more earthquakes, Khorne leaped to his feet, landing so hard that the skulls beneath his feet disintegrated, Alix fell off the throne, and two hundred planets spontaneously exploded.
"INSOLENT HUMANS!!! HOW DARE THEY MOCK ME! I AM THE GREATEST, THE STRONGEST, THE BEST: NO MERE HUMAN COULD EVER HOPE TO MATCH ME!"
"You are correct your bloodiness" called Alix from somewhere far below him.
" TOO ****ING TRUE I'M RIGHT!" howled Khorne. Then an evil grin spread across his face. "SO THESE HUMANS BELIEVE THAT THIS……. SOLOMAN IS A MATCH FOR ME!!! WELL, I SHALL PROVE THEM WRONG! I SHALL FIND THIS MAN, CHALLENGE HIM, BEAT HIM, AND SCATTER THE REMAINS OF HIS SOUL TO THE VOID! THEN ALL SHALL KNOW THAT I AM KHORNE, AND I… AM… UNBEATABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The room echoed for a long time, Khorne's voice bouncing off the walls, while the Blood God thought of a challenge with which to both beat and mock the human, Alix still somewhere below him with his hands now over his ears. Then a tapping was audible, and Nurgle's voice called through the wall:
"Dude, can you please keep it down? Some of us are trying to get our beauty sleep here!"
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Typicalteenager: And so the story begins. I hope you enjoyed this chapter: I'll post chapter 2 as soon as possible.
P.S. I know the description of Soloman, and indeed the whole intro is pretty short, but that's because poor Soloman won't be in the material universe for very long. Bear with me: I know what I'm doing (I hope).